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deniall — First
Published: 2005-08-23 10:00:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 187; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 17
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Description What can you write,
about your very first?
I wonder if it can be done...
Copied into verse?

Can you catch the moment,
in a splurge across a page?
Can you catch the magic
like a wizard, a mage?

Can you print the nervousness,
between your spaces and words?
Can you describe the world,
even though it's blurred?

Can you keep his smile,
as your very own?
Can you remember,
that very first moan?

Do you remember him grabbing your hips,
do you remember him kissing your lips?
Do you remember how it all began?
Can you, will you, do you
remember your very first man
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deniall - murder
Comments: 6

Shrouded-in-Mist [2005-09-18 22:37:17 +0000 UTC]

very lovely poem the best thing about it was that it was in no way obscene great imagery you managed to capture it all, great poem deniall

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

a-broken-down-melody [2005-09-05 13:03:14 +0000 UTC]

i really like this one... it really makes me wondering about the first, my first
i like to see you write that much.. i just started..

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NeWbErRyNiChElLe [2005-08-24 23:16:42 +0000 UTC]

WOW I thought this was great. True emotions! I know how it feels when all you have is to remember the "first"

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caityjee [2005-08-24 05:48:27 +0000 UTC]

hoooooooooly shxt i freakin' loved this poem!!!! AHHH!!! Really. I LOVED IT! It flowed so well and the message was just .....lovin' it. Just so you know, though - line twelve you have 'though' repeated twice ^_^.

Great job!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

deniall In reply to caityjee [2005-08-24 08:07:33 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!... did not realise the typo tho... hmm

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

caityjee In reply to deniall [2005-08-24 16:57:24 +0000 UTC]

haha, it's okay! and great poem, really.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0