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denj — Of Leaders and Animals
Published: 2004-12-07 01:58:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 253; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 18
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Description Of Leaders and Animals

The brave, lined in silver,
Pressing their hands deep into their hips
Stand on the mountain and proclaim with all their might
"I shall give all, and die for the land"

And their families are readily expendable
As are their comforts, their commodities,
When the light is shining through the trees
And the horizon is a grassy ridge

But when the moon is masked by clouds
And the ridge is covered in armor and swords
The only thing, indeed, they give
Is wind, behind them, in their fleeing wake

For man is nothing but a dog
Nothing but a stomach and two open hands
And a heart as black as the pivotal night
Yet most arrogant of his animal neighbors

All men run and collide with each other
All lie in the grass with their knives in their fists
All open their mouths, with the truth far replaced
Every promise of honor is context specific

So the virtue, then, of an excellent ruler
Is not one that believes in the good of his people
And pulls the ropes of heaven in response to their greatness
And calls the land blessed by the true, the pure

Nay, a true ruler understands his subjects
And readies the whip, and lays out the hay
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Comments: 4

jahg [2004-12-11 16:38:12 +0000 UTC]

Hmm, the text itself seems to have been mauled by deviantART - all the quotation marks, at least. Try editing the piece, and replace all the smart quotes (as Microsoft Word calls them) with ordinary ones: "

Otherwise, an interesting read although I'm not so fond of the fifth stanza with each line being a continuation. It reads oddly for that.

Regards,

James

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

denj In reply to jahg [2005-01-09 01:41:57 +0000 UTC]

interesting points, i think I have the simple solution for the 5th stanza problem. As for the quotes, wow, guess I should check my deviations after I submit them.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

falingore [2004-12-07 02:09:22 +0000 UTC]

Fantastic poem. I feel it truly emphasizes the depth of both emotion and self-deception. The word choices are excellent. I'm going to print off a copy in order to further analyze it while I'm not sitting in class but I have a huge appreciation for your vocabulary and writing style. The poem almost seems prophetic both of current soldiers and of our "fearless" leader. Definitely a favorite. Thanks.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

denj In reply to falingore [2004-12-07 02:19:11 +0000 UTC]

wow, thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it.

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