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DeviantArtSecret — Secret. 12816
Published: 2013-03-19 07:43:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 6939; Favourites: 138; Downloads: 0
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Send your secret to DeviantArtSecret@gmail.comYou are invited to anonymously contribute your secrets to DeviantArtSecret.
Each secret can be a regret, hope, funny experience, unseen kindness, fantasy, belief, fear, betrayal, erotic desire, feeling, confession or childhood humiliation.
Reveal anything – as long as it is true and you have never shared it with anyone before.
For help or assistance, visit the INTERNATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION WIKI .
Before you send your secrets in, please read the GROUP RULES .
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For more information on the group, please read our journals.
Send your secret to DeviantArtSecret@gmail.com
Submitted by - DAS
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Comments: 29
The bastard should die in a pit, I agree...
But it is NOT your fault. It's that horrible person's fault, so I wouldn't blame you.
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You are much stronger than you think. So not hate yourself, it was not your fault. That bastard would pay for what he did. He will. I belive in it.
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It's never your fault, don't you dare think that. That man did what he did because he's a disgusting, horrible person.
You were just a child, and you were scared- you still are. Don't let it take you over, because that's more horrible than anything.
I have so many fears, but I have to remind myself that the fear of something is worse than the something itself.
One day that man will be caught, and you can no longer fear him. You have to believe that one day this will be set right.
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Darling, no one would even dream of blaming you for what happened. As someone else said, the crimes that are occurring now have nothing to do with you. Don't hate yourself, don't blame yourself. The monster will get exactly what he deserves, when the time comes for him. Just believe that.
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fear is powerful. it grips you by the throat and squeezes all the air all the happy thoughts.fear is a beast. It will feed on your self hatred. what am i saying? i'm saying, no matter what you do people will think what they think. nothing can stop that. but really. whats worse? suffering through it alone. or having a few people show their true colors. because depending on how they treat you that's when you know who will REALLY stand by you. now i know its easier said than done. and i cant guarantee things will all become sunshine and rainbows with unicorns but you will at least have people standing behind you. if you don't think you are contributing to helping protect girls.. why not make that a career. Inform children and girls of all ages the dangers and the precautions needing to be taken. Very sorry for the long comment. but sweetie. i hope all the best in the world for you.
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Its not too late its never too late all police departments have special divisions for this type of issue. You can tell anonymously or with your name but they need descriptions so they can connect it to other possible crimes
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Hon, life sux. Plain and simple. I understn how hard that must be, but the police and everbody were responsible for catching that ugly... well, you get the idea. But it wasn't your fault.
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I know how you feel ... it is not your fault.
You did what you could with what you had in the moment.
Being afraid is normal, until you decide not to be afraid anymore .. I used to be afraid all the time ... that it would happen again, until I started reminding myself that now I am grown up, is not the same.
I can fight now, I can defend myself and speak up.
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Come here so I can give you a hug D:
It's not your fault, love.
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Dont not hate yourself. None of this was your fault.
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*hugs* It's not your fault. It's the culture we live in. The culture that says it's the victim that is to blame not the monster. You were an innocent child. A 5 year old isn't expected to stop a monstrous man. None of this is your fault. If the rapist was a person who gave a damn about the law and others he wouldn't be a rapist. There would also be many problems with the testimony of a 5 year old simply because of how a child's mind has a habit of warping traumatic events. You can still tell. there is no time limit on something like this.
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It's not your fault.
Just by reading this, I love you.
I love how strong you are even though you may feel weak.
Others do to.
You are not alone.
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Fear isn't something that goes away, even if you stay away from what you fear, it's still there, just as grief does not go away.
Rather, we learn to live with it, we heal from it and keep the scars of our life experiences. We grow into better or worst, but that's up to you. It's up to you find the right people and the right things to do, to keep living.
Maybe coming here will help you, and lead you where you need to go. We all have our own problems, as we all need different answers.
I wish you all the happiness that you deserve!
P.S. Do not dwell on what you could have done, but rather on what you could do and do it now. It might help you as well.
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And you need love, you need a person to tell this and that person needs to hug you and make you understand there is nothing wrong with you, there is soemthing wrong with the world.
Maybe it would have helped if you would have spoke, but noone can blame you for not telling.
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When I was little there was a men always at the cornor of the street when I was coming from school, he ahd a perfect timing because he was always catching up with me when i was arriving near home, and eh was stopping me and asking if parents are home, then one day I ran and he catched and stuck with me in the elevator, he was opened at pants, he asked me something indecent but in a discret way and I thought I will be raped, but after I said no thanks he just left, I guess I'm somehow lucky, but I aslo was terrified and took a while to tell my parents what happend.
And you, you don't have to ahte yourself, I know that feeling and it's killing me inside that I was so close to it, and more of, everytime I was with mom on street walking and I was seeing him I was too scared to say "hei look, that is the men!"
Maybe that men did something to other childs, and I could have stopped him, but I didn't , and now that years passes, I promised myself that
, if by any chance, I observe a pedofile trying to rape a kid, or if I see that men again and he is getting to another girl,
I will go and hit him, and doesn't amtter if I get hit back, if I die there, if I get rapped, I'm going to save a life.
Is not your fault, you are a human scared by other 'humans' can do, you did nothing wrong and because of that moment you still a victim of him even now.
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Don't hate yourself hun, I was sexually assulted a few years ago, it happened twice, and much more. I told and I was blamed for what happened. Though in the end he was found guilty, don't feel bad for not telling, people tend to not listen to the young when they tell. You can still help people, simply by telling your story, spread awarness, donate/raise money for places which help those who havebeen sexually abused, you can help many people. I'm here if you ever want to talk.
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I can't really add something more to all those other comments, but I wanted to show you this quote I read once and that really helped me.
"Once life gets harder, it means you've leveled up"
Don't give up because life is hard. It's just another level you've reached, be proud of everything you've achieved! And just like the song, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
One more advice I'd like to give you: face what happened. I know, this is really tough, but it will definitely help you.
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it's a necessary first step to share the problem, at least anonymously. remember that you can't overcome a fear unless you face it! (don't get me wrong- i don't say "you are alone in this", there are always close ones who would understand & support you) if you are running from a fear, you're turning it into an avalanche- will keep growing & growing and devour you...
if you can share with friends or family (it's absolutely nothing shameful, although it's not easy to confess), you'd see how much support everyone who loves you would give you(: the sooner you share, the sooner you'll be free from the burden(: and eventually you'll be in the position to help others- it's a worthy motivation, don't you think?^^
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Self blame is typically a part of what a rape victim experiences. No matter your age, you blame yourself, thinking of all the 'what if's and 'if only i had's. The one thing to remember is none of this is your fault. You were a five year old child, you had no hope of fighting back, and i can understand how a five year old would be afraid of telling anyone. Because at that age, we are all told that adults were to be obeyed, and we looked upon them as proverbial gods at that tender age. You should talk to someone about this. It doesn't matter who, it can be your parents, a friend, family, or even a therapist. This is a heavy burden for you to bear, but you are strong. You've carried this around since you were a child, so you've had to be strong. Keep your head up, keep telling yourself it isn't your fault, because it isn't, and keep telling yourself, your rapist will get his someday. Because Karma always comes back to bite someone in the rear. And remember, you aren't alone. There are people out there that will be willing to help, who understand your situation, and can help you carry your burden.
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Maybe you're right, maybe he would have stopped if someone told the police what he had done.
Is it your fault? no. He is responsible for whatever he has done.
If you get bad grades, you wouldn't say "i blame my parents because they didn't make me learn", would you?
So why do you blame yourself for his deeds? You are not responsible.
Don't be so harsh on yourself.
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If you are in the States then please contact the It Happened To Alexa Foundation, they can help at the very least show you a good and healthy direction to take to help other people.
Their website: [link]
Their Facebook: [link]
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You were 5 years old, you were too young to know how to react, and since you care that it happens to other people too you should keep strong and tell them that it is just something that happened in the past and it will have nothing to do with your future, this way people who have experienced the same thing will have hope and will be convinced that it is just a memory, and it should stay that way forever
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You were 5 years old, you can't blame yourself for not doing more. It was horrible, but it wasn't your fault, and you shouldn't be the one feeling sorry for a crime that you didn't commit. 5 years old don't think about how to stop things like that or even see the bigger picture yet. And they shouldn't. Nobody blames you, it would almost be weird if you did anything else at the time.
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You don't need to be sorry. You don't even need to try and stop someone. It's good that you don't want to hate yourself anymore though.
The best way to do this might be to tell someone very close and trust-worthy already, and ask them to help you get the courage to ask for some professional/personal help in dealing with this hate. To forgive yourself and to put the past behind you.
Life doesn't end when you develop a hate for yourself, it's a challenge of living.
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You are not responsible for anything that happened or happens. The new crimes that happen are unrelated to you. Its not the same person. Its not the same reasons... its not in your control. You made no mistakes. How could a 5 year old deal with that situation anyway? I can understand the fear. As kids we tend to tink we did something wrong and that can carry on, too. But you eed to understand. You are at no fault. None.
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Do not regret the past. Every error is there to provide you a lesson, not to grieve over it for all eternity.
You fear only what is unknown to you. Understanding the object of your fear will help you deal with it: A sword of premeditated chances and a shield of preparation – even in the worst case, you can accept what's coming.
Knowing that your actions against evil now can prevent its further corruption of the world later is a key virtue; cherish it.
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Life has to move on...I cant imagine on how you've been through your ordeal but I suggest that you have to be strong to let go of the past....it might not be easy...but. their are ways that can help you move on...even if its bit by bit...hope you can move on with your ordeal ...:}
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You know, people will always find something bad in anything you do or say, everything that includes you in any way. Even though you never said a thing about what happened, you could tell anyone now. They can't blame you on what happened, because you were just an innocent child..
If I were you I couldn't tell anyone either. And I don't say this to cheer you up or something, that's how I'd feel. And if you tell someone now about that, you can be sure that they'd be with you.
And you don't need to hate yourself, because it isn't your fault. It never was. If you want to hate something or someone hate the one that did this to you, that ruined your life in a way or other. You don't need to hate yourself because.. it doesn't help anyone. You said that you couldn't help anyone, so it could be the time when you help someone, maybe help.. You.
Life goes on, and if you still look back.. 'The past will catch you up as you run faster.'- Placebo, 'I know'.
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A 5-year old can not be excepted to stop a monster. A 5-year old should have been protected. The child is never to blame.
It's the monsters who abuse and hurt and rape.
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