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DeviantArtSecret — Secret. 6192
Published: 2009-06-10 13:03:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 3029; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 4
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Comments: 40
I know it's hard to get to know an autistic person. The best thing you do is just sit with him Make small talk. Get more involved in his life. Don't give up! And no your not a cold careless brother. The fact that you want to bond w/ your little brother shows how much you care.
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Both my brothers have Asperger's. What I did was simple: I was there for them both. They always had their little sister - and by the time I went to university, it became clear that there was a wall around the both of them, but it also became clear that there would always be a door in that wall for me.
The best thing you, ST, can do is to just be there. You don't have to play with him or even have deep conversations with him. Just do as you always do. Perhaps that door is there already without you knowing it.
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Around where I live there is this huge community of supporting autism like getting familys help and stuff like that. So there was this kid who was a manager for his highschool basketball team
his nice name is j-mac (there may be a movie about him coming out) he has autism he is now famous because he won the basket ball game wiht 7 shots ina row. It was his senior year. Well yeah...jsut wanted to share ^_^
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I also have an autistic brother. The most you can do is just love him. It's been difficult for me to bond with my brother, and so I too isolated myself from him, but I never stopped caring about him. Just let him know every now and then that you love him, it will be enough, I promise.
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It really does depend on how "bad" your brother is... Whether or not he really talks, whether he just freaks in public... There's a lot more to consider here than just "he has autism."
I have a mentally challenged sister, and it's difficult to talk to her, because she doesn't always understand what I'm saying. Bonding doesn't occur in conversation, or like topics of interest. Bonding occurs in family, meaning, I am ridiculously protective over her when it comes to her feelings.
And if you don't care about your brother at all, that's a whole new can of worms, and a much worse one.
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I babysit an autistic boy, I know it can be really tough. *hugs* Just keep at it, maybe something will happen someday.
And don't feel upset with yourself because someone else thinks you should act a certain way. Unless they too, have autistic family, they can't properly gauge what it's like to live with them, really. And on top of that, they're not you. <3 Everyone acts different in similar scenarios.
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Autism can be fought, and I must tell you, ST, many accomplished people were born with this disorder. Your brother just needs to get professional help, and I'm sure it'll work out. 
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This is a really tough situation ST, but I don't think you should feel bad, it's understandable.. My only advice is to give time to try to bond, but remember to give yourself time to yourself so you don't get frustrated..
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This reminds me of Yuki and Ayame from Fruits Basket.
Anyway, I think it is completely natural for you to have acted the way you did, and I think it is even better that you actually bother to care about this unlike some people. I hope you can work things out.
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I know, there will probably be a lot of people angry with what I am about to say...
but ST, I really don't blame you. I have a hard time interacting with anyone who is even remotely autistic. I don't know why. I just don't even know what to do around them. it's not like I dislike them or look down upon them, I'm just at a loss as to what to do.
it's hard to bond with someone that doesn't really react to much.
maybe you should just try to make him feel loved even if you don't really feel it. he probably needs it.
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Very very well said. I don't see how anyone can be angry at you for your opinion. That's a very reasonable thing to say.
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Dear ST 6192,
I know how you feel. You're not alone. I have an autistic brother also, and I can totally understand why you gave up trying to interact with him. I did too.
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Try to spend a day together doing guy things. I'm not really sure how guys bond... but even if you aren't particularly close, you undoubtedly love each other very much.
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Although I'm probably not in the same situation as you, I thought I might as well share this with you.
My brother is autistic (high-functioning), and I must say, sometimes it is frustrating to have him around. He's pretty uneducated when it comes to the ways of socializing, and sometimes doesn't grasp how important some things are, like taking a shower. On the occasions that he doesn't have friends to hang out with, he hangs out with me, which ends up being very agitating because my friends don't enjoy his presence too much either. But at the same time, I love my brother more than I think I would have loved him in any other situation. He's such a sweet and good-natured person on the inside, it makes up for his social awkwardness and sometimes frustrating nature.
I think that trying is key to getting to know your brother better. And once you do, I can almost guarantee that he'll be the best brother you'll ever have.
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He's only twelve (I assume.) It's okay, you still have lots of time to bond.
I can't really tell you how to "bond" but one day everything will be fine. Take deep breaths!
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It's possible, but in the picture, the smaller kid is in a bubble and happy, which we can only assume represents autism, and the larger kid is sad and not in a bubble, and we can assume that he's sad because he's not bonding with his brother.
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Autism is a really hard thing to deal with. I have a friend who has Asperger's, which is a form of Autism, he finds it very hard to socialize in the normal way, but he's perfectly fine talking to me, and a couple of others who he's grown to know. it does take time but once you make a connection... I don't know how to describe it, but me & my friend are really close, almost like brother and sister, and I know that he feels safe when talking to me etc. so if you can form a bond with your brother, it'll be SO worth it.
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My little brother is also autistic, but more in the rude, anti-social way. I learned to just leave him alone if he gets upset because there's absolutely no way I can calm him down. If you feel distant from him, don't let it get you down, sometimes it just can't be helped.
To be honest I wanted a little brother that I could teach how to be a man since we don't have a father figure around, but it's impossible with him, the best advice I can give is to just be nice to him, you won't ever get the connection you want, it's not possible, but if you just try to make him happy then that's all that really matters.
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Unfortunately I have no experience with any of this. But you are not a bad brother. You are not in any way a bad person- the fact that you worry about this proves that. So here, ST.
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People with autism and asperger's often bond in a much different way than so-called 'normal' people. Presences can mean a lot, even if they do not like to or want to be touched. So if your brother can handle you near him for extended periods of time or even do something with you then I would say that you have bonded in some way. You just have to look for the little signs, which may be difficult since they will be vastly different from what you might see in others (which I am sure you know), of a bond and hold on to them. Other than that, do not sweat it. A lot of people have problems forming a relationship with people anywhere on the autism spectrum, including family, (those that are considered or consider themselves) friends, doctors, etc. So if you do not feel that there is anything there, all that you can do is be there for him and be a little patient, but also take care of yourself. Please do not turn your back on him, though. It hurts.
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THat's a hard situation, and there is only one really important thing to say
There is no such thing as the way you should feel. Everyone feels different things. Everyone reacts in different ways. Noone can tell you how you should feel. There is no right or wrong answer to how to feel. How you feel is about you, nothing else.
I wish you all the best, and if you ever need to just talk or vent then feel free to give me a buzz. I'm just a note away
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I empathize with you, ST.
Sometimes all the effort and warm feelings in the world don't make a difference, despite what people try to tell you.
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^^ its really hard to bond with autistics, EVEN FOR THEIR MOTHERS.
But yu probably know that ST ^^
It does not mean that you did not bond with him at all.
If he lets you get close to him, and may be touch him (in a clean non sexualway) believe me you bonded with him enough
That little 0,0001% of bonding between you 2 its enough for him and might save his life...
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That sucks for you dude, and if you want to put forth the effort then more power to you, but if you don't feel like its worth it then you need to move on towards working on your life, Im not saying be a cold hearted bastard to the kid, he is your bro after all, just don't let it consume you with worry, its how you feel.
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Wow...there's a lot of us on here with Autistic family members. I have an autistic younger brother and a "high functioning" mentally retarded younger sister. It never really bothered me that much that they were who they were. I have always been like the only one who could understand them and the one they could understand. Having a relationship with the two of them has enriched my life. Maybe you need to realize that you shouldn't worry about what you can do for your brother...
maybe realize that he can do something for you and help you. I doubt seriously he even thinks too much about how you treat him or what you teach him. Focus on what you can learn from HIM. You'll be amazed how incredibly wise they are when they don't have the "normal" kinds of mental restraints that we have. Life is simpler and in many ways, their form of nonsense makes more sense than anything else.
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Now i'm gonna talk as a future psycholoist:
Autistic child's mothers have a very hard time trying to bond with their autistic child, deppending on the level of autism, but there are reports of autist child who actualy can have a almost normal afection... But most of autists don't.
In adition to that you may find hard, almst impossible to interact with a autistic child, yet some professionals acept the idea of diferent levels of bonding from, "i let you stay close to me" to "I let you hug me, but do it fast cause it hurts" (and thats a fact actualy, for some austists, hugs hurts).
So if your autistic relative lets you be close to hm/her, is probabli cause he acept you.
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well..you're in a tough situation, and I realize it's very hard to deal with someone who doesn't connect to the "real world" but I don't think you should ever give up, or lose hope. I think your brother deserves your support, in whatever little ways you can give it. you don't have to be there for him 24/7 it you can't take it, just be there for him.
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Autistic people live in their own world... you need lots of patience and understanding to be able to at least interact with them. You can never really connect with them either. Don't be too hard on yourself... you've tried, right? Just be good to him... treat him nicely, smile a lot, something like that. He may or may not notice - you never know. But it's worth the effort. Really.
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This is from someone who also has an autistic brother, I understand where you're coming from. I love my older brother dearly, but at times it's very hard to relate to him and more often than not I'm frusterated that I have to play the role of older sibling when I'm not. I know it's hard, but you just have to be paitent and remember that he's your brother.
If you ever need to, you can always talk to me. Maybe I can help.
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I think you should just love and accept him as he is. Coldness can melt by the warmth of brotherly love.
Trying to change him is understandable, but I think that autistic children enrich society highly. You should be proud to have an autistic brother. Also, he can be a playmate or even ally to you. It's all up to you.
Good luck.
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I understand, it is frustrating and while I don't have a sibling with the same problem I do have siblings with other problems.
I suggest you try and get away for awhile (even a weekend is good) where it is just you and no other family members (sounds cruel but sometimes the best thing you can do)
You might find you just need to reset.
And though it has been twelve years so far (I am guessing you or brother is twelve but it's not overly important about the age)
Your brother may see it differently, a special bond between you and another friend would be different between the two of you.
Just take a deep breath and look at what you want, give it time it will sort itself out
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Hm. What side of the autism spectrum is he on? Is he high functioning, low functioning, or is he an asperger? I work with autistic children and have for nearly a year. I know how hard it can be to actually have a relationship with those especially who are low functioning. But honestly... I have all the faith in the world in my students. They improve daily and I am so proud of them. If you can't see having a relationship with your brother (which as sad as it sounds, but I understand why some people feel this way), at least try to tolerate him. *Hug*
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I have an autistic disorder myself, and I always feel like a burden to people because of this reason.
It can be really hard to bond with autistic children, but that doesn't mean you should give up on them, and just hope they will be a good person. That's not how things go, they NEED support from the people closest to them, from their family. They can't help it they were born with it, and it's hard for them too, not just for the people around them. They can't change the way they are.
I know it's hard to deal with. I have lost many friends because they couldn't deal with me, and I only have something similar to autism. Things are a lot harsher for austistic children. But it's so painful when people give up on you, for something you cannot help...
Good luck with your brother.
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the fact people don't react the way you expect doesn't mean, they don't realize anything of it. if you talk to your brother it's the best thing you could do. there will never be a bond like between other siblings, but maybe you could try to see it as "special" in a good way. your feeling may change someday. don't forge yourself. time will bring it to you two.
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