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"Is it true?"  Dean wasn't sure if he was more furious or hurt but he had to have an answer and he needed it to be the truth.  There was only one person he knew would not lie to him…not about something this important.

"Is what true, Dean?"  The angel gave him an infuriatingly perplexed look.  Normally he would accept that Castiel was confused by the question, it wasn't an unusual circumstance, but not today.  He was sure the angel understood and was attempting to deflect from having to answer.

"Is it true?  Did I start all of this?  Did I break the first seal?"  He heard the slight shake in his own voice and both wanted and feared the answer.  It couldn't be true.  It just couldn't be.  It was too much.  He couldn't bear the weight of this on his shoulders, not after everything he'd been through…

The angel paused a long moment and just looked at him…looked into him was probably a more accurate description of what he was doing.  He knew, just from that pause what the answer was going to be but he still had to hear it.

"Yes."  One word…no more, no less.  No one could ever accuse Cas of being overly verbose.  Most anyone else would have tried to find a way to break it to him more gently.  But, Cas wasn't most anyone, he was an Angel of the Lord and he hadn't been trained in tact.  Right now though, none of that mattered to Dean…he had heard what he needed to hear and that one small word had just altered his whole reality.

Yes.  Three letters that changed everything.  He was just coming to the point where he accepted the fact that the apocalypse was happening, regardless of their efforts to stop it, and now he was finding out that the whole damn mess was his fault.  His mind was spinning.  How could this have happened? Why couldn't he have just held out?  How was he going to explain to Sam that everything…Hell the end of the world…was his fault?

He could feel his legs start to shake and knew he had better sit before he ended up on the floor on his ass.  He walked slowly over to one of the twin beds in the room and sat heavily on the edge.

"Why?  Cas…I thought…I mean…you should have told me.  Why didn't you tell me?  I thought we were actually starting to be…friends…" It had taken awhile for him to accept the angel into his life but, now that he had, he felt betrayed.  This wasn't like telling some kid that their dog had run away to spare them from knowing it had been hit by the neighbor's car… This was the apocalypse, the end, the final battle, and Cas had known the whole time that he was the cause and hadn't felt that was important enough to tell him?

"Dean.  What's done cannot be undone.  There was no point in making you suffer for something that you had no control over. "  The angel turned sympathetic eyes to him and he had to resist the urge to scream.  No control?  How could he say that?  It was his weakness not his control that had caused this.

"Thanks Cas, I appreciate the attempt but…even you can't sugarcoat this.  I broke.  I was weak and I knew what I was doing when I picked up that knife.  I didn't know I was breaking the seal but… I don't think it would have mattered at that point.  If I had just been stronger, held out a little longer, then none of this would have happened.  You would have yanked me out of there if I had just been able to hold on a little longer…"

He felt as if the walls were closing in on him.  He had known what he'd done in Hell was bad, there was no way around that, but he had never imagined that this was where his weakness would lead.  He'd tried so hard to hold out but he just couldn't.  At some point every man has a breaking point.  It had taken thirty years of constant torture but he had finally broken, and with him, so had the future of the world.

"Dean…I think there is a flaw in your logic."  Again Castiel was looking at him with a slightly concerned and completely confused look.  He rethought what he'd said and couldn't see what the angel was getting at.

"How do you figure that Cas?  'When a righteous man spills blood in Hell' that's the prophecy isn't it?  That's what they told me.  Can't say I'd have ever thought of myself as a righteous man but someone apparently did because when I took up that knife, when I tortured that first soul…the first seal broke.  You just confirmed that."

"That is true Dean.  You did break the seal.  But I do not think you have thought this through all the way.  There is no reason to take the blame on your shoulders for this.  You had no choice in this.  The whole thing was destined.  It was preordained that you would break that seal.  It was only a matter of time."

"Exactly.  Time. I broke too soon.  If I had been able to refuse for just a little longer…but I didn't know you were coming for me.  I didn't think anyone was ever coming for me…"

"That's just it Dean.  Don't you see?  I was not coming for you." Finally, the angel looked satisfied.  He apparently thought that his statement should have cleared the whole situation up.  Unfortunately, all it really did was confuse him more.  What did he mean he wasn't coming?  Of course he was, he had, damn this wasn't making any sense at all.

"Ok, once more for us slow folks on the short bus please.  Cas, what the Hell are you talking about?  You did come.  You did pull me out of there…or has this whole thing just been one huge delusion on my part?"

"No.  I am not making myself clear.  Of course I came.  Of course I brought you out of the pit.  You have not lost your sanity Dean."  He couldn't help but snort laughter at that.  It sure as Hell was starting to feel like he'd lost it.

"Let me try to explain a different way.  The prophecy is exactly as you were told.  Everything that has happened was in accordance with the prophecy.  The first seal had to be broken.  It was the only way to fulfill the rest of the prophecy.  Why do you think there were so many seals?  Why did so few have to be broken?  It was preordained.  'And on the last day they shall meet in mortal combat.  Brother against brother.  And the world will weep blood at their battle."

He knew that piece of the prophecy, even if he hadn't heard it in exactly those words before.  Castiel had a point though… he'd always thought it was a bit odd to make so many seals and only need a fraction of them to be broken.  Ok, he was willing to accept that some things were preordained but it still didn't explain how he was, and wasn't, coming to rescue him at the same time.  He gestured for the explanation to continue.

"Dean.  Sam died to fulfill prophecy.  He died so that you would make that deal and be sent to Hell.  Once there, it was just a matter of waiting for you to complete the cycle and accept the knife from Alistair.  Yes, I came for you but, didn't you realize?  I didn't come until after you agreed for a reason.  Think about it.  I came to get you because you were destined to be Michael's vessel.  If you had not broken the seal he would not need a vessel and, therefore, I would not have to come for you.  I was not on my way.  You bear no fault for giving in.  In point of fact, we were all surprised how long it took you to do so.  I had to wait until you broke that seal before I could come for you.  I'm only sorry you had to suffer for as long as you did…you are an uncommonly strong man Dean Winchester.  Never think otherwise.  No man would have been able to resist the temptation to end his pain for as long as you did."

He could feel the heat rushing to his face… feel the blood pumping through his veins and the adrenaline rushing through him.  Cas couldn't be saying what he thought he was saying.  He couldn't really be saying that they sent him there, Heaven…the angels…God, just so that he would do the one thing he had been torturing himself over since he got back.  No…no one was that cruel… it couldn't be… it was taking all of his willpower to stay calm.

"Get out Castiel.  Get out now.  I know I have to work with you to stop this but I don't have to like it.  I won't ever like it…not now…I was right the whole time.  Angels are dicks and you, Castiel, are an angel.  Get out before I do something we will both regret."

He saw the indecision that was written on Castiel's face.  He could almost believe there was a tinge of hurt in those eyes.  But no…he'd fallen for that once already.  He wasn't going to be pulled in again.  He put his head down, refusing to look into those eyes that he had come to trust.

He heard the soft whisper of "I thought you understood…I'm sorry Dean" and the familiar flutter of wings.  When he raised his head he was alone.  He wasn't sure how long it was before Sam came back and found him still sitting in the same spot.

"Hey Dean.  I found some information.  Where's Cas?"

It was only then, with the comfort and safety that Sam brought him, that he allowed himself to feel everything that was inside of him.  Only then did he let out the grief, the anger, the hurt and the confusion…only then did he allow the tears to fall…

Description
"Is it true?"  Dean wasn't sure if he was more furious or hurt but he had to have an answer and he needed it to be the truth.  There was only one person he knew would not lie to him…not about something this important.

"Is what true, Dean?"  The angel gave him an infuriatingly perplexed look.  Normally he would accept that Castiel was confused by the question, it wasn't an unusual circumstance, but not today.  He was sure the angel understood and was attempting to deflect from having to answer.

"Is it true?  Did I start all of this?  Did I break the first seal?"  He heard the slight shake in his own voice and both wanted and feared the answer.  It couldn't be true.  It just couldn't be.  It was too much.  He couldn't bear the weight of this on his shoulders, not after everything he'd been through…

The angel paused a long moment and just looked at him…looked into him was probably a more accurate description of what he was doing.  He knew, just from that pause what the answer was going to be but he still had to hear it.

"Yes."  One word…no more, no less.  No one could ever accuse Cas of being overly verbose.  Most anyone else would have tried to find a way to break it to him more gently.  But, Cas wasn't most anyone, he was an Angel of the Lord and he hadn't been trained in tact.  Right now though, none of that mattered to Dean…he had heard what he needed to hear and that one small word had just altered his whole reality.

Yes.  Three letters that changed everything.  He was just coming to the point where he accepted the fact that the apocalypse was happening, regardless of their efforts to stop it, and now he was finding out that the whole damn mess was his fault.  His mind was spinning.  How could this have happened? Why couldn't he have just held out?  How was he going to explain to Sam that everything…Hell the end of the world…was his fault?

He could feel his legs start to shake and knew he had better sit before he ended up on the floor on his ass.  He walked slowly over to one of the twin beds in the room and sat heavily on the edge.

"Why?  Cas…I thought…I mean…you should have told me.  Why didn't you tell me?  I thought we were actually starting to be…friends…" It had taken awhile for him to accept the angel into his life but, now that he had, he felt betrayed.  This wasn't like telling some kid that their dog had run away to spare them from knowing it had been hit by the neighbor's car… This was the apocalypse, the end, the final battle, and Cas had known the whole time that he was the cause and hadn't felt that was important enough to tell him?

"Dean.  What's done cannot be undone.  There was no point in making you suffer for something that you had no control over. "  The angel turned sympathetic eyes to him and he had to resist the urge to scream.  No control?  How could he say that?  It was his weakness not his control that had caused this.

"Thanks Cas, I appreciate the attempt but…even you can't sugarcoat this.  I broke.  I was weak and I knew what I was doing when I picked up that knife.  I didn't know I was breaking the seal but… I don't think it would have mattered at that point.  If I had just been stronger, held out a little longer, then none of this would have happened.  You would have yanked me out of there if I had just been able to hold on a little longer…"

He felt as if the walls were closing in on him.  He had known what he'd done in Hell was bad, there was no way around that, but he had never imagined that this was where his weakness would lead.  He'd tried so hard to hold out but he just couldn't.  At some point every man has a breaking point.  It had taken thirty years of constant torture but he had finally broken, and with him, so had the future of the world.

"Dean…I think there is a flaw in your logic."  Again Castiel was looking at him with a slightly concerned and completely confused look.  He rethought what he'd said and couldn't see what the angel was getting at.

"How do you figure that Cas?  'When a righteous man spills blood in Hell' that's the prophecy isn't it?  That's what they told me.  Can't say I'd have ever thought of myself as a righteous man but someone apparently did because when I took up that knife, when I tortured that first soul…the first seal broke.  You just confirmed that."

"That is true Dean.  You did break the seal.  But I do not think you have thought this through all the way.  There is no reason to take the blame on your shoulders for this.  You had no choice in this.  The whole thing was destined.  It was preordained that you would break that seal.  It was only a matter of time."

"Exactly.  Time. I broke too soon.  If I had been able to refuse for just a little longer…but I didn't know you were coming for me.  I didn't think anyone was ever coming for me…"

"That's just it Dean.  Don't you see?  I was not coming for you." Finally, the angel looked satisfied.  He apparently thought that his statement should have cleared the whole situation up.  Unfortunately, all it really did was confuse him more.  What did he mean he wasn't coming?  Of course he was, he had, damn this wasn't making any sense at all.

"Ok, once more for us slow folks on the short bus please.  Cas, what the Hell are you talking about?  You did come.  You did pull me out of there…or has this whole thing just been one huge delusion on my part?"

"No.  I am not making myself clear.  Of course I came.  Of course I brought you out of the pit.  You have not lost your sanity Dean."  He couldn't help but snort laughter at that.  It sure as Hell was starting to feel like he'd lost it.

"Let me try to explain a different way.  The prophecy is exactly as you were told.  Everything that has happened was in accordance with the prophecy.  The first seal had to be broken.  It was the only way to fulfill the rest of the prophecy.  Why do you think there were so many seals?  Why did so few have to be broken?  It was preordained.  'And on the last day they shall meet in mortal combat.  Brother against brother.  And the world will weep blood at their battle."

He knew that piece of the prophecy, even if he hadn't heard it in exactly those words before.  Castiel had a point though… he'd always thought it was a bit odd to make so many seals and only need a fraction of them to be broken.  Ok, he was willing to accept that some things were preordained but it still didn't explain how he was, and wasn't, coming to rescue him at the same time.  He gestured for the explanation to continue.

"Dean.  Sam died to fulfill prophecy.  He died so that you would make that deal and be sent to Hell.  Once there, it was just a matter of waiting for you to complete the cycle and accept the knife from Alistair.  Yes, I came for you but, didn't you realize?  I didn't come until after you agreed for a reason.  Think about it.  I came to get you because you were destined to be Michael's vessel.  If you had not broken the seal he would not need a vessel and, therefore, I would not have to come for you.  I was not on my way.  You bear no fault for giving in.  In point of fact, we were all surprised how long it took you to do so.  I had to wait until you broke that seal before I could come for you.  I'm only sorry you had to suffer for as long as you did…you are an uncommonly strong man Dean Winchester.  Never think otherwise.  No man would have been able to resist the temptation to end his pain for as long as you did."

He could feel the heat rushing to his face… feel the blood pumping through his veins and the adrenaline rushing through him.  Cas couldn't be saying what he thought he was saying.  He couldn't really be saying that they sent him there, Heaven…the angels…God, just so that he would do the one thing he had been torturing himself over since he got back.  No…no one was that cruel… it couldn't be… it was taking all of his willpower to stay calm.

"Get out Castiel.  Get out now.  I know I have to work with you to stop this but I don't have to like it.  I won't ever like it…not now…I was right the whole time.  Angels are dicks and you, Castiel, are an angel.  Get out before I do something we will both regret."

He saw the indecision that was written on Castiel's face.  He could almost believe there was a tinge of hurt in those eyes.  But no…he'd fallen for that once already.  He wasn't going to be pulled in again.  He put his head down, refusing to look into those eyes that he had come to trust.

He heard the soft whisper of "I thought you understood…I'm sorry Dean" and the familiar flutter of wings.  When he raised his head he was alone.  He wasn't sure how long it was before Sam came back and found him still sitting in the same spot.

"Hey Dean.  I found some information.  Where's Cas?"

It was only then, with the comfort and safety that Sam brought him, that he allowed himself to feel everything that was inside of him.  Only then did he let out the grief, the anger, the hurt and the confusion…only then did he allow the tears to fall…