HOME | DD

dorkusfiends — Punctures and Mental Fun

Published: 2005-02-22 21:43:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 293; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 6
Redirect to original
Description Brisk steps are taken, downtown
Erratic breaths – condensed water vapor droplets evaporate
On this wintry day
Knock on doors – remember to hold an incognito style
Tattered Venetian blinds, tarnished with mud stains
Broken bolts bruise the skin upon release
He’s dubious – he implies denial
With a simple shake of his head
Misheard, unspoken languages  
Murmurs from the basement grow louder by the minute
Grandeur experiments welcome volunteers of all ages
Sterilized ice picks and toothpicks, lay out, as surgical instruments.

Leave three hours, later
Sensations indescribable, flow through limbs
Touches so secretive, dirty blonde hair unkempt
A piece of skin wasted, today
Portions of the frontal area of brain pricked and sliced out
Saved in a rusty tin
A piece of insight and mentality forgotten, within hours
I disintegrate, up, from my way, downtown.
Related content
Comments: 2

shortidiva19 [2006-02-26 23:01:07 +0000 UTC]

I like all the imagery. But it feels a little forced, leaving it not to flow so well.

Maybe you could make it smoother. The rhythm is a bit off.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ApocalypseUno [2005-03-24 22:17:38 +0000 UTC]

I just love your writing style,

In the way you write I can't even start to compete,

!

Champion

👍: 0 ⏩: 0