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MARK REVIEWS STAR TREK

Films... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship DragonRex1. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new media, to seek out new interests and new inspirations, to boldly go where no non-trek fan has gone before.

DeviantArt Reviewer’s log:
STARDATE 0-0-0-0-2-0-0-9.0-6

To begin with, I was never a Star Trek fan. I did not dress like a member of the Enterprise, nor did I use the Vulcan Salute, such things would have made the probability of romance and sexual intercourse with an attractive female decrease exponentially.

I had seen this movie twice. The most recent time, due to my two membership cards with Edwards Cinemas, I was able to see this movie for free and bought candy for 1 dollar of Earth currency. Why I have two cards cannot be explained, this is inconclusive. I would have purchased Muddy Bears, gummy bears dipped in chocolate; instead I choose this cookie dough bites. They are unusual, not as unique as dilithium crystals; they are small orbs of cookie dough dipped in chocolate, fascinating…

The movie started with trailers to other films I wish to witness: Terminator Salvation, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

The movie started up with U.S.S. Kelvin witnessing a unique phenomenon, a lightning storm in space, opening up reveals a large “Jellyfish” like ship called The Narada, searching for Ambassador Spock. They kill the captain, leaving a guy named Kirk in charge. The plan was simple, while the shuttles take the people on board to safety, the ship’s autopilot would collide with the enemy. However, due to the autopilot being damaged in the fight, Kirk must fly the ship into the enemy, all while his wife is giving birth in the shuttle. At his last minute alive… he helps his wife name their son Jim, or James (Her father’s name) instead of Tiberius (His father’s name) the baby would be named James Tiberius Kirk. This is illogical, while it may be important; naming your child is something unlikely to do during your last minute alive. If it were me, I’d look back on my life or something.

Years later, young James runs away from his ass of a step father, while on Vulcan, a half-Vulcan, half-human named Spock, deals with bullies due to his mother being human, calling father a traitor. Spock unleashes his rage… causing his dad to come in. So, humans and Vulcans are capable of mating? Would the pregnancy and giving birth cause problems? Can all humans and aliens mate? Could the female power rangers mate with the male aliens? Could the Predator and that chick at the end of Alien vs. Predator have mated? I don’t know! For God’s sakes people, I’m a sub-coach not a doctor!

And then young adult Spock rejects the offer of an academy to enlist in Star Fleet.

Then we find the young adult Kirk, in a bar, where he hits on Uhura, ordering her some Budweiser classics… guess even in the future, the oldies are the goodies. Here, when he gets into a fight with her classmates, he is knocked into her and accidentally sexually harasses her… his hands land on her… yeah. After the fight, Captain Pike arrives and talks to him. He convinces Jim to enlist in Star Fleet. Taking a shuttle, he meets ‘Bones’ McCoy, a paranoid doctor. Three years later, the “Jellyfish” and the captain Nero find a ship and welcome “Spock”.

Meanwhile, Jim has physical romance with a green humanoid, when her roommate, which happens to be Uhura, comes in and mentions a transmission interrupted involving Klingons and Romulans.

During his graduation test, Jim reprograms it so that he can win. At a council, Spock, who programmed the test, shows dislike for Kirk for cheating, where as Kirk returns by complaining the test was fixed so that no one could pass it. Then emergency comes in, Vulcan is under attack. When everyone else was assigned to ships, Kirk convinces McCoy to sneak him into the Enterprise, by infecting him with an illness.

It is there that we see the iconic characters Sulu and Cheknov. When the mentioning of the lightning storm is space arrives, Kirk awakens, and notices his allergic reaction to the vaccine Bones game him, resulting in large hands. Along the way they encounter Uhura and make it to the bridge. Kirk convinces them that it is a trap; the Romulan ship that supposedly destroyed the Klingon forces some time ago is attacking Vulcan. When they arrive, they find all other Star Fleet ships destroyed. Then the captain, after promoting Kirk to temporary status of first officer, heads to the ship while Kirk, Sulu, and some idiot who gets himself killed, destroy the drill laser digging into the ship. Nero takes Pike hostage while he unleashes Red Matter into the planet, creating a black hole from within. Spock manages to save as many as possible, but his mother is killed the moment they are beamed up.

We see Nero’s motives as he tries to interrogate Pike. He comes from the future, where Romulas is destroyed and Nero, a once kind leader of what was once a mining vessel, watched as his pregnant wife was killed in the blast, because Spock failed to save their world. Vowing revenge, he plans to destroy Star Fleet and all worlds it protects.

As the ship heads back to Earth, with Spock as acting captain, Kirk argues with him that they should fight instead of reunite with the rest of Star Fleet. Angered, Spock has him taken out of the bridge, but when Kirk fights back, Spock knocks him out and has his launched to the nearest planet. This is something that some, though mostly McCoy, scold Spock for.

When Kirk is marooned on the ice planet, he travels… suddenly he hears a noise. There’s… something in the snow… some… thing! The beast attacks, and is then devoured by another creature. Kirk is then saved by none other than… Spock, the Spock of the original Star Trek universe reprised by Leonard Nimoy, who will play the voice of the main villain of the upcoming Transformers sequel. It was great to see him again, he’s a great actor and this is the last we’ll see of him as Spock. It was also somewhat great to see him speak with Zachary Quinto, who plays the new Spock, a passing of the torch.

Zachary Quinto plays Sylar in Heroes. Like in Heroes, he plays a character with mommy-related issues. Heroes has many Star Trek related stuff, Hiro and Ando use the Vulcan sign, they mention a lot of Star Trek related stuff, and of course, Hiro’s father is played by the ironically gay actor named George Takei, who played Hikaru Sulu in the original Star Trek universe.

As Spock speaks with the young Kirk, he learns of how the timeline has been altered, and gives Kirk the heads up about why Nero is attacking Star Fleet using Mind Meld. Spock created the Red Matter to absorb the Romulan Sun when it was going supernova, he failed to stop it and ended up creating a black hole, Nero’s ship went first; Spock entered last, but what was seconds for Spock was years for Nero. Instead of killing him, Nero made Spock watch as his homeworld was destroyed. Now, he takes Kirk to the nearest Star Fleet post, where they meet a little green man, and Montgomery Scott, who was sent here because he tried an experiment in teleportation that result in a dog disappearing. Scott is extremely upset that he’s never had a decent meal in years. Spock shows him his Prime Reality self’s formula for teleportation, allowing Kirk and Scotty to get to the Enterprise, despite it moving at warp speed. Prime Spock tells Kirk he has to become captain by making the younger Spock show he is emotionally unstable, thus making first officer the new acting captain. So basically, the original is going to the new cast and goes "Look dumbasses, this is how it's supposed to go"... They manage to get in, albeit Scotty is was trapped in a tank fill with liquid and almost got killed.

From there, they are brought to the bridge, where Kirk has unsuccessful attempts at making Spock show his anger, until questioning if Spock even loved his dead mother, making Spock unleash his anger on him. With his father restraining him, Spock resigns as captain, thus giving Kirk the rank of captain. He orders everyone that instead of rendezvousing with the rest of Star Fleet on Earth, they have to stop Nero from reaching the planet.

Spock is left alone, angry about being unable to avenge his mother. His father once told Spock he married his mother as an act of being Ambassador to Earth, he comes clean and tells Spock he married her and had a son with her out of love, convincing Spock to not follow the logical choice, but the right one.

Kirk and Spock decide to enter the ship and save Pike while the Enterprise prepares for battle. Before being beamed there, Kirk sees Spock and Uhura share a tender moment, revealing their private relationship. Spock mentions her name, Nyota, a name so obscure even he can’t comment on it.

So, long story short, they find Pike and save him, while they destroy the drill and kill some Romulans while Spock finds his older self’s ship and uses it’s fascinating weaponry to crash into the ship, releasing the red matter. Spock, Kirk and Pike are saved thanks to Scotty’s beaming and are in the Enterprise as Nero and his crew is being sucked into an unstable black hole. Kirk offers help, which Spock questions; Kirk merely says that it is the logical choice that Spock would choose, but the half-Vulcan happily disagrees. Nero, however, refuses, stating he would rather watch his world destroyed again and again than ask for Star Fleet’s help. With Scotty’s help, the Enterprise manages to warp away from the black hole as Nero’s “Jellyfish” and all in it are destroyed.

On Earth, Kirk is honored a hero by Star Fleet and Pike accepts Kirk as the new captain of the Enterprise. Meanwhile, Spock meets with his older self. It turns out Spock told Kirk if he mentioned Prime Spock to young Spock, it would risk universal alteration or something… he lied. He wanted everything to be the way it was in his universe, with Kirk as captain and both Kirk and Spock becoming friends. Young Spock considers resigning to help the Vulcan’s find a new home, but Prime Spock convinces him to remain while he helps rebuild their race. Since the usual Vulcan salute would be self preserving at the time, he merely wishes Spock luck.

The film ends with Spock becoming first officer under Kirk and the Enterprise takes off, with Prime Spock giving us the “Space… the final frontier” speech.

The movie was a bit long and we never see any klingons and a lot of Star Trek related tech babble. I kinda didn’t like Uhura, I get that she cares for Spock, but she outright disrespects Kirk, even though Spock sent the guy launched in an escape pod. I think I’d rather be pals with Kirk than Spock, then again, most people would, since they first personify Spock as what many call “a douchebag”. Then again, there is such a thing as character development, which is something I enjoy. The character don’t start out like their Prime reality selves, but along they way, they evolve into the characters Trek fans are more familiar with. With a sequel already underway, we can only imagine what may come…

Star Trek receives…

9.5 out of 10

Now, I kept updating this review because of my procrastination… I tried to do it, ma friends! I just don’ hav tha power! Now I shall warp myself to the nearest In-N-Out. Don’t beam me up, Scotty! It’s not that far and besides, I like my molecules where they are, with me.

With the Vulcan sign in my right hand…
Live long and prosper…

Description
MARK REVIEWS STAR TREK

Films... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship DragonRex1. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new media, to seek out new interests and new inspirations, to boldly go where no non-trek fan has gone before.

DeviantArt Reviewer’s log:
STARDATE 0-0-0-0-2-0-0-9.0-6

To begin with, I was never a Star Trek fan. I did not dress like a member of the Enterprise, nor did I use the Vulcan Salute, such things would have made the probability of romance and sexual intercourse with an attractive female decrease exponentially.

I had seen this movie twice. The most recent time, due to my two membership cards with Edwards Cinemas, I was able to see this movie for free and bought candy for 1 dollar of Earth currency. Why I have two cards cannot be explained, this is inconclusive. I would have purchased Muddy Bears, gummy bears dipped in chocolate; instead I choose this cookie dough bites. They are unusual, not as unique as dilithium crystals; they are small orbs of cookie dough dipped in chocolate, fascinating…

The movie started with trailers to other films I wish to witness: Terminator Salvation, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

The movie started up with U.S.S. Kelvin witnessing a unique phenomenon, a lightning storm in space, opening up reveals a large “Jellyfish” like ship called The Narada, searching for Ambassador Spock. They kill the captain, leaving a guy named Kirk in charge. The plan was simple, while the shuttles take the people on board to safety, the ship’s autopilot would collide with the enemy. However, due to the autopilot being damaged in the fight, Kirk must fly the ship into the enemy, all while his wife is giving birth in the shuttle. At his last minute alive… he helps his wife name their son Jim, or James (Her father’s name) instead of Tiberius (His father’s name) the baby would be named James Tiberius Kirk. This is illogical, while it may be important; naming your child is something unlikely to do during your last minute alive. If it were me, I’d look back on my life or something.

Years later, young James runs away from his ass of a step father, while on Vulcan, a half-Vulcan, half-human named Spock, deals with bullies due to his mother being human, calling father a traitor. Spock unleashes his rage… causing his dad to come in. So, humans and Vulcans are capable of mating? Would the pregnancy and giving birth cause problems? Can all humans and aliens mate? Could the female power rangers mate with the male aliens? Could the Predator and that chick at the end of Alien vs. Predator have mated? I don’t know! For God’s sakes people, I’m a sub-coach not a doctor!

And then young adult Spock rejects the offer of an academy to enlist in Star Fleet.

Then we find the young adult Kirk, in a bar, where he hits on Uhura, ordering her some Budweiser classics… guess even in the future, the oldies are the goodies. Here, when he gets into a fight with her classmates, he is knocked into her and accidentally sexually harasses her… his hands land on her… yeah. After the fight, Captain Pike arrives and talks to him. He convinces Jim to enlist in Star Fleet. Taking a shuttle, he meets ‘Bones’ McCoy, a paranoid doctor. Three years later, the “Jellyfish” and the captain Nero find a ship and welcome “Spock”.

Meanwhile, Jim has physical romance with a green humanoid, when her roommate, which happens to be Uhura, comes in and mentions a transmission interrupted involving Klingons and Romulans.

During his graduation test, Jim reprograms it so that he can win. At a council, Spock, who programmed the test, shows dislike for Kirk for cheating, where as Kirk returns by complaining the test was fixed so that no one could pass it. Then emergency comes in, Vulcan is under attack. When everyone else was assigned to ships, Kirk convinces McCoy to sneak him into the Enterprise, by infecting him with an illness.

It is there that we see the iconic characters Sulu and Cheknov. When the mentioning of the lightning storm is space arrives, Kirk awakens, and notices his allergic reaction to the vaccine Bones game him, resulting in large hands. Along the way they encounter Uhura and make it to the bridge. Kirk convinces them that it is a trap; the Romulan ship that supposedly destroyed the Klingon forces some time ago is attacking Vulcan. When they arrive, they find all other Star Fleet ships destroyed. Then the captain, after promoting Kirk to temporary status of first officer, heads to the ship while Kirk, Sulu, and some idiot who gets himself killed, destroy the drill laser digging into the ship. Nero takes Pike hostage while he unleashes Red Matter into the planet, creating a black hole from within. Spock manages to save as many as possible, but his mother is killed the moment they are beamed up.

We see Nero’s motives as he tries to interrogate Pike. He comes from the future, where Romulas is destroyed and Nero, a once kind leader of what was once a mining vessel, watched as his pregnant wife was killed in the blast, because Spock failed to save their world. Vowing revenge, he plans to destroy Star Fleet and all worlds it protects.

As the ship heads back to Earth, with Spock as acting captain, Kirk argues with him that they should fight instead of reunite with the rest of Star Fleet. Angered, Spock has him taken out of the bridge, but when Kirk fights back, Spock knocks him out and has his launched to the nearest planet. This is something that some, though mostly McCoy, scold Spock for.

When Kirk is marooned on the ice planet, he travels… suddenly he hears a noise. There’s… something in the snow… some… thing! The beast attacks, and is then devoured by another creature. Kirk is then saved by none other than… Spock, the Spock of the original Star Trek universe reprised by Leonard Nimoy, who will play the voice of the main villain of the upcoming Transformers sequel. It was great to see him again, he’s a great actor and this is the last we’ll see of him as Spock. It was also somewhat great to see him speak with Zachary Quinto, who plays the new Spock, a passing of the torch.

Zachary Quinto plays Sylar in Heroes. Like in Heroes, he plays a character with mommy-related issues. Heroes has many Star Trek related stuff, Hiro and Ando use the Vulcan sign, they mention a lot of Star Trek related stuff, and of course, Hiro’s father is played by the ironically gay actor named George Takei, who played Hikaru Sulu in the original Star Trek universe.

As Spock speaks with the young Kirk, he learns of how the timeline has been altered, and gives Kirk the heads up about why Nero is attacking Star Fleet using Mind Meld. Spock created the Red Matter to absorb the Romulan Sun when it was going supernova, he failed to stop it and ended up creating a black hole, Nero’s ship went first; Spock entered last, but what was seconds for Spock was years for Nero. Instead of killing him, Nero made Spock watch as his homeworld was destroyed. Now, he takes Kirk to the nearest Star Fleet post, where they meet a little green man, and Montgomery Scott, who was sent here because he tried an experiment in teleportation that result in a dog disappearing. Scott is extremely upset that he’s never had a decent meal in years. Spock shows him his Prime Reality self’s formula for teleportation, allowing Kirk and Scotty to get to the Enterprise, despite it moving at warp speed. Prime Spock tells Kirk he has to become captain by making the younger Spock show he is emotionally unstable, thus making first officer the new acting captain. So basically, the original is going to the new cast and goes "Look dumbasses, this is how it's supposed to go"... They manage to get in, albeit Scotty is was trapped in a tank fill with liquid and almost got killed.

From there, they are brought to the bridge, where Kirk has unsuccessful attempts at making Spock show his anger, until questioning if Spock even loved his dead mother, making Spock unleash his anger on him. With his father restraining him, Spock resigns as captain, thus giving Kirk the rank of captain. He orders everyone that instead of rendezvousing with the rest of Star Fleet on Earth, they have to stop Nero from reaching the planet.

Spock is left alone, angry about being unable to avenge his mother. His father once told Spock he married his mother as an act of being Ambassador to Earth, he comes clean and tells Spock he married her and had a son with her out of love, convincing Spock to not follow the logical choice, but the right one.

Kirk and Spock decide to enter the ship and save Pike while the Enterprise prepares for battle. Before being beamed there, Kirk sees Spock and Uhura share a tender moment, revealing their private relationship. Spock mentions her name, Nyota, a name so obscure even he can’t comment on it.

So, long story short, they find Pike and save him, while they destroy the drill and kill some Romulans while Spock finds his older self’s ship and uses it’s fascinating weaponry to crash into the ship, releasing the red matter. Spock, Kirk and Pike are saved thanks to Scotty’s beaming and are in the Enterprise as Nero and his crew is being sucked into an unstable black hole. Kirk offers help, which Spock questions; Kirk merely says that it is the logical choice that Spock would choose, but the half-Vulcan happily disagrees. Nero, however, refuses, stating he would rather watch his world destroyed again and again than ask for Star Fleet’s help. With Scotty’s help, the Enterprise manages to warp away from the black hole as Nero’s “Jellyfish” and all in it are destroyed.

On Earth, Kirk is honored a hero by Star Fleet and Pike accepts Kirk as the new captain of the Enterprise. Meanwhile, Spock meets with his older self. It turns out Spock told Kirk if he mentioned Prime Spock to young Spock, it would risk universal alteration or something… he lied. He wanted everything to be the way it was in his universe, with Kirk as captain and both Kirk and Spock becoming friends. Young Spock considers resigning to help the Vulcan’s find a new home, but Prime Spock convinces him to remain while he helps rebuild their race. Since the usual Vulcan salute would be self preserving at the time, he merely wishes Spock luck.

The film ends with Spock becoming first officer under Kirk and the Enterprise takes off, with Prime Spock giving us the “Space… the final frontier” speech.

The movie was a bit long and we never see any klingons and a lot of Star Trek related tech babble. I kinda didn’t like Uhura, I get that she cares for Spock, but she outright disrespects Kirk, even though Spock sent the guy launched in an escape pod. I think I’d rather be pals with Kirk than Spock, then again, most people would, since they first personify Spock as what many call “a douchebag”. Then again, there is such a thing as character development, which is something I enjoy. The character don’t start out like their Prime reality selves, but along they way, they evolve into the characters Trek fans are more familiar with. With a sequel already underway, we can only imagine what may come…

Star Trek receives…

9.5 out of 10

Now, I kept updating this review because of my procrastination… I tried to do it, ma friends! I just don’ hav tha power! Now I shall warp myself to the nearest In-N-Out. Don’t beam me up, Scotty! It’s not that far and besides, I like my molecules where they are, with me.

With the Vulcan sign in my right hand…
Live long and prosper…