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MARK REVIEWS PUCCA

I freaking hate this show… honestly, I didn’t expect much from a show about a girl on a boy’s channel. If a show revolving around a girl should be on a boy’s channel, it should look something like Laura Vandervoort in a swimsuit. Pucca, a cartoon based on the internet shorts called Pucca: Funny Love. If you don’t know who Pucca is, she’s from… Pucca: Funny Love… I consider her a humble cartoon character, it’s not Bugs Bunny, or Mickey Mouse, or Woody Woodpecker, and thank God not SpongeBob SquarePants, it’s just Pucca. Did these internet shorts ever need their own series? Well, Happy Tree Friends got one… So it may not be the most famous cartoon that EVERYONE watches, no, this is the kind where there’s nothing to watch or do for a half hour, so you go the channel, you watch it for 30 minutes, it ends and… you just wasted 30 minutes you could have spent making the world a better place…

It’s disappointing, because the premise makes it look like an okay show, a girl who likes a boy and chases him around, reminds me of the girl squirrel from the Sword in the Stone, the more he says “No I don’t want you” the more she wants him. Well he doesn’t say “No” because he can’t talk. In the internet shorts, no one could talk, but in the show, only Pucca and her crush, ninja boy Garu, can’t talk. The first thing that bugs me is the character designs; I mean honestly, they made no effort. They have no noses, no necks, no feet or fingers, unless they grab or point or something. They look like they’re from the Superman game on NES, or even as the out-of-battle sprites from Pokemon. In fact, the latter sprites look way better than all of the characters in this show. The animation’s not the worst I’ve witnessed, but it feels like nothing special. It’s Flash animation, in general I’m not a big fan of flash cartoons on television, and I feel like it should be left on the internet. Whenever Pucca smiles, her smile or big grin just appears; she doesn’t have any animation of her face moving or changing expressions the way Meatwad does for example.

So, you’re probably wondering what kind of show it is, well, its 3 segments into one half hour. And after all, that’s what we got for shows like Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry, how can you go wrong? After the first segment, this is where you either shut the TV off or learn there is no connection, no continuity and no progression with episodes. It works for Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry because it’s funny and has slapstick humor, this doesn’t have any of the charm, just girl chasing boy, boy gets into trouble because of her, she saves him and has him in her arms, whether or not he wants to be in her arms, and he doesn’t want it.

I guess I should start with the characters…

First is Pucca, the daughter of some Chinese restaurant owner who lives at a noodle restaurant called the Go-Rong with her Uncle Dumpling and his friends Ho-Oh and Lugia… I mean Linguini. Sorry, I was confusing it with something good… Anyway, she’s apparently some kind of superhuman, because she has super strength and speed and performs things no living thing can do, such as teleport by jump roping. All she seems to eat are the chef’s noodles… watch a movie, no popcorn, just noodles; go on picnic, nothing but noodles… noodles, noodles, noodles! I like noodles too, but wouldn’t eating nothing but that make you fat and diabetic or something? It just doesn’t fit for me; a blue hedgehog with chili dogs I can get, a ninja turtles with pizza I can get as well… a little superhuman girl who has an annoying smile with noodles… doesn’t work… What’s next? A milkshake who eats nothing but hot wings?! Oh, wait…
Anyway, as you may have guessed, she is in love with Garu. She stalks him, repeatedly kisses him, interrupts him training, usually getting him trouble and causes more trouble when she helps him, and she has pictures and dolls of him in her room. Every square inch of her room has his picture… okay, how is this funny? I think this is what I’d call “Creepy Love”, and to top that, she attacks anyone who gets in her way. Ask her to help you save you baby from a Burning Building while Garu gets away and she throws you into the building! You ask her for change while Garu disappears, she clobbers you. You say “He doesn’t like you” or “Find someone else”, she beats your ass. You say “Sorry can’t help you with Garu”, she hurts you. She makes Ali Larter in “Obsessed” look uninterested. And everyone seems to think of this as her love for him is a sign that their meant to be together… Uh, is no one paying attention to the destruction she causes? And to top that off, what’s with her hair? Look at it, somehow she has her skull in the same shape as her head, it even has those two “hairball things”. Like, what is she, a Mickey Mouse mutant?

Garu is some ninja who took a vow of silence. Apparently, an ancestor did something which dishonored the family and now he is trying to be the greatest ninja around to redeem his ancestors. Quick question, why the hell does he have a cute little heart on his suit? He’s always very brooding and trying to gain much honor, but Pucca continuously intervenes with her retarded affections, resulting in him usually getting his ass kicked and she takes his place. Yeah, way to build up his self esteem by having this little brat interfere and take his place with her unfit superhuman abilities. I also find his hairdo kind of stupid, I mean, seriously, would you be afraid of THIS?! Even when Naruto was just a student, he was way more skilled than this loser!

As for supporting cast, we have Ching, this friend of Pucca who is extremely sweet and girlish, has a pet chicken named Wong who lays magic eggs, but that was abandoned the same episode it was shown, and is skilled with swords. There’s her boyfriend and Garu’s best friend, an annoying Kung Fu boy named Abyo. He’s always “practicing” kung fu. For some reason, he always NEEDS to rip his shirt off. Dude, you’re not a stripper, leave it on! He’ll even do it in the snow! He’s always trying to spare with Garu and he hits on girls constantly, in fact he doesn’t even hit on Ching and doesn’t realize he’s in a relationship with her. What a dumbass… As for the rest, we have Ching’s dad, an overplayed martial arts teacher, Abyo’s dad who is a cop that always ends his sentences with “Over” like on a walkie talkie, a doctor who lets Pucca treat Garu after she broke his leg, an elder with a goofy voice and a thing for his maidens and the chefs. The chefs are Pucca’s guardians, I think one of them is her uncle. His name is Uncle Dumpling, the guy with red-brown skin and the beard and mustache combo… care to guess why I think he’s the uncle? The others are Linguini, the pony tailed one, and Ho-oh, the one in the hat, who should get his ass kicked by Mewtwo. They loved cooking… in fact, they don’t care what they are cooking for as long as they cook. Not Jewish? Who cares because they can make kosher meals! Atheists? No matter, angel food is great to make! Seriously, if they were to celebrate doomsday, they’d still cook! Why is it so damn necessary for them to perform special martial arts to cook? Iron Chef could cook better and he doesn’t need to do all that! You don’t need to be a skilled swordsman to chop a carrot! And these guys are always thinking Garu loves Pucca back and that they’re the perfect couple. You can’t be serious!!! Do you notice all the pictures of him she has in his room? She even has a doll version of his house complete with a doll Garu! Not to mention he doesn’t come to eat at the restaurant unless she’s not around. Isn’t it clear he doesn’t want to be around her?! And they treat the janitor like shit… Dada is like the receiving end of every cruel prank and disaster in the universe. All he wants is love and respect, but the chefs always give him nothing but work, even on a holiday. He’s also the only person in the village who eats with a fork, but since everyone else uses chop sticks, they laugh at him. Dude, what the hell is wrong with you all? A fork is MUCH easier to use than two sticks, in fact you could kill someone with it even better! He does know some martial arts… he was a pro wrestler at one point. My hope is that one day Dada will gain the rage to throw endless forks at the heads of the entire village!

Speaking of the village, just where the hell is Sooga Village? Near Asia?

Anyway, there’s Pucca’s stuck up cat, Garu’s cat which has a crush on her and three alley cats. And endless… blue and pink people… what the hell are they? Like, there are millions of them. Are they aliens that Sooga adopted? Or were the animators so lazy that they just said “Screw it, just add one color stick people for the background”? I find it hilarious that no one ever mentions these things that aren't human beings around, but what IS a human being according to this cartoon? Someone with a giant head or someone who looks like walking jelly?

There’s a hippie monk and… Santa Claus?! Santa Claus appears in this show?! Well yeah, I mean, almost every cartoon has to have a holiday episode… wait, he appears in almost every episode with a different job?! Are you telling me Santa lives in this village and appears in almost every non-Christmas related episodes?! This blows my mind on so many levels! First of all, Santa is supposed to live in the North Pole, why is he in the village that apparently the rest of the world forsakes? Second, why does he get constant disrespect from people, especially Pucca? Does she want coal? Does she even care about other people’s needs? Third, if this is supposed to be a kid’s show taking place in some Asian island, WHY HELL DO THEY USE A PRE-EXISTING OLD MAN WHO ISN’T EVEN FROM ASIA THAT DOESN’T EVEN EXIST?! Fourth, his beard is missing. I couldn’t even tell who he was without it, not to mention he wears a different outfit almost every episode… why the Hell does he not have his signature coat? Is there some kind of lawsuit involved? Fifth, why does he have a different job? Are they trying to say Santa should get a normal job like everyone else, that being the main who brings happiness to kids isn’t good enough?! And sixth, I can’t grasp Santa Claus being in a cartoon that has nothing to do with Christmas. Sadly, as the show continued, a new character was introduced named Destiny. Hmm… I knew a babe named Destiny, but no female here even looks human. And to add salt to the open wound, it’s a guy and a dragon. This dragon wants to be a lounge singer… other than that, all I can say is that he sounds like if Eddie Murphy inhaled helium.

The villains are the cheesiest and most pathetic attempts I’ve ever seen. In a good action cartoon, like Batman, the villains are fleshed out and given more creative personalities and origins, to make them seem more like real people. But in a bad action cartoon like this, they’re just one track personalities with no clear reason for being baddies and have childish attitudes that make half the Looney Tunes look like they belong in an R Rated Psycho Drama. And you know what THAT’S like, yeah you do, that’s like in Masked Rider with the most effed up excuse for bad guys ever. There’s Tobe, Garu’s rival who wants revenge on him for no apparent reason. In fact, in one messed up episode where Garu was erased from time, Tobe wanted revenge but had no one to take revenge on. That’s just messed up. His ninja foot soldiers are like the goofiest excuse for henchmen ever, I doubt these losers could even beat Adam West. There’s Ring Ring, a stereotype of a spoiled girl who wants everyone to pay attention to her and is jealous of Pucca and goes all freaking monster when pissed off. The Vagabonds, a trio of lackluster amateur villains who I swear couldn’t steal an apple without something going wrong, whether it be the clown’s sucky jokes, the shaman’s spell going wrong, or the girl crying like a baby. Finally, a guy named Muji, who seems to want to have sex with his mustache and looks like a chibi Hercule Satan. He controls an army of “xombies”, zombies that are misspelled. His motives are always different like kill the manatee with the better mustache or destroy a forest or whatever…

There are some original bad guys. There’s this couple from Texas with a taste for money and large things, and think that something isn’t authentic without barbeque sauce and oil. Oh my God, more stereotypes… I’ve been to Texas and I have never met a single Texan in my whole life who dresses and acts like that! Is Canada so cheap or so uncreative that they HAVE to make stereotypes?! These guys somehow buy vehicles that transform, obviously making fun of Transformers.

In fact, they make fun of a lot of things here… Godzilla, Power Rangers, Sailor Moon… what? Does it think itself better than all that?!

Anyway, another is this geeky retard named Lazlo Gazlo… Gozel…. Gloss… f-[beep] whatever… He’s a guy who is famous for nothing… how is that possible? I don’t know and stopped caring about this show. He wants Pucca to love him and forget about Garu. In fact… here’s a part I’d like to address. Going back to how poorly designed the characters are, if it weren’t for facial hair and size, I couldn’t tell the difference between kids and adults. This guy has five o’clock shadow, clearly indicating that he’s an adult… so why does he want Pucca, an 11 year old? This… is a kid’s show… right?

By the way, that's just incredible music playing, isn't it? I mean, screw Batman and Superman for having actual orchestra playing different and well choreographed songs for each moment and character, all you need is the retarded theme song, a messed up variation of the song, and the crappiest part of it repeated in a constant loop... F[beep]ing ingenius... total sarcasm.

Any way, what makes this crappy cartoon even worse is… the writing. Yeah, you’re probably wondering how the writing could be bad for a show like this. Well, there is no progression or connection to the stories. For a show like Tom & Jerry or Looney Tunes, this is common, but makes up for it with clever writing and humor. Pucca, however, doesn’t… Remember that messed up episode I mentioned? Well, in that episode, Ring Ring uses a hair dryer to go back in time. Now, when someone goes back in time, you’d expect dinosaurs or something. But when she goes back in time… IT’S A BLACK & WHITE 40’S VERSION OF THE VILLAGE!!! What are the writers on?! You’d be smarter putting her in the f-[beep]-king Feudal era!!! And of course, she ends up running into classic cartoon versions of everyone; A Popeye-Abyo with an Olive Oil-Ching, a Mickey Mouse-like Garu with a Minnie Mouse-like Pucca and a Betty Boop version of herself. So, shouldn’t we be seeing their ancestors or something? Not alternate versions of everyone… she went through time, not dimensions. And of course, they have to sing a cheesy song about how sweet Pucca is… I’ve seen cuter things in my toilet. So she uses a conveniently placed pencil to accidentally erase Garu… please make BNW Pucca shut the hell up… So in the “present”, Garu disappears and for some reason only Pucca remembers and somehow knows Ring Ring went back in time and goes the same way. She gets her added strength how? By eating noodles! Yeah, that’s a great lesson for kids, “Screw vegetables, eat nothing but noodles and you’ll end up like this noseless super mutant child”. She beats up the Ring Rings and undoes what they did… how? By STEPPING OUT OF THE REEL AND PULLS IT THE OTHER WAY TO GO BACK TO SAVE GARU!!! WHAT THE HELL?! Anyway, then it turns out this whole episode was a cartoon the present Garu was watching and as the Puccas molest their Garus, Abyo sings something that makes Popeye want to hang himself.

You think that episode sucks? Well, alternate realities seem to exist for them. It’s like they were writing for different shows. In one they’re all Native Americans, in another they all undersea people, except Garu and Abyo, and in other they’re Dutch and don’t shut up about it! SERIOUSLY! WE GET YOU’RE DUTCH SO SHUT UP ALREADY! And guess what, the name of that episode is “Pucca goes Dutch”, so in case it thought we didn’t catch that, it had to remind us every 2 f-[beep]-ing minutes! There’s even an episode where the village is in danger of being destroyed by a volcano, so Garu needs some magic snow globe or something to stop it, but when Pucca gets it, she refuses to give it to him unless he kisses her. Are you telling me that stupid little bitch is willing to let her village get burned to the ground and all life destroyed for a kiss?! Good God! There’s an episode where she interrupts him fighting a sea monster and gets him eaten, then beats up the fish. I’m not kidding, she killed it and turned it to sushi just by throwing it. She took out a sea monster the size of the Beluga Whale with her bare hands… this is absurd. Doesn’t she see she causes more trouble for him? DOESN’T ANYONE?! She can even teleport by jump roping fast, make cavemen smart by showing them a wheel, slurp a noodle that goes around the world in a millisecond… HOW?! Don’t give me some bullshit explanation that her love for Garu makes her powerful, because it’s no where near love!

Pucca: Funny Love… more like PUCCA: MESSED UP OBSESSION!!!

It looks like it could’ve been even a slight bit decent, but instead, they just smoked a bong for ideas! I can’t believe they didn’t cancel this in Europe. Fortunately, only half the series ever made it overseas, due to Toon Disney being renamed Disney XD and focusing more on new series than old ones. And I’m happy too, because it wasted more airtime than I ever expected. The whole premise of the show is around “Funny Love” but there’s a difference between Funny Love and Dangerous-Life Ruining-Destructive-Out of Control Obsession!
[beep] THIS SHOW!

This crappy noodle of a show gets one of my lowest ratings…
1.3 out of 10

Description
MARK REVIEWS PUCCA

I freaking hate this show… honestly, I didn’t expect much from a show about a girl on a boy’s channel. If a show revolving around a girl should be on a boy’s channel, it should look something like Laura Vandervoort in a swimsuit. Pucca, a cartoon based on the internet shorts called Pucca: Funny Love. If you don’t know who Pucca is, she’s from… Pucca: Funny Love… I consider her a humble cartoon character, it’s not Bugs Bunny, or Mickey Mouse, or Woody Woodpecker, and thank God not SpongeBob SquarePants, it’s just Pucca. Did these internet shorts ever need their own series? Well, Happy Tree Friends got one… So it may not be the most famous cartoon that EVERYONE watches, no, this is the kind where there’s nothing to watch or do for a half hour, so you go the channel, you watch it for 30 minutes, it ends and… you just wasted 30 minutes you could have spent making the world a better place…

It’s disappointing, because the premise makes it look like an okay show, a girl who likes a boy and chases him around, reminds me of the girl squirrel from the Sword in the Stone, the more he says “No I don’t want you” the more she wants him. Well he doesn’t say “No” because he can’t talk. In the internet shorts, no one could talk, but in the show, only Pucca and her crush, ninja boy Garu, can’t talk. The first thing that bugs me is the character designs; I mean honestly, they made no effort. They have no noses, no necks, no feet or fingers, unless they grab or point or something. They look like they’re from the Superman game on NES, or even as the out-of-battle sprites from Pokemon. In fact, the latter sprites look way better than all of the characters in this show. The animation’s not the worst I’ve witnessed, but it feels like nothing special. It’s Flash animation, in general I’m not a big fan of flash cartoons on television, and I feel like it should be left on the internet. Whenever Pucca smiles, her smile or big grin just appears; she doesn’t have any animation of her face moving or changing expressions the way Meatwad does for example.

So, you’re probably wondering what kind of show it is, well, its 3 segments into one half hour. And after all, that’s what we got for shows like Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry, how can you go wrong? After the first segment, this is where you either shut the TV off or learn there is no connection, no continuity and no progression with episodes. It works for Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry because it’s funny and has slapstick humor, this doesn’t have any of the charm, just girl chasing boy, boy gets into trouble because of her, she saves him and has him in her arms, whether or not he wants to be in her arms, and he doesn’t want it.

I guess I should start with the characters…

First is Pucca, the daughter of some Chinese restaurant owner who lives at a noodle restaurant called the Go-Rong with her Uncle Dumpling and his friends Ho-Oh and Lugia… I mean Linguini. Sorry, I was confusing it with something good… Anyway, she’s apparently some kind of superhuman, because she has super strength and speed and performs things no living thing can do, such as teleport by jump roping. All she seems to eat are the chef’s noodles… watch a movie, no popcorn, just noodles; go on picnic, nothing but noodles… noodles, noodles, noodles! I like noodles too, but wouldn’t eating nothing but that make you fat and diabetic or something? It just doesn’t fit for me; a blue hedgehog with chili dogs I can get, a ninja turtles with pizza I can get as well… a little superhuman girl who has an annoying smile with noodles… doesn’t work… What’s next? A milkshake who eats nothing but hot wings?! Oh, wait…
Anyway, as you may have guessed, she is in love with Garu. She stalks him, repeatedly kisses him, interrupts him training, usually getting him trouble and causes more trouble when she helps him, and she has pictures and dolls of him in her room. Every square inch of her room has his picture… okay, how is this funny? I think this is what I’d call “Creepy Love”, and to top that, she attacks anyone who gets in her way. Ask her to help you save you baby from a Burning Building while Garu gets away and she throws you into the building! You ask her for change while Garu disappears, she clobbers you. You say “He doesn’t like you” or “Find someone else”, she beats your ass. You say “Sorry can’t help you with Garu”, she hurts you. She makes Ali Larter in “Obsessed” look uninterested. And everyone seems to think of this as her love for him is a sign that their meant to be together… Uh, is no one paying attention to the destruction she causes? And to top that off, what’s with her hair? Look at it, somehow she has her skull in the same shape as her head, it even has those two “hairball things”. Like, what is she, a Mickey Mouse mutant?

Garu is some ninja who took a vow of silence. Apparently, an ancestor did something which dishonored the family and now he is trying to be the greatest ninja around to redeem his ancestors. Quick question, why the hell does he have a cute little heart on his suit? He’s always very brooding and trying to gain much honor, but Pucca continuously intervenes with her retarded affections, resulting in him usually getting his ass kicked and she takes his place. Yeah, way to build up his self esteem by having this little brat interfere and take his place with her unfit superhuman abilities. I also find his hairdo kind of stupid, I mean, seriously, would you be afraid of THIS?! Even when Naruto was just a student, he was way more skilled than this loser!

As for supporting cast, we have Ching, this friend of Pucca who is extremely sweet and girlish, has a pet chicken named Wong who lays magic eggs, but that was abandoned the same episode it was shown, and is skilled with swords. There’s her boyfriend and Garu’s best friend, an annoying Kung Fu boy named Abyo. He’s always “practicing” kung fu. For some reason, he always NEEDS to rip his shirt off. Dude, you’re not a stripper, leave it on! He’ll even do it in the snow! He’s always trying to spare with Garu and he hits on girls constantly, in fact he doesn’t even hit on Ching and doesn’t realize he’s in a relationship with her. What a dumbass… As for the rest, we have Ching’s dad, an overplayed martial arts teacher, Abyo’s dad who is a cop that always ends his sentences with “Over” like on a walkie talkie, a doctor who lets Pucca treat Garu after she broke his leg, an elder with a goofy voice and a thing for his maidens and the chefs. The chefs are Pucca’s guardians, I think one of them is her uncle. His name is Uncle Dumpling, the guy with red-brown skin and the beard and mustache combo… care to guess why I think he’s the uncle? The others are Linguini, the pony tailed one, and Ho-oh, the one in the hat, who should get his ass kicked by Mewtwo. They loved cooking… in fact, they don’t care what they are cooking for as long as they cook. Not Jewish? Who cares because they can make kosher meals! Atheists? No matter, angel food is great to make! Seriously, if they were to celebrate doomsday, they’d still cook! Why is it so damn necessary for them to perform special martial arts to cook? Iron Chef could cook better and he doesn’t need to do all that! You don’t need to be a skilled swordsman to chop a carrot! And these guys are always thinking Garu loves Pucca back and that they’re the perfect couple. You can’t be serious!!! Do you notice all the pictures of him she has in his room? She even has a doll version of his house complete with a doll Garu! Not to mention he doesn’t come to eat at the restaurant unless she’s not around. Isn’t it clear he doesn’t want to be around her?! And they treat the janitor like shit… Dada is like the receiving end of every cruel prank and disaster in the universe. All he wants is love and respect, but the chefs always give him nothing but work, even on a holiday. He’s also the only person in the village who eats with a fork, but since everyone else uses chop sticks, they laugh at him. Dude, what the hell is wrong with you all? A fork is MUCH easier to use than two sticks, in fact you could kill someone with it even better! He does know some martial arts… he was a pro wrestler at one point. My hope is that one day Dada will gain the rage to throw endless forks at the heads of the entire village!

Speaking of the village, just where the hell is Sooga Village? Near Asia?

Anyway, there’s Pucca’s stuck up cat, Garu’s cat which has a crush on her and three alley cats. And endless… blue and pink people… what the hell are they? Like, there are millions of them. Are they aliens that Sooga adopted? Or were the animators so lazy that they just said “Screw it, just add one color stick people for the background”? I find it hilarious that no one ever mentions these things that aren't human beings around, but what IS a human being according to this cartoon? Someone with a giant head or someone who looks like walking jelly?

There’s a hippie monk and… Santa Claus?! Santa Claus appears in this show?! Well yeah, I mean, almost every cartoon has to have a holiday episode… wait, he appears in almost every episode with a different job?! Are you telling me Santa lives in this village and appears in almost every non-Christmas related episodes?! This blows my mind on so many levels! First of all, Santa is supposed to live in the North Pole, why is he in the village that apparently the rest of the world forsakes? Second, why does he get constant disrespect from people, especially Pucca? Does she want coal? Does she even care about other people’s needs? Third, if this is supposed to be a kid’s show taking place in some Asian island, WHY HELL DO THEY USE A PRE-EXISTING OLD MAN WHO ISN’T EVEN FROM ASIA THAT DOESN’T EVEN EXIST?! Fourth, his beard is missing. I couldn’t even tell who he was without it, not to mention he wears a different outfit almost every episode… why the Hell does he not have his signature coat? Is there some kind of lawsuit involved? Fifth, why does he have a different job? Are they trying to say Santa should get a normal job like everyone else, that being the main who brings happiness to kids isn’t good enough?! And sixth, I can’t grasp Santa Claus being in a cartoon that has nothing to do with Christmas. Sadly, as the show continued, a new character was introduced named Destiny. Hmm… I knew a babe named Destiny, but no female here even looks human. And to add salt to the open wound, it’s a guy and a dragon. This dragon wants to be a lounge singer… other than that, all I can say is that he sounds like if Eddie Murphy inhaled helium.

The villains are the cheesiest and most pathetic attempts I’ve ever seen. In a good action cartoon, like Batman, the villains are fleshed out and given more creative personalities and origins, to make them seem more like real people. But in a bad action cartoon like this, they’re just one track personalities with no clear reason for being baddies and have childish attitudes that make half the Looney Tunes look like they belong in an R Rated Psycho Drama. And you know what THAT’S like, yeah you do, that’s like in Masked Rider with the most effed up excuse for bad guys ever. There’s Tobe, Garu’s rival who wants revenge on him for no apparent reason. In fact, in one messed up episode where Garu was erased from time, Tobe wanted revenge but had no one to take revenge on. That’s just messed up. His ninja foot soldiers are like the goofiest excuse for henchmen ever, I doubt these losers could even beat Adam West. There’s Ring Ring, a stereotype of a spoiled girl who wants everyone to pay attention to her and is jealous of Pucca and goes all freaking monster when pissed off. The Vagabonds, a trio of lackluster amateur villains who I swear couldn’t steal an apple without something going wrong, whether it be the clown’s sucky jokes, the shaman’s spell going wrong, or the girl crying like a baby. Finally, a guy named Muji, who seems to want to have sex with his mustache and looks like a chibi Hercule Satan. He controls an army of “xombies”, zombies that are misspelled. His motives are always different like kill the manatee with the better mustache or destroy a forest or whatever…

There are some original bad guys. There’s this couple from Texas with a taste for money and large things, and think that something isn’t authentic without barbeque sauce and oil. Oh my God, more stereotypes… I’ve been to Texas and I have never met a single Texan in my whole life who dresses and acts like that! Is Canada so cheap or so uncreative that they HAVE to make stereotypes?! These guys somehow buy vehicles that transform, obviously making fun of Transformers.

In fact, they make fun of a lot of things here… Godzilla, Power Rangers, Sailor Moon… what? Does it think itself better than all that?!

Anyway, another is this geeky retard named Lazlo Gazlo… Gozel…. Gloss… f-[beep] whatever… He’s a guy who is famous for nothing… how is that possible? I don’t know and stopped caring about this show. He wants Pucca to love him and forget about Garu. In fact… here’s a part I’d like to address. Going back to how poorly designed the characters are, if it weren’t for facial hair and size, I couldn’t tell the difference between kids and adults. This guy has five o’clock shadow, clearly indicating that he’s an adult… so why does he want Pucca, an 11 year old? This… is a kid’s show… right?

By the way, that's just incredible music playing, isn't it? I mean, screw Batman and Superman for having actual orchestra playing different and well choreographed songs for each moment and character, all you need is the retarded theme song, a messed up variation of the song, and the crappiest part of it repeated in a constant loop... F[beep]ing ingenius... total sarcasm.

Any way, what makes this crappy cartoon even worse is… the writing. Yeah, you’re probably wondering how the writing could be bad for a show like this. Well, there is no progression or connection to the stories. For a show like Tom & Jerry or Looney Tunes, this is common, but makes up for it with clever writing and humor. Pucca, however, doesn’t… Remember that messed up episode I mentioned? Well, in that episode, Ring Ring uses a hair dryer to go back in time. Now, when someone goes back in time, you’d expect dinosaurs or something. But when she goes back in time… IT’S A BLACK & WHITE 40’S VERSION OF THE VILLAGE!!! What are the writers on?! You’d be smarter putting her in the f-[beep]-king Feudal era!!! And of course, she ends up running into classic cartoon versions of everyone; A Popeye-Abyo with an Olive Oil-Ching, a Mickey Mouse-like Garu with a Minnie Mouse-like Pucca and a Betty Boop version of herself. So, shouldn’t we be seeing their ancestors or something? Not alternate versions of everyone… she went through time, not dimensions. And of course, they have to sing a cheesy song about how sweet Pucca is… I’ve seen cuter things in my toilet. So she uses a conveniently placed pencil to accidentally erase Garu… please make BNW Pucca shut the hell up… So in the “present”, Garu disappears and for some reason only Pucca remembers and somehow knows Ring Ring went back in time and goes the same way. She gets her added strength how? By eating noodles! Yeah, that’s a great lesson for kids, “Screw vegetables, eat nothing but noodles and you’ll end up like this noseless super mutant child”. She beats up the Ring Rings and undoes what they did… how? By STEPPING OUT OF THE REEL AND PULLS IT THE OTHER WAY TO GO BACK TO SAVE GARU!!! WHAT THE HELL?! Anyway, then it turns out this whole episode was a cartoon the present Garu was watching and as the Puccas molest their Garus, Abyo sings something that makes Popeye want to hang himself.

You think that episode sucks? Well, alternate realities seem to exist for them. It’s like they were writing for different shows. In one they’re all Native Americans, in another they all undersea people, except Garu and Abyo, and in other they’re Dutch and don’t shut up about it! SERIOUSLY! WE GET YOU’RE DUTCH SO SHUT UP ALREADY! And guess what, the name of that episode is “Pucca goes Dutch”, so in case it thought we didn’t catch that, it had to remind us every 2 f-[beep]-ing minutes! There’s even an episode where the village is in danger of being destroyed by a volcano, so Garu needs some magic snow globe or something to stop it, but when Pucca gets it, she refuses to give it to him unless he kisses her. Are you telling me that stupid little bitch is willing to let her village get burned to the ground and all life destroyed for a kiss?! Good God! There’s an episode where she interrupts him fighting a sea monster and gets him eaten, then beats up the fish. I’m not kidding, she killed it and turned it to sushi just by throwing it. She took out a sea monster the size of the Beluga Whale with her bare hands… this is absurd. Doesn’t she see she causes more trouble for him? DOESN’T ANYONE?! She can even teleport by jump roping fast, make cavemen smart by showing them a wheel, slurp a noodle that goes around the world in a millisecond… HOW?! Don’t give me some bullshit explanation that her love for Garu makes her powerful, because it’s no where near love!

Pucca: Funny Love… more like PUCCA: MESSED UP OBSESSION!!!

It looks like it could’ve been even a slight bit decent, but instead, they just smoked a bong for ideas! I can’t believe they didn’t cancel this in Europe. Fortunately, only half the series ever made it overseas, due to Toon Disney being renamed Disney XD and focusing more on new series than old ones. And I’m happy too, because it wasted more airtime than I ever expected. The whole premise of the show is around “Funny Love” but there’s a difference between Funny Love and Dangerous-Life Ruining-Destructive-Out of Control Obsession!
[beep] THIS SHOW!

This crappy noodle of a show gets one of my lowest ratings…
1.3 out of 10