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Hello everyone,

    I hope you all are doing fine for today but there is something important that I need to announce. I am quitting DeviantArt and other social media platforms because I’m tired of being this piece of shit who would always act so needy and savage towards their followers. I thought to myself that I would feel confident about myself this year because it’s a new decade but honestly it’s not worth it. I thought starting fresh this year was a good idea because it’s a new decade but then I realize it’s never the case. My family would always tell that I am a nice person but in reality I am only a nice person in real life. In social media, I am the complete opposite by being this creepy person who thinks she will never get caught if she ends up doing something wrong. Around two months ago, I took a break from Twitter and other social media platforms and it felt great. I would push myself into being with other people and joining different fandoms but I’m done doing that. Fandoms are actually much better when I’m not around. I can’t have a decent conversation with people no matter how hard I try. I will always be an asshole towards people even if they were being nice to me. I was never comfortable talking to people online because I don’t know anyone but I did it to be a part of a fandom or so. I can’t do it. I’m done.

    I’m tired of being depressed, angry, frustrated, jealous over the smallest things and making a big deal out of everything. I don’t care about missing whatever trends are out there in the world. I’m sick of feeling this way and need to continue feeling accountable for everything that I have done in the past. I have blamed people for what I have done in the past yet will never be accountable for what I have done. I don’t want to stay on social media any longer because the worst will continue to happen. I need to get a life, a real job and real people to talk to. I need to be real instead of being like someone else who I never was from the start. My life is actually better off without interacting with people on social media and never stepping foot on one’s business again. I should’ve stopped when people told me to stop but never listened. I kept doing things without a care in the world and because of this I officially became a psychopath on the Internet. I never cared about anyone but myself. I can never change and will always remember myself this way. I made myself to be this way. I’m a sickening person and will always be a sickening person.

    I still grieve over what I have done and the people who I have hurt. I still mourn over the loss of my loved ones. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to feel like a failure if I keep telling myself that everything is going to be okay or that I shouldn’t be afraid of anything or even proving people wrong. It’s not the people that should be proven to be wrong it’s myself. I need to prove to myself that I have been wrong the whole time. I never wanted this to happen but I did this to myself and have been putting this evil charade for so long that I don’t know who I really am anymore. I want to make my parents proud by being the nice person they once told me that I was instead of some scummy person on the Internet. I don’t want to be that person anymore. This is not me. This was never me from the beginning. I want to get therapy, medication, exercise just anything to have a healthy mindset again and no longer having this unhealthy obsessive compulsion of begging people to like me and being like other artists. I am desperate of getting help with my mentality than anything else now. I don’t give a fuck about art or fandoms or social media anymore I just want my life back. I left it to become someone else but I don’t want this anymore.

    I can’t take it anymore. I want to sleep again, not feel tired, depressed, anxious and love myself. I haven’t loved myself in years and I want to do that. I’m tired of being obsessive and jealous at the same time over the same old artists I encounter. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep because I feel like a failure but no the real reason is that I didn’t care what others think and was never accountable for my actions. I’m tired of living this deceptive life. It was never worth it. I say this with confession, but I literally just wasted 3 years of my life being an asshole towards people and not giving a damn about it. I love drawing fanart so much but I’m done sharing it on social media. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t get along with people. I can’t be a normal individual. I can’t change my ways no matter how hard I try. I need to escape this hellhole that is social media and get a life. The only way that I will ever be happy with myself is that I leave social media for good and getting a life. I’m done. I quit.

    Goodbye
    ~DreamMoonMaker