Comments: 83
DumbBlond101 In reply to ??? [2015-09-09 10:59:28 +0000 UTC]
thanks
if I did more rythian stories but with someone else would you read it?
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DumbBlond101 In reply to AliceInWonderWorlds [2015-10-11 23:44:48 +0000 UTC]
awesome.
I'll start writing that as soon as my friend starts my other comic hopefully
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shadowdoom10 [2015-09-03 13:46:35 +0000 UTC]
Awwwwwww
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Stuffedlion [2014-06-22 16:03:02 +0000 UTC]
Zoethian
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Rythiansapprentice [2014-01-28 21:46:48 +0000 UTC]
This story was great! You should make another one.
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DumbBlond101 In reply to Rythiansapprentice [2014-01-28 23:19:32 +0000 UTC]
I haven't really been wanting to make one since they haven't made a episode for SO long and Zoey isn't really single anymore
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shovel88 In reply to DumbBlond101 [2014-07-10 19:38:45 +0000 UTC]
yeah more good reads like this and i will fav you,:3 because i cried because zoey had to face that
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earbudkitty [2013-08-06 23:43:28 +0000 UTC]
Amazing!
Some constructive criticism:
Make sure that, whenever a different person is talking, the sentence starts on the next line. (I realise my description of that is weird, so if you understand it, great! If not i can try to put it better into words)
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TheMidnightShadows [2013-07-31 08:29:21 +0000 UTC]
Before I start, I just want to say Rythian and Zoey are so cute and I could almost HEAR their voices through your writing.
There are a few errors, but even if a writer rereads his/her work thousands of times, there will always be a typo. I suggest getting a friend to read it and mark where you made mistakes, then rereading it yourself until you feel comfortable with it.
Also, take breaks. It refreshes your mind so you might catch something you didn't before. If you have an idea right before your break, write it down as a side note in as much detail as you can, then come back to it. It'll probably improve the detail of the idea, if not add to it.
Now, with what ~Nox1468 said about past and present tense, I won't nag you about it because I have SO MANY problems with past and present tense, I have no right to (also I didn't notice them, that's how bad I am with it). Taking breaks should fix the missing words, along with getting a friend to proofread. If you can't, OH WELL.
Also, a few things to consider:
1) Consider word choice while proofreading. If something sounds like it's repeating, that means it is. Trust yourself when writing. I suggest using online thesauruses A LOT. They are wonderful.
2) Dialog is confusing. It always is and always will be. It's easier for the writer (usually) and the reader to read when it's separated correctly. It may look like you are taking up lots of space, but if someone complains you can say, "At least it's correct." Unless you ask for more information, I won't nag you with how it should look. You seem very intelligent and not ignorant with writing just by the way you write, so I will assume you know how it should be separated.
You are an AMAZING writer, and I applaud you for a valiant effort and a very impressive and emotionally moving fan-fiction. I hope there is more coming in the future, and I do not intend for this comment to be degrading or condescending. I just want to further your knowledge, give you a few ideas, and praise you for a job well done. I will now give you an electronic hug, because you've earned it.
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DumbBlond101 In reply to TheMidnightShadows [2013-07-31 21:07:28 +0000 UTC]
thanks
this was made before I took a writing class at school
I was thinking of writing another Zoey/Rythian or maybe Lomadia/Xephos
I don't know
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Bluegummybears [2013-07-28 16:26:04 +0000 UTC]
cute ^_^ they are the best couple <3
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cassielovestosing [2013-07-26 22:01:00 +0000 UTC]
D'aww!!! Mah feels are yours!!
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zoeythianftw [2013-07-25 05:28:17 +0000 UTC]
Omg this is so good when did you upload this???
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rottylover321 [2013-07-24 18:59:49 +0000 UTC]
I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
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sunblaze32 [2013-07-24 07:30:56 +0000 UTC]
This is great.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ZekiBean [2013-07-24 06:38:06 +0000 UTC]
Love it. Keep up the good work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
RabidRabbit190 [2013-07-24 04:52:43 +0000 UTC]
AWWW!! That was so cute!
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Unique-Brushstrokes [2013-07-24 03:46:14 +0000 UTC]
This is really adorable there's only a few spelling and grammatical errors, but a good proof reader can fix those (: Keep up the good work ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ManztheFanGirl [2013-07-24 03:20:47 +0000 UTC]
Is it possible for me to Favorite more than once? If so can someone tell me? PLEAAASE?! This fanfiction is too good for one favorite!!
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ThePikachuishere [2013-07-24 01:51:24 +0000 UTC]
It is SO AMAZING! I love it! Zoey and Rythian are my favorite characters in the yogscast and you made them so much better!! ;D
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
roachify [2013-07-24 01:43:33 +0000 UTC]
This is perfect.
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