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earthvssoup — Inevitable Confrontation
Published: 2006-09-23 16:51:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 63; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 2
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<> >< <>Scrastins sat on the table; dreaming, nay, almost sleeping. A buxom, young lass sat next to him, sipping an ice-cold, hot chocolate. Her life hadn't turned out the way she wanted. Neither had his. They sat there on the table, pondering over life's great questions; Why are we here? How did we get here? What should the next question be?
All questions that every single person has wanted to know the answer to at one point or another.
Luckily he had a sword. A real big sword that he had killed many a man with. He was a man himself, that Scrastins. And he was about to set out on a quest of some sort. He had to destroy something or save something. Maybe both. He didn't really know or care. All he knew was that going on quests got him a lot of ladies. A lot of ladies like the buxom one sitting next to him at that exact moment.
She said something but he didn't hear her. He was thinking about the quest he was about to go on. The one where he wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to do.
The next morning, him and his buddy Mervol, set out on the quest. They were supposed to save a necklace from being destroyed, then they were supposed to destroy it.
About halfway to their destination, they realized that they were not well developed characters and the plot was very thin.
"Hey Mervol." said Scrastins.
"Yeah?"
"Did you ever wonder?"
"Wonder what?"
"Wonder why we are so underdeveloped as characters."
"I was just thinking about that." said Mervol.
"I mean, we don't even have last names. That guy hasn't said anything about our backgrounds or personalities."
"Which guy?"
"The author!" said Scrastins.
"The author?" asked Mervol.
"Yeah!"
"You mean, we are characters in a story?" asked Mervol.
"Yes. And a very poorly written one, to be exact."
"How so?" Mervol inquired.
"Well, he says stuff like 'inquired' for starters." said Scrastins. "When he was describing that girl at the beginning of the story, he kept using the word 'buxom' over and over. There's like thirty different words for that! Hello, get a thesaurus! And don't even get me started on the fact that he starts almost all his sentences with conjunctions! And we're supposed to be going on some kind of a quest to destroy and save something! How many times has that been done before?!"
"I see what you mean." said Mervol. "Why do you suppose he spent so little time developing the plot?"
"I don't know. Maybe he's just lazy." said Scrastins.
"And what about our names?! They are ridiculous!"
"Yeah." said Scrastins. "They sound like he just mixed letters around at random."
"What do you think we should do about it?" asked Mervol.
"Maybe we should talk to him, negotiate."
"Yeah, let's do that." said Mervol.
"Hey, you!" yelled Scrastins.
"He's not answering."
I pretended not to hear them.
"Hey, you up there!"
"Uhh, yes?" I asked, hesitatingly.
"We need to talk." said Mervol.
"Okay. But make it quick, I'm very busy." I lied.
"Why are we so underdeveloped as characters?" asked Scrastins.
"I don't think you are." I said.
"Oh, come on!" yelled Mervol. "We don't have last names. The readers know nothing about us and yet they are expected to care about what happens to us!"
"I don't think characters have to have last names in order to be powerful." I retorted.
"And why do you start all your sentences with conjunctions?!" asked Scrastins.
"I don't!"
"You just did!" said Mervol.
"I did not!" I said defensively.
"Listen," said Scrastins. "Why don't you just erase this, and start from scratch? Just develop the characters some more before you send them on some inane quest!"
They had me! They backed me into a corner and there was no way out! They had become too powerful. They knew too much! Only one way to stop them!
Scrastins, Mervol, and the buxom, young lass all died terrible deaths at the hands of a.....ummm......a dragon!
"Whew! That was a close one!" I said.
The End
