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Sometimes I wish I had a penis.
I wish… I want…
Ugh.
I grew up as 'one of the boys.'
A tom-boy if you will.
I think even back then I wanted a penis.
To play in the mud for the rest of my life.
To boldly hop rocks in the stream.
To play football without fear of groping or being looked down at.
Be Luke Skywalker or SnakeEyes with out having others question.

I was a gaunt flat little girl with chopped chair and no grace at all.
When I wasn't at school I hung around Michael and Leo.
Michael was the first boy I kiss but it was Leo I wanted face down in the mud while I pushed into him.
Well, not really because back then I was quite sheltered and didn't really know of such things but I knew I hated being a girl and I knew I wanted ... something.
Even now, there are times I wish could make comments without them being thought of as invitations.
I want to walk down the hall without having predatorial eyes upon me.
I want…

I was a stick until about 19. A late bloomer they said.
I got on the pill at 20.
Pregnant at 25.
My body changed but a piece of me still wanted, still wants to be nothing but a slip of a girl, unwanted by hungry eyes.

I want to have the power of the penis, not the seduction of the breasts.
I want to fuck a man named Ryan, or maybe a Peter, definitely a Jonathan.
I could snuggle with Jimmy and play with Jack both while having hot fantasies of Jose.

I'm weird; I know it.
A freak of nature.
I am beautiful the way that I am and am finally comfortable with who I have become, but sometimes I wish I had a penis.
Not all the time,
not even most the time,
but sometimes, yeah.