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Ebonessa — Oneiro
Published: 2006-09-07 19:03:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 1704; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 24
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Description
Καθώς ο ήλιος σ'έλουζε με το καυτό του χρώμαπικρά χαμόγελα έκρυβαν ιλίγγους στη ματιά μου΄
μ'ένα σου αντίο στέρεψαν οι χτύποι στην καρδιά μου
και απ'το λαθραίο σου άγγιγμα λαμπάδιασε το σώμα.
Το είδωλό σου απαθώς καθρέφτισε τη δύση
όπως αφήνει η ψυχή το βλέμμα σπαραγμένο΄
κάγκελα σάρκας το κρατούν στις κόγχες καρφωμένο,
στην έκκλησή του τη θολή, μην και σ'ακολουθήσει.
Μένει απ'τα μάτια μου καυτή η λήθη να κυλήσει
και απ΄της ανάσας την ηχό να στάξει΄μυρωμένο
με του κορμιού σου την οσμή, χάδι σακατεμένο
το τελευταίο σου φιλί στα χείλη μου να σβήσει.
Και όπως κλαμμένα κρύβονται στου σκοταδιού το στρώμα,
του φεγγαριού το θρόισμα, υγρό απ' τ'άρωμά μου,
να μην τα κλείσω μου ζητά΄κάτω απ'τα βλέφαρά μου
σκιομαχώντας την σιωπή, τ'όνειρο καίει ακόμα...
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Comments: 46
parastatikotato.... me sugkinise polu... kai idiaitera oi lexeis "xadi sakatemeno"....
me aggixe...
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Aww tosa favakia! Se efxaristw polu polu!
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Νόμιζα ότι το έκλεψες από καμία Πολυδούρη! Νέα κοπέλλα και έκανες τόσο επιτυχημένη σπουδή στο ξεχασμένο έμμετρο;;;
Εγώ δεν θα το αποτολμούσα ποτέ - όχι μόνο γιατί δεν μου αρέσει κι είναι έξω από τον κόσμο που φύτρωσε στο μυαλό μου, αλλά είμαι σίγουρος ότι δεν θα το κατάφερνα ποτέ!
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LOL indeed diavaza poly Karuwtaki ekeinon ton kairo
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Είναι ωραιότατος και παντώς καιρού!
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gia kapoio logo protimo tin aggliki ekdosi
kaigontai ta oneira?
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pragmatika eksairetiko........ kai de to leo etsi apla. eixe poly dynates eikones mesa.
marese poly
Το είδωλό σου απαθώς καθρέφτισε τη δύση
teleio.
kali synexeia
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htan kati pou mou arese na to diabasw mia kai duo fores...
eikonoplash e3airetikh... kai kserw poso duskolo einai na ekfrasteis e3oloklhrou sthn mhtrikh glwssa
an exeis sunh8hsei alliws, dioti meta apo 9 xronia, e3iw8hka kai gw na grapsw poihma sta Ellhnika...
sugxaritiria loipon glukia mou...
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Se uperefxaristw gia ta suginitika sou logia, eilikrina xarika pou sou arese!
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euxaristisis mou darling...
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ti na pw...den exw logia gia auto to kommati...exw mono eikones apo auto to kommati...
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Aw se efxaristw ta mala gia to speechless comment!
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Paratirisa oti o palai pote...gnostos mou *Sub3r3 anarotithike giati rima... Niotho na mpaino ston peirasmo na rotiso ki ego - giati ohi?
O Panos pisteuei oti to rhymed se periorizei. Antithetos ego panta ypostiriza oti (aneksartitos oti alloi omoideates mou theoroun oti einai mia kali dikaiologia auto gia ekeinous pou den mporoun eukola na grafoun se omoiokatalikto stiho) deihnei ena diaforetiko epipedo heirsmou tis glossas. Dimiourgountai nees entaseis, ki epeita to "poiitiki adeia" douleuei poly syhna anaforika sto syntaktiko, kai me auto to tropo eheis mia prostheti eukairia gia cryptic meaning, gia logopaignia pou mono me rhymes mporoun na ginoun.
Alla to vasikotero - stylistika kai "akoustika-anagnostika" ehei ena rhymed alli aisthisi. Kat'arhin dinei tin aisthisi tou poiimatos, kathos o leukos stoihos stereitai metrou, aparaititou systatikou kathe melodikou logou, ekfrasi tou opoiou kai i poiisi. I anagnosi reei, horis na einai linear aparaitita. Alloste yparhoun tosa eidi rhyme-making, pou de desmeuesai katholou sto shima a-b/a-b/c-d/c-d/...
Pio sygkekrimena gia edo, kathos apomakrynomai ligaki apo to thema.... Protimo to elliniko prototypo. Ki auto para to gegonos oti en genei mou aresei perissotero na diavazo poiisi se glosses alles tis ellinikis...
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Na sou pw... Omologoumenws i rima toulaxiston gia emena dinei mia pio endoni mousikotita se ena poiima. Den tin prwtimw i tin apofevgw, an kai omologoumenws duskolevei tin kataskevi tou poiimatos. Den pistevw omws oti periorizei ep oudeni to periexomeno tou i parapoiei afto pou thelw na pw. Eftuxws pistevw -xwris na uponow kati gia emena- oti exw arketa kali gnwssi tis ellinikis wste na borw na xrisimopoiisw aviasta opoia leksi thelw xwris na dusanasxetw epeidi den einai afti pou skeftika stin arxi.
Isws an eixa ena sugekrimeno skeptiko apo tin arxi suggrafis tou poiimatos na me periorize i omoiokataliksia. Sunithws omws exw apla skorpies eikones kai stixous tous opoious meta sunthetw se poiimata opote -merikes fores kai ap'enandias- i rima me voithaei...
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Hmmmm... An einai na aggiksoume ti dyskolia tis syggrafis, i prosopiki mou stasi tha itan mallon na to antimetopiso os proklisi. Alla i alitheia einai oti se auta pou grafo mou vgainei aviasta kai de mporo na po oti skizomai toso stin aneuresi ton rhymes. Tora gia to an vlaptei to noima ti na po?.. Eksartatai... Ego toulahiston den eiha pote tetoi provlima. Mi sou po oti mporo mallon na paro ena poiima grammeno se leuko stiho kai na to kano rhymed horis na allaksei i original idea tou dimiourgou. Opote einai kathara thema proseggisis, kai ohi eleutheria ekfrasis klp.
Den amfisvitisa ti gnosi tis ellinikis pou eheis. Isa-isa, vrika pos heirizesai to logo me maestria, alloste protimisa tin elliniki version.
Tora gia to arhiko concept, pou aneferes. Ki ego ta horizo... Yparhoun ta synaisthimatika impromptu poiimata pou grafo - ekei i pena reei moni tis, as poume, me elahisto editing akolouthos. Yparhoun omos kai poiimata pou grafo ehontas eks'arhis ena thema (logou hari egrapsa ena sta rossika prosfatos afieromeno ston Alba, enan apo tous agapimenous mou istorikous haraktires. I' kai to Battle of the Sheets, ki auto kapos san idea pou egine ek ton ysteron itan...) Nomizo pos sti deuteri periptosi einai pio eukolo na kaneis rhymed poem, giati eks'arhis peripou eheis ena glossiko pedio pou apaleifei tin anagki hrisis pleiadas lekseon kai lektikon shimaton... Se oiadipote, de theorisa oti me desmeuei i rima. Isa-isa, anakalypsa mia nea diastasi tis glossas...
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I alitheia einai oti kanw trelo editing se ola mou ta poiimata kai eimai toso apasxolimeni me to na prospathw na apodwsw to feeling pou afou teleiwsw, den ginetai na strimwksw tis lekseis se rhymes. Sithws apofasizw apo prin an tha kanw eleftheo stixo i oxi, meta to mualo mou programmatizetai mono tou...
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A ohi, ego leitourgo automata... Isos epeidi de grafo pote se leuko stiho... Hmmmm...
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I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but... I prefere the English version 
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LOL etsi etsi, ta paidia pou vgazei o vorras kanoun ta teleiotera sxolia!
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Greek, yes? It's time like these when I wish I remembered the language...I used to study it when I was little. Oh well...I do hope you can post an English translation at some point!.
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I tried to translate it but it's nothing compared to the original, mostly because i had no time at all to prepare it!
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I will patiently wait for the translation.
:waiting:
:waiting:
Alright, maybe not so patiently
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There's your translation, nothing special though...
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Nothing special?? Don't sell yourself short. If there was loss in translation it doesn't show to me. Excellent. A haunting piece with a deliciously dark undercurrent. Inspiring.
Thank you.
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Aww, 
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Not in the least darlin'
Beautiful words. I just wish I spoke Greek so I could get all, if anything, lost. Unfortunately I'm just a Southern boy with no culture or classic edumacashun (spelling incorrect on purpose, I know you spell it edukashun).
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We spell it education since a looong time ago!
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The shy lil; country boy act doesn't cut it, does it?
:still laughing:
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kai me mia mousikh apo diafana krina tha htan super
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Nai to skeftika kai egw! Isws tha eprepe na kanw ena minor lighten up!
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Para polu kalo.
Mia erwthsh mono an mou epitrepeis.
Giati rima?
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Teleftaia diavasa Karuwtaki ksana epeita apo polu kairo kai epireastika arketa opote eipa na to doulepsw ligo...
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Enta3ei, katalabainw. 
Den exw kati me thn rima sugkekrimena. Apla emena proswpika me periorizei kai pisteuw oti epeidh exeis asteireuto talento einai krima na to pagideueis sthn anazhthsh omoias katalh3hs stixwn. Sto sugkekrimeno bebaia eisai pilu dhmiourgikh, aristourgimatikh kai ta kataferneis. Alla, kai pantote ekferw thn dikh mou mono gnwmh, sthn rima upogramizetai h euhxia kai h armonia enos sunolou le3ewn oxi aparaithta eikonwn kai idewn.
Fusika kai mporeis na diafwniseis an to 8eleis, kai 8a hmoun parapanw apo xaroumenos an to suzhtousame
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Den exw na diafwnisw se kati. Sunithws den exw xrono na doulepsw tin omoiokataliksia sta poiimata mou, an kai merikes fores sullamvanw prwta tous stixous pou kanoun rima kai meta sunthetw to upoloipon poiima.
Exw enan polu parakseno tropo na grafw kai isws gia afto na petuxainei i rima...
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hehe, OLOI exoume enan para3eno tropo na grafoume
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Λοιπον δεν θα κανω τα κλασσικα σχολια, υπεροχο καταπληκτικο κτλ...
Θα πω οτι οι εικονες του λογο της δομης του δημιουργηθηκαν καθαρα μεσα στο μυαλο μου, και οτι οι σκηνες παιχτηκαν στο πισω μερος των ματιων μου.
Για εμενα αυτο ειναι επιτυχια, πολυ δυνατο και με ... συνεπηρε.
Συγχαρητηρια κυρια μου.
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Wonderful depiction as always dear...
A little sad subject, but still beautiful and very touching...
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Thank you sweetie, your comments always make my day!
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