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eclipz04 — Ten Minutes Till

Published: 2005-05-03 18:25:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 140; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 11
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Description Ten minutes till…
Till you clutch her in your arms
Her hair glittered with red

You spoke out her name in Technicolor
Industrialized nation singing in tune
With our Americanized techno

Save your god.

Ten minutes till…
Till you stare at your hands
Lost in the glory of the blood
Red. Blue. White.
Ten minutes till…

Her eyes were star-laden when she sang
And when you staked her, her skin was striped
And your blue eyes couldn’t grasp.

Ten minutes till…
Till you clutch her in your arms
Her hair glittered with freedom.
Ten minutes till.
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Comments: 9

Latestcraze [2005-05-09 19:26:30 +0000 UTC]

again...wonderful writting...keep it up!!

~~Portia~~

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

eclipz04 In reply to Latestcraze [2005-05-09 19:52:26 +0000 UTC]

Ill try to. Thanks

-brita

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Latestcraze In reply to eclipz04 [2005-05-10 03:01:14 +0000 UTC]

welcome

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

flaccidoutrage [2005-05-04 01:45:11 +0000 UTC]

Nice writing. I hope i can write like this, but i guess it can't be learned.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

eclipz04 In reply to flaccidoutrage [2005-05-04 02:56:04 +0000 UTC]

Of course it can be learned. lol. Just takes time, I suppose.

-brita

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

flaccidoutrage In reply to eclipz04 [2005-05-04 03:07:09 +0000 UTC]

I always thought, you have to be a writer to be a writer. lol. *sigh.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

samwolf [2005-05-03 19:58:00 +0000 UTC]

This is really awesome and all the more disturbing because it reminds me of someone I know. I'm not quite sure what you're getting at with the American dream references, though, unless you're blaming American society for this person's condition...
Assuming, of course, that I read your meaning correctly, I just sort of assumed that the poem was about paranoid schizophrenia... maybe I should look at that picture now...
In any case, an exellent job. Your messege is a bit unclear but then no one ever said poetry was about clarity.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

eclipz04 In reply to samwolf [2005-05-03 21:16:11 +0000 UTC]

What do I mean? *stares at the ceiling for a while, waiting for an answer*

I'll get back to you on that.



thanks for the comment

-brita

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

samwolf [2005-05-03 19:57:04 +0000 UTC]

This is really awesome and all the more disturbing because it reminds me of someone I know. I'm not quite sure what you're getting at with the American dream references, though, unless you're blaming American society for this person's condition...
Assuming, of course, that I read your meaning correctly, I just sort of assumed that the poem was about paranoid schizophrenia... maybe I should look at that picture now...
In any case, an exellent job. Your messege is a bit unclear but then no one ever said poetry was about clarity.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0