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Description
So uh, my anxiety has been increasing over the past few weeks and my mood plummeted after last night.

I'm the type of person who's usually too afraid to talk about things that bother me directly. I often rant about it slightly and change the subject and pretend to be alright. It's a bad habit, but I can't help it. I lie to myself every waking moment of my life by saying I'm ok. I'm not. Never have been "OK" really. I'm always anxious and worried about something. I'm paranoid that people don't like me for whatever reasons. I freak out over the smallest negativity towards me. I'm afraid to even saw my real name on here because I'm worried that people who know me in real life will disapprove of me. It's unhealthy, I'M unhealthy. I try so hard for everyone and it leaves me physically exhausted. I let people step all over me so that I'd be on their good side. I'm horrible at taking care of myself, or considering my own feelings. I AM WEAK. I give off this fake facade that things don't affect me and that I'm always happy and cheery and there for everyone feeling down when really I'm weaker than everyone because I hide myself away. There have been times where there are things that need to be said, but I never say them because I'm too scared too. I feel like nothing. I am nothing. I've lost connections with all of my physical friends for one reason or the other. The friends that I trusted wholeheartedly, and stupidly so. It took me months after I grew distant from them to realize how abused I was by them. Same goes for my family really. The only difference is that I'm forced to be around them.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't a thing you're supposed to read and feel pity for me. (PLEASE DON'T OH MY GOD)
This is more of a test for myself to just try and open up. I just need to admit to myself that I'm faking the happiness I "feel" 90% of the time. I'm hurting and I can't rely on anyone to mend my wounds. I mean, yeah I have my girlfriend, but I can't even open up to her half the time... I'm a ticking time-bomb of self destruction and I'm on my last leg honestly. I want to break. I want to break so that I can start to heal.

(tbh if you read this... uh... idk)

(other versions because idfk)

Description
So uh, my anxiety has been increasing over the past few weeks and my mood plummeted after last night.

I'm the type of person who's usually too afraid to talk about things that bother me directly. I often rant about it slightly and change the subject and pretend to be alright. It's a bad habit, but I can't help it. I lie to myself every waking moment of my life by saying I'm ok. I'm not. Never have been "OK" really. I'm always anxious and worried about something. I'm paranoid that people don't like me for whatever reasons. I freak out over the smallest negativity towards me. I'm afraid to even saw my real name on here because I'm worried that people who know me in real life will disapprove of me. It's unhealthy, I'M unhealthy. I try so hard for everyone and it leaves me physically exhausted. I let people step all over me so that I'd be on their good side. I'm horrible at taking care of myself, or considering my own feelings. I AM WEAK. I give off this fake facade that things don't affect me and that I'm always happy and cheery and there for everyone feeling down when really I'm weaker than everyone because I hide myself away. There have been times where there are things that need to be said, but I never say them because I'm too scared too. I feel like nothing. I am nothing. I've lost connections with all of my physical friends for one reason or the other. The friends that I trusted wholeheartedly, and stupidly so. It took me months after I grew distant from them to realize how abused I was by them. Same goes for my family really. The only difference is that I'm forced to be around them.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't a thing you're supposed to read and feel pity for me. (PLEASE DON'T OH MY GOD)
This is more of a test for myself to just try and open up. I just need to admit to myself that I'm faking the happiness I "feel" 90% of the time. I'm hurting and I can't rely on anyone to mend my wounds. I mean, yeah I have my girlfriend, but I can't even open up to her half the time... I'm a ticking time-bomb of self destruction and I'm on my last leg honestly. I want to break. I want to break so that I can start to heal.

(tbh if you read this... uh... idk)

(other versions because idfk)