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elliegreco β Self-Judgement
Published: 2007-03-18 18:43:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 1381; Favourites: 34; Downloads: 30
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Self-Judgement, 2007Blue ballpoint on paper,
11.7x25cm each
I have a bad habit to say monologue such as "Stupid an idiot!", "She hated that", "That's not beautiful" or "Ugly, ugly, ugly!" Sometimes those are said in English, and otherwise in Japanese. However, it is quite clear that when I am saying those unhappy words into emptyness, I am recalling what sorts of bad and shameful behavior have I taken to other or in public in my past. As soon as my brain starts to recalling my hateful memories without my order, since it is too hard to ignore or keep silence, my mouth starts to speak out what I in rational side should tell me in the dark memory. And her words are, the ones I wrote in above. When she's saying "She hated that," the "She" is me and also "that" is me.
So I wanted to show people how I feel this uncomfortable moment like visually. Rational me (in right) tells me in presence (in left) unsparing words to blame my past acts and I am always try to hold my ears and not to hear her voices, but it reach me anyway because it is said by myself and I can't hold my heart's ears.
Such a pain for me, but in the point of ethics, it mightn't be so bad.
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Comments: 38
I love that you have included the meaning behind the work.
I love artist statements and etc.
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Thank you very much! I'm glad to know what you felt
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Beautiful and piognant.
The style reminds me of Durer.
Very nicely done!
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Superbly detailed and stylized. I love the classical stylization. Great figure work and fine poses. Truly amazing, especially considering the difficulty of the medium.
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Thank you! I'm glad you liked this that much
Ballpoints aren't so hard for drawing and its goodness is they never make a black pond on my work.
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still adore your style, but don't bash yourself.
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Thank you so much for your kind comment. I'll try to remain your words...
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We are are own worst critics, beautifull image to explain this sort of thing.
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you are welcome.
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This is really pleasing to look at. Well designed and meaningful as well, as you expressed in your own words. I think there is no one perfect, and I think there is absolutely no one in the place who is 100% nice all the time. The duality of things prevail, in my opinion. The balance and the need of good and evil is something even the ancients were aware of. Therefore, regret not what you have done in the past, for it's done and over. Live in the present and do what your heart thinks is good. That will balance out, I am sure of it. +)
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Thank you for your kind comment. I absolutely agree with your opinion and you just gave me a hint for my better act. 
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doe e-tosh-e mash-tay +D (you are welcome?)
Anatawa nihongo-ga wakarimasu-ka?
Watashi-wa Brazigin-desu, demo nihongo-ga skoshi wakarimasu (from Karate-do) +D
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Oh yes, I am a Japanese and kinda sick of it.
However, it is better to spell "you are welcome" as "doh itashimashite" 
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I wanted to say I am Brazilian (Brazigin desu?). I took karate classes in Brazil and in the U.S., and yes...I have to say the schools in Brazil are much more traditional. I even had a nisei sansei. I think Brazil has the largest Japanese population outside Japan.
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Now I gotcha. Brazilian in Japanese is "Braziru-jin", and yes, I've heard a lot of people started to go to Brazil to work in 1908. I still find Japanese names among many Brazilians' names...
By the way, when I was little and digging a hole to play, we often said "Let's dig to Brazil!" because Brazil is in the other side of globe from Japan and everyone knows that
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Haha. We in Brazil say the exact opposite. +D
There is a descent Wikipedia article on the Japanese Brazilians, or nipo-brasileiros(as).
[link]
I think the highest concentration of Japanese is located in the South of the country, particularly in the cities of SΓ£o Paulo and Curitiba.
I remember there being many Japanese in my hometown UberlΓ’ndia (in the Southeast). I knew a neighbor (her sons went to live in Japan), my karate teacher, and my mom's ex-boss who owned a flower shop in the downtown area.
In the U.S. I have not met many Japanese around. Sometimes I meet some where I work, near the Berkeley College of Music. I recognize their Japanese and try greeting them with the same language...often successfully. +D
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I read the wikipedia article and learned how Japanese Brazilians living in Brazil through numbers. The US do have Japanese Americans and there's a small memorial park dedicated for their ancestors who suffered in WWII in Washington D.C.
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True. I also meet some Japanese students where I work sometimes. I work next to the Berkeley College of Music.
By the way, there is an underground/sub-pop band from Brazil that is currently touring the world. Their lead singer is Japanese-Brazilian. They sing in English, and their songs are quite catchy.
There is a video on YouTube!
[link]
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But Ellie, your work is fantastic! You're one of the best artists I know, you really shouldn't be so hard on yourself, ne.
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Thank you for telling me that, I am SO happy! 
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this is crazy work and i get what you mean with the self judgement !! im really trying to get over that. your crosshatching work is real good
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Merci beaucoup
It seems you are the one who's suffering with the same problem... I'm happy for having a deviant to share that.
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Thank you very much!
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