Shanii21 [2012-06-17 03:08:15 +0000 UTC]

Oh Terry, I can't believe I'm now seeing this! I wish you'd sent me a text or inbox (on facebook) or something! [I barely check deviant art anymore]

This is just.. I'm at a loss for words. This is definitely one of your best pieces ever!

I absolutely adore the 4th and 5th stanzas! Tbh, I don't mind the inconsistent rhyme scheme, mostly because I know how hard rhyming can be and how much it can alter a poem and the poet's intention. Plus, to me, the inconsistent rhyme scheme is representative of how life isn't constant- it's always changing and being altered in some way or the other. Rhyming in only the 4th stanza also brings it out and emphasizes the concrete imagery and raw emotions.

A few suggestions:
- Replace the commas after 'death' and 'world' with fullstops.
- Capitalise all the first letters of every first word.
- In the last stanza: I was thinking you could insert a semicolon at the end of line 2, insert 'rather' at the beginning of the third line and replace the comma in the third line with a full stop. Also insert 'Perhaps,' at the beginning of line 4 and italize 'Life'

This was truly enjoyable and definitely one of my favourites, with 'Does She Know?' of course!
Well done, you loony cow!

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Blind-Kidd [2012-04-01 02:07:42 +0000 UTC]

This poem just up and blew me away when I read it and I sincerely believe that the meaning of life Could just be life,
I love the line "Perhaps meaning's not a word or phrase"
this whole poem is truly and deeply inspiring to me it makes me want to draw forever simply but the way you place the words

This poem I felt was very, 'soft' I guess it wasn't depressing or harsh or rash very mello and I fell in love with it instantly.
reading this poem it reminds me of my son, two years of age and he goes threw life day by day enjoying it all,
like, what if that's the meaning of life, to create another right? you never know? I read this poem with a huge smile on my face.
Sorry ranted a bit there.

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WaruiJaNai [2012-03-29 17:13:35 +0000 UTC]

This is a beautiful piece. I once believed the answer to the meaning of life was 42. Or at least that it could be... No, seriously, all joking aside. I have experienced life in those little moments where subtle little things make the world a beautiful place and make me fell like life is indeed worth living. Whenever I see my girlfriend kiss her son on the cheek, or he holds my hand with his "tiny fingers" (which actually teared me up a little in your poem)... It is indeed the little things that many take for granted, and keep looking over to find the answer, that make the meaning. Thank you for this.

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whiskey-corsage [2012-03-29 06:35:32 +0000 UTC]

This is quite profound, yes. I agree with *Shards-of-Shame - this poem was a pleasure to read aloud. It was probably the subtle rhyming (fall, call / light, night) doing its job there. I only wish there had been more! I adore the 4th and 5th stanza because of how you described the beauty in the such a simple action/event. I like the capitalisation of "Life" as it really shows how Life is the meaning and answer to everything.

Just some nitpicking here: I'm a little confused as to why the first words in some lines are capitalised while the first words in other lines are not. Consistency would be good. I recommend you not to capitalise every line, just after a full stop, somewhat like in prose. That would help the reader read the poem more smoothly. Also, I think there should be a full stop after "death", not a comma.

I'd suggest that you experiment with your line breaks because currently, most of the line breaks in your poem are after a punctuation mark and attempting enjambment (where you have a line break even though there is no punctuation mark there), in my opinion, might give the poem a more search-ing (for meaning/something) feel.

Good job here, especially after not writing for so long!

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Shards-of-Shame [2012-03-29 05:47:17 +0000 UTC]

"It's a waltz, that first kiss,
A teardrop's fall, the curtain call,
I see it in hands raised in worship,
And as tiny fingers greet the world,"

I do believe that is my favorite stanza.

With that aside, I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed this piece immensely. I love the tempo. The words just roll off the tongue. The imagery is quite a delight and come naturally. I don't think there's a disjuncture at all. They just seem to fit together.

I also like how you combine the happy ideas with happy ideas and the sad ideas with the sad ideas. Ex. "It's a waltz, that first kiss,/ A teardrop's fall, the curtain call". I'm not sure if it was intended or not, but I appreciated it.

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Maximum-Ride14 [2012-02-25 21:26:08 +0000 UTC]

WOAH. Just from reading like two lines into it, thats some intense stuff. O_O
I like it. can you recall which movie?

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