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emocore — suffocating
Published: 2003-03-30 07:50:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 492; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 26
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Description explanations are off,
just trust that this will work itself out.
breathe in smoke, blackens lungs,
dulls your vision.
.r.e.l.a.p.s.e.
replay your memories of broken heart.
leave your baggage with me,
i\'ll make sure it finds a home.
breathe again,
and let me be your breath of fresh air.
.e.x.h.a.l.e.
and let me breathe you in.
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Comments: 11

Popsmear [2003-08-25 06:22:31 +0000 UTC]

"replay your memories of broken heart.
leave your baggage with me,
i\'ll make sure it finds a home.
breathe again,
and let me be your breath of fresh air.
.e.x.h.a.l.e.
and let me breathe you in."

another example of the standing out section. I like this. A lot. Excellent work man.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

stardustpixy [2003-05-03 05:15:47 +0000 UTC]

Yeah...I really like this...id have to say that MY favorite part was "replay your memories of broken heart" - thats what got me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

cellar-d0or [2003-04-28 02:46:46 +0000 UTC]

ummmm hmmm yeah and umm yeah i like the periods,,...,,,..,..????

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

shefb0yrd [2003-04-14 19:22:22 +0000 UTC]

I enjoyed the beginning more than the ending, though the relevant tie together helped it out. The baggage idea has promise, maybe work more on making it stand out as a stronger metaphor.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

fukcface [2003-04-03 21:52:16 +0000 UTC]

Very well composed. Great imagery with the blacken lungs where it deeply sunk into my heart there.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

taintedflesh [2003-03-31 23:03:39 +0000 UTC]

For some reason this reminds me of Foo Fighter's "Everlong". I love that song btw, and I love your poem as well. It's as if your demanding this affection in an unrequited situation. STRICTLY BEAUTIFUL

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

readytofly [2003-03-30 22:28:16 +0000 UTC]

Great work on this one, the periods really give it a nice effect. Also, the lines like "leave your baggage with me,
i'll make sure it finds a home."
Were very well thought out. Three MooFish.

p.s. Most geniuses can spell "genius".

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

browneyedgirl [2003-03-30 16:40:53 +0000 UTC]

WOW!! This si great! the part i like most is "leave your baggage with me, i'll make sure it finds a home" That is really awesome kenneth! keep it up!

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rockandrollheart [2003-03-30 16:35:43 +0000 UTC]

kenneth! this is sooooo fuckin good!
im so impressed!
i especially like the last four lines...
im so impressed that i'm gonna this

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

swissarmyromance [2003-03-30 15:57:34 +0000 UTC]

La la la--- CAST PARTY!
But anyway! hahahaha this is very deep
very beautiful choice of words
you should've been in bed
amazing work kenneth you always impress me.
Keep it up
and take care.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

alkaline [2003-03-30 07:54:01 +0000 UTC]

Very deep man.
I like the .moneen.-ish use of the periods. Haha.
But seriously. I like this.
I may know who it's about. I may be wrong. I don't know.
But you should be in bed, as should I.
Kinda odd we both submitted something around the same time. Hmmmm.
Lets drink our beers soon. We need to party.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0