HOME | DD
emotionaltulip β Congealed
Published: 2008-07-24 05:53:04 +0000 UTC; Views: 207; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
slip on the floor,dirty and disappointed,
like that penny-candy look in your eyes
sometimes.
Is there a layer of grease
between your fingertips and my skin?
If so
donβt bother reaching out β
your gaze deep-fries me where I stand,
and I see you really just want to wipe your fingers.
Related content
Comments: 19
The first two lines of the second stanza in particular are brilliant. Nicely done
π: 0 β©: 1
Ouch. It does hurt. Did you have a particular person in mind when you wrote that piece ?
π: 0 β©: 1
A combination of several people actually, though I'm sure most of this just came out of the mood I was in when I wrote it.
π: 0 β©: 0
the penny candy look in your eye - that is sooo tasty!
π: 0 β©: 1
Is there a layer of grease
between your fingertips and my skin?
I'm not quite sure about the deep-frying, but the rest of it is very effective.
π: 0 β©: 1
well, you know, oil, free-writing. These things slip out
π: 0 β©: 1
I guess oil free-writing is not oil-free.
π: 0 β©: 1
Really? I feel like maybe the wording isn't quite right ...
π: 0 β©: 1
I think it works but it's a little too long...it would be an impact if you used fewer words.
π: 0 β©: 1
yeah, you are right. *thinks*
π: 0 β©: 1
keep chewing over it. something has got to come up
π: 0 β©: 0
