clouded-ambition [2007-05-09 21:34:54 +0000 UTC]
One more line that has nothing to do with anything. lol, I like erratic poetry.
great line: "That song is so catchy that I might kill myself"
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DaaBree-Jeff [2007-05-08 16:41:00 +0000 UTC]
You are too hard on yourself.
I am ashamed to say this but I agree something feels incomplete about it. Maybe it's just my love for long winded poetry but I have a sense that you are jumping around too much.
I suggest focusing on one particular aspect.
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Spankreas [2007-05-08 01:33:05 +0000 UTC]
advice... hrmmm. k, cut it into pieces, get back into the moment, expand on everything, then cut it down again. too many ideas in too few words.
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