Description
He smiles. He laughs. His eyes are filled with happiness... so much so his mask covered so well what dark thoughts reside in the deepest corner of his soul.
Warning: yandere Takao (duh); implied violence
--
Adoration does not begin to cover the obsession of Takao Kazunari over you. To him, you were more than his cute classmate, his pretty friend, his oh-so-oblivious crush. To him, the sparest of glance, the subtlest hint of your smile, the merest casual greeting of words, they were the very oxygen he breathes. He refuses to have any other; only you would suffice.
“Love,” Takao tasted the words in his mouth, licking his upper lip ever so slightly. His trained eyes focused on your back, observing the slightest of movement. You were laughing, your back shaking, and your head tilted up in complete attention to your classmate. Takao narrowed his eyes to the barest minimum. It was unnoticeable. “How can I have you?”
His lips twitched into a smile, although it lacked any warmth. Delicious, such a delicious thought. The idea thrilled him enough to break into a wide grin. He laughed, earning him stares from his classmates, although he was quickly dismissed when he turned to them to flash a mischievous grin back.
No worries, just your idiot classmate thinking of an inside joke.
Takao resumed watching you. 30 seconds, he started counting down. Your classmate waved goodbye. 20 seconds. You resumed occupying yourself, this time, with a book. 10 seconds. “Hey,” Takao let out his voice in a whisper, like a secret only to be shared between the two of you. 5 seconds. You turned around.
Takao was smiling, his eyes charmingly flirtatious. You easily flashed a smile back. “Yes, Takao-kun.”
“Kazunari,” he corrected your address. You laughed at his silly insistence, earning you his pout. “Kazu-kun..?”
“Maybe when you’re my boyfriend,” you teased.
“Then maybe I should,” Takao replied without missing a beat. If you had paid more attention, you would have noticed his tone dropped slightly lower.
But you don’t, of course. You didn’t have any reason to pay attention. This is Takao, your idiot classmate.
“Be my girl, (F.name)-chan.”
“Maybe next time, lover boy,” you dismissed him casually and soon enough, the teacher entered and class resumed.
Takao slumped back in his seat, but not without his eyes lingering somewhere on the back of your neck. Today, you wore your hair down. He let out a soft sigh, wishing you’d wear a ponytail more often.
It’s not very hard to fool people from suspicion. Takao is naturally friendly, sociable and loud. He laughs obnoxiously, starts pranks, and does not recognize personal boundaries.
Such is not a case around you, however.
It was obvious to everyone how Takao adored you. It was obvious to you. He mellows down, constantly asking for approval, shamelessly begging for your attention. It was cute, funny, and entertaining. The girls wish to be in your position. The boys wish Takao for goodluck.
Takao smiles at the encouragement, before setting his eyes on you, waiting with bated breath for your words. Because their words would not surmount to anything if you would not offer your surrender.
Mine. Be mine, my sweetest flower.
“I’m sorry..”
Takao couldn’t breathe.
“But I have to decline.” Because you barely know Takao. He's just a classmate sitting behind you. How can this boy be your boyfriend so casually?
“I can’t believe you, (L.name)-chan!” A girl, your classmate, jeered. “Go out with Takao-kun! Don’t embarrass the boy!”
The chorus of support followed. Kiss him. Tell him yes. Takao is a nice guy. Date him. You looked at him again and saw his eyes flashing the briefest despair of rejection.
Everything was overwhelming. It couldn’t hurt right..?
“Takao-kun, I meant.. yes,” the last word came out as a whisper, between a question and a statement.
Takao smiled, and oh how wonderful is that smile, and stood up to cup your face and kiss your lips. The whole class cheered and whistled at the bold move.
It was over as soon as it started. You looked at him. You blush-- no, you didn’t blush. You didn’t said anything as well. You would have slapped him (it was too bold after all), but something made you stop.
Do confessions go like this?
You stopped, because his eyes, now that you paid attention...
“Call me Kazunari, from now on.”
How is it, that Takao’s eyes are both devoid of emotion and filled with it?
Something is wrong.
Takao... no, Kazunari. Kazunari is a good boyfriend. He walks with you going to school and back home. His bentos are delicious. He accompanies you to your club meetings, classes, and study sessions in the library. He showers you with gifts and pepper you with compliments.
Kazunari is too good at being your boyfriend.
“(F.name)-chan~ I brought you some apples from senpai! It’s really delicious.” Kazunari’s voice echoed in the hallway. School has ended. You were supposed to go home alone. You decided to go home alone. Midorima even dropped a hint that there’s basketball practice.
You crouched lower inside the bathroom stall.
“My sunshine, you don’t have to hide,” his voice was sweet. But this time, you paid attention. You cannot help but pay attention. Sickeningly sweet. Empty of promises. You unconsciously gripped your ribs tighter, and hissed when you forgot there was a fresh bruise.
“... I heard that my sunshine. Come out, and I’ll pretend you simply didn’t hear until now.”
BANG!
The door flew open. Time seemed to stop when the only thing between you and Kazunari is the cubicle.
Fear took over.
You opened your stall, your face blank and stoic as you dragged your feet and faced him. He was smiling, his hand outstretched to cup your face gently. He leaned and kissed you. The firm grip of your wrist by his other hand made you kiss back, part your lips and let his tongue explore your mouth.
You whimpered and Kazunari pulled you closer.
“Good girl...”
Comments: 42
Maryppe [2016-08-27 21:20:32 +0000 UTC]
Wow, just wow... Cool, so good. I like how you described his gentle and possessing and obsessed way of love for her, that was amazing. Kinda, I like Kazunari this way, it really suits him.
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PhyillyQuin [2016-05-20 17:45:41 +0000 UTC]
The picture looks like levi to me :3
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Koshimaeee [2016-02-17 11:22:30 +0000 UTC]
TAKAO WHAT
UR SO CREEPY I LOVE U
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Akashi-trash [2015-12-08 08:11:14 +0000 UTC]
Takao what are you doing to reader-chan
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KristaUzumaki [2015-07-30 07:04:09 +0000 UTC]
Aww I felt for him at first
He sure endured...
But guess reader was right in the firstbplace?
Or did she just push him too far
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erishanaka In reply to KristaUzumaki [2015-07-31 02:29:02 +0000 UTC]
the feeling that you get where reader /might/ be at fault is because it's written in her perspective and Takao is subtly making her feel guilty, as if she's solely the one at fault. when it's not.
it's a very (unfortunate but) common scenario of how abuse in relationship plays out u_u
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abvore [2015-05-21 12:25:35 +0000 UTC]
I like how subtle the fear and implied abuse is.
This is totally the sort of yandere, I'd perpetrate
You didn't hear that. Well, I'm off to read the next chapter.
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erishanaka In reply to abvore [2015-05-21 14:32:56 +0000 UTC]
this one is the kind of yandere i like too
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krebony [2015-05-13 18:59:43 +0000 UTC]
patiently waits for part two
this is twisted and amazing and ohmygoodness I'm scared but intrigued at the same time WHAT IS HAPPENING
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erishanaka In reply to krebony [2015-05-13 22:38:24 +0000 UTC]
I--
//sweats nervously for part 2
i'm glad you like it so far ^^ and as for part 2, in the works of revising because it's longer and i'm never satisfied with it right now
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krebony In reply to erishanaka [2015-05-13 23:39:23 +0000 UTC]
Don't worry about it~ Revising is important c:
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erishanaka In reply to krebony [2015-05-21 08:57:39 +0000 UTC]
after 1000000 attempts of revisions later, here's as requested??? part 2
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krebony In reply to erishanaka [2015-05-21 14:29:28 +0000 UTC]
OHMYGOODNESS I'm so excited, I'm going to read it right meow!
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lunarosej [2015-05-11 15:44:14 +0000 UTC]
*scrolling your stories casually*
oh my, a part two would be nice :3c
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erishanaka In reply to lunarosej [2015-05-21 08:58:36 +0000 UTC]
ok pretty sure you follow me so it'd go there on your mentions or something BUT i want to personally tell you coz you specifically ask
as requested??? part 2
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lunarosej In reply to erishanaka [2015-05-21 09:15:43 +0000 UTC]
*sheepish smile* cant read mature content specifically for adults-- (omgsososorrythisisembarassingaf/cries)
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erishanaka In reply to lunarosej [2015-05-21 10:09:33 +0000 UTC]
Please don't be sorry like i'd hate myself if people get to read something they don't want to
there's a reason why it's mature filter
so yeah, totally understandable don't worry ^^
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lunarosej In reply to erishanaka [2015-05-21 10:48:03 +0000 UTC]
i really dont mind it though, i really would love to read it but strictly only for 18+ ^^ not really in that age so haha... *dead*
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erishanaka In reply to lunarosej [2015-05-11 21:48:25 +0000 UTC]
I am totally not pretending mayuzumi is reading my stories nope definitely not
and part 2 is there on my drafts refusing to be published
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SunnyBrightSky [2015-05-03 02:40:03 +0000 UTC]
Part twoooo pretty please~?
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erishanaka In reply to SunnyBrightSky [2015-05-03 02:47:05 +0000 UTC]
I literally screamed and fell down on my chair when I saw this comment because holy shit are you stalking my stories you just left a comment on the niji one can i love you
also, idk how you guys can make the font small like tiny how do I even read this I—
whines and complains i'm not writing part 2 more as I continue typing for part 2
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erishanaka In reply to SunnyBrightSky [2015-05-12 12:25:25 +0000 UTC]
omfg a yandere reader PLOT TWIST
NOOOOOO NOT PUBLISHING THIS
i mean write
who said that it was finished and just lying there in my drafts
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SunnyBrightSky In reply to erishanaka [2015-05-12 15:31:34 +0000 UTC]
lol my friend said that I'm pretty yandere and could be tsundere sometimes XD (I blame Akashi for the yandere trait. well... not really. I bring my knife with me most of the time...)
PUBLISH IT
I ORDER YOU TO PUBLISH IT
lol jk. I won't push you around XD
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erishanaka In reply to SunnyBrightSky [2015-05-12 15:53:20 +0000 UTC]
i'm probably a kuudere if i ever have to pick what type am i haha
except i have a knife as well
FINE I'LL PUBLISH IT TOMORROW I JUST NEED TO RE-EDIT IT AND MAKE IT DECENT AT LEAST
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SunnyBrightSky In reply to erishanaka [2015-05-16 14:30:03 +0000 UTC]
Cool! Everytime I did a quiz, I always got kuudere. XD
Though IRL my friends called me tsundere (for most of the time) even though I'm just plain weird... (Anime here, anime there, anime everywhere kind of type XD)
And AWESOME! You bring a knife as well!?
I sometimes sneak it into my bag since my mum wouldn't let me bring it. But it's for self defence since two of my friends had been mugged near my school on the way home...
REALLY!?!?!?!? YAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS~ THANK SO MUCH
I REALLY LOVE CAPTAIN HOM- I mean... CAPTAIN RAINBOW AND HIS RAINBOW BOYS!!!
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iloverussiasomuch [2015-05-03 01:45:58 +0000 UTC]
you just have to do a part two
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iloverussiasomuch In reply to erishanaka [2015-05-21 15:08:37 +0000 UTC]
oh it was like the best thing i have read on here like omg this story is so well written and its like omg
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erishanaka In reply to iloverussiasomuch [2015-05-03 02:25:53 +0000 UTC]
noooooooooo i don't wanna
*hides part 2 draft* i'll think about it, as people are asking for it. maayyyyybee
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nuudelinen [2015-05-02 21:20:42 +0000 UTC]
*whispers* Part two please make part two this is just so great
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erishanaka In reply to nuudelinen [2015-05-02 21:31:39 +0000 UTC]
whines noooooooooooo
maybe, and we'll see (heck yes). And thank you for reading~!
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LovelessPrincess [2015-05-02 10:42:08 +0000 UTC]
Oh my gosh, this is so good! It's rare to find a well-written yandere fanfic where the character stays in-character and doesn't suddenly go around killing everyone. I have actually a lot more to say, but I have to go offline now, so I'll save the rest for later!
But let me at least add this: Part two, please! Part two! o/ (Even without the sex,) I'd love to see a sequel!
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erishanaka In reply to LovelessPrincess [2015-05-02 12:43:37 +0000 UTC]
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EMBARRASSED I AM WHEN I HIT THAT PUBLISH BUTTON I DON'T LIKE STORIES LIKE THIS AT ALL
But seriously, thank you for the feedback!! These types of stories are new to me to read (I don't read Yandere at all so…..) and more new for me to write. I feel like I'm blindly navigating the waters in this genre so feedback means a lot. The good, bad, ugly, all of them. (this is like a subtle hint that I want the 'rest' of your comment ahehehehe...)
anD FUCK you want a sequel is it reaLLY THAT GOOD because I really feel like trash writing this and i'm seriously going to do a sequel if someone wants but maaaaaaan this is honestly trash like you want a sequel for trash that is this
wow, I typed a lot… *shoots self*
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LovelessPrincess In reply to erishanaka [2015-05-14 12:35:45 +0000 UTC]
So you want to know in detail what I think about this story, huh? Alright, be prepared for a tl;dr comment.
To start off, I couldn't spot any grammar and spelling mistakes, and your punctuation is great. You'd think it's normal for a fanfic - or any written text which isn't chat at all - to have no such flaws, but believe me, I've seen the worst of the worst already. Moreover, your choice of words emphasizes the mood and the characters' feelings very well. It's certainly not some kind of high-class poem, but you avoid unnecessary descriptions and get right to the point without leaving anything important out and that makes it very easy for me to visualize the entire fanfic as some kind of anime episode. (I did take a peek at your other stories as well and realized this is your beautiful and awesome way of writing.) The phrase "Takao let out his voice in a whisper, like a secret only to be shared between the two of you" for example made my heart beat a tiny bit faster (and I might or might not have grinned like an idiot when I imagined the scene, because that was such a nice way to describe it). ////
Moving on to the next point: the characters. While not everyone might agree with me, I prefer it when the heroine/reader isn't described as some beauty goddess with "most stunning looks, silky hair that cascades down her perfectly shaped shoulders, and eyes which mesmorize every living being on earth", that's just ridiculously unrealistic in my opinion. Even better yet, you completely refrained from describing the heroine's appearance at all (except maybew for the tiny hair part but even that's quite vague), and left it to our own imagination.
I also like the heroine's personality; she's not some kind of hysteric, insolent brat that kicks and insults everyone who annoys her, nor is she especially clumsy or ditzy. It's just your regular schoolgirl. And she acts very much like a (good) Japanese girl should, what's with her thinking the kissing in front of everyone was too bold and refusing to call Takao by his first name as they were only friends/classmates in the beginning.
Next, Takao. Oh - my - God. You have no idea how incredibly happy it made me to see a character being a yandere while staying completely in-character. Throughout the entire story, Takao was acting like his cheerful and slightly annoying idiotic self, but at the same time you showed us his rather sinister thoughts which he skillfully kept to himself. The part where he laughs to himself whilst thinking of the reader in the beginning but simply waved it off when some of his classmates looked at him curiously was something I could totally imagine him doing in the original manga/anime; it just felt so natural and right.
I think it was also extremely sly of him to confess in the middle of the classroom with everyone watching, as if he knew all along that his classmates would pressure the reader in case of a rejection and that the reader is someone who'd eventually give in to such "encouragement".
Takao is imo an extremely observant character and he knows how to manipulate the people around him into thinking whatever he wants them to think. By acting like a happy-go-lucky classmate and the perfect boyfriend (making bentos for his girlfriend, accompanying her to her clubs, etc) in front of everyone, he pretty much eliminated every risk of the reader telling someone about his abusive behaviour or breaking up with him (well, I guess she could still do that, but it's obvious how everyone'd be on Takao's side and view the reader as "the bad girl who toyed with a poor lovestruck boy's heart").
You said you don't read yandere at all, but it's hard to believe seeing how you did not use the (rather superficial) clichee of the yandere character suddenly going around and killing every single person, friend and foe alike, simply because "they were in the way" or "they touched HIS precious girlfriend".
I love yandere characters. I love them so so much, and because of that I'm extremely critical when it comes to them. In 85% of the fanfics I've read the yandere suddenly went berserk and acted completely out-of-character; it always makes me cringe and sideeye the stories really hard. But no, not in your case. In my opinion, you managed the difference between his deredere and his yanderu side extremely well. He adores the reader, he takes good care of her and pays attention to her needs, heck, I wouldn't even be surprised if he'd get the stars from the sky for her. Yet at the same time, he's obsessed with her, he's manipulative and abusive. In a way, that's quite scary, but hey, that's what a good yandere is about!
It would have been nice if you'd have elaborate a bit more on why he's acting violently against the reader. Is it to "mark her as his propriety", or is it the "punishment" because she was hanging out with some male friends, or was it because she defied him in any way, or did he simply had the wish to "ruin" her, or maybe it's a bit of every reason? There are so many possibilties and I'm curious as to what his reason(s) are. Then again, not specifically explaining it and thus leaving it to our imaginations was a good idea as well; can't say I'm unhappy with your choice.
Sorry for the wall of text, and sorry it took me so long to write this comment. orz ... Now that I read it again, it feels like I mainly pointed out things that you are probably already well aware of. Makes me wonder whether this is a helpful comment for you or just a huge waste of your time, pfft.
Anyway! Yes. Yes, I want a sequel to this. I want a sequel to this very badly. Heck, you could almost say I need a sequel. (but I won't rush you or anything if you don't want to or you'd rather take your time with part 2; we wouldn't want the quality to drop after all, right?)
P.S.: No need to be embarrassed for writing this; you're nowhere near my trash level. 8DD Noone's bigger trash than me for being so ridiculously devoted and excited to yandere, haha--
EDIT: Oh, whoops, completely forgot to mention that Takao's one of my top favorite character so havinf a (well-written) fic with him as a yandere is basically a little piece of heaven on earth for me. ( ´ ▽ ` )
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erishanaka In reply to LovelessPrincess [2015-05-14 17:03:57 +0000 UTC]
Oh my god
how does one even reply to this???
fuck, this is everything i want and more and--
to start, that spelling and grammar beauty is something i painfully write and shed tears. i don't have a beta so i have to recheck and reread to spot the mistakes AND EVEN THEN it's never perfect. Maybe this one was coincidentally gotten a perfect "cleaning" but honestly that is simply luck. BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT because yeah, i also get iffy with grammar and spelling. I can gloss over some typos but a lot blatant mistakes turns me off from continuing to read. So YES, it MEANS A LOT that someone compliements me on this because the effort i put is no joke.
for my writing style, it's a trial and error of seven years of writing :') you perfectly nailed it, i think, describing it. My style is SIMPLE: use simple words, simple sentences, simple delivery. WHAT I DID NOT REALIZE was your observation of how i write it like an anime episode. That honestly made me laugh and i find it funny that i'm unconsciously doing it like that. Maybe it's because i'm writing for the knb fandom but yes, i do get hyper aware on who will be my audience and subconsciously adjust my writing.
SPEAKING OF AUDIENCE, I WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF PEOPLE PRAISING MY HEROINE SO YOUR COMMENT ABOUT IT IS SO MUCH APPRACIATED AND I-- //breathes heavily.
my feels aside, i share your concern about creating heroines in these types of stories. I personally believe that there is a reason why they are called reader stories and it's because the reader is supposed to be able to insert themselves to the story. I personally believe there is a reason why it's written in a SECOND PERSON PERSPECTIVE (YOU) and the reason is readers are supposed to see themselves doing it.
I know the weakness in this kind of thinking and it is that it makes for very bland and very blank heroine. It is subject to very weak and generic characterizations, very cliche reaction, and the like. BUT, and i think this is important, this is honestly their point and strength. I'm not writing an OC (and this is important: i see OC's and Reader inserts as different types). I'm not writing a character at all. I'm writing a very real person and that person is the audience. i'm literally writing a story for who knows how many people that will put on the shoes of the heroine, each unique in their own way. THEREFORE, I shouldn't write anything that could alienate the audience from their enjoyment of projecting themselves. as for avoiding that pithole called generic and cliche, i have my way of dealing with that and that is leaving to the readers the details that would give them personal enjoyment but at the same time, not alienate the others who might not relate to those fine details.
so yeah, physical descriptions are reduced to the barest minimum. Heck, i don't know if you noticed, but the only thing i ask for the reader is the first and last name. I leave out the *insert eyecolor*/(eye/color). I just write "your eyes" etc.
To illustrate my point, i'm going to point your interpretation of the heroine as a (good) japanese girl because i have others who read this that didn't see it that way.
(of course, there are always exceptions and even necessary specifics but for the most part and especially for oneshots like these, it's best to be vague; being specific is better for series where the premise is more explored and so, the reader gets developed as well by necessity)
as for Takao, well, he is one of my favorite so obviously, i pay good attention to his character and have my own very detailed interpretation of it. I honestly don't see him as a yandere but IF HE WAS A YANDERE i'd be so heartbroken and confused and cry because fuck i just threw away all my principles because even if he is a crazy psycho i'd still love him unconditionally this is how i see him. So maybe that's one factor why he manages to stay in character; i don't think i can do this well to, say, midorima or akashi (even if the latter is more likely to be a yandere). But yes, you're also right, i get very conscious making sure the character's are in character. It's also a very painful experience to revise for this so i'm very glad every time someone points it out.
speaking of yandere, while it was true that i avoid it like the plague and thus never saw it in actual writing until i finsihed the first draft, i do know what it is, and more importantly, what it means. It is being both loving and possessive. Affectionate and obsessed. and that's it. I don't really see the need to kill off someone. I do, however, read a good number of yandere fics while i was revising this and let's just say i really couldn't see takao killing anyone. So i left my story like that.
As for being yandere trash, while i get very in denial about it, i can see the appeal of these kinds of characters and even writing. It's one of those kinds where i can run my imagination a bit more free. After all, the point if fanfiction is to let the imagination run wild. And it's different from the usual things i write so i learn and that's the most important.
Finally, there is nothing wrong with pointing out things to the writer, regardless if the writer already knows it or not. We'll never really know until you actually point it out and even then, it gives the writers perspective. AND THAT'S THE POINT OF A REVIEW OR COMMENT. IT IS FEEDBACK, something every writer, especially myself, treasure and will always be grateful for. This "wall of text" that you claim honestly made my day and week and maybe even until the end of May where i slave over exams and think about writer's block due to stress :')
tl;dr this comment was not a waste of my time. If it is, i'd gladly waste it again and again.
thank you. And i'm printing this just so you know.
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erishanaka In reply to rlcookiez3 [2015-04-28 21:42:47 +0000 UTC]
nooooo you're not supposed to encourage my yandere writing. It's unhealthy and glorifies obsession.
i don't know how to handle comments like this because I am too happy I got a reader who normally don't enjoy a type of story enjoy mine. Thank you for giving it a try (and omg does this mean you trust my writing style enough to click it in the first place?? I keep seeing your u/n popping up in my other stories THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT)
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rlcookiez3 In reply to erishanaka [2015-04-28 22:22:08 +0000 UTC]
ONLY OF COURSE DARLIN ANY TIME
always happy to support a great author ;D and ive loved your stories so ofc I trust your writing<3
takao is babe too<3
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