Frozen-Doopliss [2014-02-24 15:26:26 +0000 UTC]
Since this is your first deviation, I'll just cover a couple basics (that you may or may not have fixed in your later stuff). First, it's usually a good idea to start a new paragraph/line when alternating between characters having a conversation, i.e.
instead of:
"Yes!" said Tom. "No!" Said Bob. "Maybe?" Said tom.
Try:
"Yes!" said Tom.
"No!" Said Bob.
"Maybe?" Said tom.
Also, while pooping is probably something that would realistically happen in these kinds of situations when you consider how disrupted the body is getting, some readers might get uncomfortable with that, and would prefer it not be mentioned. (Though you probably know that already.)
And to answer your first question: My favorite Pokemon is Weavile, because Sneasel was one of my favorite Ice types, and the evolution just made it look both cuter and cooler, in my opinion. and as for TF ideas, Something that just came to me is the idea of a man trying to blend in with nature to take better photos becoming a Skrelp/Dragalge (though, there are a lot of other "camouflaged" pokemon that could work for that, too).
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