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Description

Let me float away. Let what is let of my soul depart from me with a fluid grace I lack in body. It would float above me, I would grasp at it with my fingers only to see it is evanescent like the smoke from my cigarette on a freezing south dakota night. The smoke, my soul, floats up, up, up. I watch with a childlike wonder as it disappears from my view on this clear cloudless night. It goes over the clear frozen plains, taking in the astounding silence. Silence I lack with my mind in constant chaos. Lacking clarity like the frozen air. You can see the stars forever, the infinite expanse above and below me. If only, if only, my soul could leave me like the smoke from my lips. If only it would leave my chaotic mind and my betraying body. Maybe, the floating smoke would pick up the pieces. The bits of my self that seem to be lost, scattered in the places of my past. The woods of my childhood, scattered in between the trees, a secluded home underneath the ferns. More pieces lay on the trail to the south. My innocence lies somewhere, maybe on that bed where I lost it so long ago. Perhaps some of the smoke was inhaled like a shotgun hit by that man who has some pieces of me somewhere. Could i get them back from him? No. No. It would be with his poison. Other pieces of this completely unfinished puzzle are strewn on the road to this frozen place. Some parts grace the frozen wind on the badlands, hopefully i can join it with the smoke floating in these hills, spreading out to the plains, dispersing and fading into nothingness, never to be found again, except in fading memories. Memories of former lovers, fading like their touch from my skin. Do they have pieces of me? Even the ones I never loved. I remember just myself drifting away from their touch. Leaving, floating to another place, another time, so they couldn't touch me. Just my body, just a number. No they couldn't get inside. No one has. Not even me. I locked myself out of my own core. How did i happen to do this? "I keep running around and all i want to do is lay motionless". Seasick. Motionsick. Thats what i am. I can't get in becasue of this storm. The wall, this ocean swell. Me? The voice that is writing this, my narrator if you will, is in a tiny boat in this big storm. I can't brave the storm all the way to the core. But who else could if I myself cant reach my own core? Am I protecting myself from the broken shards it houses, heaven forbid i cut my hands sorting through them, lest i face the past again. Is that where those orange memories are? Locked away from me? Are my missing pieces in there too? Wrapped in cloth so they don't break anymore? Are they blowing in the wind to destinations of my past? I'm just looking for some answers here. "If you find a way out oh would you just let me know how?"

Description

Let me float away. Let what is let of my soul depart from me with a fluid grace I lack in body. It would float above me, I would grasp at it with my fingers only to see it is evanescent like the smoke from my cigarette on a freezing south dakota night. The smoke, my soul, floats up, up, up. I watch with a childlike wonder as it disappears from my view on this clear cloudless night. It goes over the clear frozen plains, taking in the astounding silence. Silence I lack with my mind in constant chaos. Lacking clarity like the frozen air. You can see the stars forever, the infinite expanse above and below me. If only, if only, my soul could leave me like the smoke from my lips. If only it would leave my chaotic mind and my betraying body. Maybe, the floating smoke would pick up the pieces. The bits of my self that seem to be lost, scattered in the places of my past. The woods of my childhood, scattered in between the trees, a secluded home underneath the ferns. More pieces lay on the trail to the south. My innocence lies somewhere, maybe on that bed where I lost it so long ago. Perhaps some of the smoke was inhaled like a shotgun hit by that man who has some pieces of me somewhere. Could i get them back from him? No. No. It would be with his poison. Other pieces of this completely unfinished puzzle are strewn on the road to this frozen place. Some parts grace the frozen wind on the badlands, hopefully i can join it with the smoke floating in these hills, spreading out to the plains, dispersing and fading into nothingness, never to be found again, except in fading memories. Memories of former lovers, fading like their touch from my skin. Do they have pieces of me? Even the ones I never loved. I remember just myself drifting away from their touch. Leaving, floating to another place, another time, so they couldn't touch me. Just my body, just a number. No they couldn't get inside. No one has. Not even me. I locked myself out of my own core. How did i happen to do this? "I keep running around and all i want to do is lay motionless". Seasick. Motionsick. Thats what i am. I can't get in becasue of this storm. The wall, this ocean swell. Me? The voice that is writing this, my narrator if you will, is in a tiny boat in this big storm. I can't brave the storm all the way to the core. But who else could if I myself cant reach my own core? Am I protecting myself from the broken shards it houses, heaven forbid i cut my hands sorting through them, lest i face the past again. Is that where those orange memories are? Locked away from me? Are my missing pieces in there too? Wrapped in cloth so they don't break anymore? Are they blowing in the wind to destinations of my past? I'm just looking for some answers here. "If you find a way out oh would you just let me know how?"