Purplefairydust [2012-08-09 22:05:59 +0000 UTC]

Wow. I love your honesty in this. I can feel a lot of emotion reading this. I can relate, I think. I also like how you add in a snippet of humour ; "to dribble sweet nothings
into the bathroom sink;"

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EchoplexSermon [2012-06-19 21:58:33 +0000 UTC]

You have great imagery... awesome-sauce...

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emilygolightly [2012-06-17 21:50:43 +0000 UTC]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrgh god i love this.

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KaylatardandPoncho [2012-06-17 13:10:41 +0000 UTC]

You shouldn't be, because I love it. The transitioning needs only a little reworking, I think, but the way you play with words and your idea is solid. Your poetry is quite enchanting. :3

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sarpkayamesutselcuk [2012-06-17 08:03:28 +0000 UTC]

"I could find someone
that looked just like
her......................... "

i was like that before. i understood now i can't find a lover who looks like my ex-girlfriend. i can see that it was just a dream. a dream that can not be existed in our dirty world...

love is really strange... there are few words to describe love in greek. agape, erotas and eros. agape means love, affection, fondness, affinity, liking, dearness. erotas means love, cupid. eros means courtship, flirt etc. and it's really interesting zero and nothing means love also ((: so according hebrew there is no real love ((:

i remember a song called "eyes on me"

"darling so share with me,
if you have love enough"

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Sashei-Alexandre [2012-06-17 05:32:21 +0000 UTC]

I like it. It's unique and not something I get to see a lot.

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Nimunezen [2012-06-17 03:59:27 +0000 UTC]

sometimes I think i don't quite understand what you are talking about, 'is he brushing his teeth or thinking about an ex?'

but when I think I understand it, I like what I feel.

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yukimi8 [2012-06-16 01:02:11 +0000 UTC]

i like this alot, very lustful. i can't tell if it's sad or happy tho...

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AriTheAlligator [2012-06-14 19:26:14 +0000 UTC]

lovely. you have a way with words

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technicolormemoirs [2012-06-10 04:31:39 +0000 UTC]

Wow. This is something I've never read about before, but I think you take a subject that might seem a little strange and you turn it into something beautiful. and I ADORE the way you word things. Wonderful!

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Bexacaust [2012-06-10 03:03:41 +0000 UTC]

Not quite sure on the subject, but all in all its a haunting piece darlin'. The images I get from it almost form in grainy black in white, so the figure could be alost anyone. Maybe it is almost anyone, who knows? Very nice! I'll be keeping an eye on you.
Cheers!
The Bexacaust

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LoneWolf918 [2012-06-09 19:43:50 +0000 UTC]

*speechless*

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shineforyouu [2012-06-07 20:26:20 +0000 UTC]

I like the flow of the entire poem. It reads very smoothly.

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Pen-and-mouse [2012-06-07 19:07:17 +0000 UTC]

This is truly amazing. You're quite talented. I'd love to point the parts I love the most, but I can't because it's just that awesome.

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LightFang007 [2012-06-07 14:27:24 +0000 UTC]

Wow.

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xxDearOblivionxx [2012-06-07 13:58:03 +0000 UTC]

Also: leave that title alone!!! I would say if you want to do anything to it, just stick a period on the end of it. With "Occupied.", you're solidifying the isolation, while continuing the metaphor.

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xxDearOblivionxx [2012-06-07 13:56:11 +0000 UTC]

I love this....leave that first stanza alone it's perfect just the way it is. This is quintessential poetry...the capture-image of a single moment through language...in my opinion, language that isn't necessarily supposed to be used that way. You have this wonderful combination of literal and figurative language and imagery: the way you describe spitting ("leaning down / to dribble sweet nothings / into the bathroom sink") is fantastic. I also applaud your use of semicolons...I hate them, am terrified of them, and thus can't use them despite how strong they make a piece of work. Good for you...you have plans to submit this for publication?

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breezybrutality [2012-06-07 06:21:08 +0000 UTC]

I like it, but then again I love all things raw and exposed like this.

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cleothecat [2012-06-07 05:15:30 +0000 UTC]

its poems like these that show a person's true character. You wrote this rather quickly, so, without much editing, you've got a sort of outline of your personality.

To me, it feels like a literate mask simply because the poem raises so many questions (which is good, it causes you to want to look into the poem more). Referring to making out with your reflection, self-love masks self hate, right? The desperation illustrates a need to prove something- perhaps the need to prove something to yourself? From this poem, it looks to me that you're trying to prove to yourself that you are hated (this can be discerned from the first stanza). And, alone, "locked" in the moment, you think you can only trust yourself. However, leaving someone to "wash your spit off the glass" equates to having someone to confide in in order to wash away the secrets you've left behind. It is interesting though, leaving secrets in a public place yet wanting someone to wash them away. You want people to know something, but you can't because they are seen as dirty (hence the use of "washing").

Just a guess. I may be waay off. I get bored when I study spanish, so I go and try to get to know people through their poetry. Also, the above may not be grammatically correct- I'm doing spanish, remember?

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