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“What do I mean to you?”  The question was burning a hole in my mind.  I still haven’t gotten to the point of understand why she called me long distance at nine in the morning just to ask me that.  At that point, I was still half asleep, since my first class wasn’t until eleven.  There was no answer from my end, so she asked again, “What do I mean to you?”  She always does crazy things like this after we fight.  Sometimes we’ll fight for no reason more than because things have been going too well for too long.  It was something a little more serious this time.  The question still played over and over in my mind.  A picture of her sitting in her bed, cuddled with her blankets and her hundreds of pillows flashed into my head.  It was so real.
Grant nudged me and nodded towards the professor.  He was one of my better friends here, though I didn’t have many.
The professor was staring at me, patiently.  It made me shudder.  “Sorry, what was the question?” was all I could ask, since I really wasn’t paying any attention.
“I hope you decide to pay more attention for your midterm.” He sneered, jokingly, and went on to torture the next student.  I didn’t care, what was I taking a course about the history of Poland for?  I know I’m Polish, but I don’t see the point, it’s so boring.  Maybe that’s why I’m so boring, and forgiving.  The Polish were always being conquered, much like the Jews.  These are the things I actually remember.
It seemed like hours, but the class finally ended.  The professor gave us a homework assignment that was due in a week.  Surprise, another essay.  I rolled my eyes at the assignment.  We had to write a five page paper on the Poland’s role in World War II.  It didn’t seem that hard, since my high school seemed to repeat the World War II significance every year in high school.
Grant got up and started walking out of the class before I even finished writing down the assignment.  “I’m going to get a bite to eat,” was all he said, without even looking at me.  He was so focused, and to anyone else, it would just seem he was really hungry.  But he was really going to talk to this girl.  He met her a few days ago, and he’s using every excuse he can to be around her now.  Already whipped.  I chuckled, thinking about how he’s going to act once they go out.  It’s pretty obvious that they will.  This Amanda girl is one of those quiet types, and they’d be perfect for each other.
There was nothing stopping me from my mission, however.  I was headed directly back to my room with my answer to Nicole, who was my one and only.  We’ve been going out for a solid two months and running.  Surprisingly enough, this is one of my longer relationships.  Girls can’t stand me for some reason.  I guess it’s because I’m too detached.  I can’t help it though, it’s just hard to trust people.  Everyone that’s gotten close to me, has either hurt me, or has gotten hurt.  They all eventually leave, so I try to minimize the pain.  There was no way that me and Nicole were going to last another week.  She kept telling me that she was starting to fall for someone else, and that I had to fight for her.  That’s what this fight was about, and that’s why she called me.  She wanted to know if I meant enough for her so I’d do anything and everything to keep her, or else she’d leave me for this hunk she found.  It would be so much easier for us if we didn’t go to school four states away.  I was attending Cornell, and she was at Northwestern.
Don’t go thinking I’m all brainy or anything, my getting into Cornell was definitely a fluke.  However, I did walk in the same rings as Nicole in high school.  She was really the brainy one, and all our friends were smarter than me.  However, she and my parents worked as a team to accept Cornell, so eventually I cracked and here I am now.  I wanted to go to the University of Michigan, but they didn’t have a good program in what I wanted to do.
We finally decided to go out during the summer after graduation.  It wasn’t the smartest decision of my life, since we were only together for half a month before we shipped off in opposite directions.  She went west and me northeast, from Pittsburgh to our respective schools.  Neither of us thought it would last through orientation, but we tried it, and now we’re almost through October.
This riddle was going to be the death of me, though.  What did she mean to me?  I asked myself at least two hundred times on the way back to my room.  Even after two months, I didn’t let myself get to close.  Well, I loved her; I would never deny that, there was just something inside me that told me that she didn’t love me as much.  That’s why I was too scared of getting attached.  This was the reason though; she had taken interest in someone that went to her school.  How could I compete with that?  I wasn’t special enough to compete with someone that could be there to hug her, hold her.  I shuddered at the thought of her kissing him.  The thought ran through my mind of going to Evanston, stealing her out of one of her classes, and running away with her.  This was just one of my fantasies.  I’ve always been partial to the idea of living in a log cabin in the woods in a valley.  There had to be lake, of course.  I didn’t think this would be too hard, with enough money, since everyone seemed to be a beach person.  I was not a beach person.  It’s too hot, and it’s too easy for me to burn.
The door was open, so I just walked in.  My roommate was reading.  I don’t get people and their books.  My desk was just as messy as it was when I left.  There was not much in the piles of junk that had any importance for my task, so I brushed it aside.  Every time I come back, I hope someone has left me a message, and I impatiently clicked my mouse.  No one left me any messages, what a surprise.  There are certain types of music that are best for the certain moods I’m in.  Flipping through my CDs, I found what I wanted, and popped it into the CD player.  The phone was on the other side of the room.  My roommate must have been talking to someone.  There was no way that Nicole was going to hear from me just yet.  My bed seemed so much more inviting.  My instincts had not deceived me; the bed felt as good as it ever did.
I closed my eyes, and just laid there.  It seemed like an hour later, my roommate dropped the phone next to my head.  “I saw you looking at it,” he claimed as he made his was back to his chair.  He must have eyes in the back and sides of his head.  I took it as a sign that I’m supposed to call, so I pulled my phone card out of my wallet and dialed her up.
“Hello?” She answered.  I could tell she was giggling.
“Hey,” I paused, “Are you busy? Do you have company?”
“It’s just Sean.” She stated calmly now.
“Oh, well I’ll call back later.” It was my worst fear.  Sean was the other guy that she now had feelings for.
“No, it’s alright, what did you call for?”  I could tell she knew, she just had to ask.
“I have your answer.”
“Alright, hold on.”  There was a pause, and I could hear talking faintly, but I couldn’t make out the words.  “Okay, Sean’s gone.”  That didn’t make me feel any better.
“You mean everything to me.  I’m sorry I’ve been so distant with you.  I’m sorry I’ve been so angry and frustrating you every night.  I just realized that I want to get closer to you.  I’m not scared anymore.”  I bared my heart and soul, but this was what came out.  By the way I said it, I could tell she didn’t think I was serious.  I really was ready to give myself up in the face of pain for her, even though the distance was still between us.
“Sean asked me out today,” was her only response.
I bottled up.  There was no answer for that.  The phone was silent for what seemed like forever.  I wanted her to keep talking so I wouldn’t have to say anything.  Finally I gave in.  “What did you say?”
“That I’d think about it.”
“Oh.”  I sounded ungrateful, but nothing else came out.  Thousands of thoughts and feelings were flying through my head at outrageous speeds.
“I don’t think we’re going to work, I’m sorry.  It’s just too hard.  I gave you two months to decide what you wanted to do, and you wouldn’t get close to me.  It’s just been too hard with the distance.”
She might as well have taken a knife and drove it into my chest.  “So you already made your decision?”  I asked, as if I didn’t know the answer.
“Yes.”  It was short, sweet, and infinitely painful.  I breathed deep so as not to cry on the phone in front of my roommate.  I heard a voice in the background.  No doubt it was Sean’s.  “I have to go to class now,” she almost whispered.  “I love you.  Bye hun.”  She was mocking me now.  I wasn’t breathing.  The phone just stayed at my ear and I stared at the ceiling.  I heard her sigh at my lack of enthusiasm for her and her new boyfriend, and cried as the silence turned into the dial tone.
Thankfully it was Friday.  I lowered the phone down melodramatically, and turned towards the wall.  I’m glad I picked this CD.  “You’re not the one but you’re the only one who could make me feel like this.  You’re not the one but you’re the only one who could make me feel like shit.”  The lyrics were sung over and over.
“What’s going on tonight?”  Me and my roommate had a lot of the same friends, and went out together often.
“There’s a party at one of the frats.”  I wasn’t a big drinker, but alcohol was going to be my one friend tonight.  Tears started rolling down my face.  There was only one thing to get me to tonight, so I took I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

I woke up to an empty room.  My roommate must have left and forgotten to turn the light on, because it was dark now.  The shades were down for some reason.  They had been broken since we moved in, and they must have fallen while I was asleep.  Neither of us decided to do anything about fixing them.
The clock said it was 7:14.  That would mean that my nap was about four hours.  I still didn’t feel refreshed though.  The computer screen had the screen saver up, so there was no way of telling if I had any messages without getting up.  It’s not anyone ever leaves me messages anyway.  My away message was just one of my little poems, and no one ever responds to those.  It almost makes me think that no one wants to tell me how bad they are.  This is the kind of thinking that makes it hard to keep friends.
There was still too much time to kill before people started going out.  I finally mustered up all my energy, and got out of bed and over to the computer.  Now this was the surprise of the century, I had a message.  It was from one of my friends, saying that they were going to drink before the party.  I was allowed to come over whenever I wanted to, even though the party wasn’t for at least another hour or two.  This didn’t even take a second thought; I grabbed my coat and walked out the door.

There were about seven people already in my friend’s room.  Most of them were familiar, but there was one girl that I’d never seen before.  I thought she was very attractive, and had a shy-girl aura about her.  Looking over from the game he was playing, he smiled and waved.  His name was Alex, and we both had the same English class.  Everyone else I knew from hanging out with Alex.  I sat down on the floor in front of the TV.  Everyone was playing Mario Kart.  “Can I get in on the next race?”  I asked, innocently.
“Yeah sure, you can take the loser’s controller.”  Alex told me.
I was a hustler.  My skills at Mario Kart were extreme, or at least I liked to think.  In racing mode, there were few that could contend with my sheer awesomeness.  However, they were playing battle mode, where my skills extended only into the great pit of lava in the middle of the big donut.  I figured that losing isn’t everything, and that it was still fun.
There was still the matter of waiting for the battle to end and the loser to be named so I could have my turn.  Almost involuntarily, my head turned to the left, to this mystery girl who was sitting on Alex’s bed watching the game.  Her eyes were of the purest blue, and they entranced me.  I realized I was staring, and quickly looked back at the TV screen.  Luckily, she didn’t notice, or at least she didn’t give off the suspicion that she knew what I was doing.
Games like this make you lose track of time, and before we knew it, we had been played for almost two hours.  It was around 10:30pm and we finally decided we’ve had enough video games.  Alex got up and walked over to his closet.  Moving aside some clothes and opening a box, he pulled out a bottle of vodka, a bottle of rum and three shot glasses to split.  Rum was not my drink, so I took the vodka first, poured myself a drink, and downed it.  Nothing else mattered anymore.  The world just grew into a haze, but it wasn’t the alcohol, it was just my apathy.  In the next twenty minutes, I had six or eight more shots, I can’t really remember.  The vodka had no effect on me, so I kept going.
Finally, everyone was happy with what they had drunk, and we headed out as a group.  All eight of us headed over to the party, some already buzzed and others, like me, without effect.  The walk over almost felt like a scene out of a movie.  It was almost like we were walking in slow motion.  Their presence made me feel almost confident.
When we got there, I gave an almost superior smirk to the frat bothers.  The alcohol was starting to affect me, but it was nothing more than a buzz.  We walked in, and the bass was already surging through my body.  As we walked closer to the dance floor, the music was taking control of my body.  The dance floor was packed; people were dancing and drinking all over the place.  I smiled; the alcohol had finally taken control of me, and mixed with the music, everyone else had left my head.
Grant and Amanda were already here, they were standing on the side.  “I’ll be right back,” I told Alex, and walked over to Grant.  “Hey, big shot,” I chuckled as I nudged him in the arm.  I was so obviously drunk, but I didn’t care.  Grant just smiled at me, and Amanda looked away.
“I’ll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom,” she said, giving me a sideways glance of disgust, and walked away.
“How much did you have to drink?”  He asked me.
“Oh, I don’t remember.  Not quite enough.”
“Just stay out of trouble tonight, alright?”
“Hey, you’re the one that should be staying out of trouble with that girl of yours.”  I started laughing at my own jokes.
“If you need a place to stay tonight, I’ll roll out the cot.  You know where I live.”  He started looking worried.  The concern went right through me, and hit the floor.  I laughed at him and his worried look.
“Come on, man.  How stupid do you think I am?”  My attempt to hit him on the shoulder failed miserably, and I stumbled, almost falling face first on the ground.  He caught me and calmed me down some.
“What’s gotten into you tonight? This isn’t like you.”  The concern was back on his face again.  I finally felt what he felt, and the smile faded from my face.  Tears started falling from my eyes and I looked away.
“She broke up with you, didn’t she?”  I knew it was a guess, but I felt like he could read my mind.  I didn’t say anything, or even move.
“Fuck her, I don’t need her.”  I walked away from him, took a deep breath, and let the alcohol warm me.  The smile appeared back on my face, and started onto the dance floor in search of Alex.  The seven of them had made it near the middle of the dance floor, and I found my spot among them.  The lights and the music took over again, and I danced.  I danced without a care in the world.
I was bumped in the hip from the right side.  Looking over, I noticed that mystery girl was dancing right next to me, and she had bumped my hips with hers.  A grin took over my face.  It felt great to be noticed by someone you think is attractive and out of your league.
I danced closer over to her, and brought my mouth up near her ear.  “What’s you’re name?”  I shouted to make sure she could hear me.
“Beth, what’s yours?”
“Andrew Joseph Pascaledes, but you can call me Drew,” I paused for a moment, “Or A.J.”  She laughed.  That made me happy, because I like making people laugh.  She smiled at me, staring into my eyes.  It was obvious that I was blushing, so I tried concealing it behind a smile.  She faced me and started moving closer to me.  I moved my hand to her waist, when all the sudden there was a hand grabbing the back of my shirt and pulling me backwards.  There was no way to look behind me, but I did notice that Beth had a worried look on her face.  She didn’t move to come save me, she just stood here.
The hand dragged me about ten feet away through the middle of the room and clear to the other side.  Finally the hand stopped pulling and I was able to stop walking backwards.  A voice whispered in my ear, “Stay away from Elizabeth or else.”  The hand let go, and I turned around to confront my kidnapper, but by that time, no one was there except people dancing.  There was no feeling of fear or even curiosity anywhere inside of me, so I made my way back to Beth and Alex.
Upon seeing Beth’s face again, I suddenly started feeling slightly afraid.  The voice was definitely from a male, and from what I could make out, he was big.  The music still had a control of me, and my body forced me to dance.  However, I was now on the other side of the group from Beth.  She tried making eye contact with me, but the guy’s voice just played over in my head, so I couldn’t look back.
The music slowly eased my mind back into a state of relaxation, as a smile came back across my face.  Some random girl that was also obviously drunk had come up from behind me and started sticking her hands in my pockets.  As soon as she took them up, she spun me around and started giving me a personal lap dance, and I have to say, I was enjoying it.  She faced away from me and forced her body against mine, grabbed my shoulders and slid her body down mine.  My hands were on her arms, and I was almost too scared to move them.  Somehow I kept dancing though, even though my body was in such shock.
As soon as she got back up face to face with me, she turned and faced me.  I stared into her eyes.  Her eyes were intense and I could almost see the pain she must have been feeling, hiding it deep inside, much like I was.  Images played in my head of what must have been bothering her, but before I got anywhere, she kissed me.  Out of shock, I pushed her away, and turned back into my group of friends.  Within no time at all, another hand grabbed me from behind, but this time it grabbed my hand and only pulled me a few feet away.
“What did Carl say to you?”  It was Elizabeth.  There was a single tear streaming down her face.  I assumed Carl was the first one that pulled me away and threatened me.
“He said ‘Stay away from you or else’.”  She sighed.  “Don’t listen to him, he’s just my jealous ex-boyfriend.  We only went out for a week, but he can’t stand seeing me with anyone else.”  She threw her arms around me and started weeping.  I wrapped my arms back around her and held her tight.  Then the last thing I expected happened.  She kissed me.  “I want to get to know you better.”  She almost smiled.  “Would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow?”
I smiled.  I shook.  I didn’t really know what to say.  I was shocked, and everything was happening so fast.  Nothing came out of my mouth, and the other way to communicate to her was to smile and nod.  She grinned and laughed and went to wrap her arms back around me again, except I wasn’t there to receive the hug.  Two hands and grabbed mine and were dragging me away towards the entrance.  Carl had one of my hands, and another big guy had my other hand.  They had been watching her the whole time.  They brought me all the way out to the grass in front of the frat, and threw me on the ground.
“Get up you fuck.”  Carl mocked me.  I tried to get up, but it was difficult.  I was still woozy from the vodka, but eventually I was on my feet.  He walked towards me and punched me in the face.  The punch was hard enough to knock me back to the ground again.  “I told you to stay away from my girl.”
“I’m not your girl,” Beth screamed from the doorway, running down and kneeling down over me.  “Leave him alone.”
“Stay away from him Beth, this is between me and him.”  Carl was determined to give me a lesson.  He pointed at Beth and his crony friend pulled her away from me.  I was helpless and alone now.  Carl grabbed my hair and pulled me back to my feet.  This time it didn’t seem so hard to stand up straight.  He took a shot at my stomach, forcing me to double over and fall to my knees.  Then something snapped inside of me.  Maybe it was the bottled emotion from Nicole, but whatever it was gave me something extra.  I looked up at Carl with a fiery look in my eyes.  For a second he actually had a glint of fear in his eyes.  It didn’t stop him for long though, as he made his way back over to me again.  He brought his leg back to kick me, but when he went to, I grabbed it and pulled him to the ground.  Something had now taken over my body and mind.  I crawled on top of him and gave him a shot to the nose.  However, he had been in lots of fights, and was a lot stronger than I was.  He pushed me off, and kicked me in the face.  The alcohol had made me pretty numb, but I still felt that to its full effect.
I tried getting back up to fight, but my body had enough and wouldn’t respond to me.  All it wanted to do was lay there and watch Carl take the finishing blow.  I just watched as he stood over me, looking down.  He spit on my face and laughed, “Maybe now you’ll stay away from her.”  Things started getting blurry, and my hearing was starting to fade.  I could make out the figure of Carl, though.  He was picked me up by my shirt and stood me up in front of him.  I made out a scream in the far distance.  It was Beth, but she was actually ten feet away, being forced to watch my demise.
Carl brought his arm back, and I closed my eyes.  The hit never came.  I opened my eyes, and Carl was on the ground.  Alex, Grant, and a few others of our friends had jumped Carl and were kicking him on the ground.  There was no feeling left in me but the left over anger.  I stood over Carl, who was laying in the fetal position, and waved off my friends.  The evil that had taken over my body forced my leg back, and I began kicking him in the head, the stomach, the back, anywhere I could.
His friend decided to leave him there, seeing the number of my friends there to help me.  Beth came over and pulled me away.  I fell onto my knees and started crying.  All the sudden my stomach and face started hurting again.  Thoughts of Nicole were flashing into my head.  I wanted to throw up, but I stopped myself.  My brain was spinning every time I closed my eyes.
The next thing I felt was her arms around me.  Beth was on her knees right in front of me.  She was crying, too.
Suddenly everything started flashing.  I stood up and turned around.  It was the cops, and they were going around questioning people.  Everyone was pointing at me and Carl.  One of them came up to me, and brought me over to the sidewalk next to the car.  They made me breathe into a breathalyzer.  The cop chucked, and I was handcuffed and placed into the back of the car.  Carl was sat next to me, still woozy.  Best came running up to the side of the car, tears streaming her face.  “Dinner tomorrow,” I said with a half-smile.  She tried to smile back, and the car started driving away.

Description
“What do I mean to you?”  The question was burning a hole in my mind.  I still haven’t gotten to the point of understand why she called me long distance at nine in the morning just to ask me that.  At that point, I was still half asleep, since my first class wasn’t until eleven.  There was no answer from my end, so she asked again, “What do I mean to you?”  She always does crazy things like this after we fight.  Sometimes we’ll fight for no reason more than because things have been going too well for too long.  It was something a little more serious this time.  The question still played over and over in my mind.  A picture of her sitting in her bed, cuddled with her blankets and her hundreds of pillows flashed into my head.  It was so real.
Grant nudged me and nodded towards the professor.  He was one of my better friends here, though I didn’t have many.
The professor was staring at me, patiently.  It made me shudder.  “Sorry, what was the question?” was all I could ask, since I really wasn’t paying any attention.
“I hope you decide to pay more attention for your midterm.” He sneered, jokingly, and went on to torture the next student.  I didn’t care, what was I taking a course about the history of Poland for?  I know I’m Polish, but I don’t see the point, it’s so boring.  Maybe that’s why I’m so boring, and forgiving.  The Polish were always being conquered, much like the Jews.  These are the things I actually remember.
It seemed like hours, but the class finally ended.  The professor gave us a homework assignment that was due in a week.  Surprise, another essay.  I rolled my eyes at the assignment.  We had to write a five page paper on the Poland’s role in World War II.  It didn’t seem that hard, since my high school seemed to repeat the World War II significance every year in high school.
Grant got up and started walking out of the class before I even finished writing down the assignment.  “I’m going to get a bite to eat,” was all he said, without even looking at me.  He was so focused, and to anyone else, it would just seem he was really hungry.  But he was really going to talk to this girl.  He met her a few days ago, and he’s using every excuse he can to be around her now.  Already whipped.  I chuckled, thinking about how he’s going to act once they go out.  It’s pretty obvious that they will.  This Amanda girl is one of those quiet types, and they’d be perfect for each other.
There was nothing stopping me from my mission, however.  I was headed directly back to my room with my answer to Nicole, who was my one and only.  We’ve been going out for a solid two months and running.  Surprisingly enough, this is one of my longer relationships.  Girls can’t stand me for some reason.  I guess it’s because I’m too detached.  I can’t help it though, it’s just hard to trust people.  Everyone that’s gotten close to me, has either hurt me, or has gotten hurt.  They all eventually leave, so I try to minimize the pain.  There was no way that me and Nicole were going to last another week.  She kept telling me that she was starting to fall for someone else, and that I had to fight for her.  That’s what this fight was about, and that’s why she called me.  She wanted to know if I meant enough for her so I’d do anything and everything to keep her, or else she’d leave me for this hunk she found.  It would be so much easier for us if we didn’t go to school four states away.  I was attending Cornell, and she was at Northwestern.
Don’t go thinking I’m all brainy or anything, my getting into Cornell was definitely a fluke.  However, I did walk in the same rings as Nicole in high school.  She was really the brainy one, and all our friends were smarter than me.  However, she and my parents worked as a team to accept Cornell, so eventually I cracked and here I am now.  I wanted to go to the University of Michigan, but they didn’t have a good program in what I wanted to do.
We finally decided to go out during the summer after graduation.  It wasn’t the smartest decision of my life, since we were only together for half a month before we shipped off in opposite directions.  She went west and me northeast, from Pittsburgh to our respective schools.  Neither of us thought it would last through orientation, but we tried it, and now we’re almost through October.
This riddle was going to be the death of me, though.  What did she mean to me?  I asked myself at least two hundred times on the way back to my room.  Even after two months, I didn’t let myself get to close.  Well, I loved her; I would never deny that, there was just something inside me that told me that she didn’t love me as much.  That’s why I was too scared of getting attached.  This was the reason though; she had taken interest in someone that went to her school.  How could I compete with that?  I wasn’t special enough to compete with someone that could be there to hug her, hold her.  I shuddered at the thought of her kissing him.  The thought ran through my mind of going to Evanston, stealing her out of one of her classes, and running away with her.  This was just one of my fantasies.  I’ve always been partial to the idea of living in a log cabin in the woods in a valley.  There had to be lake, of course.  I didn’t think this would be too hard, with enough money, since everyone seemed to be a beach person.  I was not a beach person.  It’s too hot, and it’s too easy for me to burn.
The door was open, so I just walked in.  My roommate was reading.  I don’t get people and their books.  My desk was just as messy as it was when I left.  There was not much in the piles of junk that had any importance for my task, so I brushed it aside.  Every time I come back, I hope someone has left me a message, and I impatiently clicked my mouse.  No one left me any messages, what a surprise.  There are certain types of music that are best for the certain moods I’m in.  Flipping through my CDs, I found what I wanted, and popped it into the CD player.  The phone was on the other side of the room.  My roommate must have been talking to someone.  There was no way that Nicole was going to hear from me just yet.  My bed seemed so much more inviting.  My instincts had not deceived me; the bed felt as good as it ever did.
I closed my eyes, and just laid there.  It seemed like an hour later, my roommate dropped the phone next to my head.  “I saw you looking at it,” he claimed as he made his was back to his chair.  He must have eyes in the back and sides of his head.  I took it as a sign that I’m supposed to call, so I pulled my phone card out of my wallet and dialed her up.
“Hello?” She answered.  I could tell she was giggling.
“Hey,” I paused, “Are you busy? Do you have company?”
“It’s just Sean.” She stated calmly now.
“Oh, well I’ll call back later.” It was my worst fear.  Sean was the other guy that she now had feelings for.
“No, it’s alright, what did you call for?”  I could tell she knew, she just had to ask.
“I have your answer.”
“Alright, hold on.”  There was a pause, and I could hear talking faintly, but I couldn’t make out the words.  “Okay, Sean’s gone.”  That didn’t make me feel any better.
“You mean everything to me.  I’m sorry I’ve been so distant with you.  I’m sorry I’ve been so angry and frustrating you every night.  I just realized that I want to get closer to you.  I’m not scared anymore.”  I bared my heart and soul, but this was what came out.  By the way I said it, I could tell she didn’t think I was serious.  I really was ready to give myself up in the face of pain for her, even though the distance was still between us.
“Sean asked me out today,” was her only response.
I bottled up.  There was no answer for that.  The phone was silent for what seemed like forever.  I wanted her to keep talking so I wouldn’t have to say anything.  Finally I gave in.  “What did you say?”
“That I’d think about it.”
“Oh.”  I sounded ungrateful, but nothing else came out.  Thousands of thoughts and feelings were flying through my head at outrageous speeds.
“I don’t think we’re going to work, I’m sorry.  It’s just too hard.  I gave you two months to decide what you wanted to do, and you wouldn’t get close to me.  It’s just been too hard with the distance.”
She might as well have taken a knife and drove it into my chest.  “So you already made your decision?”  I asked, as if I didn’t know the answer.
“Yes.”  It was short, sweet, and infinitely painful.  I breathed deep so as not to cry on the phone in front of my roommate.  I heard a voice in the background.  No doubt it was Sean’s.  “I have to go to class now,” she almost whispered.  “I love you.  Bye hun.”  She was mocking me now.  I wasn’t breathing.  The phone just stayed at my ear and I stared at the ceiling.  I heard her sigh at my lack of enthusiasm for her and her new boyfriend, and cried as the silence turned into the dial tone.
Thankfully it was Friday.  I lowered the phone down melodramatically, and turned towards the wall.  I’m glad I picked this CD.  “You’re not the one but you’re the only one who could make me feel like this.  You’re not the one but you’re the only one who could make me feel like shit.”  The lyrics were sung over and over.
“What’s going on tonight?”  Me and my roommate had a lot of the same friends, and went out together often.
“There’s a party at one of the frats.”  I wasn’t a big drinker, but alcohol was going to be my one friend tonight.  Tears started rolling down my face.  There was only one thing to get me to tonight, so I took I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

I woke up to an empty room.  My roommate must have left and forgotten to turn the light on, because it was dark now.  The shades were down for some reason.  They had been broken since we moved in, and they must have fallen while I was asleep.  Neither of us decided to do anything about fixing them.
The clock said it was 7:14.  That would mean that my nap was about four hours.  I still didn’t feel refreshed though.  The computer screen had the screen saver up, so there was no way of telling if I had any messages without getting up.  It’s not anyone ever leaves me messages anyway.  My away message was just one of my little poems, and no one ever responds to those.  It almost makes me think that no one wants to tell me how bad they are.  This is the kind of thinking that makes it hard to keep friends.
There was still too much time to kill before people started going out.  I finally mustered up all my energy, and got out of bed and over to the computer.  Now this was the surprise of the century, I had a message.  It was from one of my friends, saying that they were going to drink before the party.  I was allowed to come over whenever I wanted to, even though the party wasn’t for at least another hour or two.  This didn’t even take a second thought; I grabbed my coat and walked out the door.

There were about seven people already in my friend’s room.  Most of them were familiar, but there was one girl that I’d never seen before.  I thought she was very attractive, and had a shy-girl aura about her.  Looking over from the game he was playing, he smiled and waved.  His name was Alex, and we both had the same English class.  Everyone else I knew from hanging out with Alex.  I sat down on the floor in front of the TV.  Everyone was playing Mario Kart.  “Can I get in on the next race?”  I asked, innocently.
“Yeah sure, you can take the loser’s controller.”  Alex told me.
I was a hustler.  My skills at Mario Kart were extreme, or at least I liked to think.  In racing mode, there were few that could contend with my sheer awesomeness.  However, they were playing battle mode, where my skills extended only into the great pit of lava in the middle of the big donut.  I figured that losing isn’t everything, and that it was still fun.
There was still the matter of waiting for the battle to end and the loser to be named so I could have my turn.  Almost involuntarily, my head turned to the left, to this mystery girl who was sitting on Alex’s bed watching the game.  Her eyes were of the purest blue, and they entranced me.  I realized I was staring, and quickly looked back at the TV screen.  Luckily, she didn’t notice, or at least she didn’t give off the suspicion that she knew what I was doing.
Games like this make you lose track of time, and before we knew it, we had been played for almost two hours.  It was around 10:30pm and we finally decided we’ve had enough video games.  Alex got up and walked over to his closet.  Moving aside some clothes and opening a box, he pulled out a bottle of vodka, a bottle of rum and three shot glasses to split.  Rum was not my drink, so I took the vodka first, poured myself a drink, and downed it.  Nothing else mattered anymore.  The world just grew into a haze, but it wasn’t the alcohol, it was just my apathy.  In the next twenty minutes, I had six or eight more shots, I can’t really remember.  The vodka had no effect on me, so I kept going.
Finally, everyone was happy with what they had drunk, and we headed out as a group.  All eight of us headed over to the party, some already buzzed and others, like me, without effect.  The walk over almost felt like a scene out of a movie.  It was almost like we were walking in slow motion.  Their presence made me feel almost confident.
When we got there, I gave an almost superior smirk to the frat bothers.  The alcohol was starting to affect me, but it was nothing more than a buzz.  We walked in, and the bass was already surging through my body.  As we walked closer to the dance floor, the music was taking control of my body.  The dance floor was packed; people were dancing and drinking all over the place.  I smiled; the alcohol had finally taken control of me, and mixed with the music, everyone else had left my head.
Grant and Amanda were already here, they were standing on the side.  “I’ll be right back,” I told Alex, and walked over to Grant.  “Hey, big shot,” I chuckled as I nudged him in the arm.  I was so obviously drunk, but I didn’t care.  Grant just smiled at me, and Amanda looked away.
“I’ll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom,” she said, giving me a sideways glance of disgust, and walked away.
“How much did you have to drink?”  He asked me.
“Oh, I don’t remember.  Not quite enough.”
“Just stay out of trouble tonight, alright?”
“Hey, you’re the one that should be staying out of trouble with that girl of yours.”  I started laughing at my own jokes.
“If you need a place to stay tonight, I’ll roll out the cot.  You know where I live.”  He started looking worried.  The concern went right through me, and hit the floor.  I laughed at him and his worried look.
“Come on, man.  How stupid do you think I am?”  My attempt to hit him on the shoulder failed miserably, and I stumbled, almost falling face first on the ground.  He caught me and calmed me down some.
“What’s gotten into you tonight? This isn’t like you.”  The concern was back on his face again.  I finally felt what he felt, and the smile faded from my face.  Tears started falling from my eyes and I looked away.
“She broke up with you, didn’t she?”  I knew it was a guess, but I felt like he could read my mind.  I didn’t say anything, or even move.
“Fuck her, I don’t need her.”  I walked away from him, took a deep breath, and let the alcohol warm me.  The smile appeared back on my face, and started onto the dance floor in search of Alex.  The seven of them had made it near the middle of the dance floor, and I found my spot among them.  The lights and the music took over again, and I danced.  I danced without a care in the world.
I was bumped in the hip from the right side.  Looking over, I noticed that mystery girl was dancing right next to me, and she had bumped my hips with hers.  A grin took over my face.  It felt great to be noticed by someone you think is attractive and out of your league.
I danced closer over to her, and brought my mouth up near her ear.  “What’s you’re name?”  I shouted to make sure she could hear me.
“Beth, what’s yours?”
“Andrew Joseph Pascaledes, but you can call me Drew,” I paused for a moment, “Or A.J.”  She laughed.  That made me happy, because I like making people laugh.  She smiled at me, staring into my eyes.  It was obvious that I was blushing, so I tried concealing it behind a smile.  She faced me and started moving closer to me.  I moved my hand to her waist, when all the sudden there was a hand grabbing the back of my shirt and pulling me backwards.  There was no way to look behind me, but I did notice that Beth had a worried look on her face.  She didn’t move to come save me, she just stood here.
The hand dragged me about ten feet away through the middle of the room and clear to the other side.  Finally the hand stopped pulling and I was able to stop walking backwards.  A voice whispered in my ear, “Stay away from Elizabeth or else.”  The hand let go, and I turned around to confront my kidnapper, but by that time, no one was there except people dancing.  There was no feeling of fear or even curiosity anywhere inside of me, so I made my way back to Beth and Alex.
Upon seeing Beth’s face again, I suddenly started feeling slightly afraid.  The voice was definitely from a male, and from what I could make out, he was big.  The music still had a control of me, and my body forced me to dance.  However, I was now on the other side of the group from Beth.  She tried making eye contact with me, but the guy’s voice just played over in my head, so I couldn’t look back.
The music slowly eased my mind back into a state of relaxation, as a smile came back across my face.  Some random girl that was also obviously drunk had come up from behind me and started sticking her hands in my pockets.  As soon as she took them up, she spun me around and started giving me a personal lap dance, and I have to say, I was enjoying it.  She faced away from me and forced her body against mine, grabbed my shoulders and slid her body down mine.  My hands were on her arms, and I was almost too scared to move them.  Somehow I kept dancing though, even though my body was in such shock.
As soon as she got back up face to face with me, she turned and faced me.  I stared into her eyes.  Her eyes were intense and I could almost see the pain she must have been feeling, hiding it deep inside, much like I was.  Images played in my head of what must have been bothering her, but before I got anywhere, she kissed me.  Out of shock, I pushed her away, and turned back into my group of friends.  Within no time at all, another hand grabbed me from behind, but this time it grabbed my hand and only pulled me a few feet away.
“What did Carl say to you?”  It was Elizabeth.  There was a single tear streaming down her face.  I assumed Carl was the first one that pulled me away and threatened me.
“He said ‘Stay away from you or else’.”  She sighed.  “Don’t listen to him, he’s just my jealous ex-boyfriend.  We only went out for a week, but he can’t stand seeing me with anyone else.”  She threw her arms around me and started weeping.  I wrapped my arms back around her and held her tight.  Then the last thing I expected happened.  She kissed me.  “I want to get to know you better.”  She almost smiled.  “Would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow?”
I smiled.  I shook.  I didn’t really know what to say.  I was shocked, and everything was happening so fast.  Nothing came out of my mouth, and the other way to communicate to her was to smile and nod.  She grinned and laughed and went to wrap her arms back around me again, except I wasn’t there to receive the hug.  Two hands and grabbed mine and were dragging me away towards the entrance.  Carl had one of my hands, and another big guy had my other hand.  They had been watching her the whole time.  They brought me all the way out to the grass in front of the frat, and threw me on the ground.
“Get up you fuck.”  Carl mocked me.  I tried to get up, but it was difficult.  I was still woozy from the vodka, but eventually I was on my feet.  He walked towards me and punched me in the face.  The punch was hard enough to knock me back to the ground again.  “I told you to stay away from my girl.”
“I’m not your girl,” Beth screamed from the doorway, running down and kneeling down over me.  “Leave him alone.”
“Stay away from him Beth, this is between me and him.”  Carl was determined to give me a lesson.  He pointed at Beth and his crony friend pulled her away from me.  I was helpless and alone now.  Carl grabbed my hair and pulled me back to my feet.  This time it didn’t seem so hard to stand up straight.  He took a shot at my stomach, forcing me to double over and fall to my knees.  Then something snapped inside of me.  Maybe it was the bottled emotion from Nicole, but whatever it was gave me something extra.  I looked up at Carl with a fiery look in my eyes.  For a second he actually had a glint of fear in his eyes.  It didn’t stop him for long though, as he made his way back over to me again.  He brought his leg back to kick me, but when he went to, I grabbed it and pulled him to the ground.  Something had now taken over my body and mind.  I crawled on top of him and gave him a shot to the nose.  However, he had been in lots of fights, and was a lot stronger than I was.  He pushed me off, and kicked me in the face.  The alcohol had made me pretty numb, but I still felt that to its full effect.
I tried getting back up to fight, but my body had enough and wouldn’t respond to me.  All it wanted to do was lay there and watch Carl take the finishing blow.  I just watched as he stood over me, looking down.  He spit on my face and laughed, “Maybe now you’ll stay away from her.”  Things started getting blurry, and my hearing was starting to fade.  I could make out the figure of Carl, though.  He was picked me up by my shirt and stood me up in front of him.  I made out a scream in the far distance.  It was Beth, but she was actually ten feet away, being forced to watch my demise.
Carl brought his arm back, and I closed my eyes.  The hit never came.  I opened my eyes, and Carl was on the ground.  Alex, Grant, and a few others of our friends had jumped Carl and were kicking him on the ground.  There was no feeling left in me but the left over anger.  I stood over Carl, who was laying in the fetal position, and waved off my friends.  The evil that had taken over my body forced my leg back, and I began kicking him in the head, the stomach, the back, anywhere I could.
His friend decided to leave him there, seeing the number of my friends there to help me.  Beth came over and pulled me away.  I fell onto my knees and started crying.  All the sudden my stomach and face started hurting again.  Thoughts of Nicole were flashing into my head.  I wanted to throw up, but I stopped myself.  My brain was spinning every time I closed my eyes.
The next thing I felt was her arms around me.  Beth was on her knees right in front of me.  She was crying, too.
Suddenly everything started flashing.  I stood up and turned around.  It was the cops, and they were going around questioning people.  Everyone was pointing at me and Carl.  One of them came up to me, and brought me over to the sidewalk next to the car.  They made me breathe into a breathalyzer.  The cop chucked, and I was handcuffed and placed into the back of the car.  Carl was sat next to me, still woozy.  Best came running up to the side of the car, tears streaming her face.  “Dinner tomorrow,” I said with a half-smile.  She tried to smile back, and the car started driving away.