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FatFlower — Time
Published: 2009-05-07 14:01:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 130; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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Description
Time is gold; cherish it, treasure it,For you won't know you have it 'til the day you lose it.
Time slips away, far from your reach,
Like rolling blue waves on a white-sanded beach.
Time is fragile; it disappears in a flash.
So be careful and quick, for you're losing your stash.
Time will surprise, startle, and shock you
When you wake up and realize your days are few.
Time is an assassin, stealthy and silent.
This, you will realize once all your days are spent.
Time will make you laugh, smile, and cry
And it will continue to do so 'til the day you die.
Time will bring change, whether you like it or not,
And for you to cope up, it'll take all you've got.
Time does not wait; it moves right along.
It's hard to catch up, but trust in the Lord;
He'll keep you strong.
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Comments: 11
I see people have commented on the last two lines... I'm not religious either(and I don't write poetry, but prose), but from the standpoint of a more religious person I don't see any problems. and now to comment the poetry (not believes or subject)-It has a good flow, and even if some metaphors can be called predictable, it counts more the way you made them fit in the general cadre of the poetry. nicely done
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Thanks a lot! 
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Flows well. I'm not religious so I agree with the previous comment. However, I get your standpoint too. Nicely done
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I completely understand. 
Thanks, though.
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If you wanted critique, I'll give it shot.
The rhymes and metaphors are predictable and generic, so it sounds pretty uninspired, but it's nothing a little practice won't fix. I'd suggest cutting that last line because it just comes out of nowhere.
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Thank you!
Yeah, I guess it does sound pretty uninspired. I can see the unoriginality in it.
About that last line, though, I don't mean to bring religion into this, since I know it's a sort of touchy subject with some people, but it is partly the point of the poem, especially if a Christian were reading it. But from another perspective, I do see how it seems a bit pointless. ^^'
Again, thank you for the critique. I truly appreciate it.
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Wow, i'm not the biggest fan of literature and have no experiance with it, but this is really great! nicely written, goodjob
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Wow, I really appreciate that.
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