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festivemanb — Against

Published: 2004-05-09 22:08:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 174; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 52
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Description A million first lines I’ve left moldering in notebooks,
stillborn, silent, flaccid,     I’ve betrayed them.
I’ve held my tongue against them.  I’ve held my breath.

I think I might be
scratched away like those first lines.
Brought low.  Reduced.  But I can’t tell.

What is it you said?
That you hope I don’t get swallowed by the academy?
I think I have been already.
Swallowed.  Spat out.  Scratched out.

And yet –
these last few days
I have let myself dream
of a time when maybe
I get to finish
Those sweetheart poems
I want to write for you.

But then I catch myself.
And remember your breath on my lips saying this:
We don’t even know each other.

I think
I might just give up
poetry.
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Comments: 6

undefinability [2004-05-11 06:55:07 +0000 UTC]

"Swallowed. Spat out. Scratched out."
- Don't repeat out. Think of a similiar expression or phrase that could be used, but repeating it is useless. Like, even scratched alone looks good.

This is the best I've seen of you for awhile.

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festivemanb In reply to undefinability [2004-05-11 22:10:33 +0000 UTC]

I dunno about that particular line, but there is certainly a repeting sound in those first three stanzas which kinda gets on my nerves and I'll prolly change.

All it takes? Time.

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Spiritual-Coder [2004-05-10 09:07:26 +0000 UTC]

I like it ! It flows nicely and now I can see that rhyme isn't really necessary to give birth to a great poem. *inspired*

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Oddette [2004-05-09 23:19:06 +0000 UTC]

all just said I agree to

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sarahtomic [2004-05-09 23:13:46 +0000 UTC]

It's your wording and form that make your poems beautiful! You have an awesome sense of theme and repitition that I wish more poets displayed--but then again, how would we then separate the good poets from the bad?

That said, is there supposed to be a "get" somewhere in the second line, third stanza?

You have a wonderful way with words, Mr. Mackie! Don't quit!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

festivemanb In reply to sarahtomic [2004-05-10 00:36:16 +0000 UTC]

Well...
it doesn't mean giving up on poetry, but rather, giving up on the poetry of the moment, if you catch my stance.

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