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FindChaos — ChaosLife - Unshared Experience
Published: 2012-12-31 22:16:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 6424; Favourites: 79; Downloads: 11
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Read other ChaosLife comics and more here: [link]From the blog commentary below the comic:
"Note: Just because you’ve never experienced something doesn’t mean it’s non-existent.
Unfortunately, this kind of thing does happen to us: both the homophobic remarks/threats and the complete lack of understanding. Too many times we’ve had bad experiences in stores, restaurants and out in public, only to be told that people doubt us or have never experienced anything like that themselves, so obviously it must be some other reason that x is calling us dykes, or telling us that they ‘don’t like our kind shopping/eating here’! Huh.
People will often do this with places or people they enjoy and don’t want to quit supporting because of another’s negative experience. It’s hurtful and unfair to resort to victim-blaming to offset your own discomfort with the situation. Imagine if you had been the subject of such mistreatment and how much worse you would feel. If you choose to enjoy something despite another’s negative experience, that is your right, but don’t go out of your way to discredit someone just to try to justify yourself or your actions.
A good rule of thumb is that if you weren’t there, never begin a reply with “I can’t believe…” or “There’s no way he/she/they…”
I’m sorry, you’re wrong. The person who experienced the hateful words or actions is right, because they are relating an experience they had. If you weren’t party to it, then you are only adding a subjective voice. And you’re just being even more offensive and negative on top of all of it. Especially if you’re a friend or relative, they are likely coming to you for support, not skepticism.
A lot of people have to deal with this kind of victim-blaming censorship (POC as a recent example) and general mistrust of issues the majority aren’t a part of and probably never will be. Unfortunately, the LGBTQ community isn’t the first to experience it and they won’t be the last. Let’s try to change our bad habits now.
Thanks for reading this rather serious note! We have faith that the vast majority of you lovely readers aren’t the perpetrators of this behavior, but if you know someone who is, feel free to point them this way for a lil’ FYI."
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Comments: 21
People are dicks,
I'd like to punch the guy who brought the word "normal" to the English language.
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Oh my gosh, I LOVE this. You wouldn't believe how many times I've had someone say something pretty overtly racist to me ("Oh, that's so great for an African-American!" "Oh look guys, we brought a black person!") only to have my friends/ acquaintances try to come up with a million reasons why that person didn't 'mean it' that way. Of course they did, why else would they say it?
I spend about half the year in a pretty homophobic part of 'Murica, so I can't even begin to understand how awful that must feel. The incident itself is always humiliating enough; to have the people you care about discount your experiences simply because they haven't gone through them is just invalidating.
Hopefully your friends can get better about this!
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Wow, I'm so sorry about that. I've been bullied for being bisexual, told to "choose one," etc. People also give me weird looks when I say I don't care if someone isn't white and that I'd still date them if we liked each other and they're nice (I'm white, ginger). Like.. wtf? Interracial couples also still get hate, it's so sad.
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I hate comments just like the ones you mentioned and my wife and I both make it a point to correct people when they do make those kinds of statements. And yes, they *are* racist or homophobic, it's just something that's wired into their brain, so they're surprised when you point it out to them. It's unfortunate but it does need to be corrected.
I hope your friends get better about it, too! I'm sure some day we'll see some sense wired into people. <3
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It's true! Nowadays people are so preoccupied with proclaiming that they aren't bigots that they don't actually confront the bigotry inside them. 
My friends who matter are! 
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I can't believe there are still way too many jerks who can't see the forest for the trees!
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WRONG TAB
I can't delete it, so please just ignore it, sorry...
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And this is based on a real conversation? Someone actually said that to you? *mind boggles*
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It's happened to us (on numerous occasions, this is just an example of one time), to friends and often in the great wide world of the internet. There's been more than one instance of victim-blaming by large mobs of anonymous internet folk that I could point to, but the real kicker comes when something is said like this from straight, supposedly supportive friends.
Ce la vie, hopefully some people will learn from it!
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And this is why society doesn't advance. That kind of condescending attitude is unfortunately very common, as well as infuriating, and as you said it doesn't only involve the LGBT community...
For example, I'm remembering some cases I've seen of children being ignored when they try to explain something that bothers them. Adults don't understand the way children think and don't take them seriously, which can lead to terrible situations, such as continued abuse.
This is not the same, of course, but it's also a case of people taking things for granted and not making an effort to try and understand others. It's just like they think that ignoring the trouble makes it go away; but, of course, that's very easy to say, when you're not in the receiving end of that trouble...
Thanks for sharing this. You've made very interesting points.
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I just find it awesome that there are groups of people who live in my area that stand up if they hear a slur. I'm happy that the GSA in my area is so proactive
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That is very nice of them. Unfortunately, as two small, oftentimes alone women, when slurs come across from more intimidating large men, we don't feel comfortable enough to confront them and escalate the situation. Instead, we usually just remove ourselves from it. It's definitely not fair and I wish more people would take the proactive approach like in your community, but it's more comfortable than potentially having worse things than words thrown at us.
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When I rise to power, people like that are going off to the camps.
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Wow. It's sad that some people still judge others for things that cannot be changed. Le sigh....
In other news... Is that an Appltiny you're drinking?
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Oh my yes. I have a weakness for anything martini-based!
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