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Shhh…it’s alright. I hate it when you look distressed. Any time before this I would think you would be offended to know I am sitting here at your bedside, watching you sleep and trying to chase off the nightmares. Any other time. Right now I don’t know what you would think. My world has flipped through so many convoluted reflections of normalcy that I don’t quite know what to expect.


Reflex is to stroke the nightmares away from your brow, ready to leap back in chagrin should you awake. The reality is I don’t know what would be in your eyes if you woke right now, but I hope that it wouldn’t be all anger. We are both without our masks now. Oh, we still have them in place for everyone else to see, but they don’t work on each other. We have seen too much, you and I. I am sure that is what troubles your sleep right now; somewhere between the insane actions of a perverse doctor and the very fires of hell your mind is huddling. I can see it there, in the line on your brow.


“Shhh.”

You followed me where no one else would. Let me sit here with you and guard your sleep, chase the night demons away. It is the least I can do. You realize I am only here because of you. For you. The sight of your terrified eyes, your arms around me, and your desperate plea for me to stay…that is why I am here. For you. For you I mean something. Do you have any idea how much that goes towards fixing the split ends of my own sanity and emotional jigsaw puzzle? Of them all, you know me best. You have seen what is inside me, and you still asked me to stay. You told me I am human, held me as I wept, walked me away from the edge.

“Thank you.”

It almost seems silly to be sitting here, engrossed in the feel of your hair as I smooth it back, the soft sound of your breathing. It seems silly, and completely out of character. I never want to be close to anyone. You of all people should understand that. I think you do. We are both just as inept at being open.

“Look at all I keep putting you through…”

You must be miserable. I mean, you can’t be comfortable at all with this feeling, this emotional tangle that resulted in my desire to wipe myself out of existence. I know I am not used to being needed as much as you need me. I am used to being wanted. Tatsumi, Watari, the rest of them want me around. But I am not so sure I could ever describe them as needing me. It is a strange feeling. I am not so sure I know what to do with it.
Well, except sit here and try and make your sleep as restful as possible. I really don’t know what else to do with you. You seem so uncomfortable with contact, and I know why, but it leaves me at a loss. I want to hold you, comfort you, love you…

“I love you…”

And I am so tired…


Hisoka crawled out of a pleasant sleep, poked and prodded by the feel of someone in the room who was part content, part exhausted. Tsuzuki sat, half in a chair at Hisoka’s bedside, and half on the bed, and was most definitely asleep. One arm stretched out across the covers to where one of Hisoka’s own most likely been before he had stirred into wakefulness. The thick, fluffy quilt seemed quite stifling for some reason, and Hisoka decided it was time to get himself out of bed before he became as lazy as his errant partner. Extracting himself from lovingly tucked in blankets, without waking Tsuzuki, was going to be quite the task. With a quiet hiss of frustration Hisoka attempted the process. If only the wall wasn’t at one side, and Tsuzuki at the other. Things would be much easier if he could just kinda…roll out the side of the blankets. His only options appeared to be to worm his way out through the foot of the bed inelegantly, or to wake Tsuzuki and demand he move. His hand was halfway to Tsuzuki’s face, ready to cuff him into wakefulness when the situation hit him. Tsuzuki, who had tried to immolate himself out of guilt and grief, who was still far too worn out for anyone’s comfort, had apparently spent the night looking over him.


“You are an idiot.” He said it with more resignation than distaste, pulling his hand back to pinch the bridge of his nose more out of habit than to quash a headache. Indignity it was then. Cautiously he wiggled down through the blankets, gambling on the fact that Tsuzuki was still a deep sleeper. ‘If anyone comes in and sees me doing this, I will smack Tsuzuki for good measure…’ Thankfully no one appeared to usher either of them to work, late as they both were, allowing Hisoka to slide off the foot of his bed in relative peace and plop down in a disgruntled heap amidst a sheet that he had pulled free with him. Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he turned his baleful glare to the sleeping, slightly snoring, Tsuzuki, who twitched and moved a bit in his sleep as it sensing his partners ire.


Hisoka watched, bemused as Tsuzuki then managed to ooze out of the chair as he stretched in his sleep, causing him to puddle onto the floor, catlike, without waking. Almost jealous and definitely amused, Hisoka stared at his blissfully asleep partner, not noticing the slight grin that pulled at the corners of his own mouth. It was good to see Tsuzuki sleeping someplace that wasn’t at his desk, head pillowed on his arms and a mountain of paperwork. Contentment rolled off of Tsuzuki as he slept, curling himself against Hisoka’s bed, and Hisoka sighed, breathing deeply as if he could put a pleasant scent to Tsuzuki’s sleepy delight. ‘Now we are both on the floor and no one at all is on the bed. This would be amusing if I didn’t think he just curled up on my socks…’

Ok. It was amusing even with Tsuzuki now sleeping on Hisoka’s only clean pair of socks. The pair he had set out last night before bed. Along with his pants…and shirt….Tsuzuki was nesting in his clothes. For some reason this was the most hilarious thing he had ever seen, and before he could stop himself, Hisoka found himself chucking quietly. How uncharacteristic of him. Sitting on the floor, dressed only in the shirt he was too tired to take off the night before, atop a wrinkled sheet, laughing because his partner was sleeping happily on his pants. It felt so good to laugh. A moment later, tears rolling down his cheeks with suppressed mirth, he tried to roll Tsuzuki over in order to liberate his clothing.


The stealthy process succeeded in rolling the sleeping Shinigami over, but managed to move him in such a way that Hisoka’s hand brushed his cheek. An electrical shock of satisfied happiness shot through the empath, making him pause, his touch lingering. Tsuzuki was happy. He was happy to be in his partner’s room, watching over him. The fact Hisoka was there made him happy…Stunned, Hisoka stroked back an errant bit of Tsuzuki’s silky soft hair. This was why he tried so hard not to touch his partner. He didn’t know how Tsuzuki felt, didn’t want to know. He had been so afraid that his partner had resented him for asking him to stay, for saying he needed him. It was the opposite…the complete opposite. Tsuzuki needed acceptance, needed to be needed so badly…By asking him to stay, Hisoka had made him so very happy…


“What am I going to do with you, baka?” Hisoka’s quiet inquiry was rich with insecurity. “I don’t know how to handle this very well. I don’t know how to show how I feel…” He ran a hand through his own hair, breaking contact with Tsuzuki, though his emotions still wafted through the room, muzzy and warm with sleep. “I don’t know how to express myself…but I am willing to give it a shot.” A decision reached, he tugged the last stubborn centimeter of pant leg free and silently dressed. Sock-less, pants a wrinkled mess and his shirt looking, justifiably, as it had been slept in, Hisoka left the room to head to work.

Description

Shhh…it’s alright. I hate it when you look distressed. Any time before this I would think you would be offended to know I am sitting here at your bedside, watching you sleep and trying to chase off the nightmares. Any other time. Right now I don’t know what you would think. My world has flipped through so many convoluted reflections of normalcy that I don’t quite know what to expect.


Reflex is to stroke the nightmares away from your brow, ready to leap back in chagrin should you awake. The reality is I don’t know what would be in your eyes if you woke right now, but I hope that it wouldn’t be all anger. We are both without our masks now. Oh, we still have them in place for everyone else to see, but they don’t work on each other. We have seen too much, you and I. I am sure that is what troubles your sleep right now; somewhere between the insane actions of a perverse doctor and the very fires of hell your mind is huddling. I can see it there, in the line on your brow.


“Shhh.”

You followed me where no one else would. Let me sit here with you and guard your sleep, chase the night demons away. It is the least I can do. You realize I am only here because of you. For you. The sight of your terrified eyes, your arms around me, and your desperate plea for me to stay…that is why I am here. For you. For you I mean something. Do you have any idea how much that goes towards fixing the split ends of my own sanity and emotional jigsaw puzzle? Of them all, you know me best. You have seen what is inside me, and you still asked me to stay. You told me I am human, held me as I wept, walked me away from the edge.

“Thank you.”

It almost seems silly to be sitting here, engrossed in the feel of your hair as I smooth it back, the soft sound of your breathing. It seems silly, and completely out of character. I never want to be close to anyone. You of all people should understand that. I think you do. We are both just as inept at being open.

“Look at all I keep putting you through…”

You must be miserable. I mean, you can’t be comfortable at all with this feeling, this emotional tangle that resulted in my desire to wipe myself out of existence. I know I am not used to being needed as much as you need me. I am used to being wanted. Tatsumi, Watari, the rest of them want me around. But I am not so sure I could ever describe them as needing me. It is a strange feeling. I am not so sure I know what to do with it.
Well, except sit here and try and make your sleep as restful as possible. I really don’t know what else to do with you. You seem so uncomfortable with contact, and I know why, but it leaves me at a loss. I want to hold you, comfort you, love you…

“I love you…”

And I am so tired…


Hisoka crawled out of a pleasant sleep, poked and prodded by the feel of someone in the room who was part content, part exhausted. Tsuzuki sat, half in a chair at Hisoka’s bedside, and half on the bed, and was most definitely asleep. One arm stretched out across the covers to where one of Hisoka’s own most likely been before he had stirred into wakefulness. The thick, fluffy quilt seemed quite stifling for some reason, and Hisoka decided it was time to get himself out of bed before he became as lazy as his errant partner. Extracting himself from lovingly tucked in blankets, without waking Tsuzuki, was going to be quite the task. With a quiet hiss of frustration Hisoka attempted the process. If only the wall wasn’t at one side, and Tsuzuki at the other. Things would be much easier if he could just kinda…roll out the side of the blankets. His only options appeared to be to worm his way out through the foot of the bed inelegantly, or to wake Tsuzuki and demand he move. His hand was halfway to Tsuzuki’s face, ready to cuff him into wakefulness when the situation hit him. Tsuzuki, who had tried to immolate himself out of guilt and grief, who was still far too worn out for anyone’s comfort, had apparently spent the night looking over him.


“You are an idiot.” He said it with more resignation than distaste, pulling his hand back to pinch the bridge of his nose more out of habit than to quash a headache. Indignity it was then. Cautiously he wiggled down through the blankets, gambling on the fact that Tsuzuki was still a deep sleeper. ‘If anyone comes in and sees me doing this, I will smack Tsuzuki for good measure…’ Thankfully no one appeared to usher either of them to work, late as they both were, allowing Hisoka to slide off the foot of his bed in relative peace and plop down in a disgruntled heap amidst a sheet that he had pulled free with him. Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he turned his baleful glare to the sleeping, slightly snoring, Tsuzuki, who twitched and moved a bit in his sleep as it sensing his partners ire.


Hisoka watched, bemused as Tsuzuki then managed to ooze out of the chair as he stretched in his sleep, causing him to puddle onto the floor, catlike, without waking. Almost jealous and definitely amused, Hisoka stared at his blissfully asleep partner, not noticing the slight grin that pulled at the corners of his own mouth. It was good to see Tsuzuki sleeping someplace that wasn’t at his desk, head pillowed on his arms and a mountain of paperwork. Contentment rolled off of Tsuzuki as he slept, curling himself against Hisoka’s bed, and Hisoka sighed, breathing deeply as if he could put a pleasant scent to Tsuzuki’s sleepy delight. ‘Now we are both on the floor and no one at all is on the bed. This would be amusing if I didn’t think he just curled up on my socks…’

Ok. It was amusing even with Tsuzuki now sleeping on Hisoka’s only clean pair of socks. The pair he had set out last night before bed. Along with his pants…and shirt….Tsuzuki was nesting in his clothes. For some reason this was the most hilarious thing he had ever seen, and before he could stop himself, Hisoka found himself chucking quietly. How uncharacteristic of him. Sitting on the floor, dressed only in the shirt he was too tired to take off the night before, atop a wrinkled sheet, laughing because his partner was sleeping happily on his pants. It felt so good to laugh. A moment later, tears rolling down his cheeks with suppressed mirth, he tried to roll Tsuzuki over in order to liberate his clothing.


The stealthy process succeeded in rolling the sleeping Shinigami over, but managed to move him in such a way that Hisoka’s hand brushed his cheek. An electrical shock of satisfied happiness shot through the empath, making him pause, his touch lingering. Tsuzuki was happy. He was happy to be in his partner’s room, watching over him. The fact Hisoka was there made him happy…Stunned, Hisoka stroked back an errant bit of Tsuzuki’s silky soft hair. This was why he tried so hard not to touch his partner. He didn’t know how Tsuzuki felt, didn’t want to know. He had been so afraid that his partner had resented him for asking him to stay, for saying he needed him. It was the opposite…the complete opposite. Tsuzuki needed acceptance, needed to be needed so badly…By asking him to stay, Hisoka had made him so very happy…


“What am I going to do with you, baka?” Hisoka’s quiet inquiry was rich with insecurity. “I don’t know how to handle this very well. I don’t know how to show how I feel…” He ran a hand through his own hair, breaking contact with Tsuzuki, though his emotions still wafted through the room, muzzy and warm with sleep. “I don’t know how to express myself…but I am willing to give it a shot.” A decision reached, he tugged the last stubborn centimeter of pant leg free and silently dressed. Sock-less, pants a wrinkled mess and his shirt looking, justifiably, as it had been slept in, Hisoka left the room to head to work.