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flames — On the Curb

Published: 2004-08-12 23:05:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 127; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 2
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Description "Friends"
all around me, talking away
Nobody notices
my Silence. I wait to see
Who will care?

That's what I thought.

All of 'em just complain, SHUT UP!!
My voice
Actually does show the multiple punctuation
marks; on my conscience,
A big black scar
Remembering what these thoughts
Once
Did.

I WON'T!
I WON'T!
I WON'T let that happen.
Again.
I'll speak.


What am I supposed to say?
To these morons?

Act – "Casual".
If anyone,
Miraculously,
Asks,
The pain inside
Vanishes with a smile
"Fine, fine."


The eyes
Flash with uncertainty in that
brief moment.
Less than that.

But then their
Instinct
Salvages itself, dominating the Wild mind
Once
Again.
Talk away – guilt
Vanishes with a smile
she SAID
"Fine, Fine."

That’s what I thought.

ANTI-SOCIAL?
Is that what that means?
All
I do is notice how
People -
Nay, "friends"
Wait for me to make
"the first move"
oh yea?
Who
CHOSE
that?

That?

And That?

What about that?

"People."
"Friends."

I get it.
But I still
Sit here
Surrounded by "friends"
On the curb.

They really
Want to
Sit HERE?
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Comments: 10

Vesil [2005-03-31 11:51:35 +0000 UTC]

Impressive. I don't have many words to tell you how much I know what this feels like. All I can tell you is that you captured it brilliantly.

Fantastic.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

flames In reply to Vesil [2005-03-31 13:27:14 +0000 UTC]

wow, thanks....


and for the fave

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

poeticinsanity [2005-01-07 00:53:38 +0000 UTC]

I think this is great - it shows so much potential for more poems. I love how you show the internal conflicts, and really get the reader into your head.

Critiquecritiquecritique. Brace yerself . To be directly honest: I (personally speaking) don't like the words that are in all capitals - they take away quality from the atmosphere and a certain childish aspect to the poem. If you want to emphasize a word, try italics, underlining, or even bold, or play around with the spacing and puncuation (using psacing and puncuation to emphasze is an art )

Besides that, I don't know how to nitpick at the rest without tearing the whole poem apart into tiny pieces to show you what I mean and I don't know how you would feel about that. Putting all that aside, I like it a lot - keep up the good work! I want to see more!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

flames In reply to poeticinsanity [2005-01-07 22:14:23 +0000 UTC]



tear it apart. It's the only way i'll get better. Trust me, I've been shredded before. It's fine by me

But i'll keep it in mind. This is a pretty old poem, i think it just got renewed or soemthing because i changed the preview

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

poeticinsanity In reply to flames [2005-01-09 19:51:15 +0000 UTC]

maybe i will, someday, soon enough lol

i've never seen it before, so it's new to me lol

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

flames In reply to poeticinsanity [2005-01-09 20:36:16 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

fcl [2004-09-12 09:41:03 +0000 UTC]

This was actually a nice deviation, but from the philosophical point of view I can understand why the "friends" did not ask you any further - if your perception of them is like your poem shows it, would you try to get more information in case one of them would answer with a casual "fine, fine"?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

flames In reply to fcl [2004-09-13 17:33:34 +0000 UTC]

not if i don't like them.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

frankienexus [2004-08-13 19:52:26 +0000 UTC]

u so captured the internal conflicts here, inside looking out,
a harsh truthful movie of thoughts

i felt sometimes u had entered my minds cause i have had all of this going through my brain many times

great stuff

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

flames In reply to frankienexus [2004-08-14 11:20:08 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much for the ! I'm so glad you liked it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0