HawkeyeNextGen [2016-08-28 07:29:36 +0000 UTC]

Those people of United 93 did the bravest thing I could've ever imagined in my life.

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skyeconnelly [2010-10-15 20:21:18 +0000 UTC]

There are a few errors that caught me off guard in this piece, making it a bit distracting to the flow and rhythm of your writing (which is otherwise very good).

In this paragraph:

"A hero is someone
who with no thought of their own life
will they down theirs
so that others may live.."

I think you meant "will lay down theirs, so that others may live"

Also, the 2nd stanza is just lacking in impact. I would consider revising it to make your statement stand out a bit stronger, as it is a bit vague the way it is. Otherwise, I think you could add some more colorful imagery or evocative thoughts to this entire piece. Maybe add a few more lucrative details as to what, specifically, about these heroes inspired you; and maybe add some of the stronger feelings you felt while watching that movie.. don't know if that makes any sense or helps at all.. Anyway, these are just my thoughts and opinions, do with them what you will!!

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Andry-a-qui [2010-10-04 13:51:32 +0000 UTC]

nice! it has got a nice rythm to it

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Vueiy-Visarelli [2010-09-22 04:04:21 +0000 UTC]

I think you might have a typo in there. In the last stanza, 3rd line, it seems like you meant to have "lay" instead of "they" (or maybe you just left out a word).

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