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Flyingthroughwater — Flare not fade
Published: 2004-06-29 12:01:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 60; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 8
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Description
I don’t want to live too long,sweetly, softly, slowly die,
I want to flare not fade away,
I want to shout not cry.
Live life like a firework,
Blaze it out within a star,
Rather that than weather on,
A candle smothered in a jar.
Don’t give me sweet remembrance,
Memories that wane away,
Instead make me a legend,
If only for a day.
Give me my hour; give me my time,
And I’ll burn it up and scorch,
Life will never be the same again,
After my brief but blazing torch.
I’ll not leave a glimmering shade,
I want to Flare not fade.
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Comments: 4
I like this very much. I don't feel the same as you, but I loved the way you penned it out.
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Ok, I'm trying to put forth some critcal suggestions, these are my own thoughts, and are by no means an attack on anyone.
To be honest, I feel this could be a powerful piece of poetry, let down by the repetition of the same idea in every stanza. I would like to see an exploration of the reasons behind why you think that living a long relaxed life is like "A candle smothered in a jar" (That brings up some powerful imagery for me).
Your variation of language keeps each stanza fresh despite the uniformity of meaning, and you have some talent for imagery that I would like to see in subsequent works.
Trying to be helpful, criticise my poem for me??
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Thanks very much, I appreciate the crticisim. Sure thing *hops over to gallery*
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cool! i like "i want to shout not cry" that bit i can relate to. ya.
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