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FratHammer — I remember her eyes...
Published: 2006-03-20 14:54:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 373; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 9
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Description I had no idea where this was going...then BAM! I totally changed the beginning and it all made sense.
I hope ya'll get as emotional as I do about this. Hell my eyes welled up. At work no less and I am the writer!
Now I know how Rowling felt.

PLEASE COMMENT
at this point I will take lectures on grammar and spelling if you wanna give them.
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Comments: 8

Supernatural13-stock [2006-04-22 19:08:13 +0000 UTC]

This is absolutely beautiful. I think I'm gonna fav this... maybe I can get a few of my friends to read it. your a truly good writer, beautful work.

I write poetry myself, i wish i could write stories like that though... i have my poetry posted at :devXocSilvrwingsxoX:, feel free to check it out.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

FratHammer In reply to Supernatural13-stock [2006-04-23 03:14:08 +0000 UTC]

will do

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Supernatural13-stock In reply to Supernatural13-stock [2006-04-22 19:09:00 +0000 UTC]

~XoxSilvrwingsxoX oopsie >.<

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Kaayana [2006-03-26 05:47:35 +0000 UTC]

Finer details are good... overall nice piece, speak soon

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Sovhiel [2006-03-20 15:22:03 +0000 UTC]

Such an emotional story! Your word choice really made the story. The repetition of "I remember" is a nice touch, and you had some good descriptors for the moments you put them in. The grammer is barely worth commenting on. The few run-ons gave me a feeling of the dramatic moments passing too quickly, but that can be fixed with an extra period, conjunction, or description. Nice job.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FratHammer In reply to Sovhiel [2006-03-20 15:27:22 +0000 UTC]

actually recheck it I had a buddy double over it just now litterally

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Sovhiel In reply to FratHammer [2006-03-20 20:19:50 +0000 UTC]

Still a few punctuation errors, but those are rarely avoidable. It definitely has a fluid feel to it now.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FratHammer In reply to Sovhiel [2006-03-21 04:13:30 +0000 UTC]

Awesome. I would fix them but I cant find them Thank you though

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