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freakess360 — Minutes from a Cretaceous Period Dinosaur Meeting
Published: 2015-03-02 21:52:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 544; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
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Meeting: In Concern to Our Imminent DemiseDate: 65 million B.C.E.
Location: Neutral Ground (Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico)
In Attendance:
Tom Walter, President (Tyrannosaurus Rex)
Rebecca Peterson, Vice President (Parasaurolophus)
Louis Martini, Chairperson (Gallimimus)
Tracy Sigmund, Secretary (Triceratops)
Charles Sigmund, Representative of Herbivores (Triceratops)
Amy Lawson, Representative of Carnivores (Albertosaurus)
Dick Crane, Representative of Aviation Dinosaurs (Pteranadon)
Absent:
Matt McGrath, Representative of Aquatic Dinosaurs (Crocodile)
PRESIDENT TOM WALTER (Tyrannosaurus Rex) called the meeting to order at 4:00pm EST precisely.
ITEM #1: Review of pervious minutes.
MR. DICK CRANE (Pteranadon) proposed that racist comments suggesting flying dinosaurs were “glorified buzzards” would be changed to read “aviation reptiles”.
Members accepted the proposed change and the revised minutes were adopted unanimously.
ITEM #2: Review of agenda.
PRESIDENT WALTER’s opening remarks:
“The purpose of this meeting is to address the pending arrival of a destructive asteroid hurtling towards Earth. Several researchers have concluded that if the asteroid, hereafter name Harold, were to collide with Earth than more than half of animal and plant life would be come extinct. Our goal today is to devise an evacuation plan in case of a worst-case scenario. There are several obstacles before accomplishing this goal, but I think most of us would agree the rewards would be considerable.”
PRESIDENT WALTER asks the dinosaurs in attendance if anyone has any objection to pursuing the given objective.
MS. AMY LAWSON (Albertosaurus) motioned to add a lunch hour to the meeting. Other Carnivores agreed but Herbivores requested an excused absence. Arguing broke out. Motion was eventually dismissed and the agenda was accepted with hisses of approval.
ITEM #3: Status of evacuation plans.
PRESIDENT WALTER:
“Now I’ve been giving this situation a lot of thought, which is pretty impressive considering the size of my brain. [general laughter] But I think that an evacuation plan is necessary. Does any one have any ideas?”
MR. CHARLES SIGMUND (Triceratops):
“I believe the easiest thing to do is panic, run, and leave the weak behind. [sounds of agreement] This will give some of us a chance to survive.”
MS. LAWSON:
“If dinosaurs panic then others will try to calm them down by demonstrating how panicked they look. Then dinosaurs will try to out-panic those panicking, so everyone will be panicking and running around like hell. That doesn’t seem very safe. [whispers of agreement]”
MR. LOUIS MARTINI (Gallimimus):
“I think we should have an awareness campaign to inform the masses of this imminent threat. Perhaps we could create cave drawing for everyone to see. Maybe we could even paint ourselves into the picture with the asteroid [someone mutters “his name is Harold”] to prove that we were here.”
PRESIDENT WALTER:
“All very good ideas. I think awareness is important. Most dinosaurs don’t know of Harold’s speedy arrival.”
MRS. TRACY SIGMUND (Triceratops):
“Maybe we could try to stop Harold before he lands...”
PRESIDENT WALTER:
“Tracy, please explain.”
MRS. SIGMUND:
“Well, if the glorified buzzards-”
MR. CRANE:
“Aviation reptiles!”
MRS. SIGMUND:
“-were to fly into space and try to catch Harold with their talons then maybe they can completely change his direction and there will be no collision with Earth.”
MR. CRANE:
“That is a horrible idea! No one can fly into space! Are you stupid?”
MR. SIGMUND:
“HEY! That’s my wife you’re talking to.”
Many racist and ethnic slurs were exchanged and fighting broke out. PRESDIENT WALTER banged his gavel for order with great difficultly due to his short arms; MRS. REBBECA PETERSON (Parasaurolophus) offered her skull crest as a table so PRESIDENT WALTER could reach.
PRESIDENT WALTER:
“Thank you, Rebecca. Now, let us return to the matter at hand. Does anyone know what the aquatic dinosaurs have to say on this matter? Unfortunately, Matt McGrath is not here to represent them.”
MRS. PETERSON:
“Well, rumors has been spread that all the crocodiles have already left the immediate collision area and gone to the far reaches of the Earth in order to survive. I think trying to escape the asteroid might be a good idea.”
PRESIDENT WALTER:
“Harold is not going to harm us.”
MS. LAWSON:
“Really? Are you sure?”
PRESIDENT WALTER:
“Of course! I mean, do any of you know a Harold that would want to destroy and entire way of life and wipe out all of our existence? Or one that even could do something like that?”
Those in attendance concur that all the Harold’s they know are pretty decent guys. MR. MARTINI gave an example of his neighbor, Harold, who was described to be a mild-mannered Kronosaurus with a wife and eighty-seven kids.
PRESIDENT WALTER:
“I think this is a good place to stop for now. I move to close the floor. [murmurs of agreement] Very well, motion passed. [gavel was banged against MRS. PETERSON’s skull crest] We shall dismiss Item #4.”
ITEM #4: Implementation of plan.
This item was dismissed due to the fact that everyone agreed an evacuation plan was unnecessary and would only cause unneeded panic.
ITEM #5: Closing remarks.
PRESIDENT WALTER:
“Let’s meet again sometime next week and talk about how we can greet Harold into the community. As is customary, I will request that all the carnivores to remain behind for ten minutes to allow everyone else to get a fair head start.”
PRESIDENT WALTER dismissed the meeting precisely at 6:23pm EST.
Next Meeting: Never
