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GalaxyGoddess — It couldn't be helped [NSFW]
Published: 2012-09-03 01:43:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 657; Favourites: 12; Downloads: 0
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Description My name is Regina. You may know me from my exclusive modeling career, but I'm a fifteen year old girl in high school and everyone loves me. I didn't ask to be born beautiful, with this perfect body and long, gorgeous flowing blonde hair, but I do my best to think of the less fortunate people and help them whenever necessary. You see, I was a genetic experiment, so my looks were custom ordered and I don't have any real parents, but I have a lot of money, so I want for nothing.

That's not to say that I'm conceited. Oh, far from it. I'm very modest, I assure you. While others are sighing over my radiant beauty, I'm sighing over the excessive attention. It's really frustrating. I want to be a normal teenager, just like everyone else. I guess I just can't help my excellent grades and my perfect athletic ability, you know how it is.

You see, the genetic lab in which I was born decided that it would be best that I have as normal of an upbringing as possible, so they gave me a lovely mansion with all the staff needed to care for my every need, but I still have to go to high school. It's a bit of a drag, but there are things that make it better. My best friend is Alice. She's a bit of a plain girl, but I guess that can't be helped either. We don't get to pick what we're born with after all.

I go to a normal public school and everyone there loves me, even my teachers, but that can't be helped either. I'm very nice to all of them, I have to be. It's good practice to treat everyone with dignity and respect, even when they're being nasty or haughty. Today is Wednesday, which means pizza in the school cafeteria. I don't bring my own lunch today because I really like the pizza. Under ordinary circumstances I stick to the best certified organic foods, but on pizza day, I splurge a little. Come on, it's pizza!

Today is also a fun day, because we have a test in ancient history, it's my best subject. Well, I should say it's my favorite subject, because I can't very well use my grades to judge by can I? But I think it's my best subject because I know so much about it, beyond what's necessary to know. I just find it all so fascinating. I'm working on a research project for it, you know, in my spare time. Not really something I have to do; I just enjoy it so much.

I miss my horse during school hours. Wouldn't it be lovely if they let you ride to school? Maybe I should suggest an equine course to the principal. I make a mental note of that for later. I will compose a letter and take to him straightaway. For now though, I make sure my hair is perfect, my make up in place, and my outfit perfectly fit. Poopies, I have a tear in this shirt. I liked this shirt. That's okay, I'll throw it away and get another one from the closet.

I sigh to myself. I'm so scatter brained today. I forgot that I have choir practice today, I shouldn't have put on that shirt in the first place. The door bell rings, but I never answer it, that's Hemsley's job. In walks Alice, she's in tattered clothes again today. I've asked her repeatedly to take something of mine, but she refuses. She must come from a poor family, they have such stubborn pride. Today it's torn jeans and old shoes. I smile politely, and continue getting dressed. It's so thoughtful of her to show up early and keep me company while I get ready. It's so dreadfully lonely in this place.

"Regina? Are you almost done?" Alice is digging her toe into my plush rug, but it's okay. I can forgive her for being uncomfortable.

"Just about!" I reply, adding that perfect note of cheerfulness so Alice doesn't worry about her words.

We could take the car, have the driver take us to school, but I prefer not to. A good walk is what we need, and it's only a few blocks. Alice is usually quiet on our walk to school, but I try my best to bring her around with interesting conversation. Eventually, we're talking up a storm by time we reach school.

Homeroom is kind of boring, so I start to study for my test. Well, not really, I've already read this before. In fact, I've already read all of my schoolbooks in my spare time. I have them practically memorized, when the teachers call on me, I usually tell them which page to turn to. It's kind of funny really.

Ah, Ancient History class, my favorite. I eagerly await my test. It's a little long this time, there's a lot of paragraph writing. It's okay though, paragraph tests are my favorite. I'm always the first to finish my test. Mrs. Flowers doesn't want hand-ins, or I would have already taken it up to her.  I flip my paper over so no one can copy me, and I wait patiently until everyone else has done the same.

I look around at the various things in the room, my mind vaguely wandering over the objects on Mrs. Flowers' desk. She keeps a pen holder, filled with her various colored pens, dry erase markers and a pair of scissors. The scissors makes me smile, Mrs. Flowers is in a quilting bee, and I often see her there. I'm fascinated with crafts and love to watch the ladies sew their beautiful quilts. I've suggested designs which have been used.

Everyone is finally done with their tests and has flipped them over. Without a word she takes all of our papers and stacks them neatly on her desk. The bell rings and it's off to our next classes. I have math next, followed by English. I find them both too easy, so they're a bit tedious, but I guess it can't be helped.

Lunch comes and I am ecstatic. I know it may seem strange, for a girl like me to get so excited over school pizza. But there's just something about it that makes me so happy. I even trade my fries to a boy I know. He can't eat the pizza for some reason or another, so he gets my fries and I get an extra pizza and life is good. It's the little things, I guess. I once found where the school gets their pizzas and ordered a case. They just weren't quite as good. I'm chowing down on my pizza when I see Mrs. Flowers out of the corner of my eye. She's frowning at me but I'm not sure why exactly.

She approaches me and leans down, whispering in my ear. "See me after school please." With that, she turns and leaves.

I blink at her diminishing form. The moment wasn't unnoticed by the table, but I shrug my shoulders. It could be anything, so I put it out of my mind. Conversation at the table resumes, and I am far too concerned with enjoying my delicious pizza. Emily is complaining about something, and the table goes quiet again. Emily said something negative about her mother, I didn't catch it, but I realize why all eyes are on me. I don't have parents. I smile, shrug and reply "It's okay."  Someone coughs, or clears their throat, which ever, it does the trick and conversation resumes, even if Emily is now being quiet.

The day progresses at the pretty usual pace and I almost completely forget about Mrs. Flowers, but I decide to swing by her classroom before choir practice. She's sitting there grading through papers and again I wonder what this is about. She looks up at me, but it's not the usual smile this time. She looks kind of tired and very upset. Mrs. Flowers isn't that old, in fact she's kind of young for a teacher. But today, something seems off.

She gestures for me to grab a chair, so I pull one to the front of her desk.

"Yes, Mrs. Flowers?"

"Regina, it pains me to do this, and I understand you're under a lot of pressure these days, but this is just simply unacceptable behavior."

"What is?" I am very confused by this point.

She sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose. It occurs to me that she has gray eyes. Not the pretty light blue like mine, but this strange sort of smoke color. She's staring right at me now, concern lining her face.  "Regina, there really is no excuse for this, and we have a zero tolerance policy." She winces slightly. "It pains me to even evoke that."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"Cheating, Regina. Honestly, if you were going to cheat, you could have at least reworded a few things."

I'm speechless. Absolutely speechless. Cheating! My brain can't even form the word. "That's not possible." It's a whisper, these sounds that leave my mouth.

Mrs. Flowers pulls out two stapled packs of paper from her desk drawer and places them on top of everything else. "I read every word myself. You and Jennifer have the exact same paper."

"That's not..." I jump up, grabbing them in the process, and look at the two tests myself. After flipping a couple of pages I drop them back to the desk and place my hands on both sides. "This is impossible! She cheated from me!" I slam my hand on the desk.

"Regina. The seating arrangements are clear. Jennifer sits one row up and one column over, she could not have been able to see your paper."

"Then she switched this! Wrote her name on my paper!"

"How? Snuck into my classroom? Regina, the handwriting is all yours. I know my student's handwriting, and these are your papers."

"No!" I yell, smacking my hand on the desk repeatedly. "NO! NO! NO!" I'm no longer in control of my hands, slamming them repeatedly into the desk.

"Regina! Calm down!" Mrs. Flowers places her hands on the top of her desk, attempting to steady the objects that were shaking around, threatening to fall off.

"NO!" I don't know how it happened. I don't know where they came from, but I know, absolutely know that everything just went wrong. I do not cheat!

The world froze. For that one moment, the world was tinged with red and black. I heard her gasp. I heard the noise start, but then the screaming. I saw the handle of scissors. All that was there was the handle sticking up, and her arm and the red, the growing red blotch on the desk. She screamed, but I stopped hearing her. All I could see was the handle of her scissors, all I could feel were vibrations. My mind had stopped.

A loud gasp brought everything back to focus. I looked over at the sound of the gasp breaking the broken. Alice was there. I had forgotten I had asked her to meet me here. It was slow motion. Everything was as if I was watching it somewhere else. This wasn't mine. This wasn't me. This was a bad dream.

Mrs. Flowers had stopped screaming, and she was sobbing heavily, gripping her elbow, head bowed on the desk, the blood pooling around her forehead. I started to reach out, offer some comfort. I don't know why that was my reaction. I hit the floor hard. Everything went blurry for a moment and then it was hard to breathe. There were noises somewhere above me and I realized Alice was sitting on top of me, her tattered sneakers in my long beautiful hair.

"NO! NONONONO!" I couldn't help it. This isn't right, nothing is right. "NO! NOT ME!" I screamed. And I screamed.

It's my world. I'm beautiful, I'm special. I'm not mean, I'm always nice. I have a sunny disposition and I'm always kind to animals. Everyone is my friend, everyone loves me.

"Daddy..." I whispered. Why did I say that? I don't have a daddy. I don't have parents, I was raised in a lab.  That's what's wrong. I am just a genetic experiment after all. Bred to be loved; bred to be beautiful, things just went wrong.




"It's sad really." The first whispered.

"She just couldn't keep up with it." Another voice chimed in.

"Did you see the way she looked at me that day? It could have been me." Emily shuddered.

"She always took on too much. I can't believe she kept it all up for so long."

The whispering followed Alice through the day. It wasn't so much that they were about her in particular, but that she noticed them more. It had been a week since she had wrestled Regina to the floor, and she didn't want to be back here today, but it seemed best to do so.

Knocking on the door, Alice waited patiently. When at last she was called in, her movements felt wooden and stilted as she made her way to the offered chair and sat down.

"I'm glad you came in Alice."

"Yeah." Alice wrung her hands in her lap.

"We're all very grateful to you. Mrs. Flowers especially. What you did was very brave, although foolish."

"I'm sorry. I didn't really think about it, I didn't know what Regina would have done."

Alice fiddled with a thread from the tear in her jeans. Her mother had never approved of the shoddy clothes Alice preferred, and that reminded her of Regina. She smoothed the thread down.

"It's unfortunate, but she's being taken care of now."

"What's going to happen to her?"

He shook his head as if to say he didn't know. "She'll get the help she needs. Tell me more about Regina. You seem to be the only one who knew anything about her."

"Regina kind of went crazy after..." Alice paused and frowned. "After her parents died in that car wreck." She desperately wanted a drink of water. "She said some really mean things to me, and I never wanted to see her again. But, Mr. Hemsley, you know him?" Ashley looked up at Principal Tucker.

"Yes, her godfather."

"Mr. Hemsley begged me. He said that Regina had scared off all of her friends and buried herself so completely in her own fantasy life, that he was worried for her safety. He offered to pay me, but I didn't want the money. I thought that maybe I could reach her someday." Alice looked down at her lap, trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

"Don't blame yourself, Alice. Sometimes, these things just can't be helped."
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Comments: 33

DamonWakes [2012-10-15 18:50:49 +0000 UTC]

I think this is almost too close to what you're aiming for. I scanned the first little bit and almost didn't read on. I'm glad I did, though.

I gather that it's meant to be a little unclear what's going on when the fantasy starts to fall apart, but some things leave me totally confused. For example, after "I saw the handle." Scanning back through, I couldn't tell what the handle is, or why it's significant. I only got "scissors" after reading the comments here. The quilting bee thing doesn't really draw attention to itself, so I'm not sure how many people would still have the scissors in mind several paragraphs later.

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to DamonWakes [2015-10-18 23:35:46 +0000 UTC]

I edited and clarified the scene. I hope this reads better.

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DamonWakes In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2015-10-19 10:38:52 +0000 UTC]

I'm afraid it's been long enough since I originally read through that I can't identify the change, but I'm definitely not seeing the same ambiguity I brought up in the comments before, so I figure this must do the job.

One other thing popped up as I was reading through, by the way: at one point you've got "student's handwriting" where I think you need "students' handwriting." It sounds as though the teacher is talking about all her students, rather than one specifically, so the apostrophe would go after the "s."

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to DamonWakes [2012-10-15 21:48:43 +0000 UTC]

Lol, I had a feeling that most people would read a couple of sentences, slam their head on the table and walk away. But unfortunately, it had to be done the way I did it.


I'm hearing the comments on the scissors, and I kind of wanted people to either go straight back to that, or wonder where it came from. Regina herself is confused as to why they magically appeared on the desk as it were. One of those shocking things you don't think about until it happened. I will try to be clearer in the future though!

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DamonWakes In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2012-10-16 14:48:39 +0000 UTC]

I agree: there's really no other way to do it. We need some sort of literary Poe's Law to describe this kind of thing: Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is utterly impossible to parody a Mary Sue in such a way that someone won't mistake it for the genuine article.

I think I might see the problem with the scissors. Not describing the actual stabbing is one thing, but I can't find the word "scissors" anywhere in that section. The teacher just suddenly has some mystery injury. "The handle" (basically the only clue we get as to what's happened specifically) actually seems a little misleading to me, since scissors have "handles" rather than a "handle." I guess if only one of the handles was visible, you might say "the handle," but it's unusual enough to suggest something else. I initially wondered if she'd ripped a handle off a drawer, since the desk was the last thing described that might reasonably be expected to have a handle.

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to DamonWakes [2012-10-16 15:18:13 +0000 UTC]

You have a very valid point with the word "handle". I think in my mind I was reading it as "the handle of the scissors". Since scissors is plural, handle would be sigular.

But as a writer, I'm seeing the scene I displayed in my head, and as a reader, few can see the exact same image.

I'm going to give that some thought and see how I should re-write it a little.

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DamonWakes In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2012-10-17 00:36:56 +0000 UTC]

I can't find anything online to support this, but I imagine a "pair of scissors" always has a (pair of) "handles." Unless you're referring to each handle individually. Like: "Keep the bottom handle steady, and just work with the top one."

I've never really thought about it before, but it seems to be one of those odd Englishy things that most other languages probably wouldn't stand for. Like "a pair of trousers." Nobody anywhere has ever had just one "trouser." Except that The Free Dictionary suggests the singular is actually "trouse." I wasn't expecting to learn that today.

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to DamonWakes [2012-10-17 00:46:49 +0000 UTC]

I've always heard it as "hand me those scissors by the handle, please." etc, etc. I guess it's just the way it's always been pronounced to me. Granted, now that I'm thinking entirely too hard on the subject, the word handle just seems weird to me. Like, in general.


See, this is one of the dangers of the internet, too much random knowledge derails you! hahaha

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reflectionsinwater [2012-10-15 10:56:04 +0000 UTC]

I feel that Regina's dialogue was done quite well. It was calm, impersonal, and slightly disjointed giving that perfect consistency of madness/snob. The development was very nice and no one could have expected the twist at the very end. There is as though a slight pity and you could really create a mixed response in the reader. Finding a way to explore the mixed feelings is always a good sign of an excellent writing

Lovely!

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to reflectionsinwater [2012-10-15 21:42:45 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much, this makes me all happy teary.

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Rovanna [2012-10-14 23:26:44 +0000 UTC]

Fantastic. I love the dark twist it takes at the end.

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to Rovanna [2012-10-15 00:35:38 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much

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ResidentNobody [2012-10-12 13:16:44 +0000 UTC]

Wow, this is great. Right away I disliked Regina (I'm not a fan of the snob syndrome going around most of my generation, what that is and its implications is another story), but I'm not sure if you meant for that. It's probably just me being biased, so my bad. I'm trying my best not to sound harsh right now, but I still want to give my opinion.

But when you broke her, I can't say I felt sympathetic but more like shocked. I love stories like this, when a strong twist at the end makes you look back over it again to find out the subtle hints. Regina's world was too perfect to be real, that much I caught before the end but it still is surprising how she snaps and breaks, I expected her world to be fake but not like that! I also want to compliment you on the style, with a story like this I would be wary of the first person but you pull it off seamlessly while using it to grow Regina and my "relationship" with her.

Overall, very well done.

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to ResidentNobody [2012-10-12 16:32:02 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much!

To be honest, yes, Regina is a snob. She just doesn't think she is, in her own head. In her own head, she's so far above everyone else, that she's perfectly perfect, but "is so modest and nice to those beneath her", making her a good person in her own head. But in realty, a place she doesn't like to visit, she's no better than anyone else. I tried really hard to make her "snobby modest" so I'm very glad you noticed it!

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Siartha [2012-10-11 01:18:52 +0000 UTC]

This is really amazing. I actually felt bad for Regina in the end, because she is a girl, so traumatized that she recedes into her own mind and creates a new world. In my opinion, I think the reader might have relished Regina's downfall more if she was actually a Mary-Sue character in a fanfiction, and not a perfect girl in life. But you might have a reason for that, that I missed. All in all, very creative and great job!

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to Siartha [2012-10-11 02:14:53 +0000 UTC]

I debated doing a fan fic based Mary sue, but I decided against it for several reasons.

Regina created her own world around her and in a way she was the star of her own personal fanfiction.

I also didn't necessarily want the reader to desire her demise, but to go back and question what could be real and what was only in Regina's precious fantasy world.

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Siartha In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2012-10-11 03:02:15 +0000 UTC]

Oh I see now. The main character in her life, but aren't we all.

Okay, what I understoof before was that you wanted to utterly drown a Mary-Sue in despair because you hate them a lot.
I just treated everything Regina said as a lie, once I saw the ending... Don't know if that was the intended effect...

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to Siartha [2012-10-11 03:17:29 +0000 UTC]

As a reader, you're allowed to interpret a story how you see fit, so if by the end of it you figure Regina has completely lied about everything, then that's how it reads to you. Which is fine, and honestly close to what my intent was. Regina is not well, though in her mind she's perfectly... perfect.

When I wrote it, I wanted the reader to wonder if anything she said was real. In my head I "know" some basic facts about the real Regina and what her life is like, and I wanted to hint at that with the "Whispers in the hallway" at the end. Regina did do some after school activities, because in her head, everything is fine and she should show everyone that every thing is fine and doing that includes doing school related activities. However what, if any, are they? Certainly a 15 year old isn't joining quilting bees, but Choir could be a legitimate activity she does.



I hate Mary Sue because I have a personal history with it, and I think as a term, it's over used, so I wanted to make an unmistakable Mary Sue, one that is so freaking perfect the world of readers would hate her. Then I wanted something so drastic and so horrible to happen that the reader was glad to see her snap like a broken doll; but then basically say that Mary Sue was only perfect in her head, because no one is capable of being so perfect, and possibly point out that maybe a Mary Sue isn't really that. If that makes any sense.

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Siartha In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2012-10-11 20:08:21 +0000 UTC]

I'm relieved you feel that way, because sometimes authors have a very specific version that they want their readers to understand, and I would feel bad if I didn't...

The part where everyone went quite after the one girl said something negative about her mother and the table going quiet made a lot more sense when you hear about Regina's situation, and also the way Alice acts.

I always thought that real people could never be a Mary Sue, no matter how perfect they are, because a Mary-Sue is something fake. A Mary Sue is just over-the-top, something that isn't possible in todays world. I actually didn't think that Regina was very Mary Sue-ish , apart from the artificially made dream, since I know quite a few people who are actually unbelievably perfect. More so than Regina.
And yes, it does make sense.

Just wondering, where did the knife come from? Is it a knife or just something with a handle?

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to Siartha [2012-10-11 21:52:21 +0000 UTC]

When I was little, I basically was "little miss perfect" at least to a certain extent. When it comes down to it, I projected a a little bit of my elementary school self into this character. I really did model (osh kosh, little kid type magazine modeling things), I really did have excellent grades, I really did have a great connection with my teachers and a lot of friends and I had what was on the outside a "perfect life", but it wasn't. My relatives on my mother's side hated everything I was, and so I learned really early that a "mary sue" was a sort of hatred and a hatred they heaped on me regularly. But that's because they refused to learn or care anything about who I was as a person, they only cared about making "little miss perfect" miserable.

I didn't understand it at all, because hell I was 5 or 6 years old, I didn't understand why someone really could hate me for merely existing. Now that I'm old enough to see and understand, I understand that they're just simply like that. They're cruel and hateful people, and find joy in making other people miserable.


I threw in a bunch of random "tropes" to the Mary-Sue character, with the unique back story, rich beyond necessary, privileged life, no parents, etc etc. I sort of researched the Mary-Sue character type because of my annoyance with the phrase, and wanted to throw as many Mary Sue traits into this girl as I could manage without clogging the story.

I sort of wanted people to go back to the conversation at the table and wonder if Regina really did hear the comment and have a "scary face" about it, because of the comment in the hallway after of "Did you see the way she looked at me that day? It could have been me." Maybe everyone was a little terrified of Regina's potential for meltdown. Or maybe people did just simply find the line of conversation kind of awkward, because here you have this kid at your table that lost her parents so tragically, that you don't really know how to deal with these kinds of things. Most people don't, let alone some teenagers.


So while I know that seemingly perfect people do kind of exist in this world, I know that even those kind of people aren't perfect, because we all have flaws, and we all have our own weird neurosis somewhere down the line. Even when my life was "perfect" I still had to face bullies, I still had bad days and bad things happen.


If you go back, when Regina is sitting in class supposedly done with her test and looking around the room, she sees a pair of scissors on the desk which prompts the "quilting bee" thought process she has at that moment. A tiny bit of foreshadowing.

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Siartha In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2012-10-12 00:47:56 +0000 UTC]

Holy crap, that's a lot of text, I don't exactly know how to reply to everything, but here goes.

I think it would be a gift to be as 'perfect' as you were, it just happened by chance that you got stuck with bad relatives. I don't know if it is better to have people hate you out of jealousy, because that's never happened to me, but being shunned because you are 'weird' is horrible, perhaps more so than that. I hope you found solace in your friends and teachers.

I did a lot of research on Mary-Sues at one point because I was writing fanfiction and did not want any characters like that. I found that a large majority of Mary-Sues have Japanese names, so that might be helpful?

I wonder why those people still hung around her, when it was so obvious to them that all was not well in Regina-ville. Maybe out of pity, since, as you said, most people don't know how to deal with those situations.

I wasn't really referring to a perfect life, but to a highly-desirable character, as people actually tend to be biased towards a beautiful person if that beautiful person is nice to them. Unless, of course they are horrible people. I still kind of envy you, because most people have bad days and bad things happen to them, but people like you just seem on a higher level than people like me.

Ah, I see, a very cleverly placed bit of foreshadowing. I kind of missed it, whoops, but I tend to do that in literature.

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to Siartha [2012-10-12 01:42:40 +0000 UTC]

I'm sorry, I'm known for my text walls and my overly explanatory explanations. lol

While my early childhood was "perfect" it all went downhill from there and I've had a very hard life.

Going into the mass of details would result in pages and pages of text walls, and though I plan on eventually writing it all down (cause it's a nice therapy to do so) I wouldn't feel jealous of me, nor would I feel pity. My life has been what it has been, and I'm dealing with it now. Friends I had when I was young, didn't really last all that long when bad things happened, and I stopped trying to make friends after awhile. I still have always made good grades and got along well with teachers for the most part, that's about as far as my "perfect life" extended.

Yeah, Mary Sues tend to have really exotic or weird names, but there's also a section of Mary Sues that are named for other characters and I was thinking of Regina from "Mean Girls" as my base, and I also wanted to be sort of sneaky about building the character in that I didn't go full exotic and I didn't reference my starting point.


In Regina's mind, everyone loved her almost to the point of worship. In real world, everyone was a little afraid of her, even Alice, but Alice tries to be a good person and show her compassion with the hopes that maybe she can help Regina. No one really wants to be around Regina, but it's hard to avoid someone who more or less forces her presence on you, especially somewhere like school.

That makes a lot of sense really, because people love a beautiful package. However, I don't consider myself to be even remotely pretty. Even when I look at childhood pictures of myself, at a time when I think I probably looked my best, I look sickly and frail to myself. I just don't like myself. In fact I avoid mirrors when I can. I hate them.

I've had a lot of bad happen to me, and many times it has broken me, but I do every thing in my power to try and pull myself out of it, to try and stay positive, even when I'd rather just... stop. I'm so tired. I hate fighting, but it's all I can do.

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Siartha In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2012-10-12 20:21:57 +0000 UTC]

If you put it that way, then it seems that your intelligence did not help you much. I kind of understand your situation, I guess.

Yes! That's who I thought of immediately when I read her name! I didn't know if you meant to refer to her or not, but now I do!

It's too bad Regina's grandfather didn't notice the signs of her impending breakdown, that would have saved a life.

Oh, for me it's kind of the opposite. When I was little everyone thought I was cute and adorable, but now I'm just awkward.

Just think of tomorrow and better things to come, we live in the present but what matters is the future. Maybe in a few years you'll look back and be glad you braved that storm because it has made you stronger.
If that makes sense...

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ZRCass [2012-10-10 16:44:46 +0000 UTC]

I enjoyed this. Good job.

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to ZRCass [2012-10-10 17:08:14 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much!

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Lychalis [2012-10-10 13:55:21 +0000 UTC]

mary sue? brilliant idea there - I love this thing

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to Lychalis [2012-10-10 15:54:48 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much ^.^

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Goldfish-In-Space [2012-10-10 05:56:55 +0000 UTC]

Wooow. That's fast and hard. I like it a lot!

There's /almost/ a suspicion of Regina's actual situation in the beginning, but it's buried so well in "mary sue" that I ignored it until it was too late. The stylistic choices you mentioned work really well- how 'barfy' the first half is makes the second part actually hurt. When you've got the gumption to look at this again, you might want to go over Alice's dialogue at the end, because it seems a little staged to me. I don't /think/ that's the intention there? Anyway, good writing!

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to Goldfish-In-Space [2012-10-10 15:58:48 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much!

I wanted you to get to the end and then question everything. What part is real and what parts are in her own head?


I wanted Alice to feel practiced. Like when something really bad happens and you spend hours just thinking about it, analyzing it and just trying to figure out where it went wrong. Alice knew what she would probably be asked because she's asked herself a dozen times already, and so she already knew what she wanted or needed to say.

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Goldfish-In-Space In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2012-10-11 22:09:28 +0000 UTC]

Hm. I don't know if the distinction between practised and staged come through properly; I think it's around the part where she talks about being offered money that gives me that impression. Now that you've explained it I get it, though. Still a great piece!

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GalaxyGoddess In reply to Goldfish-In-Space [2012-10-11 22:46:33 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I fiddled with the ending forever trying to figure out how I wanted it to sound, I finally settled on what I did with it. I understand it feels a little stilted, but I'm unaware at this time how to fiddle with it to make it work better.

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Goldfish-In-Space In reply to GalaxyGoddess [2012-10-11 23:43:57 +0000 UTC]

Yeah. Waiting it out is sometimes the best option.

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ArynChris [2012-10-10 04:30:46 +0000 UTC]

Wow.

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