Comments: 13
XDragonLightX [2015-11-10 00:47:38 +0000 UTC]
whens chapter 2?
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NekoLLX [2010-08-16 00:01:23 +0000 UTC]
that was painful to read, you didn't even attempt to get the charters personality down and it reads more like a summery of events as we move from one event to another with literally no downtime between them. Hinata and Timari might as well have been in the hokage's office with Narato with how fast they react
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FRANKENSTINWENTMAD In reply to NekoLLX [2010-09-24 06:38:29 +0000 UTC]
You don't have to be that mean about it. You could have just given some pointers instead of critising to such an extent.
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NekoLLX In reply to FRANKENSTINWENTMAD [2010-09-24 11:20:57 +0000 UTC]
that was pointers, it isn't suppose to be mean just honest. It needs ALOT of work. I didn't mean to insult or offend you just point out the fact it is very rough.
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FRANKENSTINWENTMAD In reply to NekoLLX [2010-09-24 22:38:50 +0000 UTC]
I understand where your coming from but it just seemed as if you were being a little mean about it that's all. Sorry if you felt insulted or anything from my post before hand.
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Quakeattack In reply to FRANKENSTINWENTMAD [2013-04-27 09:25:48 +0000 UTC]
No, he is right you know. That was painful to read. I would give pointers but that would mean I would need to go back and look at it again. Not trying to be mean, just blunt.
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FRANKENSTINWENTMAD In reply to Quakeattack [2013-04-27 10:34:13 +0000 UTC]
I understand, I just felt it was a bit more of an attack at the time. I see that you were both being blunt about the fact, although, pointers still would help the situation so at least one more person improves, and there is less painful things to read in the world.
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GameDemonKing In reply to NekoLLX [2010-08-16 00:14:49 +0000 UTC]
It wasn't meant to be painful or that stuff. Remember that the story is AU, meaning that you would have characters act OOC. If you don't like the story, then don't favorite my story, but I won't change it because of your opinion.
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NekoLLX In reply to GameDemonKing [2010-08-16 03:00:02 +0000 UTC]
It's fan fiction, not AU, if it is au you have to work even harder, cause your using established characters and have to draw in the reader to them acting completly out of character. Take for example Team 8, that's a perfect example of AU
[link]
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GameDemonKing In reply to NekoLLX [2010-08-16 03:57:06 +0000 UTC]
Well, killing the Akatsuki and the elders are considered to me and probably you AU. That is what I am explaining to you. I already have read that series and it's awesome. So we will leave it at that.
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NekoLLX In reply to GameDemonKing [2010-08-16 21:22:01 +0000 UTC]
Fair enough, i mean you have a promising premise i just want you, like all authors i read, to become better, it's just constructive criticism.
For example I have in my WIP list, enter Naruka, it starts in cannon but then due to the fox it becomes a Au as Naruto is stuck as a girl and the fox's magic effects everyone else in strange ways.
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DAVE37 [2009-11-30 02:53:32 +0000 UTC]
Great job dude!
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