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GameDemonKing — Naruko the fusion ninja Chp. 1
Published: 2009-11-30 02:19:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 38685; Favourites: 148; Downloads: 20
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All right, so here's a request story from DAVE37Chapter 1: Absorption jutsu
With the elders dead and the Akatsuki gone as well, Naruto was called by Tsunade.
"Ah Naruto, sit down."
"Okay granny so what do you need for me today?"
"I have discovered a jutsu that we haven't tested yet but it said that it combines one or more people and allows the fused person to possess all their traits."
"Ah, so you want me to do it due to the Kyuubi inside of me correct. During all that time, I used up too much, causing the Kyuubi to fully absorb my body. Since it was energy, it skyrocket my chakra. So I'll do it since it will be a lot of fun being a woman." Naruto grinned.
"Okay, here is the scroll for the jutsu and by the way, it was your mother's jutsu but to the truth is that she never used it though it was passed down by her family. Anyway, you will still have your inheritance whether you use it or not you will still have everything from your father." Tsunade said as she gave Naruto the scroll.
"Thanks lady hokage."
"Yeah." Tsunade said as Naruto left her office. When he walked down the village, he sees Hinata and Temari hanging out so he decides to meet them.
"Oh, hello there Hinata chan and Temari san."
"Hello there Naruto kun."
"Good to see you again Naruto san."
"I have this jutsu where we can fuse together and we would all share the same body. It was from my mother's scroll. I'm not sure if you two want to try it or not."
"We both talked for a while and we decide that we wanted to be with you since Hinata chan already loved you and I love you too. So let's do it then."
Naruto smile over his girlfriends and use the handsigns for the body absorption just and the three of them were enveloped in a white light. The result was that there was a young girl in her 20s with yellow hair with light black streaks. Then her eyes had the Byakugan with whisker marks and had the same hair style as Temari. Then they had a fusion outfit of the three people and since two female are dominant over Naruto, the person was a full female. Then their personality had the anger of Naruto, the kindness of Hinata and the strength of Temari while having all their strengths. Then the said female had the same breast size as Tsunade.
"Naruko is a fitting name for my new life so let's us go my girlfriends." Naruko said as she giggle and blush over the last part of her girlfriends.
To be continued
Hopefully the next chapter it will be better.
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Comments: 13
that was painful to read, you didn't even attempt to get the charters personality down and it reads more like a summery of events as we move from one event to another with literally no downtime between them. Hinata and Timari might as well have been in the hokage's office with Narato with how fast they react
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You don't have to be that mean about it. You could have just given some pointers instead of critising to such an extent.
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that was pointers, it isn't suppose to be mean just honest. It needs ALOT of work. I didn't mean to insult or offend you just point out the fact it is very rough.
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I understand where your coming from but it just seemed as if you were being a little mean about it that's all. Sorry if you felt insulted or anything from my post before hand.
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No, he is right you know. That was painful to read. I would give pointers but that would mean I would need to go back and look at it again. Not trying to be mean, just blunt.
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I understand, I just felt it was a bit more of an attack at the time. I see that you were both being blunt about the fact, although, pointers still would help the situation so at least one more person improves, and there is less painful things to read in the world.
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It wasn't meant to be painful or that stuff. Remember that the story is AU, meaning that you would have characters act OOC. If you don't like the story, then don't favorite my story, but I won't change it because of your opinion.
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It's fan fiction, not AU, if it is au you have to work even harder, cause your using established characters and have to draw in the reader to them acting completly out of character. Take for example Team 8, that's a perfect example of AU
[link]
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Well, killing the Akatsuki and the elders are considered to me and probably you AU. That is what I am explaining to you. I already have read that series and it's awesome. So we will leave it at that.
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Fair enough, i mean you have a promising premise i just want you, like all authors i read, to become better, it's just constructive criticism.
For example I have in my WIP list, enter Naruka, it starts in cannon but then due to the fox it becomes a Au as Naruto is stuck as a girl and the fox's magic effects everyone else in strange ways.
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