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Description
It has been six years since the original eight heroes of Boredom defeated the Lord of The Tones on top of the evil mountain. Originally, a man known as “The Pope” (An impostor, clearly) had sent a Monkey called Golem and a gangster called “Mr. Black” to destroy this evil Lord, who played an instrument made of death, and hated all life for reasons that were never explained. It was hard to see what his motivation was, the most likely reason he was evil, was because he had been driven to madness by all the years of loneliness, sitting in the dark, never dying, waiting to be released-As he was sealed into the Duellist Point for crimes against the religion that the pope represented, however nobody seemed to care that The Pope was being vague about the crimes that he did. He may have been wrongly accused or even framed, and decided just to become an evil psychopath. Or, you could take Mr. Black's word for it and just come to the conclusion-“He's an asshole. Straight Up.”

Golem and Mr. Black travelled though many towns and villages, and hired many people to help them with their seemingly impossible mission. These include another gangster who started the green coat-wearing trend called “Jimmy the Cockney”, a bad Wizard called Randulf the Git who was famous for being a fraud, Flopear, an elf-therefore, an excellent archer, Finley, a Dwarf with a minimal vocabulary, The Essex Sword, a street wise, talking sword with a dull blade, Diggit, a pointless Extra Terrestrial and Dan “Da Man”-Who, before he joined the group, was known as a “Food Stealer.”

This group of gangsters, lunatics, thieves and useless people (Face it, they didn't have anything going for them.) were told by the Pope to travel to Mt. Doomy, which was The Tone's evil hideaway. When they got there, they were shocked to see their enemy for the first time. Apart from being completely pale (Being sealed in a mountain for a while would do that to you.) he looked just like Dan!  The Tone explained that he took this shape, because he knew he had to fight Dan. However, Dan shocked everyone else, as not only did he bring a sword with him, but also he was highly trained. Using magical techniques, he weakened the Tone, and with the help of Jim, Mr. Black and Flopear, he succeeded in killing him off completely. However, things are never that easy.

The Tone became a ghost, and decided to process the weakest member of the group, but settled for Golem the monkey. However, before he could do any real harm or gain any of his powers back (Ghosts need to become familiar with new bodies in order to return to fall strength.) Jim noticed that Golem was actually The Tone, and the group took it onto themselves to beat up the monkey before The Tone could get his power back. However, in an act of double cruelty, Mr. Black decided to take the Essex Sword, and impale Tone Golem to the ground and leave them for dead.

After they got the first town back from Mt. Doomy, Dan “Da Man” decided to moved to a far away place in hopes of never seeing any of his fellow group members ever again, Jimmy and Mr. Black decided to team up and form a gangster syndicate but end up becoming Wedding Singers. And as for everyone else who survived in the sorry group went back to their homes and caught the plague. Pretty standard really. This is Half Way Earth, and the folks here have a saying-“Vagueness makes the world go around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around…” Most folks also wonder off before anyone can say “and around” 1000 times as it written in the book of the old.

Half Way Earth was a vague and random place. Technology was mixed, in some towns, Skyscrapers overshadow everything, in others-Pig waste is a source of energy, and in others-“Metal” is a form of witchcraft. At the same time, some people tolerated witchcraft. Random indeed.

The fate of the Mystic Tone is currently unknown. Mt. Doomy mysteriously vanished, and no trace of the Tone or the Essex Sword was ever found. However-If Half Way Earth had only but one pastime, it was adventuring! If it had two, Pillaging. If three…. I don't know, urinating the streets I suppose… However, for this story-adventures are a way of life, and life was made to be enjoyed. Even if to enjoy it, you need to stare death head on….

CHAPTER 1
The year is unknown to us. The world has been peaceful for sometime now. To make things even better, the great Warrior Steve Dave has returned to the land.
“WOOOOOO!!!!!!” Yelled Steve Dave, as the villages rejoiced. “The people's champion has returned from Jersey!!” the villagers dined that evening to celebrate the return of the champion.

However, the next night-Steve Dave collapsed when he was getting out of his bedroom. His wife was devastated to see him on the floor. Just to see him lying on the floor in general without moving was a shock to her. She sent a sparrow to go and get Dr. D.
“Hello!! I'm Dr. D!!!” He said, after he entered the castle of Steve Dave 5 minutes after the sparrow was sent. “I'm afraid since this isn't the year 2003, my items of doctor related tools are rather basic.” He took a stick out of his bag and bent into a circle. He put on the floor next to Steve Dave and started chanting. “Lento. Macro. Salto.” The stick exploded and Steve Dave started screaming.
“Hmmm….” Said Dr. D. “Has he been doing anything unusual?”
“Well, he has seemed limb,” said his wife. “You know…. down there. 12 itches and all floppy!”
“I can not begin to describe how much I didn't need to know that.  I mean Weird. Like, have you caught him eating flies, or maybe repainting the Last Supper only replacing the people with cows? You know? Something that you humans…I mean, US humans wouldn't normally do?” Dr. D thought he covered up the fact that he really was the evil Angel of Death quite well.
“Oh-Well he has been screaming like this most the night. And I've have heard him saying something about the walls bleeding and that his head was imploding.”
“Imploding eh?? That gives me an idea…” Dr. D took some notes. He was a really violent man. “But enough about my personal life… I mean, enough about my “Medical notes”…yes, that will work. I am afraid this…thing. Is experiencing a case of Helix poisoning.”
“What? Helix Poisoning? I thought Helix was a healing item, like a Hi-Potion or an Elixir or.. I don’t know. A Meat.”
“Yes. Yes. That is a valued point. However-If you use them to cure yourself from say, a virus or something that is worse than a cut-You do tend be asking to be knocking on heaven's door.”
The wife really wasn't listening to him. “What?”
“To put that more simple-He's dying.”
“Ahh…Yes. Dying…Dying??? DYING??? He can't die! He is the People's Champion! Or at least the villages!! He once picked up a bull from its horns and gave it a 3D!!!!!”
“It doesn't matter if he gave a mountain a 3D. I don't even know what a 3D is. The point is-Steve Dave is going to snuff it.”
“Oh no!!!” yelled his wife. “Isn't there anything I can do? I sure I can spare a spine or my bladder. I can live with one.”
“Err…No, that's wouldn't help too much. What you must do is travel to Mt. Drinky and bring back the Soulex.”
“What, in the name Stevey Davy is Soulex?” ask the wife.
“Soulex is the next best thing from Helix. Another healing item which has been hidden for years. Whoever has the Soulex can be cured of virus and disease.”
“So, there's something more powerful than Helix…hang on. If this Soulex has been around for so long, why hasn't anyone been bothered to clam it?”
“Well, I have told other people about Mt. Drinky, but none has been insane enough to travel pass the pure horror that is…The Unknown objects that not even I know of what they are!! Objects of…. unspeakable evil…that no man would dare go near them. Ever that-or none of them have believed me-which is more likely…. Or maybe they did go though them and got toasted like marshmallows…. I don't know.”
“But I am just one fair lady, who has never seen the horrors of battle or war. I cannot travel to this…Mt. Drinky. I will seek help. Oh, Dr. D-Will you help me save my love?”
“You must be bloody joking. Who do you think I am? Your friendly neighbourhood Super Doctor? I am the Angel of Death…err…that is Dr. D!!!! Bye!!” Dr. D ran away, and already over the horizon when Steve Dave's wife looked out the window.
“Oh, only one person can help me. Elliot Crafter-The greatest and most idiotic adventurer of all time!!”
Steve Dave's wife sent another Sparrow to Crafter. However, unlike Dr. D, Crafter wasn't there quickly. One week later, he came over the horizon. Crafter-He was a foolish fool. The kind of person you would want your parents to meet. Friendly, and rarely angry or evil. He approached the gates.
“Hello?? Did you hire me?”
The gates opened up, and Crafter entered. Steve Dave's wife approached him.
“Where the Hell have you been??”
Crafter looked at her. “Well, fair lady…I've been travelling though some pretty dark places and been in many incredible positions while following the rules some amazing secretive book...me lady.”
Steve Dave's wife held up her hand to show of her saucer sized ring on her finger. “I'm married you know.”
Crafter looked surprised. “Ahh…Parsnips. So, you must have sent me a sparrow.  What is it that you want? I do rescue missions and other fruity crap that assassins don’t do.”
“Mr. Crafter. My husband: the great Steve Dave-The People's Champion is dying. I will need the power of the Soulex from the top of Mt. Drinky to heal him.”
“Hmmm….” Crafter thought about this. “I will require a fee.”
“Name your price.”
“I will need 13 barrels of the finest port of all of Half-Way Earth. And some hookers.”
“It seems worth it.”
“I need hookers. Lots of Hookers. Prostitution is my outlet. Well-A least an outlet for my p...”
“Yeah. Shut up and get going.”
“Also, I will be hoarding adventures on my quest. I will be grateful if you pay them whatever they want. I’m like, poor. You know. You people usually spit on me.”
“Yeah, Sure, Steve Dave has like, 80 different bank accounts world wide. I'm sure I can afford anything you desire…. unless you all want prostitutes. Steve Dave has a reputation to keep.”
“I will leave now, I will soon return with the Soulex!! Me-Away!”
And so Crafter headed alone, without any weapons, or without any sort of transport, and he suddenly discovered that he doesn't know where to start looking for Mt. Drinky.
“Ah HUM BUGGIES!!!! There's only one thing I can do!!”
Crafter headed toward the central hub of futuristic adventures-known as Blue Planet-So called because Miss Universe brought it last week and renamed for reasons-unknown.
Crafter knew he had to find someone who owned a spacecraft of some sort. Failing that, an Airship would work just as well.
“Oh GEVON!!!!!! Where am I going to find a bloody aircraft in this filled contraption filled with more lazy eye bastards than an Austin Powers convention!!!!”
This was when the second hero of these here tales comes into the story.
“Excuse me.”
Crafter turned around and saw a young teenager. He worn a blue coat and had a scar other one of his eyes, but somehow his eye wasn't damaged.
“Close shave?”
“What?” Crafter pointed at the strangers eye and he felt his scar. “Watch your mouth. That was an identification scar. Some pretty sick people raised me…Bastards. Anyway-Are you looking for an airship?”
“Why yes I am. I am General Elliot Crafter and I am on a quest to find the Soulex from Mt. Drinky.”
“A QUEST? Well La-De-Da! Mr. 'Some like it on a quest!' Answer me this smart boy-If you on a quest-And that is the sort of quest where you travel over mountains and though caves. WHY do you need an Airship?? If you are really on a true quest, you must travel on ground-Like those people in that movie that goes on for 3 BLOODY HOURS!!!!”
“What? Lord of The Rings? That movie wasn't THAT bad. Did piss off some movie nerds on the internet.”
“Yeah, yeah…. I didn't think it was bad, I enjoyed it myself. I just found it long that's all. Anyway-I thinks the quest idea will go down the toilet.”
“Yeah…you 'thinks' correctly. Anyway-If I am to take an Airship to Mt. Drinky, what should I call it?”
“Well, I would call it a Mission. It sounds cooler. Quest just scares the hell out of me”
“Very well-Since you have taught me this, you have proved yourself worthy of joining me on my mission. Will you join me?”
“In a non-gay way right?”
“YES!! I'm straight…what gave you that idea?”
“I dunno…. Fine-I'll join you. My name is Zero One.”
“What?”
“Commander Zero One. Or to non adventurous types my name is John. You can call me Zero. You seem insane enough to not care about my fake name.”
“…K. Is your name just a coincidence or were your parents really bored?”
“Oh no, no, no…I was part of something called Project Zero. I was the first to be made of Project Zero-My name is Zero and I'm No. 1”
“Nice. Well Commander, We must set sail. Take me to your Airship.”
Zero looked confused. “My Airship? You don't own one?”
“Of course not! You shouldn't have talked to me about bloody Lord of The Rings!! I do love those elephants but it has nothing to do with nothing. Now, I must go on my…. dare I say it…'quest'!” Crafter was about to walk out-only to remember he didn't know the way to Mt. Drinky.
“Ahh…. Craparoni. Zero-How much does Airships cost nowadays?”
“Well-For one that actually work cost around fifty thousand pounds and…. One like the queen uses will cost 150 hundred thousand pounds.”
Crafter looked though his pockets. “Well…I have a dollar.”
“Great. We have 35 pence if we convert it into legal inside the UK currency. Fan-bloody-tastic. That can buy us a bag of out of date jelly babies at the duty free shop.” Said Zero. “I guess we have no choice.”
“Shall I start looking for some old people who look like Gandalf?” asked Crafter.
“Over my rotting heart you will. Come with me.”
Zero led Crafter into the docking bay and led him to a dark coloured Airship. It was as large as the Sphinx of Egypt and was armed with 4 giant rapid-fire cannons. Crafter has had some experience in the army, so he knew about firearms.
“This here is the Behemoth Omega. The darkest of all evil Airships. Count Dracula owned it during a brief period 20 years ago-It was then sold to Mr. Cat the dog eater. He was killed off and was stolen by Baron Von Yoyo who sold it to an auction and was brought by the Disney Corporation and lost in a lawsuit to Doggie Left hand enterprises. Today-It is jointed owned by Dr. D on weekends and Owned by Blue Planet the rest of the time.”
Crafter was speechless. “HOW do you know this?”
“It says so on this plank.” Answered Zero.
“But you…lead…never mind. What do you plan to do?”
“I bought shares of Dr. D. That means I own 20% of anything Dr. D owns. That includes this Airship.”
Crafter looked at his watch. “Err… Zero. It's Tuesday.”
“Yeah, but they won't miss it. Come on.” Zero was very pushy to get aboard the Behemoth Omega. “This may be an evil Airship-But I'm the Phantom Controller.”
“You're the what?” Crafter asked, but Zero ignored him, in fact, he may have not even heard the question. Zero was already climbing the rope ladder into the ship. Crafter didn't want to do anything illegal, but he decided that this was the only way he was going to get to Mt. Drinky. He quickly followed Zero up the rope ladder. Zero stood at the top waiting for him.
Crafter started to feel worried, as he could guess what he was going to do.
“People in the world that die and are not identified are usually just buried underground. I heard a lot of people died during the construction of…Blue Planet.” Zero led Crafter into the cockpit and sat down in the co-pilots seat.
“Great! I've passed my crash course as a Pilot by default!!” Said Crafter as he took the pilots seat. He looked out the window. “Hold on, how our we going to open the doors?”
“With the power of the restless sprites.” Said Zero. As he spoke-He saw hundreds and thousands of ghosts grabbing and opening the doors. However-Crafter didn't see anything but the doors opening.
“Wow…you think someone leant on the wrong button?” asked Crafter.
“Err…. Yeah-sure.” Said Zero-aware that Crafter couldn't see the ghosts.
Zero, as he said, was the Phantom Controller, he could command restless sprits to possess objects, like doors, and control them. Zero could also gain what he called “Phantom Energy” and “Possess” objects and control them himself, just like a psychic. The restless sprits, 99 times out of 100, decided to help Zero, because when they do, Zero can absorb the Phantom Energy from them to use their powers for himself, and the spirits would be released from the planet and go to the afterlife. However, as Zero did this, his paranoid mind thought that Crafter might exploit his powers if he got the chance, however-he had already had a plan in his head-The basis of his plan was-“This guy is an idiot with little self-esteem. Use it.”
“Tell you what, forget everything about me saying stuff about ghosts or Phantom Controlling. Alright?”
“Will do.” Said Crafter, as he took hold on the siring wheel. “Now-To Mt. Drinky! AND BEYOND!!”
“You better not say that again.” Said Zero, as he presses some buttons to start the engine. The radio comes on playing the war fanfare.
“Blast. Wrong button.” Zero pressed another button. The radio turned off.
“Blast.” Zero pressed a big red button. The Boasters tuned on.
“Attention stowaways aboard the Behemoth Omega.” Said a voice though the Airships Speaker. “Please stop stealing our ship. Thanks for your attention.”
“Err…” Zero picked up the microphone. “This Airship is being inspected by Dr. D. please be aware that there is sale of perfume in the Duty Free and shoplifters have been reported. Thank you ever much.” Zero slammed down the microphone. “OK, Let's kick some ass!” The Behemoth Omega took off.
“Wow-Boosters!” Crafter pushed a button to activate the boasters-And the ship files over the horizon.

In the Next Episode-Crafter and Zero encounter troubles abround the Airship, and meet a new friend.

Description
It has been six years since the original eight heroes of Boredom defeated the Lord of The Tones on top of the evil mountain. Originally, a man known as “The Pope” (An impostor, clearly) had sent a Monkey called Golem and a gangster called “Mr. Black” to destroy this evil Lord, who played an instrument made of death, and hated all life for reasons that were never explained. It was hard to see what his motivation was, the most likely reason he was evil, was because he had been driven to madness by all the years of loneliness, sitting in the dark, never dying, waiting to be released-As he was sealed into the Duellist Point for crimes against the religion that the pope represented, however nobody seemed to care that The Pope was being vague about the crimes that he did. He may have been wrongly accused or even framed, and decided just to become an evil psychopath. Or, you could take Mr. Black's word for it and just come to the conclusion-“He's an asshole. Straight Up.”

Golem and Mr. Black travelled though many towns and villages, and hired many people to help them with their seemingly impossible mission. These include another gangster who started the green coat-wearing trend called “Jimmy the Cockney”, a bad Wizard called Randulf the Git who was famous for being a fraud, Flopear, an elf-therefore, an excellent archer, Finley, a Dwarf with a minimal vocabulary, The Essex Sword, a street wise, talking sword with a dull blade, Diggit, a pointless Extra Terrestrial and Dan “Da Man”-Who, before he joined the group, was known as a “Food Stealer.”

This group of gangsters, lunatics, thieves and useless people (Face it, they didn't have anything going for them.) were told by the Pope to travel to Mt. Doomy, which was The Tone's evil hideaway. When they got there, they were shocked to see their enemy for the first time. Apart from being completely pale (Being sealed in a mountain for a while would do that to you.) he looked just like Dan!  The Tone explained that he took this shape, because he knew he had to fight Dan. However, Dan shocked everyone else, as not only did he bring a sword with him, but also he was highly trained. Using magical techniques, he weakened the Tone, and with the help of Jim, Mr. Black and Flopear, he succeeded in killing him off completely. However, things are never that easy.

The Tone became a ghost, and decided to process the weakest member of the group, but settled for Golem the monkey. However, before he could do any real harm or gain any of his powers back (Ghosts need to become familiar with new bodies in order to return to fall strength.) Jim noticed that Golem was actually The Tone, and the group took it onto themselves to beat up the monkey before The Tone could get his power back. However, in an act of double cruelty, Mr. Black decided to take the Essex Sword, and impale Tone Golem to the ground and leave them for dead.

After they got the first town back from Mt. Doomy, Dan “Da Man” decided to moved to a far away place in hopes of never seeing any of his fellow group members ever again, Jimmy and Mr. Black decided to team up and form a gangster syndicate but end up becoming Wedding Singers. And as for everyone else who survived in the sorry group went back to their homes and caught the plague. Pretty standard really. This is Half Way Earth, and the folks here have a saying-“Vagueness makes the world go around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around…” Most folks also wonder off before anyone can say “and around” 1000 times as it written in the book of the old.

Half Way Earth was a vague and random place. Technology was mixed, in some towns, Skyscrapers overshadow everything, in others-Pig waste is a source of energy, and in others-“Metal” is a form of witchcraft. At the same time, some people tolerated witchcraft. Random indeed.

The fate of the Mystic Tone is currently unknown. Mt. Doomy mysteriously vanished, and no trace of the Tone or the Essex Sword was ever found. However-If Half Way Earth had only but one pastime, it was adventuring! If it had two, Pillaging. If three…. I don't know, urinating the streets I suppose… However, for this story-adventures are a way of life, and life was made to be enjoyed. Even if to enjoy it, you need to stare death head on….

CHAPTER 1
The year is unknown to us. The world has been peaceful for sometime now. To make things even better, the great Warrior Steve Dave has returned to the land.
“WOOOOOO!!!!!!” Yelled Steve Dave, as the villages rejoiced. “The people's champion has returned from Jersey!!” the villagers dined that evening to celebrate the return of the champion.

However, the next night-Steve Dave collapsed when he was getting out of his bedroom. His wife was devastated to see him on the floor. Just to see him lying on the floor in general without moving was a shock to her. She sent a sparrow to go and get Dr. D.
“Hello!! I'm Dr. D!!!” He said, after he entered the castle of Steve Dave 5 minutes after the sparrow was sent. “I'm afraid since this isn't the year 2003, my items of doctor related tools are rather basic.” He took a stick out of his bag and bent into a circle. He put on the floor next to Steve Dave and started chanting. “Lento. Macro. Salto.” The stick exploded and Steve Dave started screaming.
“Hmmm….” Said Dr. D. “Has he been doing anything unusual?”
“Well, he has seemed limb,” said his wife. “You know…. down there. 12 itches and all floppy!”
“I can not begin to describe how much I didn't need to know that.  I mean Weird. Like, have you caught him eating flies, or maybe repainting the Last Supper only replacing the people with cows? You know? Something that you humans…I mean, US humans wouldn't normally do?” Dr. D thought he covered up the fact that he really was the evil Angel of Death quite well.
“Oh-Well he has been screaming like this most the night. And I've have heard him saying something about the walls bleeding and that his head was imploding.”
“Imploding eh?? That gives me an idea…” Dr. D took some notes. He was a really violent man. “But enough about my personal life… I mean, enough about my “Medical notes”…yes, that will work. I am afraid this…thing. Is experiencing a case of Helix poisoning.”
“What? Helix Poisoning? I thought Helix was a healing item, like a Hi-Potion or an Elixir or.. I don’t know. A Meat.”
“Yes. Yes. That is a valued point. However-If you use them to cure yourself from say, a virus or something that is worse than a cut-You do tend be asking to be knocking on heaven's door.”
The wife really wasn't listening to him. “What?”
“To put that more simple-He's dying.”
“Ahh…Yes. Dying…Dying??? DYING??? He can't die! He is the People's Champion! Or at least the villages!! He once picked up a bull from its horns and gave it a 3D!!!!!”
“It doesn't matter if he gave a mountain a 3D. I don't even know what a 3D is. The point is-Steve Dave is going to snuff it.”
“Oh no!!!” yelled his wife. “Isn't there anything I can do? I sure I can spare a spine or my bladder. I can live with one.”
“Err…No, that's wouldn't help too much. What you must do is travel to Mt. Drinky and bring back the Soulex.”
“What, in the name Stevey Davy is Soulex?” ask the wife.
“Soulex is the next best thing from Helix. Another healing item which has been hidden for years. Whoever has the Soulex can be cured of virus and disease.”
“So, there's something more powerful than Helix…hang on. If this Soulex has been around for so long, why hasn't anyone been bothered to clam it?”
“Well, I have told other people about Mt. Drinky, but none has been insane enough to travel pass the pure horror that is…The Unknown objects that not even I know of what they are!! Objects of…. unspeakable evil…that no man would dare go near them. Ever that-or none of them have believed me-which is more likely…. Or maybe they did go though them and got toasted like marshmallows…. I don't know.”
“But I am just one fair lady, who has never seen the horrors of battle or war. I cannot travel to this…Mt. Drinky. I will seek help. Oh, Dr. D-Will you help me save my love?”
“You must be bloody joking. Who do you think I am? Your friendly neighbourhood Super Doctor? I am the Angel of Death…err…that is Dr. D!!!! Bye!!” Dr. D ran away, and already over the horizon when Steve Dave's wife looked out the window.
“Oh, only one person can help me. Elliot Crafter-The greatest and most idiotic adventurer of all time!!”
Steve Dave's wife sent another Sparrow to Crafter. However, unlike Dr. D, Crafter wasn't there quickly. One week later, he came over the horizon. Crafter-He was a foolish fool. The kind of person you would want your parents to meet. Friendly, and rarely angry or evil. He approached the gates.
“Hello?? Did you hire me?”
The gates opened up, and Crafter entered. Steve Dave's wife approached him.
“Where the Hell have you been??”
Crafter looked at her. “Well, fair lady…I've been travelling though some pretty dark places and been in many incredible positions while following the rules some amazing secretive book...me lady.”
Steve Dave's wife held up her hand to show of her saucer sized ring on her finger. “I'm married you know.”
Crafter looked surprised. “Ahh…Parsnips. So, you must have sent me a sparrow.  What is it that you want? I do rescue missions and other fruity crap that assassins don’t do.”
“Mr. Crafter. My husband: the great Steve Dave-The People's Champion is dying. I will need the power of the Soulex from the top of Mt. Drinky to heal him.”
“Hmmm….” Crafter thought about this. “I will require a fee.”
“Name your price.”
“I will need 13 barrels of the finest port of all of Half-Way Earth. And some hookers.”
“It seems worth it.”
“I need hookers. Lots of Hookers. Prostitution is my outlet. Well-A least an outlet for my p...”
“Yeah. Shut up and get going.”
“Also, I will be hoarding adventures on my quest. I will be grateful if you pay them whatever they want. I’m like, poor. You know. You people usually spit on me.”
“Yeah, Sure, Steve Dave has like, 80 different bank accounts world wide. I'm sure I can afford anything you desire…. unless you all want prostitutes. Steve Dave has a reputation to keep.”
“I will leave now, I will soon return with the Soulex!! Me-Away!”
And so Crafter headed alone, without any weapons, or without any sort of transport, and he suddenly discovered that he doesn't know where to start looking for Mt. Drinky.
“Ah HUM BUGGIES!!!! There's only one thing I can do!!”
Crafter headed toward the central hub of futuristic adventures-known as Blue Planet-So called because Miss Universe brought it last week and renamed for reasons-unknown.
Crafter knew he had to find someone who owned a spacecraft of some sort. Failing that, an Airship would work just as well.
“Oh GEVON!!!!!! Where am I going to find a bloody aircraft in this filled contraption filled with more lazy eye bastards than an Austin Powers convention!!!!”
This was when the second hero of these here tales comes into the story.
“Excuse me.”
Crafter turned around and saw a young teenager. He worn a blue coat and had a scar other one of his eyes, but somehow his eye wasn't damaged.
“Close shave?”
“What?” Crafter pointed at the strangers eye and he felt his scar. “Watch your mouth. That was an identification scar. Some pretty sick people raised me…Bastards. Anyway-Are you looking for an airship?”
“Why yes I am. I am General Elliot Crafter and I am on a quest to find the Soulex from Mt. Drinky.”
“A QUEST? Well La-De-Da! Mr. 'Some like it on a quest!' Answer me this smart boy-If you on a quest-And that is the sort of quest where you travel over mountains and though caves. WHY do you need an Airship?? If you are really on a true quest, you must travel on ground-Like those people in that movie that goes on for 3 BLOODY HOURS!!!!”
“What? Lord of The Rings? That movie wasn't THAT bad. Did piss off some movie nerds on the internet.”
“Yeah, yeah…. I didn't think it was bad, I enjoyed it myself. I just found it long that's all. Anyway-I thinks the quest idea will go down the toilet.”
“Yeah…you 'thinks' correctly. Anyway-If I am to take an Airship to Mt. Drinky, what should I call it?”
“Well, I would call it a Mission. It sounds cooler. Quest just scares the hell out of me”
“Very well-Since you have taught me this, you have proved yourself worthy of joining me on my mission. Will you join me?”
“In a non-gay way right?”
“YES!! I'm straight…what gave you that idea?”
“I dunno…. Fine-I'll join you. My name is Zero One.”
“What?”
“Commander Zero One. Or to non adventurous types my name is John. You can call me Zero. You seem insane enough to not care about my fake name.”
“…K. Is your name just a coincidence or were your parents really bored?”
“Oh no, no, no…I was part of something called Project Zero. I was the first to be made of Project Zero-My name is Zero and I'm No. 1”
“Nice. Well Commander, We must set sail. Take me to your Airship.”
Zero looked confused. “My Airship? You don't own one?”
“Of course not! You shouldn't have talked to me about bloody Lord of The Rings!! I do love those elephants but it has nothing to do with nothing. Now, I must go on my…. dare I say it…'quest'!” Crafter was about to walk out-only to remember he didn't know the way to Mt. Drinky.
“Ahh…. Craparoni. Zero-How much does Airships cost nowadays?”
“Well-For one that actually work cost around fifty thousand pounds and…. One like the queen uses will cost 150 hundred thousand pounds.”
Crafter looked though his pockets. “Well…I have a dollar.”
“Great. We have 35 pence if we convert it into legal inside the UK currency. Fan-bloody-tastic. That can buy us a bag of out of date jelly babies at the duty free shop.” Said Zero. “I guess we have no choice.”
“Shall I start looking for some old people who look like Gandalf?” asked Crafter.
“Over my rotting heart you will. Come with me.”
Zero led Crafter into the docking bay and led him to a dark coloured Airship. It was as large as the Sphinx of Egypt and was armed with 4 giant rapid-fire cannons. Crafter has had some experience in the army, so he knew about firearms.
“This here is the Behemoth Omega. The darkest of all evil Airships. Count Dracula owned it during a brief period 20 years ago-It was then sold to Mr. Cat the dog eater. He was killed off and was stolen by Baron Von Yoyo who sold it to an auction and was brought by the Disney Corporation and lost in a lawsuit to Doggie Left hand enterprises. Today-It is jointed owned by Dr. D on weekends and Owned by Blue Planet the rest of the time.”
Crafter was speechless. “HOW do you know this?”
“It says so on this plank.” Answered Zero.
“But you…lead…never mind. What do you plan to do?”
“I bought shares of Dr. D. That means I own 20% of anything Dr. D owns. That includes this Airship.”
Crafter looked at his watch. “Err… Zero. It's Tuesday.”
“Yeah, but they won't miss it. Come on.” Zero was very pushy to get aboard the Behemoth Omega. “This may be an evil Airship-But I'm the Phantom Controller.”
“You're the what?” Crafter asked, but Zero ignored him, in fact, he may have not even heard the question. Zero was already climbing the rope ladder into the ship. Crafter didn't want to do anything illegal, but he decided that this was the only way he was going to get to Mt. Drinky. He quickly followed Zero up the rope ladder. Zero stood at the top waiting for him.
Crafter started to feel worried, as he could guess what he was going to do.
“People in the world that die and are not identified are usually just buried underground. I heard a lot of people died during the construction of…Blue Planet.” Zero led Crafter into the cockpit and sat down in the co-pilots seat.
“Great! I've passed my crash course as a Pilot by default!!” Said Crafter as he took the pilots seat. He looked out the window. “Hold on, how our we going to open the doors?”
“With the power of the restless sprites.” Said Zero. As he spoke-He saw hundreds and thousands of ghosts grabbing and opening the doors. However-Crafter didn't see anything but the doors opening.
“Wow…you think someone leant on the wrong button?” asked Crafter.
“Err…. Yeah-sure.” Said Zero-aware that Crafter couldn't see the ghosts.
Zero, as he said, was the Phantom Controller, he could command restless sprits to possess objects, like doors, and control them. Zero could also gain what he called “Phantom Energy” and “Possess” objects and control them himself, just like a psychic. The restless sprits, 99 times out of 100, decided to help Zero, because when they do, Zero can absorb the Phantom Energy from them to use their powers for himself, and the spirits would be released from the planet and go to the afterlife. However, as Zero did this, his paranoid mind thought that Crafter might exploit his powers if he got the chance, however-he had already had a plan in his head-The basis of his plan was-“This guy is an idiot with little self-esteem. Use it.”
“Tell you what, forget everything about me saying stuff about ghosts or Phantom Controlling. Alright?”
“Will do.” Said Crafter, as he took hold on the siring wheel. “Now-To Mt. Drinky! AND BEYOND!!”
“You better not say that again.” Said Zero, as he presses some buttons to start the engine. The radio comes on playing the war fanfare.
“Blast. Wrong button.” Zero pressed another button. The radio turned off.
“Blast.” Zero pressed a big red button. The Boasters tuned on.
“Attention stowaways aboard the Behemoth Omega.” Said a voice though the Airships Speaker. “Please stop stealing our ship. Thanks for your attention.”
“Err…” Zero picked up the microphone. “This Airship is being inspected by Dr. D. please be aware that there is sale of perfume in the Duty Free and shoplifters have been reported. Thank you ever much.” Zero slammed down the microphone. “OK, Let's kick some ass!” The Behemoth Omega took off.
“Wow-Boosters!” Crafter pushed a button to activate the boasters-And the ship files over the horizon.

In the Next Episode-Crafter and Zero encounter troubles abround the Airship, and meet a new friend.