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Description
CHAPTER 2
“Wow! The Web!” Crafter decided to search the Behemoth Omega for anything even remotely interesting. And to think-When you find that the World Wide Web fascinates him shows how little Crafter has done in his life.

“To think that the World Wide Web fascinates you shows how little you’ve done in your life.” Said Zero.

“What you talking about Zero? I spent most of my time in The Place with the Cuban Cigar Factory. That place was very ancient-We were lucky if you could find a phone that worked. I left about a year ago…technology has escaped me…apart from books BLOODY BOOKS!!”
“Yeah... aha.” Zero nodded in confusion as he got a cigar out of a cookie jar he found and lighted it using his finger. Yeah-HIS FINGER. Like they used to do in those ancient British Gas adverts. Crafter was really confused.
“Wha…how did…you…. WHEN DID YOU START SMOKING???”
Zero coughed up a load of smoke. “I don’t smoke. It makes people cough and die. I think its this damn Airship. The evil is taking over me. I mean, it’s gotta be an evil airship for a reason.” Then it hit him. “Crap! Crafter! This Airship is the airship version of that Amityville house!”
“Crap, that’s not good!” said Crafter. “If we stay in this airship for too long, we’ll become so evil…we’ll just fly this Airship in the nearest town and blow it sky high. Or maybe we might kill each other in a dramatic knife fight.”
Zero started thinking. And when someone is turning evil due to evil spirits or whatnot it is very bad for him or her to start thinking about evil things.
“Brilliant Idea! I’ll get the steering wheel, you man the guns.”
Crafter may an idiot, but he isn’t a fool.
“Zero! Look! Wrenches!” and pointed out .of the window.
“Brilliant! Wrenches at 5’000 feet! Watch out-Here I come!!” Zero walked up to the window.
“This is for your own good!” Crafter karate chopped Zero’s neck, and he passed out. “
“Well…It seems by now I’m unaffected by the airship somehow so instead of stabbing the boy to a bloody pulp I better find somewhere to land before Zero comes too… though the stab action is tempting...”
Crafter took the airship controls. “OK. Let see how this thing works.” Crafter has never really been in control of an Airship before. Luckily for him The Behemoth Omega-The most evil Airship of them all was still modelled of the most common Airship…however, when you’ve never been in control of a common airship before that doesn’t really help much.
“Right…If I remember right…” said Crafter, looking at the Airship Height Control Leaver…well he didn’t know that. “This is the height control thing.” Crafter pushed it straight down and the Airship started to rise.
“Oh Parsnips!!! That’s not good! If we go into space in this thing I might get aliens on board and they might eat me!” Crafter moved the leaver in the other direction. The Airship started to land.
“Well, this is an interesting development. Now…how do land exactly??? Oh no…OH NO!!!!”
The Airship started to drop faster. Crafter fastens his seat belt.
“Oh god…I know I’m not a praying man, or a man who has ever been to church…but please…”

(This part of the story has been cut, due to the fact that I rather not burn in hell so we’re keeping all references to God and all that is holy. Apart from that, we’re going all out with dirty porn sex, drugs and swearing. All right! Come on! A message from Andrew the “Novelist”  Hell-This thing is nearly a novel)

After praying-The Ship crashed into a town. The ship was pretty shagged up to say the least. I mean, the framework was pretty trashed and the navigation system was broken. In other words, the knocked out Zero got a whack on the head.

“Well…. At least I’m alive.” Crafter got up, grabbed Zero and took him outside and lied him down. Even with all of his damage, Zero was still alive…and awake.
“Did you crash the ship?” asked Zero.
“A bit.” Said Crafter. “It could have worse. We were going into space for about 15 seconds. Good thing I think so quickly.” Zero got up and looked at the trashed Behemoth Omega. He was shocked to see the most evil Airship in pieces.
“Oh no! OH NO!!!!!” Zero dropped to his knees. Crafter thought saying “oh No” was starting to become a thread.
“Oh brilliant. The ship is busted, we’re hopelessly lost and…well-I haven’t had anything to drink for 5 hours.” Zero looked down. “Damn.”
Crafter got up. “How far are we from Blue Planet?”
Zero looked at Crafter. “Well, considering I haven’t had a drink for 5 hours, and I had my last drink at Blue Planet and we had the boasters running for 5 hours…I’d say we’re about 5000 miles from Blue Planet.”
“Parsnips.” Crafter looked around to check out their new surroundings.
“Hey Zero-Do you think we survived the fall? I mean-We should be flat by now shouldn’t we?”
Zero looked at Crafter again. “Don’t question fate. I might have pissed off the Karma dudes by stealing this thing-And now we’ve just cheated death. I think we were really lucky or… no-I can’t even pretend to understand fate.”
Crafter was still looking around and saw something of interest.
“Hey look a pub.”
Zero looked to see the pub in question. “Fantastic. Come on, let’s get drunk and forget our worries.” Zero got up and started walking towards the brewery.
“Wait, Zero! You can’t handle an Airship-even an evil one under the influence of alcohol!” shouted Crafter.
“Well, Does that REALLY matter now?” said Zero.
Crafter followed Zero to the pub. On the way Crafter made a note of the pub’s name. “The Lonely Duck eh?” The two fools enter the pub, in hopes of fixing their Airship. They both took a table in the back.
“You know Zero, if I have to knock you out every time you go evil and crash the Airship into a remote town with a pub, forget walking-We might as well be driving a Combine Harvester around.”
“Aha…” Zero looked confused. As per usual. “Well, considering it took us 5 hours just to get here, it could take up to a week to get to another town. And if you want to drive around in a Combine Harvester be my guest. I am not joining you for that crap. I mean, I’m only here to use the Behemoth Omega.”
Crafter looked at Zero in shock. “You are?”
“YES. I can’t remember why I even joined you on this venture. I might have lost some of my memory when some bastard whacked me in the back of the head.”
Crafter just remembers something.
“Oh, cobblers!! Zero, in exchange for helping me on this journey you are entitled to the reward of your choice. I myself is getting Port and Hookers. How about you?”
Zero thought. “I don’t really need a prostitute.”
Crafter butted in ”Whoo, whoo, and whoo! Time Out! EVERYONE needs a prostitute.”
Zero looked at Crafter with confusion. “I prefer the girls that you get to see more than once. Also-Prostitution is illegal in most countries. You sick bastard.”
Crafter just looked at Zero and blinked a few time. “Sorry I wasn’t listening. But please stop referring to me as a bastard. My parents were married. Now name your price for helping me save the Master of Wives!!”
Zero looked shocked “The Master of Wives? The Shag Lunatic of Boston? That guy is seriously loaded!” Zero started grinning like an idiot and giggling like a little girl. “I know. I’ll force the gimp to donate to my organisation… say about £50,000. That’ll last us a good while. We could eating Peaking Duck again with that kind of dough!”
“Seem do-able. However I think he’s from Jersey. But I didn’t know he was a gimp. I better send the request though. Where’s the phone?”
“I’m still trying to figure out where I am, Eli.”
Crafter got up and starting looking for a phone thinking to himself “Why did he call me Eli?”  while Zero ordered more booze.
Crafter picked up the pay phone then realised he didn’t have any money. Then he looked at an Add on the wall.
“CISCO. The Connection Intelligence of Stupid Cockneys Organization. The “Collect Call” group. 912. Thank you rather well timed advertising!” Crafter dialled 912 and got though to CISCO.
“Ere. Welcome to CISCO. Shut it!” said the operator. “Do me a favour and make your call NOW! Ya Joke!!”
Crafter flicked though a phone book and found the number to Steve Dave’s castle. He dialled and it starting ringing. It was believed that Steve Dave picked up the phone.
“ARGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Cheese Chackers. ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Steve Dave was still ill from the Helix Poisoning. He didn’t sound much better but on the plus side he wasn’t any worse. At least, Crafter didn’t think so.
“Err…OK…. Is someone ENGLISH there? Or maybe a bottle of wine? I’ll make better conversation with that than I would with you.”
Steve Dave’s wife took the phone from Steve Dave. “Hello…Oh it’s you.”
“Hey Mrs. Steve Dave. Divorced yet?”
“Up yours Crafter! How’s the mission? You better give me some good news! ”
“Well, I hired some kid called Zero or John or maybe Robert. I can’t rember his name. Anyway, we stole the an evil Airship and now we’ve crashed the airship in a dramatic scene and now we’re at the bar. So-Let’s talk about you for a while. That time of the month?”
“WHAT??? The bar!  You can’t handle an Airship under the influence of alcohol! Didn’t you go to any Airship driving school??? And what do you mean that time of the month? You’ve got some mouth you, you sick bastard!”
“Would people please stop calling me that? I just remembered that you clean your car once a month and you called it ‘That time’. I do read “HELLO! While I’m waiting for my haircut you know!  Anyway this kid wants a large amount of money. And maybe you can put it in one of those big bags with a dollar sign on it? Great! Bye!” Crafter slammed the phone down and went back to Zero.
“Hello? Crafter?” Steve Dave’s wife was still talking though the phone and then the CISCO recording kicked in.
“Ere, THIS IS CISCO! Ya slag! This was a collect call you took! You owe us..” A female voice kicked in. “Five punds seventy Thee.” The angry cockney came back. “So pay us or we’ll come round and break your knees!!!” and hang up.
“Damn you, you peasant!!” yelled Steve Dave’s wife.

Back at the bar, Crafter had found that Zero had drunk 9 pints of beer. If that wasn’t bad enough, he had also stacked the empty glasses to form a shape of a Pyramid.
“I saw a group of cheerleaders do that once. I was also behind them when they did it. I was very aroused.” Said Crafter.
“Shut up. Crafty. Nobody cares what you think. Go get me a sandwich.“ said Zero very angrily. Then he started weeping. “I just know I need one!!!”  Zero then passed out.
“Damn it, Stupid drunken moron possibly minor! Buggering Hell! This really isn’t my day.” Then Zero woke up and screamed. “ARGGGHHHH!!!!!” he yelled.
“AIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!” yelled Crafter. “WHAT! WHAT!!”
“STOP SHOUTING AT ME!!!!” yelled Zero. “I HAVE A HANG OVER!!! I GET OVER DRUNKNESS VERY QUICKLY!!”
“OK!!!” said Crafter. This is sort of talk you can expect from two idiotic nutters on a confusing quest. It’s about time someone else came into this adventure.
“Excuse me gentlemen, is that your Airship outside?”
This new character was an African American. He was wearing a strange tuxedo with a top hat and a monocle.
“Isn’t that the Behemoth Omega outside the bar? You seemed to have made quite a mess of it.”
Crafter stood up. “Yeah, sorry about that… I wasn’t sure how to fly the frigging thing… Hey wait!  How do you know about that thing? Did you read you description too?”
“Allow me to introduce myself. I am known as Dr. Joel Edward and I have been researching Airships since my teen years at The School of The Place with a Triangle shaped Pizza Hut. Among other things related to world of science.”
“Really?” Zero got up. “What a stupid name for a school. The school I went to should have been called The Silver Jewel Prison School-The school moto was “You hate you all and you will do what we say”. At least that what it should have been. Primary School was hard..”
“…Right.” Said Dr. Edward. “The Behemoth Omega is the most darkest, most evil Airship of them all. It is so evil that the young and free of mind lose their grip on reality and they focus on right or wrong while aboard.” He went on to say, looking at Zero. “I will guess it was because of you that this poor fool….” Grabbing Crafter’s head “…. had to crash the Airship here.”
“Yeah…but what? I’m 17 years old. Sue me.”
“What? You’re only 17 years old and already you have more knowledge that this cabbage??” pushing Crafter head down. “Why are you travelling on that dark ship anyway?”
“You know what Dr. Edward?? I was just saying to Man in Arms here that I have no freaking idea why we are flying around on an Airship that I wanted to borrow. Crafter, what are trying to prove?”
Crafter looked at Zero and Dr. Edward. “I’m not trying to prove anything. I was hired by one Mrs Steve Dave, who is the wife the ‘PEOPLE’S CHAMPION!!!’ Steve Dave. He had returned from a place known as Jersey and gained poisoning over-night after his celebrations of the return of the  ‘PEOPLE’S CHAMPION!!!’. My mission is to travel to Mt. Drinky and bring back the allusive healing object known as Soulex. I soon learned that Mt. Drinky was in an area that I didn’t know about so I decided to seek a navigator. That is why I hired Tony Montana here…who I have just learnt he isn’t old enough to be called Meister….anyway with the Help of Tony we were able to gain access to the Behemoth Omega, as well learn about it’s very worrying history. With this Airship being the most advanced piece of technology I have ever seen due to the fact I spend most of my life in a town that ran on candles and sunlight and rain, I wasn’t really sure how to fly it. One thing came to another and we ended up crashing it.”
Zero laughed. “A little on dramatics but I like my nickname. I get it-It’s because of the scar. Clever.”
Crafter looked at Zero. “Nickname? What was your name again?”
“JOHN. You twit.”
“Mr. Crafter.” Said Dr. Edward. “I have too learnt of this “Soulex.” Doesn’t it have something do with this cartoon with the CGI and the robots and lameness of it all?”
Crafter and Zero looked at each other and then at Dr. Edward. “What?”
“Never mind…. I watch too much Television. Anyway, I wish to join you on your adventure.”
Crafter stood up. “Well Dr. Edward-We would love to have more company aboard the Behemoth Omega, especially someone who know how to fly the ship after John has to be knocked out, but right now the Behemoth Omega is out of action.” Crafter pointed at the wreak outside.
Zero looked at Dr. Edward. “No problem. I know the only…err…thing that can help us. The “guy” I have shares with.”
And so, phone calls were made and…the “Guy” as Zero so well put it came to them pretty quickly. Behold! The pure darkness of his soul! He may just be a soul! He lives on souls! Its…. Its…
“Hello! I’m Dr D!!!!!!!”
Crafter and Dr. Edward looked worried; seeing that the Reaper is the only person they could hire to fix the most evil all Airships. However, when you think about it:  WHO ELSE is even going to go near the bloody thing?
“Zero…. I would like to take to opportunity to remind you of what I told you before…. You sir…. ARE AN IDIOT!!! You know that I don’t own the Behemoth Omega on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays or Sundays after midnight.”
Dr. Edward  whispered to Crafter. “Why did he call him Zero?”
Crafter looked shocked. “ZERO? Oh right-That’s his real name. It’s all flooding back now. John’s just his name for people who think Zero is stupid name.”
Zero looked at Dr. D in confusion. “Err…. I was desperate. Remember my hard earned money is going towards that thing. I own shares of you remember.”
“My dear young Zero, I know that your check bounced!”
“What??? How did you figure that out?”
“I turned it into a Pin-Pong ball! It bounced 42 feet!” Dr. D started laughing like a lunatic. Crafter and Dr. Edward look at which other in confusion.
“Dr. D. Can you fix the Behemoth Omega?”
“Err…. No.”
“Why not?”
“Zero-I owns a hospital in the whereabouts of Blue Planet. And if I remember correctly you where in the whereabouts of the mentioned Hospital. Also-I know that you were at Blue Planet for the… ‘Soul’…. Purpose of getting your hands on the Behemoth Omega. But you also broke into my hospital… and Zero…. Zero, Zero, Zero…Where you going though the medical cupboards?”
“First of all-I didn’t break into your hospital, It was open. Second of all…How about I repay you in what I stole and we’ll call it even?”
“That will work.”
Zero reached into his coat and pulled out two syringes filled with Morphine and handed them to Dr. D.
“Zero…”
Zero reached back into his coat and pulled out some porno magazines, looking embarrassed.
“Hey-Sometime a guy gets lonely. Besides-I know you’re just going to use the seamen to make some unholy army or something. The more I do to prevent that the better.”
Dr. D looked at Zero with a nasty stare. “I’ll have you I avoid that stuff like water avoids unclean people!! The donation clinic is just there to convince people it’s a real hospital and not a death trap! Now-What else did you nick?”
Zero reached back into his coat and pulled out some Pep Pills and a long list of printing paper. Dr. Dr took the paper and read it.
“Err…. Zero. Why did you steal my list of contract informers and drug suppliers contact information? For you that’s just puzzling.”
“To be honest-It was dark, I couldn’t see it clearly and I thought you might be you blacklist or something. Okay-I am clean now-NARC. Now will please fix the bloody Airship?”
“Alright…I’ll see what I can do.”
Dr. D started by looking at the engine. He got out a small mallet that he uses to check people’s knees. He tapped the engine with the mallet. For a second it worked.
“OK. I just have to fix the framework. Now. Where is the Paint???? I NEED THE PAINT!! OF DOOM!!!” Dr. D started laughing like a lunatic. Again.
“Just fix the f**king ship.” Said Zero.
“All right all right.” Said Dr. D. as he started to get to work.
Under he breath-You could possibly hear him say “You Jackass.”

In the Next Episode -The Final Destination! Will the Heroes find the Soulex Thing? And what are the Two Objects?

Description
CHAPTER 2
“Wow! The Web!” Crafter decided to search the Behemoth Omega for anything even remotely interesting. And to think-When you find that the World Wide Web fascinates him shows how little Crafter has done in his life.

“To think that the World Wide Web fascinates you shows how little you’ve done in your life.” Said Zero.

“What you talking about Zero? I spent most of my time in The Place with the Cuban Cigar Factory. That place was very ancient-We were lucky if you could find a phone that worked. I left about a year ago…technology has escaped me…apart from books BLOODY BOOKS!!”
“Yeah... aha.” Zero nodded in confusion as he got a cigar out of a cookie jar he found and lighted it using his finger. Yeah-HIS FINGER. Like they used to do in those ancient British Gas adverts. Crafter was really confused.
“Wha…how did…you…. WHEN DID YOU START SMOKING???”
Zero coughed up a load of smoke. “I don’t smoke. It makes people cough and die. I think its this damn Airship. The evil is taking over me. I mean, it’s gotta be an evil airship for a reason.” Then it hit him. “Crap! Crafter! This Airship is the airship version of that Amityville house!”
“Crap, that’s not good!” said Crafter. “If we stay in this airship for too long, we’ll become so evil…we’ll just fly this Airship in the nearest town and blow it sky high. Or maybe we might kill each other in a dramatic knife fight.”
Zero started thinking. And when someone is turning evil due to evil spirits or whatnot it is very bad for him or her to start thinking about evil things.
“Brilliant Idea! I’ll get the steering wheel, you man the guns.”
Crafter may an idiot, but he isn’t a fool.
“Zero! Look! Wrenches!” and pointed out .of the window.
“Brilliant! Wrenches at 5’000 feet! Watch out-Here I come!!” Zero walked up to the window.
“This is for your own good!” Crafter karate chopped Zero’s neck, and he passed out. “
“Well…It seems by now I’m unaffected by the airship somehow so instead of stabbing the boy to a bloody pulp I better find somewhere to land before Zero comes too… though the stab action is tempting...”
Crafter took the airship controls. “OK. Let see how this thing works.” Crafter has never really been in control of an Airship before. Luckily for him The Behemoth Omega-The most evil Airship of them all was still modelled of the most common Airship…however, when you’ve never been in control of a common airship before that doesn’t really help much.
“Right…If I remember right…” said Crafter, looking at the Airship Height Control Leaver…well he didn’t know that. “This is the height control thing.” Crafter pushed it straight down and the Airship started to rise.
“Oh Parsnips!!! That’s not good! If we go into space in this thing I might get aliens on board and they might eat me!” Crafter moved the leaver in the other direction. The Airship started to land.
“Well, this is an interesting development. Now…how do land exactly??? Oh no…OH NO!!!!”
The Airship started to drop faster. Crafter fastens his seat belt.
“Oh god…I know I’m not a praying man, or a man who has ever been to church…but please…”

(This part of the story has been cut, due to the fact that I rather not burn in hell so we’re keeping all references to God and all that is holy. Apart from that, we’re going all out with dirty porn sex, drugs and swearing. All right! Come on! A message from Andrew the “Novelist”  Hell-This thing is nearly a novel)

After praying-The Ship crashed into a town. The ship was pretty shagged up to say the least. I mean, the framework was pretty trashed and the navigation system was broken. In other words, the knocked out Zero got a whack on the head.

“Well…. At least I’m alive.” Crafter got up, grabbed Zero and took him outside and lied him down. Even with all of his damage, Zero was still alive…and awake.
“Did you crash the ship?” asked Zero.
“A bit.” Said Crafter. “It could have worse. We were going into space for about 15 seconds. Good thing I think so quickly.” Zero got up and looked at the trashed Behemoth Omega. He was shocked to see the most evil Airship in pieces.
“Oh no! OH NO!!!!!” Zero dropped to his knees. Crafter thought saying “oh No” was starting to become a thread.
“Oh brilliant. The ship is busted, we’re hopelessly lost and…well-I haven’t had anything to drink for 5 hours.” Zero looked down. “Damn.”
Crafter got up. “How far are we from Blue Planet?”
Zero looked at Crafter. “Well, considering I haven’t had a drink for 5 hours, and I had my last drink at Blue Planet and we had the boasters running for 5 hours…I’d say we’re about 5000 miles from Blue Planet.”
“Parsnips.” Crafter looked around to check out their new surroundings.
“Hey Zero-Do you think we survived the fall? I mean-We should be flat by now shouldn’t we?”
Zero looked at Crafter again. “Don’t question fate. I might have pissed off the Karma dudes by stealing this thing-And now we’ve just cheated death. I think we were really lucky or… no-I can’t even pretend to understand fate.”
Crafter was still looking around and saw something of interest.
“Hey look a pub.”
Zero looked to see the pub in question. “Fantastic. Come on, let’s get drunk and forget our worries.” Zero got up and started walking towards the brewery.
“Wait, Zero! You can’t handle an Airship-even an evil one under the influence of alcohol!” shouted Crafter.
“Well, Does that REALLY matter now?” said Zero.
Crafter followed Zero to the pub. On the way Crafter made a note of the pub’s name. “The Lonely Duck eh?” The two fools enter the pub, in hopes of fixing their Airship. They both took a table in the back.
“You know Zero, if I have to knock you out every time you go evil and crash the Airship into a remote town with a pub, forget walking-We might as well be driving a Combine Harvester around.”
“Aha…” Zero looked confused. As per usual. “Well, considering it took us 5 hours just to get here, it could take up to a week to get to another town. And if you want to drive around in a Combine Harvester be my guest. I am not joining you for that crap. I mean, I’m only here to use the Behemoth Omega.”
Crafter looked at Zero in shock. “You are?”
“YES. I can’t remember why I even joined you on this venture. I might have lost some of my memory when some bastard whacked me in the back of the head.”
Crafter just remembers something.
“Oh, cobblers!! Zero, in exchange for helping me on this journey you are entitled to the reward of your choice. I myself is getting Port and Hookers. How about you?”
Zero thought. “I don’t really need a prostitute.”
Crafter butted in ”Whoo, whoo, and whoo! Time Out! EVERYONE needs a prostitute.”
Zero looked at Crafter with confusion. “I prefer the girls that you get to see more than once. Also-Prostitution is illegal in most countries. You sick bastard.”
Crafter just looked at Zero and blinked a few time. “Sorry I wasn’t listening. But please stop referring to me as a bastard. My parents were married. Now name your price for helping me save the Master of Wives!!”
Zero looked shocked “The Master of Wives? The Shag Lunatic of Boston? That guy is seriously loaded!” Zero started grinning like an idiot and giggling like a little girl. “I know. I’ll force the gimp to donate to my organisation… say about £50,000. That’ll last us a good while. We could eating Peaking Duck again with that kind of dough!”
“Seem do-able. However I think he’s from Jersey. But I didn’t know he was a gimp. I better send the request though. Where’s the phone?”
“I’m still trying to figure out where I am, Eli.”
Crafter got up and starting looking for a phone thinking to himself “Why did he call me Eli?”  while Zero ordered more booze.
Crafter picked up the pay phone then realised he didn’t have any money. Then he looked at an Add on the wall.
“CISCO. The Connection Intelligence of Stupid Cockneys Organization. The “Collect Call” group. 912. Thank you rather well timed advertising!” Crafter dialled 912 and got though to CISCO.
“Ere. Welcome to CISCO. Shut it!” said the operator. “Do me a favour and make your call NOW! Ya Joke!!”
Crafter flicked though a phone book and found the number to Steve Dave’s castle. He dialled and it starting ringing. It was believed that Steve Dave picked up the phone.
“ARGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Cheese Chackers. ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Steve Dave was still ill from the Helix Poisoning. He didn’t sound much better but on the plus side he wasn’t any worse. At least, Crafter didn’t think so.
“Err…OK…. Is someone ENGLISH there? Or maybe a bottle of wine? I’ll make better conversation with that than I would with you.”
Steve Dave’s wife took the phone from Steve Dave. “Hello…Oh it’s you.”
“Hey Mrs. Steve Dave. Divorced yet?”
“Up yours Crafter! How’s the mission? You better give me some good news! ”
“Well, I hired some kid called Zero or John or maybe Robert. I can’t rember his name. Anyway, we stole the an evil Airship and now we’ve crashed the airship in a dramatic scene and now we’re at the bar. So-Let’s talk about you for a while. That time of the month?”
“WHAT??? The bar!  You can’t handle an Airship under the influence of alcohol! Didn’t you go to any Airship driving school??? And what do you mean that time of the month? You’ve got some mouth you, you sick bastard!”
“Would people please stop calling me that? I just remembered that you clean your car once a month and you called it ‘That time’. I do read “HELLO! While I’m waiting for my haircut you know!  Anyway this kid wants a large amount of money. And maybe you can put it in one of those big bags with a dollar sign on it? Great! Bye!” Crafter slammed the phone down and went back to Zero.
“Hello? Crafter?” Steve Dave’s wife was still talking though the phone and then the CISCO recording kicked in.
“Ere, THIS IS CISCO! Ya slag! This was a collect call you took! You owe us..” A female voice kicked in. “Five punds seventy Thee.” The angry cockney came back. “So pay us or we’ll come round and break your knees!!!” and hang up.
“Damn you, you peasant!!” yelled Steve Dave’s wife.

Back at the bar, Crafter had found that Zero had drunk 9 pints of beer. If that wasn’t bad enough, he had also stacked the empty glasses to form a shape of a Pyramid.
“I saw a group of cheerleaders do that once. I was also behind them when they did it. I was very aroused.” Said Crafter.
“Shut up. Crafty. Nobody cares what you think. Go get me a sandwich.“ said Zero very angrily. Then he started weeping. “I just know I need one!!!”  Zero then passed out.
“Damn it, Stupid drunken moron possibly minor! Buggering Hell! This really isn’t my day.” Then Zero woke up and screamed. “ARGGGHHHH!!!!!” he yelled.
“AIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!” yelled Crafter. “WHAT! WHAT!!”
“STOP SHOUTING AT ME!!!!” yelled Zero. “I HAVE A HANG OVER!!! I GET OVER DRUNKNESS VERY QUICKLY!!”
“OK!!!” said Crafter. This is sort of talk you can expect from two idiotic nutters on a confusing quest. It’s about time someone else came into this adventure.
“Excuse me gentlemen, is that your Airship outside?”
This new character was an African American. He was wearing a strange tuxedo with a top hat and a monocle.
“Isn’t that the Behemoth Omega outside the bar? You seemed to have made quite a mess of it.”
Crafter stood up. “Yeah, sorry about that… I wasn’t sure how to fly the frigging thing… Hey wait!  How do you know about that thing? Did you read you description too?”
“Allow me to introduce myself. I am known as Dr. Joel Edward and I have been researching Airships since my teen years at The School of The Place with a Triangle shaped Pizza Hut. Among other things related to world of science.”
“Really?” Zero got up. “What a stupid name for a school. The school I went to should have been called The Silver Jewel Prison School-The school moto was “You hate you all and you will do what we say”. At least that what it should have been. Primary School was hard..”
“…Right.” Said Dr. Edward. “The Behemoth Omega is the most darkest, most evil Airship of them all. It is so evil that the young and free of mind lose their grip on reality and they focus on right or wrong while aboard.” He went on to say, looking at Zero. “I will guess it was because of you that this poor fool….” Grabbing Crafter’s head “…. had to crash the Airship here.”
“Yeah…but what? I’m 17 years old. Sue me.”
“What? You’re only 17 years old and already you have more knowledge that this cabbage??” pushing Crafter head down. “Why are you travelling on that dark ship anyway?”
“You know what Dr. Edward?? I was just saying to Man in Arms here that I have no freaking idea why we are flying around on an Airship that I wanted to borrow. Crafter, what are trying to prove?”
Crafter looked at Zero and Dr. Edward. “I’m not trying to prove anything. I was hired by one Mrs Steve Dave, who is the wife the ‘PEOPLE’S CHAMPION!!!’ Steve Dave. He had returned from a place known as Jersey and gained poisoning over-night after his celebrations of the return of the  ‘PEOPLE’S CHAMPION!!!’. My mission is to travel to Mt. Drinky and bring back the allusive healing object known as Soulex. I soon learned that Mt. Drinky was in an area that I didn’t know about so I decided to seek a navigator. That is why I hired Tony Montana here…who I have just learnt he isn’t old enough to be called Meister….anyway with the Help of Tony we were able to gain access to the Behemoth Omega, as well learn about it’s very worrying history. With this Airship being the most advanced piece of technology I have ever seen due to the fact I spend most of my life in a town that ran on candles and sunlight and rain, I wasn’t really sure how to fly it. One thing came to another and we ended up crashing it.”
Zero laughed. “A little on dramatics but I like my nickname. I get it-It’s because of the scar. Clever.”
Crafter looked at Zero. “Nickname? What was your name again?”
“JOHN. You twit.”
“Mr. Crafter.” Said Dr. Edward. “I have too learnt of this “Soulex.” Doesn’t it have something do with this cartoon with the CGI and the robots and lameness of it all?”
Crafter and Zero looked at each other and then at Dr. Edward. “What?”
“Never mind…. I watch too much Television. Anyway, I wish to join you on your adventure.”
Crafter stood up. “Well Dr. Edward-We would love to have more company aboard the Behemoth Omega, especially someone who know how to fly the ship after John has to be knocked out, but right now the Behemoth Omega is out of action.” Crafter pointed at the wreak outside.
Zero looked at Dr. Edward. “No problem. I know the only…err…thing that can help us. The “guy” I have shares with.”
And so, phone calls were made and…the “Guy” as Zero so well put it came to them pretty quickly. Behold! The pure darkness of his soul! He may just be a soul! He lives on souls! Its…. Its…
“Hello! I’m Dr D!!!!!!!”
Crafter and Dr. Edward looked worried; seeing that the Reaper is the only person they could hire to fix the most evil all Airships. However, when you think about it:  WHO ELSE is even going to go near the bloody thing?
“Zero…. I would like to take to opportunity to remind you of what I told you before…. You sir…. ARE AN IDIOT!!! You know that I don’t own the Behemoth Omega on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays or Sundays after midnight.”
Dr. Edward  whispered to Crafter. “Why did he call him Zero?”
Crafter looked shocked. “ZERO? Oh right-That’s his real name. It’s all flooding back now. John’s just his name for people who think Zero is stupid name.”
Zero looked at Dr. D in confusion. “Err…. I was desperate. Remember my hard earned money is going towards that thing. I own shares of you remember.”
“My dear young Zero, I know that your check bounced!”
“What??? How did you figure that out?”
“I turned it into a Pin-Pong ball! It bounced 42 feet!” Dr. D started laughing like a lunatic. Crafter and Dr. Edward look at which other in confusion.
“Dr. D. Can you fix the Behemoth Omega?”
“Err…. No.”
“Why not?”
“Zero-I owns a hospital in the whereabouts of Blue Planet. And if I remember correctly you where in the whereabouts of the mentioned Hospital. Also-I know that you were at Blue Planet for the… ‘Soul’…. Purpose of getting your hands on the Behemoth Omega. But you also broke into my hospital… and Zero…. Zero, Zero, Zero…Where you going though the medical cupboards?”
“First of all-I didn’t break into your hospital, It was open. Second of all…How about I repay you in what I stole and we’ll call it even?”
“That will work.”
Zero reached into his coat and pulled out two syringes filled with Morphine and handed them to Dr. D.
“Zero…”
Zero reached back into his coat and pulled out some porno magazines, looking embarrassed.
“Hey-Sometime a guy gets lonely. Besides-I know you’re just going to use the seamen to make some unholy army or something. The more I do to prevent that the better.”
Dr. D looked at Zero with a nasty stare. “I’ll have you I avoid that stuff like water avoids unclean people!! The donation clinic is just there to convince people it’s a real hospital and not a death trap! Now-What else did you nick?”
Zero reached back into his coat and pulled out some Pep Pills and a long list of printing paper. Dr. Dr took the paper and read it.
“Err…. Zero. Why did you steal my list of contract informers and drug suppliers contact information? For you that’s just puzzling.”
“To be honest-It was dark, I couldn’t see it clearly and I thought you might be you blacklist or something. Okay-I am clean now-NARC. Now will please fix the bloody Airship?”
“Alright…I’ll see what I can do.”
Dr. D started by looking at the engine. He got out a small mallet that he uses to check people’s knees. He tapped the engine with the mallet. For a second it worked.
“OK. I just have to fix the framework. Now. Where is the Paint???? I NEED THE PAINT!! OF DOOM!!!” Dr. D started laughing like a lunatic. Again.
“Just fix the f**king ship.” Said Zero.
“All right all right.” Said Dr. D. as he started to get to work.
Under he breath-You could possibly hear him say “You Jackass.”

In the Next Episode -The Final Destination! Will the Heroes find the Soulex Thing? And what are the Two Objects?