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This is what drives me mad. I have never known what I was in myself. What I wanted, who I was or who even wanted me. That was until recently. I felt as if I was changed, reborn into this new, amazing person. A spark had been lit in my young, but weary soul into something that radiated, and blinded all that bothered to look upon it. So beautiful, so secure. It felt as safe as being in a baby's blanket nestled in it's mother's gently rocking arms, and as strong as the anchor and chain that kept a ocean liner from drifting in the most torrential of storms. Yet.. That one sliver of doubt crosses my mind when I think about giving myself away to another to share my newfound joy with. A question, that leads to my own introspection. It leads to more questions. Is this who I really am? Am I really so brilliant? Am I noble? Do I deserve?- And in the smallest of cracks, the one that started it all, what if I hurt Them? Such nonsense! I would never do such a thing. And I cast the thought aside, yet, like all cracks that mar the surface, it draws my attention back to it. What if I do? What if my failing let them down? What if my weakness causes me to let them fall when they need me most? What would I do if I caused them pain? That is my real fear. What should I be? That tall and strong tower? Powerful and tall to protect Them. But does it draw it's 'strength' from hiding it's weakness in it's hollow center surrounded by it's wall of lies. And possibly cast that One from the top because they saw what is real inside of me? Could I be that garden, that surrounds the One with love, and care, but has little strength to speak of other than it's laid bare self? Could I stand being that? Would that be a garden filled with thorns, just waiting to prick them with the truth of me? Why am I so unsure? What is this truth that I- am so afraid of? Why am I so scared of the thought of letting Them down? Is it out of love and concern, not wanting to cause Them harm? Or out fear for myself, for how could I bear the pain of knowing They are in pain all because of me. Such a feeling of weakness comes with that thought. That possible failing. Or is it failing? Would it not be called humanity? Is that crack merely caused by the pressure of my own unreal expectations? An expectation to be better than a human? So the question really is, can I accept myself with all of my human failings. Can you accept me as not as a invincible guardian, but as a human?

Description
This is what drives me mad. I have never known what I was in myself. What I wanted, who I was or who even wanted me. That was until recently. I felt as if I was changed, reborn into this new, amazing person. A spark had been lit in my young, but weary soul into something that radiated, and blinded all that bothered to look upon it. So beautiful, so secure. It felt as safe as being in a baby's blanket nestled in it's mother's gently rocking arms, and as strong as the anchor and chain that kept a ocean liner from drifting in the most torrential of storms. Yet.. That one sliver of doubt crosses my mind when I think about giving myself away to another to share my newfound joy with. A question, that leads to my own introspection. It leads to more questions. Is this who I really am? Am I really so brilliant? Am I noble? Do I deserve?- And in the smallest of cracks, the one that started it all, what if I hurt Them? Such nonsense! I would never do such a thing. And I cast the thought aside, yet, like all cracks that mar the surface, it draws my attention back to it. What if I do? What if my failing let them down? What if my weakness causes me to let them fall when they need me most? What would I do if I caused them pain? That is my real fear. What should I be? That tall and strong tower? Powerful and tall to protect Them. But does it draw it's 'strength' from hiding it's weakness in it's hollow center surrounded by it's wall of lies. And possibly cast that One from the top because they saw what is real inside of me? Could I be that garden, that surrounds the One with love, and care, but has little strength to speak of other than it's laid bare self? Could I stand being that? Would that be a garden filled with thorns, just waiting to prick them with the truth of me? Why am I so unsure? What is this truth that I- am so afraid of? Why am I so scared of the thought of letting Them down? Is it out of love and concern, not wanting to cause Them harm? Or out fear for myself, for how could I bear the pain of knowing They are in pain all because of me. Such a feeling of weakness comes with that thought. That possible failing. Or is it failing? Would it not be called humanity? Is that crack merely caused by the pressure of my own unreal expectations? An expectation to be better than a human? So the question really is, can I accept myself with all of my human failings. Can you accept me as not as a invincible guardian, but as a human?