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I’ve always been right here beside you. No matter how many years passed, how tough things got between us, or how much we’ve both changed; it’s always been me. I’ve followed a step behind you all this way….yet why won’t you look at me?
Ever since elementary school, we were inseparable. We used to do everything together. We still do. Do you remember the countless adventures we used to plan that we would go on together when we got older? Do you remember all the stupid things we used to do? I can still remember the pillow forts we used to make so we could stay up late without our parents finding out, how you would come visit me when I was sick and try to take care of me…..how we always had each other’s backs no matter what life tried to throw at us.
But I guess things were easier when we were eight.
Part of me wishes we could’ve stayed eight years old forever. Maybe then, things wouldn’t be the way they are now. But nothing lasts forever, does it? Now we’re older, things can’t be as simple as they were anymore. I’m lucky enough to still be with you now….but it’s almost not enough.
I can no longer see you as the same person I looked up to as a friend for so many years. Now…..I know in my heart now that I love you. More than a friend, more than your partner in crime…..more than you will ever know. But that’s the thing, isn’t it. You’ll probably never know how I feel.
I hate myself for it. I really do. No matter how many chances I get to to tell you what I feel, I always end up letting them get away. Why? Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I try to tell myself that I don’t mind you being with someone else? I ask myself that every time, but no matter how hard I look within myself, I find no answer. Instead, I just wonder why after countless lovers, you’ve never looked my way. Is it because I’m not as popular as them? That I’m not as good looking or as smart? Or maybe it’s simply because…..I’m just a friend in your eyes?
Even so, I somehow still find that miniscule shred of hope that one day you’ll see. That one day, you’ll look at me the same way you look at your newest, “special friend”. With eyes full of adoration and a soft smile that could melt my heart, you’d tell me that you love me, promise that you’ll never leave me, and seal that promise with a soft and gentle kiss…….
But I know that no matter how much I wish it, that it’ll never come true.
This is the real world. Things don’t work that way. No matter how hard you try, things don’t go your way if you just simply wish for them to be true. So no matter how much it hurts, I’ll keep smiling. I’ll wish you luck whenever you go out on your dates. I’ll give you advice on how to make your relationship last. I’ll do anything you want me to do. I’ll just keep these feelings locked deep within my heart, never to let them surface. I’ll do all this for you and more, anything you want. Because no matter what, no matter how many lovers come and go, or how many years pass…..
I’ll always be right here.