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Description
It’s been two years since I last saw your face. I have felt every nanosecond… every Planck.

I think I’ve aged in dog years too since you left? I wish I could say my wisdom grew in direct proportion, but alas! It was more of a withering than a ripening.

Today, though, felt a little different. It felt… I don’t know, “Right”.

One of the perks of being in my company’s research team is I get to visit my favorite bookstores and libraries to acquire research material. My boss, as brilliant as he is, still doesn’t buy into the hi-speed or hi-tech electronic route of acquiring references so I get to go on these cool little errands. Today I was feeling especially excited about my trip to Barnes and Noble, though I can’t figure out why.

When I stepped out of my apartment on Jefferson and 42nd, the first thought that hit me was how beautiful the weather was. It was a bit disarming as I have not been aware of the weather for two years. For a while, all I could pay attention to were the storms brewing inside of me that there was really no opportunity (nor reason) to look up anymore… This is the first time in almost two years that I recall ever looking up. I kid…. the main reason was because the sky reminded me of your eyes, so I just kept my head down. A lot of times I thought about moving to smoggy L.A. or even as far as gloomy Seattle, just so I don’t accidentally see the perfectly blue skies of Palm Springs. But eventually I realized that moving anywhere was pointless since everything reminded me of you… so I basically just avoided looking at anything.

Barnes and Noble is oddly packed today. Apparently, there is a book-signing going on for a New Age best- selling Author. When I got there the Author was reading excerpts from his book. I listened for about two minutes before completely losing interest, so I discreetly made my way to the Social Sciences aisle. I was on the clock after all.

I pulled out my list and started perusing the titles. I couldn’t seem to focus on the task at hand no matter how much I tried. I decided I needed some music to drown out the Author and the reactions and intermittent clapping from the Audience. I fumbled for my headphones and phone in my oversized purse and after a decade of ruffling through receipts and god-knows-what, I finally found them. I powered my cellphone on and was greeted by your face for the umpteenth time. To this day the image still makes my heart flutter. I never changed my home screen. I simply couldn’t bring myself to do it. I guess it’s my way of honoring you, despite everything. No matter how much it hurts, I made you a promise to never forget… and you know me and my promises.

It was a picture of us taken on my big birthday… when you took me to NASA and we posed in front of the space shuttle outside of the building. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Bitter-sweet is a feeling that only the heart can articulate, and that’s exactly how I feel every time I turn my phone on.

I avoided our playlist and went to Pandora instead, not thinking my channel is defaulted to the genre we both enjoyed listening to. A song came on and it was by an artist I have never heard of before. I listened to the first three bars and my heart started pounding. Do you ever get that feeling sometimes when you turn the radio on and the song playing seemed like it was meant for you at that very moment? This is the feeling I’m getting right now, multiplied by about a hundred. It felt like I was in a movie scene with this really awesome soundtrack and a significant plot is about to unfold. I was so sure something was about to go down, and there was nothing I can do but go with the flow.

Moments later I found my movements synchronizing with the orchestration. With perfect rhythm I was a book-picking machine, piling book after book in my arm as the song hit a crescendo. The moment the song broke into a brief pause, I had all the books on my list.

As I made my way to the back of the line at the cash register, I heard a break screech outside, drawing my attention to the double doors. At that instant, this man ran in, breathless and hands clasping his tie as if trying to loosen it to avoid hyperventilating. I should have been surprised, but it almost felt like I was expecting him.

And just as *the melody abruptly changed to the sounds of crystallized raindrops lightly dancing off the surface of glass, the gentle breeze effortlessly whistling through the reeds of flutes and softly caressing the strings of harps and scattered Godrays filtered through the clouds and its light sharply reflected off the brass of the clarinets* – our eyes met.

Like heat-seeking missiles honed in on their targets, our gazes locked, just as our faces broke out into a smile... the smile of familiarity, of longing and spoke a thousand words all at once…

At that twinkling, we knew.

(I have held my breath for this moment for what seemed like an eternity. It has ALWAYS been you. And now, my love, I am truly ready.)

Description
It’s been two years since I last saw your face. I have felt every nanosecond… every Planck.

I think I’ve aged in dog years too since you left? I wish I could say my wisdom grew in direct proportion, but alas! It was more of a withering than a ripening.

Today, though, felt a little different. It felt… I don’t know, “Right”.

One of the perks of being in my company’s research team is I get to visit my favorite bookstores and libraries to acquire research material. My boss, as brilliant as he is, still doesn’t buy into the hi-speed or hi-tech electronic route of acquiring references so I get to go on these cool little errands. Today I was feeling especially excited about my trip to Barnes and Noble, though I can’t figure out why.

When I stepped out of my apartment on Jefferson and 42nd, the first thought that hit me was how beautiful the weather was. It was a bit disarming as I have not been aware of the weather for two years. For a while, all I could pay attention to were the storms brewing inside of me that there was really no opportunity (nor reason) to look up anymore… This is the first time in almost two years that I recall ever looking up. I kid…. the main reason was because the sky reminded me of your eyes, so I just kept my head down. A lot of times I thought about moving to smoggy L.A. or even as far as gloomy Seattle, just so I don’t accidentally see the perfectly blue skies of Palm Springs. But eventually I realized that moving anywhere was pointless since everything reminded me of you… so I basically just avoided looking at anything.

Barnes and Noble is oddly packed today. Apparently, there is a book-signing going on for a New Age best- selling Author. When I got there the Author was reading excerpts from his book. I listened for about two minutes before completely losing interest, so I discreetly made my way to the Social Sciences aisle. I was on the clock after all.

I pulled out my list and started perusing the titles. I couldn’t seem to focus on the task at hand no matter how much I tried. I decided I needed some music to drown out the Author and the reactions and intermittent clapping from the Audience. I fumbled for my headphones and phone in my oversized purse and after a decade of ruffling through receipts and god-knows-what, I finally found them. I powered my cellphone on and was greeted by your face for the umpteenth time. To this day the image still makes my heart flutter. I never changed my home screen. I simply couldn’t bring myself to do it. I guess it’s my way of honoring you, despite everything. No matter how much it hurts, I made you a promise to never forget… and you know me and my promises.

It was a picture of us taken on my big birthday… when you took me to NASA and we posed in front of the space shuttle outside of the building. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Bitter-sweet is a feeling that only the heart can articulate, and that’s exactly how I feel every time I turn my phone on.

I avoided our playlist and went to Pandora instead, not thinking my channel is defaulted to the genre we both enjoyed listening to. A song came on and it was by an artist I have never heard of before. I listened to the first three bars and my heart started pounding. Do you ever get that feeling sometimes when you turn the radio on and the song playing seemed like it was meant for you at that very moment? This is the feeling I’m getting right now, multiplied by about a hundred. It felt like I was in a movie scene with this really awesome soundtrack and a significant plot is about to unfold. I was so sure something was about to go down, and there was nothing I can do but go with the flow.

Moments later I found my movements synchronizing with the orchestration. With perfect rhythm I was a book-picking machine, piling book after book in my arm as the song hit a crescendo. The moment the song broke into a brief pause, I had all the books on my list.

As I made my way to the back of the line at the cash register, I heard a break screech outside, drawing my attention to the double doors. At that instant, this man ran in, breathless and hands clasping his tie as if trying to loosen it to avoid hyperventilating. I should have been surprised, but it almost felt like I was expecting him.

And just as *the melody abruptly changed to the sounds of crystallized raindrops lightly dancing off the surface of glass, the gentle breeze effortlessly whistling through the reeds of flutes and softly caressing the strings of harps and scattered Godrays filtered through the clouds and its light sharply reflected off the brass of the clarinets* – our eyes met.

Like heat-seeking missiles honed in on their targets, our gazes locked, just as our faces broke out into a smile... the smile of familiarity, of longing and spoke a thousand words all at once…

At that twinkling, we knew.

(I have held my breath for this moment for what seemed like an eternity. It has ALWAYS been you. And now, my love, I am truly ready.)