ryu-ni-bara [2005-06-04 15:18:26 +0000 UTC]

*laugh* Thanks for the effort and frost thing, I never knew that, hee! *shnuggles*

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Demon-Taijiya [2005-06-03 21:09:33 +0000 UTC]

I got the song and I think it's very nice!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ryu-ni-bara [2005-06-03 15:48:00 +0000 UTC]

Alrighty, let's critique shall we? Hee

~~First, 'My all life feels like a miss" sounds like it should be "My whole life feels like a mess"

~~Second, "Words of relief are no where to find", sounds like it should be, "Words of relief are nowhere to be found." No where being one word, nowhere.

~~Third, "...Having set up my mind" might sound better as "...Having made up my mind." (My opinion)

~~Fourth, "Dont have the power to put a last fend"..umm...I'm not really sure what this line means so the only critique I can give is to spell dont like don't. If you're saying that you don't have the power to 'defend' yourself and you really want to play it like this, you should probably put an ' before fend. That's the only things I can think of.

~~Fifth, I don't know how others do it but I spell Through out as throughout and rime as rhyme, heh.

~~Sixth, Unless you were using it in a specific fashion (which I don't think you were) the word my self is just one word, myself.

~~Seventh, that should be it, but I think that you're trying too hard to rhyme in a few lines, and you should just let it flow. Other then that stuff I like the potential the poem has, and I like the beginning couple of lines a lot. Just keep trying on the things I showed you and feel free to explain a couple to me. Thankies!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ryu-ni-bara [2005-06-03 00:05:35 +0000 UTC]

It's good, but some of the grammar tripped me up and incorrect spelling, hee. Other then that I really like it! Good job!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Tanka-chan [2005-06-02 19:59:14 +0000 UTC]

i already told you i like this song ^_^
but i'll say it again "i loveee this song!!"

👍: 0 ⏩: 0