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Description
Michelle would normally be skating down the ice, performing spins and twists and axles and various other ice skating maneuvers, if it weren't for the fact that she was currently bound, gagged, and seated in the middle of the rink. She regretted wearing her skating outfit, a fur lined, sequined dress with a skirt that just barely hung to her thighs, as sitting on the ice was freezing her unprotected bottom. She briefly considered using her skates, which her kidnapper had erroneously forgotten to remove from her person, but her kidnapper was now standing directly in front of her; Klaus, a rival skater.

Klaus was a skilled skater, but also it also seemed he was skilled with knots, as the ropes binding Michelle had no give, and the knotted cleave that rested in her mouth prevented any muffled pleas she gave from escaping her half open jaw.

Klaus tittered in a heavy Austrian accent, and taunted the poor girl who sat bound in front of him. Michelle wondered exactly what the deal was; the two were not direct competitors, as while Michelle was a figure skater, Klaus was a speed skater. She shrugged, not really able to guess what went on in someone like Klaus's head, and simply continued to lament the general emptiness of the ice rink. She could really use a hero right now.

"Zis vill teech you to hogg ze reenk," Klaus blurted. Michelle wondered when she'd ever hogged the rink from Klaus, or even crowded him while he was skated, but again Michelle shrugged, and simply concluded that Klaus was being a loon.

Klaus was prepared to continue on his rant about needing the rink for his speed skating practice, if only it weren't for the gangly looking fellow who suddenly stepped out onto the ice.

"Klaus Kastagnoli! Unhand that poor girl or suffer the consequences!" Klaus blinked surprisedly, as he had no idea who this person was, nor did Michelle, but she was certainly glad for the interference.

"No? Well, I warned you!" And with that, he pulled out a Fucking Flamethrower.

"Oh sheet, a Foaking Flamethroware!" Klaus sped away, being a speed skater after all, as the Fucking Flamethrower wielder gave chase. It didn't last very long, as the long stream of flame quickly caught up with poor Klaus. I'll spare you the ugly details, but Klaus would certainly think twice about kidnapping someone on trumped up charges.

The spindly newcomer then untied Michelle, who looked oddly at her rescuer. And then, apropos of nothing, he lifted up his fiery weapon, grinned, and said only one thing;

"It's all thanks to my Fucking Flamethrower!"
***
Introducing, from WrongCo for the Holiday Season, your very own Fucking Flamethrower! Now you can own your very own flame spewing death machine for all purposes! Fighting winter themed villains, melting icy obstacles, or inflicting psychological damage on surviving enemies by horribly killing their comrades!

It's this year's hottest prospect! Buy a Fucking Flamethrower today!

* Warning: do not buy a fucking flamethrower. Ever.

Description
Michelle would normally be skating down the ice, performing spins and twists and axles and various other ice skating maneuvers, if it weren't for the fact that she was currently bound, gagged, and seated in the middle of the rink. She regretted wearing her skating outfit, a fur lined, sequined dress with a skirt that just barely hung to her thighs, as sitting on the ice was freezing her unprotected bottom. She briefly considered using her skates, which her kidnapper had erroneously forgotten to remove from her person, but her kidnapper was now standing directly in front of her; Klaus, a rival skater.

Klaus was a skilled skater, but also it also seemed he was skilled with knots, as the ropes binding Michelle had no give, and the knotted cleave that rested in her mouth prevented any muffled pleas she gave from escaping her half open jaw.

Klaus tittered in a heavy Austrian accent, and taunted the poor girl who sat bound in front of him. Michelle wondered exactly what the deal was; the two were not direct competitors, as while Michelle was a figure skater, Klaus was a speed skater. She shrugged, not really able to guess what went on in someone like Klaus's head, and simply continued to lament the general emptiness of the ice rink. She could really use a hero right now.

"Zis vill teech you to hogg ze reenk," Klaus blurted. Michelle wondered when she'd ever hogged the rink from Klaus, or even crowded him while he was skated, but again Michelle shrugged, and simply concluded that Klaus was being a loon.

Klaus was prepared to continue on his rant about needing the rink for his speed skating practice, if only it weren't for the gangly looking fellow who suddenly stepped out onto the ice.

"Klaus Kastagnoli! Unhand that poor girl or suffer the consequences!" Klaus blinked surprisedly, as he had no idea who this person was, nor did Michelle, but she was certainly glad for the interference.

"No? Well, I warned you!" And with that, he pulled out a Fucking Flamethrower.

"Oh sheet, a Foaking Flamethroware!" Klaus sped away, being a speed skater after all, as the Fucking Flamethrower wielder gave chase. It didn't last very long, as the long stream of flame quickly caught up with poor Klaus. I'll spare you the ugly details, but Klaus would certainly think twice about kidnapping someone on trumped up charges.

The spindly newcomer then untied Michelle, who looked oddly at her rescuer. And then, apropos of nothing, he lifted up his fiery weapon, grinned, and said only one thing;

"It's all thanks to my Fucking Flamethrower!"
***
Introducing, from WrongCo for the Holiday Season, your very own Fucking Flamethrower! Now you can own your very own flame spewing death machine for all purposes! Fighting winter themed villains, melting icy obstacles, or inflicting psychological damage on surviving enemies by horribly killing their comrades!

It's this year's hottest prospect! Buy a Fucking Flamethrower today!

* Warning: do not buy a fucking flamethrower. Ever.