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~Stray Kitten~ Chapter 7: Lost and Found

The first thing I notice when I get to the condo to change is that Sora's clothes are gone. I had put them on the little table on his side of the bed, since I figured that the area over there was his as long as he occupied it, but now the little area looks depressingly foreign and vacant. I grimace when I notice he took nothing but what was originally his; you would think that he would take something. Shouldn't he know by now that mi casa es tu casa? But then again, it isn't in Sora's nature to take, so it isn't that surprising.

I don't waste much time in our temporary living space, finding it painful to look around and see the different signs that a fourth person was there. I put on a shirt, pair of pants, and sandals quickly, picking up the car keys along the way before I forget them. I don't even bother to lock the place up, knowing Axel and Roxas will most likely take advantage of this alone time shortly after they're certain I've gone to race around the town. I have a feeling they would've gone with me to search for my Kitten but they both know I simply do not share, and that this is something that I need to do by myself. I have a bad habit of trying to do things alone. It's one of the things I dislike about myself, but I've learned to accept the things I can't change.

Minus this, anyway. I'm not sure if the situation I'm in right now is changeable, but I guess I'm searching to find out. I'm determined to at least get to the bottom of this mystery called Sora, and tell him that I truly am not a sex-crazed kidnapper. Though, admittedly, if I were, this would be a lot easier because I wouldn't even attempt to look for him. Sometimes I wonder if having morals is a good thing.

By the time I get to the car and onto the road closest to the beach, I feel like I've wasted way too much of it already. I wonder where Sora would've gone, or rather, is; I'm hesitant to go to the shelters in Fort Walton first because he said he doesn't go there unless he's in a tight spot. Maybe he'd purposely avoid it too, considering he knows I know about the place. So, with that in mind, I decide to drive around for awhile towards places we've been and places we haven't. By some twist of fate, I end up starting at the restaurant Sora had wanted to go to when we met, though I know he isn't there. At the irony, I almost laugh, knowing Sora probably would be there if I had never picked him up. Somehow that makes me wonder how my week would've been without the little ball of sunshine.

If Sora and I had never met, Roxas and Axel never would've gotten drunk that second night and therefore never would've gotten together because I wouldn't have thought to play Mexican Train to keep Sora away from the beach. Although the vacation would've been fun, it never would've compared to our mock sword-fighting and intense movie-watching. Roxas and Axel like action/suspense movies with fast cars, Megan Fox (even though they are gay; don't ask questions, I've learned not to), and guns, whereas I still like good old Disney, DreamWorks, and Ghibli Studios (there, Sora, I said it) with their childish and perverse humor. Really, none of us would've been able to break out of our shells and be kids again if Sora's bubbly, contagious attitude hadn't been there. Without Sora, I would've gotten bored of the beach very quickly, despite its beauty. There's only a certain amount of time before exploring the beach alone gets dreary. I would still be living under that gray cloud that Axel says I always have hovering over my head; I say it's more accurate to say Sora brought me to life. I would've stayed up until four A.M. every night, Facebooking and reading online, completely defeating the purpose of going somewhere new. Even though Sora tortured me all week by mixing up my emotions, I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way.

He turned my world upside-down. I think I'm becoming addicted to it.

"I can't believe we are here AGAIN!" Axel groans, face-palming. Almost-protesting, he stops suddenly with his eyes closed, still-covered with his hand in tired annoyance, refusing to follow Roxas, Sora, and I as we head into the crowded super-market. Sighing in obvious twin-irritation, the blonde gyrates his torso just enough to see his redhead and reply coldly, "Get your ass over here, Axel, the place won't bite."

"That's what you think," the redhead mutters, just loudly enough for us to hear. While Roxas rolls his eyes at the simple comeback, Axel takes two wide steps forward and joins our line of three (now four), probably blocking way more accessibility from other people than necessary.

But, with that little drama king problem out of the way, I ask, "Alright, so what do we need?" My eyes scan the different people-filled isles with distaste; I hate too much noise and crowd. Let's get in, and get out, I think, really wishing the baby on isle three would shut up.

"Lucky Charms," Roxas replies without missing a beat.

"And milk," Axel adds in, just a little hint of exasperation in his voice, but he has a good reason for it; we've sent him to get milk at least five times already in the last five days.

"Oh, and some Doritos for the beach tomorrow," Roxas includes again.

But then, right out of the blue clear sky, Sora says mischievously, "Or, we could play hide and seek and get the groceries later."

All three of us turn to Sora with gaping faces. When Sora asks, "What? It's fun!" slowly Roxas and Axel develop twin impish grins. Scared beyond belief, I refuse quickly, "We can't do that, Sora, we'll get kicked out…"

Without missing a beat, the brunette replies, "No we won't. It's not like anyone will care. Take a look around; we're in Wal-Mart."

I sputter a bit, trying to come up with something to say. Before I can retort however, Axel says, "Come on, Riku, you know you want to."

"This is ridiculous," I inform them, already aware that I've lost but, as is in my straight-laced and stubborn nature, I argue with them anyway. "We're too old to be playing hide and seek."

All three of them completely ignore my protests, forming a circle that still somehow includes me. "Sora, you, Roxas, and Riku, go hide; I'll count. You only got till 100, got it memorized?" Axel says, tugging Roxas closer to him forcefully as he nods toward the two of us. In the next short moments, the redhead steals a kiss (I blush faintly and avert my eyes), releases the suddenly flushed and glaring blonde, and stalks off in the direction of the Item Return part of the store, chanting cockily, "1! …. 2!.... 3!"

With a small, surprised gasp that was most likely aroused by Axel's abrupt departure, Sora looks up to me with wide, surprised, and excited eyes; all I can do is peer back at him inquiringly, asking 'are we really going to play hide and seek in Wal-Mart, of all places?' His eyes answer my question; after finding their amusement at my bewilderment, the blue eyes glide to gaze amusedly at the blonde next to him (who is muttering under his breath about how much of a jerk Axel is) for a couple moments. I swear, I can almost see the gears working inside his head. I suddenly feel wary; this is a new side of Sora. While I see the opportunity to flee as he is distracted elsewhere (probably planning something devious), I begin to back away slowly, thinking maybe, just maybe, I can get away and not get kicked out in result of their game. Before I get very far however, Sora giggles, his hand striking out to grip mine tightly. He interlocks our fingers tantalizingly slow, revealing how well we fit together like Yin and Yang, and how soft his skin feels against mine, amazing me to the point that I'm almost dazed. Because I'm too far gone in admiration, I am unable to resist as he tugs my protesting form behind him as he stalks forward determinedly.

"You're sticking with me," he tells me with a roguish wink. After another two steps forward, the brunette comments over his shoulder, "Roxas, if I were you, I would hide well," blowing any innocence I thought he had. But neither of the twin-like ukes pay any mind to me (why is this becoming a pattern?) as I gawk at the way Roxas nods enthusiastically and sprints off, leaving me with the last person I should be alone with. Maybe it's just that everything is happening too fast, but I feel so out of it and confused; I don't even know what to do with myself. Sora's hand is the only thing keeping me from walking away just because I hate misunderstanding, or being left behind or lost. I guess you could say it's my biggest fear- and that's why holding hands has always meant a lot to me. When someone is holding your hand, you won't be left in the dark to find your own way and you aren't ever alone. But of course, Sora doesn't know this psychological fear of mine. He probably wouldn't be holding my hand if he knew.

"I know the perfect place to hide," Sora says excitedly, his voice childishly high but quiet as if it's a secret. Although I suppose it is, I highly doubt the old lady next to us cares what two teenage boys are doing in a Wal-Mart. But then again, Sora is endearing this way, making the most out of the little moments.

"A-and that is?" I ask, wishing my train of thought could catch up to time as Sora turns down a million different isles at once. I vaguely recognize the little girl's pajama section due to the big blur of pink and light purple, but then we're in a mass of forest green and dark brown. Suddenly, Sora yanks me down to the ground with him, persuading my body forcefully to get closer to his until we are both… In the middle of a clothes rack behind all the overpriced cotton. Finally, everything slows down and I collect my thoughts as Sora catches his breath. I determine a list of five things that are wrong with this whole situation; 1: I am with Sora, alone, not even an inch away from being completely pressed up against his lean back; 2: I am in the men's clothes section, hiding in the middle of a circular rack for shirts like I used to do with my Mom when I was five; 3: Sora is panting, unintentionally turning me on way beyond reason, and his neck is exposed right there, making it really hard for me to feel the appropriate humiliation of being trapped in the depths of the clothes… Mom wouldn't be proud; 4: Axel is It, meaning we are bound to be caught sooner rather than later because of his loud mouth. I can almost hear him shouting, 'Roxyyyy? Ri~ku, where are youuuu? Kitten?'; 5(last but not least): We. Are. In. Wal-Mart!

And then I realize the brunette is looking over his shoulder and up at me from where we are crouched uncomfortably together. For once, I am able to uphold my resentful expression even though his beautiful eyes are practically begging for attention and his lips are even more tempting, slightly parted as he is still slightly breathless. "I know you don't want to play, Riku," Sora says sternly, "But you need to live a little. Just have fun for once and don't worry about anything!" The tempting lips quirk up until they create a flawless, playful smile, defenestrating my guard violently.

Which, after adding this to the contents of my list of bad things in my current situation, is murder to my self control. The only thing that crosses my mind after his words is 'kiss him' and without anything or anyone to stop me, my body reacts to the brain's instinct on its own, my lips swooping agonizingly close to his when-
Swish. The veil of clothes open up and the subsequent light is just glaring enough to snap me out of my melted stupor. I quickly lean back to rest on my hands, looking up to the owner of a pair of black-and-red (with flames along the side, of course) Vans.

"You guys need to learn how to be quiet," Axel tells us immediately, reprimanding us with a set of three arrogant 'tsks' as he shakes his head. I sigh roughly, threading my fingers through my hair as Sora chuckles at the redhead's comment; thank God the brunette didn't notice what I was going to do. "You're just over-observant, Axel," I tell him, secretly glad he came to my rescue yet again. "So who's It?" Sora adds in, already excited for the next round. Suddenly, Roxas comes into view out of nowhere, raising his hand reluctantly. All of us laugh and Axel lightly nicks his boyfriend's shoulder with his fist affectionately; the blonde scowls anyway.

For the next two hours, the four of us play Hide-and-Seek. Around fifteen minutes into the game, a worker named Demyx finds Sora and me, and rats us out to Axel (who at the time was It again already); once his 'dirty work' is complete, however, he asks if he and his friends can play too. Of course, being the good people we are, we tell him, "The more the merrier!" and let whoever wants to join the tomfoolery. It takes a round to get Demyx's boyfriend, Zexion, to contribute to the gang and put his book down, but after successfully tripping another one of his participating colleagues (named Xigbar; he became the victim because he called the bookworm 'Sexy Zexy' beforehand) he gets into the spirit, pranking us all yet somehow still staying just out of reach. The only time we ever have to play innocent is when the manager (named Saix) comes to check up on another player named Marluxia, trying to extricate information on some missing expensive hair care products. Needless to say, by the time we actually get our groceries, we are on first-name basis with most the cashiers there, each of us being known for one stupid or funny hiding place/comment throughout the game. All in all, it was definitely a lively night.

The memory of that night always makes me question myself. Everyone knows life can become pretty mundane; I've gotten it down to an art. The reason I read so much? It's not that I want to escape, or that I'm depressed. No, it's because stories can give you a vicarious larger-than-life thrill that of course a normal life like mine can't offer. However, I was the one who tried to push the adventure away that time; I had become a walking contradiction. But Sora… Sora definitely changed that. He made me see what I had been doing, and because I had always wanted things to change and become more interesting, I opted to listen to the brunette's 'live-a-little' message. Unintentionally (which makes it that much greater), Kitten has given me something to fight for, and I border on the line of hating myself because I almost let him go. I fight for him not only just to claim the prize, but also on the off-chance that I can give him something back since he's already brought so much into my life in such a short time. If I were honest with myself, I would also be able to say that I fight for myself too because I desperately need to prove that I can work for something, that I have the capability of feeling something other than a balmy, candle-lit happiness. Sora offers a blistering, roaring flame.

And this is why God invented car-drives. I always think the best when I let myself slip into auto-pilot. However, my eyes remain alert, searching for a spiky set of brunette locks. I'm suddenly grateful of his original hair; it shouldn't be too hard to discern him out of a crowd. But alas, as the minutes tick by I find nothing, nothing, and more of nothing. Before I know it, two hours have slipped by and I have probably grasped the layout of the whole city of Destin and some of the areas surrounding it.

There's only one place left that I can think of to go.

Honestly, it's absolutely nerve-wracking to think about finding and walking into a shelter, but nonetheless I shuffle around the console of my car, hands searching for my Garmen, the magic (aka electronic) direction-giver. When my fingers find it right by the gear shift, they clumsily attack, trying to locate certain chords and buttons while my eyes stay trained onto the road until they find a red light. Earlier this week, I wrote down the possible addresses to the Fort Walton homeless shelter Sora mentioned (unfortunately, he never said the exact shelter name) and stuck the little note in the car, so it isn't rocket science to plug in one of the locations (that I choose at random) when I find a place to stop. After a moment of the Garmen 'thinking', a map appears on its little screen with a highlighted route.

"Turn right on Applewhite Drive," a monotonous woman's voice says. Gripping the steering wheel a little tighter, I smirk past my anxiety. Suddenly, I just know that this is where Sora is. How I know, I couldn't explain it to you, but I really couldn't care less when I sense that I'm that much closer to resolving everything- or at least, this is what I hope to do. I don't know what I'll tell him when I get there though. I don't know how he'll react either. But I sure as hell know I'm not turning back.

For some reason, I wish the drive there could be shorter, but it doesn't take very long at all to turn down the last street. At first, I wonder if the Garmen made a mistake in directions because the building is so plain, even empty-looking. But the sign on the door says, "Shelter Homes Inc." so I'm forced to accept that yes, I am here, and no, I am not prepared in the slightest. Considering it's a homeless shelter, I have free reign over the unfilled parking lot, able to pick whichever place I want. Just to give me that extra second and a half to get to the shelter door, I pick one a slight distance away and of course switch the car into park. For a moment I just sit there, shallow breaths embracing and leaving my lungs at an annoying pace. Come on, Riku, I try to reprimand myself, you can do this. Just walk in calmly and ask someone if they happen to know someone named Sora. Set with a shaky plan, I slide the keys out of the ignition and plop the shaped metal into my pocket; way too soon, I'm out of the car with a slam as my feet create a familiar tapping sound against the concrete. When I get to the door, I reach up to grip the handle but of course nothing happens as I still mentally prepare myself. I exhale a heavy breath I didn't know I had been holding, inwardly comparing this door to the opening of another dark world- that is, until I catch my negativity. It's just a door- open it, the little voice inside my head tells me irately.

I let out a small sigh again, but finally listen to myself, pulling the door open quickly. Cool air rushes out to meet me, but the temperature isn't what I notice immediately; it's the smell. Before I am even able to take in my surroundings, the miasma of the place assaults my nose; it's got to be the aroma of death, or more specifically sweat, shit, and rotting food. I attempt to hide my repulsion from my face, but I'm not sure if I pull it off well.

Despite every cowardly bone in my body telling me to turn around and leave, I take a step forward, patting myself on the back for standing upright and holding my ground. But I quickly dismiss the self-celebration, letting my turquoise eyes adjust to the florescent lighting and take in the area. For the most part, the room is just filled with people. It almost surprises me at how normal most of them look, the only different thing about them being their clothes which are mostly torn, dirty, and/or stained. But looking closer, you can see the difference; the light in a lot of their eyes are gone and they look old and worn. Their hair is bordering on disaster, depending on what has gotten caught in it, but some of the more animated ones have their hair combed through, enabling it to look almost clean, trimmed, and kept.

But throughout all the people, I see no brunette with gravity-defying spikes. A little nagging inside me says I should just go already before I get noticed, but a bigger part of me still believes Kitten is here somewhere, maybe in another room, or a part of the crowd, lost.

Then suddenly, someone taps on my shoulder behind me. Startled, I flinch and whirl around, thinking frantically 'Maybe it's Kitten!', before coming face to face with a redheaded girl with purple eyes. The adrenaline rush leaves my heart pounding and my skin sweating ever so slightly, but I am nonetheless disappointed by the appearance of this pretty young woman.

"You new?" she asks, tilting her head to the side curiously. The gesture kind of reminds me of Sora. Her purple eyes are kind and somehow wise despite her young age, sparkling in a way that says, 'I know everything,' in a way that isn't cocky or annoying. I find it hard not to immediately trust her; she reminds me of my own mother.

Gulping, I reply , "Uh, n-no. I'm looking for someone named Sora?" Though I do sound a little nervous, I'm surprised by my even tone, despite the fact I haven't said anything to anyone for awhile now. Instantaneously after I say Sora's name, her whole expression brightens and her eyes catch on fire with excitement. Although she tries to hide it, her whole body becomes a fidgeting mess and I can tell that if she let herself go, she'd be jumping up and down.

"What does he look like?" she asks innocently, though I can tell she's already expecting a certain answer. I already know; he must be here, and she knows exactly who he is and where he's hiding.

"Brunette, spiky, gravity-defying hair. Blue ocean-eyes," I tell her assuredly, crossing my arms in a casual way. Now that I have somewhere to start, I'm more ready to tackle the situation coolly and composedly. Thank God.

But suddenly, the girl explodes, "HA! I knew this would happen! I win, I win, I win!" She does a little celebratory jig but I just stand there, wondering what the hell she's talking about. Win what?

She must've caught my bewildered expression. "Haha, sorry," she says, calming down, "Just ignore that."

"O…k?" I reply, disgruntled when she giggles, touches my arm lightly, and gestures me closer. I take a step forward, mostly because of the guidance of her hand, but I remain on guard, wondering if maybe I started talking to the wrong person.

But then her next statement takes my doubts away and steals my attention. "Yes, Sora is here- he's in the back room, sulking- but I need to talk to you first."

Ho-ly shit, Sora really is here.

"For starters," she continues, ignoring my gawking face, "my name is Kairi; I'm Sora's surrogate mother."

For some reason, I find myself chuckling at that; I had just compared her to my mother, but yet she's Sora's 'mother'. How ironic. "If you're his mother, maybe you know my name?" I ask hopefully, trying to cover it up with an arrogant attitude. I swear, she sees right through it because she replies, "Of course, Riku. You were the first thing he raved about when he got here."

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but either way at least I had some affect on him. "Wh-what did he say?" I ask eagerly, wishing I could see him and set things straight already.

She nods compassionately, gesturing to two vacant plastic-and-metal chairs about ten feet away. I follow her over to them and sit down next to her, waiting for the redhead's hopefully helpful response.

"He told me what happened," she says bluntly, rousing a small blush out of me, "but he totally missed your point."

I snort in mock-amusement; somehow I think I already understood that. "You're telling me," I mutter, suddenly very interested in the scratched plastic armrest just below my ribcage.

"Let me tell you, though, he's been through a lot," she continues, her voice sympathetic, "As I'm sure you've already figured out, he was disowned by his parents for being gay, but that's not how he became homeless." She pauses, gauging my reaction; I merely look up to her eyes, nothing but extremely interested.
"He said something about 'this can't happen again'; does it have something to do with that?" I ask, easily figuring out the answer by her body language; she sighs, picking at a scab on her arm.

"After leaving home he went to stay with his boyfriend of the time, his first ever actually." She looks unsure as to how much more she should say, but after one glance at my encouraging eyes, she continues, "That boyfriend was planning to go to college at a university about two or three hours away from here, which is how Sora got from Mississippi to Florida since he let Sora tag along with him. They stayed together for awhile, but Zen- I mean, the boyfriend- wasn't exactly caring and loving. In my opinion, he used him for 'cleaning' services but on Sora's eighteenth birthday, Zen kicked him out."

Immediately, my insides churn angrily; I am going to kill him. I think Kairi sees my boiling, flashing eyes because she pauses, unsure what exactly I'm going to do. "How- how could anyone do that to Sora?" I ask her gruffly, trying to explain myself and get my anger under control once the situation really absorbs. Instantly she relaxes, understanding that Sora isn't the one I want to physically and emotionally harm.

"I only tell you because Sora would never be able to bring himself to mention it honestly to you," she informs me, glancing sadly at a doorway across the room.

"Why not?" I ask, unable to help a little offended and disappointed. To this she shrugs as if it's obvious, and replies, "Well, for one, he's a very selfless person and never wants to burden anyone else with his pain. Not only that, it's you."

I glare lightly at her. "I get the first part, but what's that last part supposed to mean?"

She looks like she's on the verge of laughing. "You don't get it either do you?" When I don't reply, she continues amusedly, "Sora didn't understand his feelings either, so I guess it makes sense that you don't understand his either. Look, the fact that you chased after him and paid attention to him enough to get here says a lot. You have what you need, Riku, now you need to put everything together." She stands, smiling a knowing, mischievous smile. It reminds me briefly of Roxas; why is it that people that are helpful and know things never explain themselves fully? "He's down the hallway, in the last bunk room on the left."

And with that she leaves, disappearing into the crowd with a slight skip in her step. Already deep in thought, my eyes don't even try to trail after her, but instead peer intensely toward the opening of the hallway Kairi mentioned. Somewhere down there is an adorable brunette who definitely told me off only hours ago; I can't help but wonder if he's still angry. I still feel the ache in my heart and the sound of the mournful sea as he walked away; I don't think I'll ever forget it. But I think about his words again, what he said. Now it all makes sense as to what he meant by 'I won't let this happen again' and I understand why he ran away; I probably would have too, if it were me in his shoes. With that being said, is it really ok for me to go down there? Should I just let him go? It's times like these that I really wish Axel were here to tell me to be irrational, and for Roxas to tell me everything will be fine, that I'm being a drama king. Somehow, it feels normal to be on the sidelines, there but not really there, just watching. If I walk down there, I'll definitely be entering the danger zone, the spotlight. Not that I really care about that; I only care about what Sora feels, what he's thinking. I assume he might think that if I knew about his past, I'd hate him, judge him, or think of him as weak. But, if anything, the knowledge of the pain he went through, and still deals with, forces me to love him more.

Although, I've always been an independent person, I know well that there are some things that you can't completely resolve by yourself. You can patch up your heart after a horrible ending to a relationship, but you're still never the same; suddenly, you are afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid to give someone else your heart, afraid to trust people, afraid to tell the truth. No matter what it is, it's like adding a layer of titanium around your heart, and every time you're hurt, another wall is added. Hell, I thought I had a nine-numbered combination lock on my heart, but somehow Sora figured out all the numbers. I guess now all I have to do is figure out his. Can I be enough for him? I'm not a selfless person, but I'd help Sora get back on his feet, no questions asked and no 'catch'. Is that what he would want?

There's no telling till I get my ass out of this chair and into the room. Sighing heavily, I finally haul myself out of the chair, stretching just a little before turning toward the door; oh, the ominous door. Gees, I really hate being nervous. It does wonders to my self esteem, really. But suddenly, I'm caught off-guard with a thought that makes perfect sense; he does need me. He's hurt in a way that can only be fixed by watching someone else be different than what he's seen. Axel said I have that little bit to get him started on his life, and he was right. He needs me, and I already know I need him; he just needs to know that he can really trust me. My part of the puzzle is complete by being here; only someone who truly cares for him would follow him here, like Kairi said, and he should know it. Suddenly, I'm ten times more confident. I catch a couple people looking at me strangely as I smile slightly at nothing in particular but I ignore the stares, pulling my hand through my silver locks; now or never.

Time to retrieve my stray kitten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Kairi leaves with Namine, I stare at the ceiling for hours. And hours. Or at least, that's what it feels like. I'm not stupid, but it's true I'm not one to sit around and seriously contemplate something. I used to be able to follow my heart without much confliction. I used to be so trusting, diving into whatever I wanted as long as I didn't think it would hurt anyone. But now, everything is so complicated… I don't even know what I want.

Well, that's a lie. I want Riku to waltz in here, confess again that he really loves me, and explain that he wants to help me start over. But then again, I don't want that either. I don't want to burden him. I don't want him to expect things from me. Sure, living with him, getting a job, and going to college someday isn't a problem, but… I'm afraid of what else he'll want. It's so much easier to stay the way I am now; it's probably really odd that I would prefer starving for three days than give some of my body away, but that's human pride for you, I guess. I just don't want to rely on someone as much as I did Zen ever again, but what Kairi said really gnaws on my mind; 'despite the pain others had inflicted on you, you still gave out love freely, touching the lives of people who you don't even know. You're losing that, Sora, blinded by fear and sorrow until you can't see how much this Riku guy loves you.' As much as I don't want to admit it, Kairi was right (she always is). I already know that I've lost some of the trusting Sora, but I always thought it was natural, just a way to protect myself, until Kairi made it sound like a bad thing. See, I want to move on with my life without the baggage of Zen, but I don't know how to start. There are some things in life that you just can't do alone. Could I trust Riku, enough to really believe he loves me? Throughout my therapy session with Kairi, it became more and more clear how opposite the silverette and Zen are. Riku treats me like a real person, eager to listen to me, …maybe even eager to love me.

My heart flutters for probably the fifth time in the last twenty minutes and I groan, putting my arm over my eyes again. I tell myself it doesn't matter anyway; there is absolutely no way Riku would come looking for me. Actually, I came to the one place where I know he could find me if he wanted. I never thought about that though; I just needed to see Kairi. Now I wonder; should I go before Riku could get the chance to find me?
No. I ran away once, I don't really want to do it again. I still want to sulk around here for awhile. Especially when Riku doesn't show up, I'm going to need a shoulder to cry on, even though I know it's the inevitable result.

Wait a second, why would I cry over Riku? Or more specifically, why have I been thinking about Riku, Riku, Riku so much? I'm never seeing him again anyway; I ran away from him. It doesn't matter what Kairi has said, it's over now… But, I wish it weren't. Why that is, I couldn't tell you. Because we're friends? Ah, that's such a dim way to say it. There has always been something different there, but I couldn't tell you exactly what it is. I wish someone could; I think Kairi knows, but obviously she wouldn't tell me, forcing me to lay here and agonize over it. Constant questions I can barely bring myself to answer. Is it just because Riku says he loves me? Why do I want him to love me?

Maybe it's because he seemed to care about me so much. He always gave the impression that he enjoyed my constant company, and always knew what to say to unleash my smile onto my face; it was the weirdest feeling, smiling when I hadn't had a reason to in so long. Usually, people get annoyed with me once I slip into my real personality, but he was eager to listen to my constant chatter. Hell, I got him to join in an unorthodox and highly amusing game of Hide and Seek even though it was obvious he didn't want to at first. Throughout the whole week, him and I were constantly together. It never once felt weird, as if that was the way it had always been meant to be. He never left me alone, as if afraid I might leave. In the end, maybe I want him around because I miss the feeling of being cared for and looked after.

All these kinds of thought swirl around my head, over and over, but it's never enough; I always end up feel like I'm missing something. Like there's more to why Riku matters to me so much even though he shouldn't. I inwardly comment that I if I had my old journal, figuring out my emotions wouldn't be so difficult, but then the thought is replaced when I get an idea; I'll make a deal with myself. If Riku actually comes to set things straight, I'll trust him and go with him, depending on what he says, but if not, I don't have to think about him ever again. That way, maybe my dreams won't be haunted by him all the time. But if he actually comes to get me… I'll admit that he really does love me, too. I might reciprocate. Maybe. The idea makes my cheeks blush, but I fight back a smile; I'll admit it, kissing him isn't so bad. Hell, nothing about him is so bad. However, I can say he's as horrible as Zen's reincarnation if he doesn't show up, just for my own heart's protection. That's fair, right? Suddenly, I wonder if I have felt that way towards him this whole time. I've always been good at denying myself the truth. The realization is frightening, but somehow easing to a lot of the tensions and confusing feelings. I find myself thinking 'I can think about him kissing me just once' a couple times in self-indulgence, hoping that Riku really will show up. Soon enough, however, all thoughts leave my mind almost as soon as they come and the ceiling becomes a big white blur. I fall asleep soundly, eyes heavy and burning from the previously shed tears.

When I wake up, who knows how much later, I can instantly sense something is different than before. Surprisingly, at first, I don't even mind the presence, whatever it is; it created a comfortable air, and I feel refreshed by it. I obviously needed the rest after the trip here, all the tears, and emotional upheaval. I stretch and sigh, taking a deep breath right after- and then I freeze. There's a familiar scent in the air; lavender, after-rain, and—

Oh God, I know that smell.

I whirl over onto my side frenetically, gasping instantaneously after. Riku is asleep, sitting on the floor next to the wiry bed I'm in, head resting on the side of the mattress, arms and legs curled into himself as if trying to take up as little space as possible. For several moments, I just stare, my eyes trying to memorize and accept his silver hair, his restfully closed eyes, and the way he breathes softly, air traveling in and out of his lungs from a small opening between his lips because I know his allergies prevent him from breathing through his nose correctly. Unable to help it, I pinch myself, totally taken aback in disbelief when the ministration hurts.
Riku is actually here.

Although I'm not usually one to curse, a million profanities blur through my mind right then. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. He's asleep, for one thing, which puts me in the position to wake him up. I want to, yet I don't. I've completely forgotten my self-proposed and taken deal before I fell asleep. Now all I can wonder is when exactly did he get here? Should I be angry? Honestly, I don't think I could yell at him again, even if I wanted to.

After that, I can hardly think anything except that I really don't want to wake him up, especially when he looks so perfect next to me. Resting my head on one of my propped up arms, I lean the other hand down to play with his hair as if in a trance; I just have to touch him somehow. He's really here. The strands are soft and comforting as usual, but also somewhat untidy, implying he must've been stressed enough to disarrange his hair. I feel a pang of guilt; I guess that might be my fault. But I feel a little relief when he sighs, leaning into my touch. I quietly giggle a little, unable to help myself when I poke his nose softly, covering my mouth immediately afterward when his face twitches into one of discomfort.

Wait, what am I doing? I shake my head, berating myself for- I'm not exactly sure what. I suddenly wonder if he will be mad at me for the things I said. If he's here, maybe not, but I can't help but feel a little nervous in his unconscious presence.

Suddenly, he shuffles around slightly, dropping one of his legs down until it's straight out in front of him. One of his hand fall to his knee casually while the other reaches up to pull his hair back from his face. Panicking, I realize he's waking up. I'm stuck in place as I watch him come back to life, still in awe that he's here and a little terrified because of it. When the deep, turquoise eyes open, I inwardly melt, wishing I could touch him again- but of course I don't, though I hold my breath involuntarily. As soon as Riku seems to register where he is, he jolts slightly, eyes widening and head turning toward me frantically. Our eyes meet instantly, equal in expressions of alarm.

For several long moments, we just stare at each other, enraptured by all the emotions that swirl in each other's eyes. Just in the last two or three hours, I can tell we've thought about too much and came to realize so much more. Although it's somewhat cliché, I see everything I could ever want in his gaze: love, adoration, respect, patience, and kindness. The only fraction that bothers me is the hint of hurt inside them too, but once I notice it, it must show on my face because Riku looks away, averting his eyes to the floor.

Somehow, I find my voice to speak first. "Y-you found me."

He glances at me. "Y-yeah, uhm…" he curses under his breath, "I thought I knew what I was going to say…"
I'm not sure what to say either, though I wish I did. Finally, he clears his throat just a little and says quietly, "Look, I'm sorry… I never meant to make it sound like I was u-using you, or anything."

Blushing, I finally look away as well, trying to will my heartbeat to calm down in vain. "I know," I tell him honestly, accumulating some words to say as well, "I'm sorry for over-reacting, I-"

"You weren't over-reacting… You had every right to feel and say what you did, I just didn't understand at first," he informs me, suddenly standing to lean against the wall. I look up at him; he almost looks… scared, a mirror image of myself. I sit up as well, sitting Indian style on the creaking bed. He winces a little at the sound. Somehow it lights up his eyes, a determined spark growing within them.

After a moment, he continues, "I don't expect you to agree, but I still want to ask again if you want to come with me. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I do care about you and I want to help you build your life back together. It's not because I just want to get into your pants." His cheeks flush and he rubs the back side of his neck awkwardly. It's the final blow to my walls; I realize he's serious, he does love me, and I've just been too stubborn to see it. Reacting to my impulsive nature, I take his hand, interlocking our fingers as I've done all throughout this week, albeit it means a lot more now than it ever had. This brings his eyes over to stare at me, face filled with the constant battle of hope and preparation for disappointment. So this is what Kairi meant; by being so afraid of the past repeating, I couldn't see the pain I was inflicting on the silverette when I pushed him away. But now that I see it, I want nothing more than to take the damage away, just like he's trying to remove mine.

We've been fighting for the same thing; each other, and the revival of ourselves. The sickness is pain and loneliness but there's still hope, because the cure is love; I just need to take the next step forward. "I-I'll go with you," I tell him quietly, trying to convey what I'm feeling through my eyes, facial expression, and the way my hand grips his tightly, like I never want to let go.

He looks nothing past immensely shocked, but after a moment when the words sink in, he releases a long, labored breath, smiles genuinely, and laughs quietly in relief. His body twists towards mine while his arm snakes out; his hand takes my other, squeezing just a little in some form of reassurance. I find myself smiling and laughing a little too as my heart soars to impossible heights. I squeeze his hands back. I can feel him hesitate slightly, probably still wondering when to back off, but I just smile wider, finally letting go to tackle him into a hug, thoroughly amused when he's able to hold me up off the floor.

Once my feet touch the ground, I look happily to Riku's eyes, feeling a little childish as I'm being towered over but he smiles too, nodding his head in the direction of the way out. "Axel and Roxas are probably worried sick about you," Riku says, voice just a little playful.

I make a dubious expression. "Nah, they're in the condo enjoying our absence," I inform him, scrunching up my nose in fake disgust.

"You read my mind," the silverette says, walking out from between the bed I was lying on and the one next to it. I follow him close behind, feeling a familiar giddiness from being in his mysterious presence. However, before we get to the door, Kairi emerges from it, hands on hips in a reprimanding way.

"Do you understand what I meant now?" she asks, eyes switching back and forth between Riku and me.
I don't have to think twice about that question. The two of us reply simultaneously "Yes," subsequently resulting in twin-like odd looks directed to each other as if right out of a comedy act, our expressions inquiring, 'wait, what did she tell you?' At our bewildered expressions, the redhead giggles, obviously amused at out disgruntled response in that motherly way of hers. But once her laughter calms down, she comments, "Well, Sora, I guess I can see you in Texas?"

Smiling, I nod. "Yep. I'm going to miss you though… Thanks for all your help, Kai," I inform her sincerely. I can already feel my bittersweet emotions surfacing but before I can start sniffling, the redhead tackles me into a hug. Shaking my taller form, she cries out, "My baby is going to Texas!? Ahhh, what am I going to do without you? I'm so proud of you!"

"Gees, Kairi, I'll come to visit sometime," I tell her, glancing up at Riku for his assent; he nods quickly. Grinning again, I pat my 'mother's' back, able to contain my sentiments by the display of hers. When she lets go, she kisses my cheek and returns my smile with a watery one of her own as she tries to hold back her tears. But then the redhead takes a step back to let the two of us pass and I inch closer to my silverette, silently guiding him out of the room and through the people we find ourselves lost in afterward. Unsurprisingly, Kairi follows us out, waving goodbye as we make the way to Riku's car on the other side of the lot.

Right before I climb into the car, I turn around to look back at Shelter Homes Inc. and Kairi, knowing that though I hadn't meant it to be, it had been my temporary home. This place represents my life here; a life that I'm finally leaving behind, taking the baby steps forward to a better one. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason, but I never would've thought everything would've turned out this way. It's almost too perfect. It's helped me grow stronger and learn to accept that no, I'm not damned, or sick, or wrong. I'm just Sora, and everyone but my family and I had been able to see that. I believe I deserve happiness now, no matter who else might disagree. A rush of immense gratitude for everything- all the good times, and the bad- almost overwhelms me as I wave goodbye. Kairi waves back, an understanding smile permanently planted on her face even as I turn and sit next to Riku in the car clumsily. As soon as my hands are no longer occupied by buckling my seatbelt, my left hand interlaces tightly with the silverette's again and I sigh happily, knowing one thing that would dictate the rest of my life:

I was lost, but now I've been found.

Description
~Stray Kitten~ Chapter 7: Lost and Found

The first thing I notice when I get to the condo to change is that Sora's clothes are gone. I had put them on the little table on his side of the bed, since I figured that the area over there was his as long as he occupied it, but now the little area looks depressingly foreign and vacant. I grimace when I notice he took nothing but what was originally his; you would think that he would take something. Shouldn't he know by now that mi casa es tu casa? But then again, it isn't in Sora's nature to take, so it isn't that surprising.

I don't waste much time in our temporary living space, finding it painful to look around and see the different signs that a fourth person was there. I put on a shirt, pair of pants, and sandals quickly, picking up the car keys along the way before I forget them. I don't even bother to lock the place up, knowing Axel and Roxas will most likely take advantage of this alone time shortly after they're certain I've gone to race around the town. I have a feeling they would've gone with me to search for my Kitten but they both know I simply do not share, and that this is something that I need to do by myself. I have a bad habit of trying to do things alone. It's one of the things I dislike about myself, but I've learned to accept the things I can't change.

Minus this, anyway. I'm not sure if the situation I'm in right now is changeable, but I guess I'm searching to find out. I'm determined to at least get to the bottom of this mystery called Sora, and tell him that I truly am not a sex-crazed kidnapper. Though, admittedly, if I were, this would be a lot easier because I wouldn't even attempt to look for him. Sometimes I wonder if having morals is a good thing.

By the time I get to the car and onto the road closest to the beach, I feel like I've wasted way too much of it already. I wonder where Sora would've gone, or rather, is; I'm hesitant to go to the shelters in Fort Walton first because he said he doesn't go there unless he's in a tight spot. Maybe he'd purposely avoid it too, considering he knows I know about the place. So, with that in mind, I decide to drive around for awhile towards places we've been and places we haven't. By some twist of fate, I end up starting at the restaurant Sora had wanted to go to when we met, though I know he isn't there. At the irony, I almost laugh, knowing Sora probably would be there if I had never picked him up. Somehow that makes me wonder how my week would've been without the little ball of sunshine.

If Sora and I had never met, Roxas and Axel never would've gotten drunk that second night and therefore never would've gotten together because I wouldn't have thought to play Mexican Train to keep Sora away from the beach. Although the vacation would've been fun, it never would've compared to our mock sword-fighting and intense movie-watching. Roxas and Axel like action/suspense movies with fast cars, Megan Fox (even though they are gay; don't ask questions, I've learned not to), and guns, whereas I still like good old Disney, DreamWorks, and Ghibli Studios (there, Sora, I said it) with their childish and perverse humor. Really, none of us would've been able to break out of our shells and be kids again if Sora's bubbly, contagious attitude hadn't been there. Without Sora, I would've gotten bored of the beach very quickly, despite its beauty. There's only a certain amount of time before exploring the beach alone gets dreary. I would still be living under that gray cloud that Axel says I always have hovering over my head; I say it's more accurate to say Sora brought me to life. I would've stayed up until four A.M. every night, Facebooking and reading online, completely defeating the purpose of going somewhere new. Even though Sora tortured me all week by mixing up my emotions, I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way.

He turned my world upside-down. I think I'm becoming addicted to it.

"I can't believe we are here AGAIN!" Axel groans, face-palming. Almost-protesting, he stops suddenly with his eyes closed, still-covered with his hand in tired annoyance, refusing to follow Roxas, Sora, and I as we head into the crowded super-market. Sighing in obvious twin-irritation, the blonde gyrates his torso just enough to see his redhead and reply coldly, "Get your ass over here, Axel, the place won't bite."

"That's what you think," the redhead mutters, just loudly enough for us to hear. While Roxas rolls his eyes at the simple comeback, Axel takes two wide steps forward and joins our line of three (now four), probably blocking way more accessibility from other people than necessary.

But, with that little drama king problem out of the way, I ask, "Alright, so what do we need?" My eyes scan the different people-filled isles with distaste; I hate too much noise and crowd. Let's get in, and get out, I think, really wishing the baby on isle three would shut up.

"Lucky Charms," Roxas replies without missing a beat.

"And milk," Axel adds in, just a little hint of exasperation in his voice, but he has a good reason for it; we've sent him to get milk at least five times already in the last five days.

"Oh, and some Doritos for the beach tomorrow," Roxas includes again.

But then, right out of the blue clear sky, Sora says mischievously, "Or, we could play hide and seek and get the groceries later."

All three of us turn to Sora with gaping faces. When Sora asks, "What? It's fun!" slowly Roxas and Axel develop twin impish grins. Scared beyond belief, I refuse quickly, "We can't do that, Sora, we'll get kicked out…"

Without missing a beat, the brunette replies, "No we won't. It's not like anyone will care. Take a look around; we're in Wal-Mart."

I sputter a bit, trying to come up with something to say. Before I can retort however, Axel says, "Come on, Riku, you know you want to."

"This is ridiculous," I inform them, already aware that I've lost but, as is in my straight-laced and stubborn nature, I argue with them anyway. "We're too old to be playing hide and seek."

All three of them completely ignore my protests, forming a circle that still somehow includes me. "Sora, you, Roxas, and Riku, go hide; I'll count. You only got till 100, got it memorized?" Axel says, tugging Roxas closer to him forcefully as he nods toward the two of us. In the next short moments, the redhead steals a kiss (I blush faintly and avert my eyes), releases the suddenly flushed and glaring blonde, and stalks off in the direction of the Item Return part of the store, chanting cockily, "1! …. 2!.... 3!"

With a small, surprised gasp that was most likely aroused by Axel's abrupt departure, Sora looks up to me with wide, surprised, and excited eyes; all I can do is peer back at him inquiringly, asking 'are we really going to play hide and seek in Wal-Mart, of all places?' His eyes answer my question; after finding their amusement at my bewilderment, the blue eyes glide to gaze amusedly at the blonde next to him (who is muttering under his breath about how much of a jerk Axel is) for a couple moments. I swear, I can almost see the gears working inside his head. I suddenly feel wary; this is a new side of Sora. While I see the opportunity to flee as he is distracted elsewhere (probably planning something devious), I begin to back away slowly, thinking maybe, just maybe, I can get away and not get kicked out in result of their game. Before I get very far however, Sora giggles, his hand striking out to grip mine tightly. He interlocks our fingers tantalizingly slow, revealing how well we fit together like Yin and Yang, and how soft his skin feels against mine, amazing me to the point that I'm almost dazed. Because I'm too far gone in admiration, I am unable to resist as he tugs my protesting form behind him as he stalks forward determinedly.

"You're sticking with me," he tells me with a roguish wink. After another two steps forward, the brunette comments over his shoulder, "Roxas, if I were you, I would hide well," blowing any innocence I thought he had. But neither of the twin-like ukes pay any mind to me (why is this becoming a pattern?) as I gawk at the way Roxas nods enthusiastically and sprints off, leaving me with the last person I should be alone with. Maybe it's just that everything is happening too fast, but I feel so out of it and confused; I don't even know what to do with myself. Sora's hand is the only thing keeping me from walking away just because I hate misunderstanding, or being left behind or lost. I guess you could say it's my biggest fear- and that's why holding hands has always meant a lot to me. When someone is holding your hand, you won't be left in the dark to find your own way and you aren't ever alone. But of course, Sora doesn't know this psychological fear of mine. He probably wouldn't be holding my hand if he knew.

"I know the perfect place to hide," Sora says excitedly, his voice childishly high but quiet as if it's a secret. Although I suppose it is, I highly doubt the old lady next to us cares what two teenage boys are doing in a Wal-Mart. But then again, Sora is endearing this way, making the most out of the little moments.

"A-and that is?" I ask, wishing my train of thought could catch up to time as Sora turns down a million different isles at once. I vaguely recognize the little girl's pajama section due to the big blur of pink and light purple, but then we're in a mass of forest green and dark brown. Suddenly, Sora yanks me down to the ground with him, persuading my body forcefully to get closer to his until we are both… In the middle of a clothes rack behind all the overpriced cotton. Finally, everything slows down and I collect my thoughts as Sora catches his breath. I determine a list of five things that are wrong with this whole situation; 1: I am with Sora, alone, not even an inch away from being completely pressed up against his lean back; 2: I am in the men's clothes section, hiding in the middle of a circular rack for shirts like I used to do with my Mom when I was five; 3: Sora is panting, unintentionally turning me on way beyond reason, and his neck is exposed right there, making it really hard for me to feel the appropriate humiliation of being trapped in the depths of the clothes… Mom wouldn't be proud; 4: Axel is It, meaning we are bound to be caught sooner rather than later because of his loud mouth. I can almost hear him shouting, 'Roxyyyy? Ri~ku, where are youuuu? Kitten?'; 5(last but not least): We. Are. In. Wal-Mart!

And then I realize the brunette is looking over his shoulder and up at me from where we are crouched uncomfortably together. For once, I am able to uphold my resentful expression even though his beautiful eyes are practically begging for attention and his lips are even more tempting, slightly parted as he is still slightly breathless. "I know you don't want to play, Riku," Sora says sternly, "But you need to live a little. Just have fun for once and don't worry about anything!" The tempting lips quirk up until they create a flawless, playful smile, defenestrating my guard violently.

Which, after adding this to the contents of my list of bad things in my current situation, is murder to my self control. The only thing that crosses my mind after his words is 'kiss him' and without anything or anyone to stop me, my body reacts to the brain's instinct on its own, my lips swooping agonizingly close to his when-
Swish. The veil of clothes open up and the subsequent light is just glaring enough to snap me out of my melted stupor. I quickly lean back to rest on my hands, looking up to the owner of a pair of black-and-red (with flames along the side, of course) Vans.

"You guys need to learn how to be quiet," Axel tells us immediately, reprimanding us with a set of three arrogant 'tsks' as he shakes his head. I sigh roughly, threading my fingers through my hair as Sora chuckles at the redhead's comment; thank God the brunette didn't notice what I was going to do. "You're just over-observant, Axel," I tell him, secretly glad he came to my rescue yet again. "So who's It?" Sora adds in, already excited for the next round. Suddenly, Roxas comes into view out of nowhere, raising his hand reluctantly. All of us laugh and Axel lightly nicks his boyfriend's shoulder with his fist affectionately; the blonde scowls anyway.

For the next two hours, the four of us play Hide-and-Seek. Around fifteen minutes into the game, a worker named Demyx finds Sora and me, and rats us out to Axel (who at the time was It again already); once his 'dirty work' is complete, however, he asks if he and his friends can play too. Of course, being the good people we are, we tell him, "The more the merrier!" and let whoever wants to join the tomfoolery. It takes a round to get Demyx's boyfriend, Zexion, to contribute to the gang and put his book down, but after successfully tripping another one of his participating colleagues (named Xigbar; he became the victim because he called the bookworm 'Sexy Zexy' beforehand) he gets into the spirit, pranking us all yet somehow still staying just out of reach. The only time we ever have to play innocent is when the manager (named Saix) comes to check up on another player named Marluxia, trying to extricate information on some missing expensive hair care products. Needless to say, by the time we actually get our groceries, we are on first-name basis with most the cashiers there, each of us being known for one stupid or funny hiding place/comment throughout the game. All in all, it was definitely a lively night.

The memory of that night always makes me question myself. Everyone knows life can become pretty mundane; I've gotten it down to an art. The reason I read so much? It's not that I want to escape, or that I'm depressed. No, it's because stories can give you a vicarious larger-than-life thrill that of course a normal life like mine can't offer. However, I was the one who tried to push the adventure away that time; I had become a walking contradiction. But Sora… Sora definitely changed that. He made me see what I had been doing, and because I had always wanted things to change and become more interesting, I opted to listen to the brunette's 'live-a-little' message. Unintentionally (which makes it that much greater), Kitten has given me something to fight for, and I border on the line of hating myself because I almost let him go. I fight for him not only just to claim the prize, but also on the off-chance that I can give him something back since he's already brought so much into my life in such a short time. If I were honest with myself, I would also be able to say that I fight for myself too because I desperately need to prove that I can work for something, that I have the capability of feeling something other than a balmy, candle-lit happiness. Sora offers a blistering, roaring flame.

And this is why God invented car-drives. I always think the best when I let myself slip into auto-pilot. However, my eyes remain alert, searching for a spiky set of brunette locks. I'm suddenly grateful of his original hair; it shouldn't be too hard to discern him out of a crowd. But alas, as the minutes tick by I find nothing, nothing, and more of nothing. Before I know it, two hours have slipped by and I have probably grasped the layout of the whole city of Destin and some of the areas surrounding it.

There's only one place left that I can think of to go.

Honestly, it's absolutely nerve-wracking to think about finding and walking into a shelter, but nonetheless I shuffle around the console of my car, hands searching for my Garmen, the magic (aka electronic) direction-giver. When my fingers find it right by the gear shift, they clumsily attack, trying to locate certain chords and buttons while my eyes stay trained onto the road until they find a red light. Earlier this week, I wrote down the possible addresses to the Fort Walton homeless shelter Sora mentioned (unfortunately, he never said the exact shelter name) and stuck the little note in the car, so it isn't rocket science to plug in one of the locations (that I choose at random) when I find a place to stop. After a moment of the Garmen 'thinking', a map appears on its little screen with a highlighted route.

"Turn right on Applewhite Drive," a monotonous woman's voice says. Gripping the steering wheel a little tighter, I smirk past my anxiety. Suddenly, I just know that this is where Sora is. How I know, I couldn't explain it to you, but I really couldn't care less when I sense that I'm that much closer to resolving everything- or at least, this is what I hope to do. I don't know what I'll tell him when I get there though. I don't know how he'll react either. But I sure as hell know I'm not turning back.

For some reason, I wish the drive there could be shorter, but it doesn't take very long at all to turn down the last street. At first, I wonder if the Garmen made a mistake in directions because the building is so plain, even empty-looking. But the sign on the door says, "Shelter Homes Inc." so I'm forced to accept that yes, I am here, and no, I am not prepared in the slightest. Considering it's a homeless shelter, I have free reign over the unfilled parking lot, able to pick whichever place I want. Just to give me that extra second and a half to get to the shelter door, I pick one a slight distance away and of course switch the car into park. For a moment I just sit there, shallow breaths embracing and leaving my lungs at an annoying pace. Come on, Riku, I try to reprimand myself, you can do this. Just walk in calmly and ask someone if they happen to know someone named Sora. Set with a shaky plan, I slide the keys out of the ignition and plop the shaped metal into my pocket; way too soon, I'm out of the car with a slam as my feet create a familiar tapping sound against the concrete. When I get to the door, I reach up to grip the handle but of course nothing happens as I still mentally prepare myself. I exhale a heavy breath I didn't know I had been holding, inwardly comparing this door to the opening of another dark world- that is, until I catch my negativity. It's just a door- open it, the little voice inside my head tells me irately.

I let out a small sigh again, but finally listen to myself, pulling the door open quickly. Cool air rushes out to meet me, but the temperature isn't what I notice immediately; it's the smell. Before I am even able to take in my surroundings, the miasma of the place assaults my nose; it's got to be the aroma of death, or more specifically sweat, shit, and rotting food. I attempt to hide my repulsion from my face, but I'm not sure if I pull it off well.

Despite every cowardly bone in my body telling me to turn around and leave, I take a step forward, patting myself on the back for standing upright and holding my ground. But I quickly dismiss the self-celebration, letting my turquoise eyes adjust to the florescent lighting and take in the area. For the most part, the room is just filled with people. It almost surprises me at how normal most of them look, the only different thing about them being their clothes which are mostly torn, dirty, and/or stained. But looking closer, you can see the difference; the light in a lot of their eyes are gone and they look old and worn. Their hair is bordering on disaster, depending on what has gotten caught in it, but some of the more animated ones have their hair combed through, enabling it to look almost clean, trimmed, and kept.

But throughout all the people, I see no brunette with gravity-defying spikes. A little nagging inside me says I should just go already before I get noticed, but a bigger part of me still believes Kitten is here somewhere, maybe in another room, or a part of the crowd, lost.

Then suddenly, someone taps on my shoulder behind me. Startled, I flinch and whirl around, thinking frantically 'Maybe it's Kitten!', before coming face to face with a redheaded girl with purple eyes. The adrenaline rush leaves my heart pounding and my skin sweating ever so slightly, but I am nonetheless disappointed by the appearance of this pretty young woman.

"You new?" she asks, tilting her head to the side curiously. The gesture kind of reminds me of Sora. Her purple eyes are kind and somehow wise despite her young age, sparkling in a way that says, 'I know everything,' in a way that isn't cocky or annoying. I find it hard not to immediately trust her; she reminds me of my own mother.

Gulping, I reply , "Uh, n-no. I'm looking for someone named Sora?" Though I do sound a little nervous, I'm surprised by my even tone, despite the fact I haven't said anything to anyone for awhile now. Instantaneously after I say Sora's name, her whole expression brightens and her eyes catch on fire with excitement. Although she tries to hide it, her whole body becomes a fidgeting mess and I can tell that if she let herself go, she'd be jumping up and down.

"What does he look like?" she asks innocently, though I can tell she's already expecting a certain answer. I already know; he must be here, and she knows exactly who he is and where he's hiding.

"Brunette, spiky, gravity-defying hair. Blue ocean-eyes," I tell her assuredly, crossing my arms in a casual way. Now that I have somewhere to start, I'm more ready to tackle the situation coolly and composedly. Thank God.

But suddenly, the girl explodes, "HA! I knew this would happen! I win, I win, I win!" She does a little celebratory jig but I just stand there, wondering what the hell she's talking about. Win what?

She must've caught my bewildered expression. "Haha, sorry," she says, calming down, "Just ignore that."

"O…k?" I reply, disgruntled when she giggles, touches my arm lightly, and gestures me closer. I take a step forward, mostly because of the guidance of her hand, but I remain on guard, wondering if maybe I started talking to the wrong person.

But then her next statement takes my doubts away and steals my attention. "Yes, Sora is here- he's in the back room, sulking- but I need to talk to you first."

Ho-ly shit, Sora really is here.

"For starters," she continues, ignoring my gawking face, "my name is Kairi; I'm Sora's surrogate mother."

For some reason, I find myself chuckling at that; I had just compared her to my mother, but yet she's Sora's 'mother'. How ironic. "If you're his mother, maybe you know my name?" I ask hopefully, trying to cover it up with an arrogant attitude. I swear, she sees right through it because she replies, "Of course, Riku. You were the first thing he raved about when he got here."

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but either way at least I had some affect on him. "Wh-what did he say?" I ask eagerly, wishing I could see him and set things straight already.

She nods compassionately, gesturing to two vacant plastic-and-metal chairs about ten feet away. I follow her over to them and sit down next to her, waiting for the redhead's hopefully helpful response.

"He told me what happened," she says bluntly, rousing a small blush out of me, "but he totally missed your point."

I snort in mock-amusement; somehow I think I already understood that. "You're telling me," I mutter, suddenly very interested in the scratched plastic armrest just below my ribcage.

"Let me tell you, though, he's been through a lot," she continues, her voice sympathetic, "As I'm sure you've already figured out, he was disowned by his parents for being gay, but that's not how he became homeless." She pauses, gauging my reaction; I merely look up to her eyes, nothing but extremely interested.
"He said something about 'this can't happen again'; does it have something to do with that?" I ask, easily figuring out the answer by her body language; she sighs, picking at a scab on her arm.

"After leaving home he went to stay with his boyfriend of the time, his first ever actually." She looks unsure as to how much more she should say, but after one glance at my encouraging eyes, she continues, "That boyfriend was planning to go to college at a university about two or three hours away from here, which is how Sora got from Mississippi to Florida since he let Sora tag along with him. They stayed together for awhile, but Zen- I mean, the boyfriend- wasn't exactly caring and loving. In my opinion, he used him for 'cleaning' services but on Sora's eighteenth birthday, Zen kicked him out."

Immediately, my insides churn angrily; I am going to kill him. I think Kairi sees my boiling, flashing eyes because she pauses, unsure what exactly I'm going to do. "How- how could anyone do that to Sora?" I ask her gruffly, trying to explain myself and get my anger under control once the situation really absorbs. Instantly she relaxes, understanding that Sora isn't the one I want to physically and emotionally harm.

"I only tell you because Sora would never be able to bring himself to mention it honestly to you," she informs me, glancing sadly at a doorway across the room.

"Why not?" I ask, unable to help a little offended and disappointed. To this she shrugs as if it's obvious, and replies, "Well, for one, he's a very selfless person and never wants to burden anyone else with his pain. Not only that, it's you."

I glare lightly at her. "I get the first part, but what's that last part supposed to mean?"

She looks like she's on the verge of laughing. "You don't get it either do you?" When I don't reply, she continues amusedly, "Sora didn't understand his feelings either, so I guess it makes sense that you don't understand his either. Look, the fact that you chased after him and paid attention to him enough to get here says a lot. You have what you need, Riku, now you need to put everything together." She stands, smiling a knowing, mischievous smile. It reminds me briefly of Roxas; why is it that people that are helpful and know things never explain themselves fully? "He's down the hallway, in the last bunk room on the left."

And with that she leaves, disappearing into the crowd with a slight skip in her step. Already deep in thought, my eyes don't even try to trail after her, but instead peer intensely toward the opening of the hallway Kairi mentioned. Somewhere down there is an adorable brunette who definitely told me off only hours ago; I can't help but wonder if he's still angry. I still feel the ache in my heart and the sound of the mournful sea as he walked away; I don't think I'll ever forget it. But I think about his words again, what he said. Now it all makes sense as to what he meant by 'I won't let this happen again' and I understand why he ran away; I probably would have too, if it were me in his shoes. With that being said, is it really ok for me to go down there? Should I just let him go? It's times like these that I really wish Axel were here to tell me to be irrational, and for Roxas to tell me everything will be fine, that I'm being a drama king. Somehow, it feels normal to be on the sidelines, there but not really there, just watching. If I walk down there, I'll definitely be entering the danger zone, the spotlight. Not that I really care about that; I only care about what Sora feels, what he's thinking. I assume he might think that if I knew about his past, I'd hate him, judge him, or think of him as weak. But, if anything, the knowledge of the pain he went through, and still deals with, forces me to love him more.

Although, I've always been an independent person, I know well that there are some things that you can't completely resolve by yourself. You can patch up your heart after a horrible ending to a relationship, but you're still never the same; suddenly, you are afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid to give someone else your heart, afraid to trust people, afraid to tell the truth. No matter what it is, it's like adding a layer of titanium around your heart, and every time you're hurt, another wall is added. Hell, I thought I had a nine-numbered combination lock on my heart, but somehow Sora figured out all the numbers. I guess now all I have to do is figure out his. Can I be enough for him? I'm not a selfless person, but I'd help Sora get back on his feet, no questions asked and no 'catch'. Is that what he would want?

There's no telling till I get my ass out of this chair and into the room. Sighing heavily, I finally haul myself out of the chair, stretching just a little before turning toward the door; oh, the ominous door. Gees, I really hate being nervous. It does wonders to my self esteem, really. But suddenly, I'm caught off-guard with a thought that makes perfect sense; he does need me. He's hurt in a way that can only be fixed by watching someone else be different than what he's seen. Axel said I have that little bit to get him started on his life, and he was right. He needs me, and I already know I need him; he just needs to know that he can really trust me. My part of the puzzle is complete by being here; only someone who truly cares for him would follow him here, like Kairi said, and he should know it. Suddenly, I'm ten times more confident. I catch a couple people looking at me strangely as I smile slightly at nothing in particular but I ignore the stares, pulling my hand through my silver locks; now or never.

Time to retrieve my stray kitten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Kairi leaves with Namine, I stare at the ceiling for hours. And hours. Or at least, that's what it feels like. I'm not stupid, but it's true I'm not one to sit around and seriously contemplate something. I used to be able to follow my heart without much confliction. I used to be so trusting, diving into whatever I wanted as long as I didn't think it would hurt anyone. But now, everything is so complicated… I don't even know what I want.

Well, that's a lie. I want Riku to waltz in here, confess again that he really loves me, and explain that he wants to help me start over. But then again, I don't want that either. I don't want to burden him. I don't want him to expect things from me. Sure, living with him, getting a job, and going to college someday isn't a problem, but… I'm afraid of what else he'll want. It's so much easier to stay the way I am now; it's probably really odd that I would prefer starving for three days than give some of my body away, but that's human pride for you, I guess. I just don't want to rely on someone as much as I did Zen ever again, but what Kairi said really gnaws on my mind; 'despite the pain others had inflicted on you, you still gave out love freely, touching the lives of people who you don't even know. You're losing that, Sora, blinded by fear and sorrow until you can't see how much this Riku guy loves you.' As much as I don't want to admit it, Kairi was right (she always is). I already know that I've lost some of the trusting Sora, but I always thought it was natural, just a way to protect myself, until Kairi made it sound like a bad thing. See, I want to move on with my life without the baggage of Zen, but I don't know how to start. There are some things in life that you just can't do alone. Could I trust Riku, enough to really believe he loves me? Throughout my therapy session with Kairi, it became more and more clear how opposite the silverette and Zen are. Riku treats me like a real person, eager to listen to me, …maybe even eager to love me.

My heart flutters for probably the fifth time in the last twenty minutes and I groan, putting my arm over my eyes again. I tell myself it doesn't matter anyway; there is absolutely no way Riku would come looking for me. Actually, I came to the one place where I know he could find me if he wanted. I never thought about that though; I just needed to see Kairi. Now I wonder; should I go before Riku could get the chance to find me?
No. I ran away once, I don't really want to do it again. I still want to sulk around here for awhile. Especially when Riku doesn't show up, I'm going to need a shoulder to cry on, even though I know it's the inevitable result.

Wait a second, why would I cry over Riku? Or more specifically, why have I been thinking about Riku, Riku, Riku so much? I'm never seeing him again anyway; I ran away from him. It doesn't matter what Kairi has said, it's over now… But, I wish it weren't. Why that is, I couldn't tell you. Because we're friends? Ah, that's such a dim way to say it. There has always been something different there, but I couldn't tell you exactly what it is. I wish someone could; I think Kairi knows, but obviously she wouldn't tell me, forcing me to lay here and agonize over it. Constant questions I can barely bring myself to answer. Is it just because Riku says he loves me? Why do I want him to love me?

Maybe it's because he seemed to care about me so much. He always gave the impression that he enjoyed my constant company, and always knew what to say to unleash my smile onto my face; it was the weirdest feeling, smiling when I hadn't had a reason to in so long. Usually, people get annoyed with me once I slip into my real personality, but he was eager to listen to my constant chatter. Hell, I got him to join in an unorthodox and highly amusing game of Hide and Seek even though it was obvious he didn't want to at first. Throughout the whole week, him and I were constantly together. It never once felt weird, as if that was the way it had always been meant to be. He never left me alone, as if afraid I might leave. In the end, maybe I want him around because I miss the feeling of being cared for and looked after.

All these kinds of thought swirl around my head, over and over, but it's never enough; I always end up feel like I'm missing something. Like there's more to why Riku matters to me so much even though he shouldn't. I inwardly comment that I if I had my old journal, figuring out my emotions wouldn't be so difficult, but then the thought is replaced when I get an idea; I'll make a deal with myself. If Riku actually comes to set things straight, I'll trust him and go with him, depending on what he says, but if not, I don't have to think about him ever again. That way, maybe my dreams won't be haunted by him all the time. But if he actually comes to get me… I'll admit that he really does love me, too. I might reciprocate. Maybe. The idea makes my cheeks blush, but I fight back a smile; I'll admit it, kissing him isn't so bad. Hell, nothing about him is so bad. However, I can say he's as horrible as Zen's reincarnation if he doesn't show up, just for my own heart's protection. That's fair, right? Suddenly, I wonder if I have felt that way towards him this whole time. I've always been good at denying myself the truth. The realization is frightening, but somehow easing to a lot of the tensions and confusing feelings. I find myself thinking 'I can think about him kissing me just once' a couple times in self-indulgence, hoping that Riku really will show up. Soon enough, however, all thoughts leave my mind almost as soon as they come and the ceiling becomes a big white blur. I fall asleep soundly, eyes heavy and burning from the previously shed tears.

When I wake up, who knows how much later, I can instantly sense something is different than before. Surprisingly, at first, I don't even mind the presence, whatever it is; it created a comfortable air, and I feel refreshed by it. I obviously needed the rest after the trip here, all the tears, and emotional upheaval. I stretch and sigh, taking a deep breath right after- and then I freeze. There's a familiar scent in the air; lavender, after-rain, and—

Oh God, I know that smell.

I whirl over onto my side frenetically, gasping instantaneously after. Riku is asleep, sitting on the floor next to the wiry bed I'm in, head resting on the side of the mattress, arms and legs curled into himself as if trying to take up as little space as possible. For several moments, I just stare, my eyes trying to memorize and accept his silver hair, his restfully closed eyes, and the way he breathes softly, air traveling in and out of his lungs from a small opening between his lips because I know his allergies prevent him from breathing through his nose correctly. Unable to help it, I pinch myself, totally taken aback in disbelief when the ministration hurts.
Riku is actually here.

Although I'm not usually one to curse, a million profanities blur through my mind right then. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. He's asleep, for one thing, which puts me in the position to wake him up. I want to, yet I don't. I've completely forgotten my self-proposed and taken deal before I fell asleep. Now all I can wonder is when exactly did he get here? Should I be angry? Honestly, I don't think I could yell at him again, even if I wanted to.

After that, I can hardly think anything except that I really don't want to wake him up, especially when he looks so perfect next to me. Resting my head on one of my propped up arms, I lean the other hand down to play with his hair as if in a trance; I just have to touch him somehow. He's really here. The strands are soft and comforting as usual, but also somewhat untidy, implying he must've been stressed enough to disarrange his hair. I feel a pang of guilt; I guess that might be my fault. But I feel a little relief when he sighs, leaning into my touch. I quietly giggle a little, unable to help myself when I poke his nose softly, covering my mouth immediately afterward when his face twitches into one of discomfort.

Wait, what am I doing? I shake my head, berating myself for- I'm not exactly sure what. I suddenly wonder if he will be mad at me for the things I said. If he's here, maybe not, but I can't help but feel a little nervous in his unconscious presence.

Suddenly, he shuffles around slightly, dropping one of his legs down until it's straight out in front of him. One of his hand fall to his knee casually while the other reaches up to pull his hair back from his face. Panicking, I realize he's waking up. I'm stuck in place as I watch him come back to life, still in awe that he's here and a little terrified because of it. When the deep, turquoise eyes open, I inwardly melt, wishing I could touch him again- but of course I don't, though I hold my breath involuntarily. As soon as Riku seems to register where he is, he jolts slightly, eyes widening and head turning toward me frantically. Our eyes meet instantly, equal in expressions of alarm.

For several long moments, we just stare at each other, enraptured by all the emotions that swirl in each other's eyes. Just in the last two or three hours, I can tell we've thought about too much and came to realize so much more. Although it's somewhat cliché, I see everything I could ever want in his gaze: love, adoration, respect, patience, and kindness. The only fraction that bothers me is the hint of hurt inside them too, but once I notice it, it must show on my face because Riku looks away, averting his eyes to the floor.

Somehow, I find my voice to speak first. "Y-you found me."

He glances at me. "Y-yeah, uhm…" he curses under his breath, "I thought I knew what I was going to say…"
I'm not sure what to say either, though I wish I did. Finally, he clears his throat just a little and says quietly, "Look, I'm sorry… I never meant to make it sound like I was u-using you, or anything."

Blushing, I finally look away as well, trying to will my heartbeat to calm down in vain. "I know," I tell him honestly, accumulating some words to say as well, "I'm sorry for over-reacting, I-"

"You weren't over-reacting… You had every right to feel and say what you did, I just didn't understand at first," he informs me, suddenly standing to lean against the wall. I look up at him; he almost looks… scared, a mirror image of myself. I sit up as well, sitting Indian style on the creaking bed. He winces a little at the sound. Somehow it lights up his eyes, a determined spark growing within them.

After a moment, he continues, "I don't expect you to agree, but I still want to ask again if you want to come with me. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I do care about you and I want to help you build your life back together. It's not because I just want to get into your pants." His cheeks flush and he rubs the back side of his neck awkwardly. It's the final blow to my walls; I realize he's serious, he does love me, and I've just been too stubborn to see it. Reacting to my impulsive nature, I take his hand, interlocking our fingers as I've done all throughout this week, albeit it means a lot more now than it ever had. This brings his eyes over to stare at me, face filled with the constant battle of hope and preparation for disappointment. So this is what Kairi meant; by being so afraid of the past repeating, I couldn't see the pain I was inflicting on the silverette when I pushed him away. But now that I see it, I want nothing more than to take the damage away, just like he's trying to remove mine.

We've been fighting for the same thing; each other, and the revival of ourselves. The sickness is pain and loneliness but there's still hope, because the cure is love; I just need to take the next step forward. "I-I'll go with you," I tell him quietly, trying to convey what I'm feeling through my eyes, facial expression, and the way my hand grips his tightly, like I never want to let go.

He looks nothing past immensely shocked, but after a moment when the words sink in, he releases a long, labored breath, smiles genuinely, and laughs quietly in relief. His body twists towards mine while his arm snakes out; his hand takes my other, squeezing just a little in some form of reassurance. I find myself smiling and laughing a little too as my heart soars to impossible heights. I squeeze his hands back. I can feel him hesitate slightly, probably still wondering when to back off, but I just smile wider, finally letting go to tackle him into a hug, thoroughly amused when he's able to hold me up off the floor.

Once my feet touch the ground, I look happily to Riku's eyes, feeling a little childish as I'm being towered over but he smiles too, nodding his head in the direction of the way out. "Axel and Roxas are probably worried sick about you," Riku says, voice just a little playful.

I make a dubious expression. "Nah, they're in the condo enjoying our absence," I inform him, scrunching up my nose in fake disgust.

"You read my mind," the silverette says, walking out from between the bed I was lying on and the one next to it. I follow him close behind, feeling a familiar giddiness from being in his mysterious presence. However, before we get to the door, Kairi emerges from it, hands on hips in a reprimanding way.

"Do you understand what I meant now?" she asks, eyes switching back and forth between Riku and me.
I don't have to think twice about that question. The two of us reply simultaneously "Yes," subsequently resulting in twin-like odd looks directed to each other as if right out of a comedy act, our expressions inquiring, 'wait, what did she tell you?' At our bewildered expressions, the redhead giggles, obviously amused at out disgruntled response in that motherly way of hers. But once her laughter calms down, she comments, "Well, Sora, I guess I can see you in Texas?"

Smiling, I nod. "Yep. I'm going to miss you though… Thanks for all your help, Kai," I inform her sincerely. I can already feel my bittersweet emotions surfacing but before I can start sniffling, the redhead tackles me into a hug. Shaking my taller form, she cries out, "My baby is going to Texas!? Ahhh, what am I going to do without you? I'm so proud of you!"

"Gees, Kairi, I'll come to visit sometime," I tell her, glancing up at Riku for his assent; he nods quickly. Grinning again, I pat my 'mother's' back, able to contain my sentiments by the display of hers. When she lets go, she kisses my cheek and returns my smile with a watery one of her own as she tries to hold back her tears. But then the redhead takes a step back to let the two of us pass and I inch closer to my silverette, silently guiding him out of the room and through the people we find ourselves lost in afterward. Unsurprisingly, Kairi follows us out, waving goodbye as we make the way to Riku's car on the other side of the lot.

Right before I climb into the car, I turn around to look back at Shelter Homes Inc. and Kairi, knowing that though I hadn't meant it to be, it had been my temporary home. This place represents my life here; a life that I'm finally leaving behind, taking the baby steps forward to a better one. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason, but I never would've thought everything would've turned out this way. It's almost too perfect. It's helped me grow stronger and learn to accept that no, I'm not damned, or sick, or wrong. I'm just Sora, and everyone but my family and I had been able to see that. I believe I deserve happiness now, no matter who else might disagree. A rush of immense gratitude for everything- all the good times, and the bad- almost overwhelms me as I wave goodbye. Kairi waves back, an understanding smile permanently planted on her face even as I turn and sit next to Riku in the car clumsily. As soon as my hands are no longer occupied by buckling my seatbelt, my left hand interlaces tightly with the silverette's again and I sigh happily, knowing one thing that would dictate the rest of my life:

I was lost, but now I've been found.