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HappyClappyShit — ....heyo...?
Published: 2013-01-28 08:17:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 572; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 0
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Heyo My Loves
I'm sorry! -hides- Don't attack me!
I know I've been gone...After i promised i would never leave....How you can ever trust me again i will never know. :c
I don't know if you noticed, but I've been floating away from DA for some time. Long before Charlie...I was on about 50% of the time during the summer, but after that i became a little detached...and then the suicide...i became even more detached...and it's slowly gotten worse and worse and worse. I'm hardly online facebook these days, never mind DA.
Well, i tell a lie. I'm always online. I always have a window open solely for DA, and i check my inbox regularly, but unless it's life threatening, or some one REALLY needs me....i just don't reply. I'm sorry.
I needed a break. I needed time, and right now in my mind DA is tainted. Tainted with all the drama and hate, with death and pain and memories i haven't sorted in my mind yet.
I'm doing better....I am. Don't you worry your wickle heads with me.
A year ago DA saved me. From certain death. Well, i tell a lie. YOU lot saved me. From myself, from my life. I got too attached. Too sucked in. Too much of a good thing...it can kill you. I will be coming back online, more regularly, and i will reply to all the messages i have at some point. But that won't be for a while. It may be next week, next month, six months...it might even possibly be a year and a half from now. Though i doubt the last one, it's a possibility i have to accept.
When i am at my dads, i change into a person who is dark, and unhappy. Who hates herself and everything to do with living. And as much as i try to stop it, it always happens. I can fight it as much as i want, but the harder i fight the harder it hits me back down.
I'm happier, that's for certain. I'm moving on and up. Shits still happening to me, and i'm still having to deal with it though.
I'm trying to get over my self-hate issues....I know now why i am so insecure about how i look and who i am, and i'm trying to get over them...i'm also trying to see that i am not alone in my life, that i have people who i can call friends if i just open my heart to it.
It's also getting near my yearly cancer check ups. I'm having to have some of them early, cos i'm showing signs of lung cancer :/ I'll be okay ^^
So, i'm putting this up to say Hey! I'm okay, i'm doing better. I've found some people who care, and i'm not dead xD I'm even thinking one day soon, i'll be able to smile without forcing it c: I hope you're all okay, and i'm sorry for any of you who have spent even a second worrying for me. Message/note me if you want, i will try to reply and if you have any questions just pop them below. ^_^ I wuv you all
JetBlackHeart
Quote
R.I.P Charlotte Mary-Anne Hazel 06/12/12
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Comments: 36
I left dA once. it was the worst 20 mintutes of my life.
ahaha, Stay strong
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20 minutes, aw bless you xD
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Glad you still around and that you are getting better.
>hug<
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I'll always be okay :'3 -huggle-
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well, if that changes, remember that you not alone. k?
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if you need an ear to listen to you, i'm here for you. i may not have anything decent to say back, but i will never intentionally hurt you. i'm always here as a listening ear.
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I know love, thank you -huggles-
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Glad to hear you're doing better, my love.
Self discovery is... one hell of a thing...
Sorry that I've not really been talkin' to you much... feels like forever since we last had a conversation...
Hope you start feeling a lot better soon, love!
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Indeed....Who knew i've been here the entire time? ;3
TALK TO ME MORE. i demand it
You too!
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Who knew I'd been a derp in drowned wolf fur all along? ;3
I try, hun. 
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I did! XD
You're not replying to me now are you?
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Mmmm, what'd ya mean?
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Mmmm... I've been feeling of... well... shit lately. I'm sorry...
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:c We all feel shit, it's the people we talk to that make us feel better
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Yes, but forgive me... I'd like to keep these thoughts to myself for now.
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Don't worry, everything will be alright. Good luck!
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Thanks! Nice to speak to you too
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