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Description
Prologue

They came when I snapped ready with the straitjacket as if they already knew this day would come. When it happened they had found me screaming “KILL ME, JUST FUCKING KILL ME. IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE! YOU HAD YOUR FUN, NOW END THIS POINTLESS EXISTENCE!”

Two weeks later Z had come to visit me in my new cell. He was curious as to what caused it knowing what it most likely was already. The one thing that I couldn’t take any longer was that of every time I wanted to share the love I held with someone, something got in the way. How often I tried to convince myself it was just lust, that it had nothing to do with love.

Even now thinking about it makes me laugh a little. How many times Ghost had been able to drown out such feelings by simply going into battle killing as much of the enemy as he could, but now in this lifetime he found his vessel, hence me, a fucking peasant in a realm obsessed with pointless politics. It had been either the third or second time I wanted to share the feeling I normally dismiss. I only lost track because I had found many ways to ignore it outside of fighting. The last one however was too strong and they walked away so I snapped. Who knows maybe in another reality I was able to carry on and actually bare the pain, just not in this one.

within those two weeks I had started to pass the time with constant meditation. Ghost was quiet, leaving me to question my reality. I found it difficult to keep my mind on one thing more than usual, granted I used to use that to help keep certain feelings down. Obviously that didn’t work in the end. My anger was getting harder to manage as well. Even when I tried to convince myself Ghost wasn’t real I still saw so many problems in the world. I had come to accept that rather or Ghost was real he didn’t make things worse. He never told me to do wrong things in fact he even pulled me away from suicide and murder. He gave me a warriors code, but life was so fucked up I felt like the code meant nothing when I couldn’t find a way to wake these fools up from their enslavement.

The day Z first came by I was actually coherent in my misery. "What happened Shadow? I can’t read through all your crap in there." He asked concerned.
"I’m sick of waiting and playing his games Z, the pain of it is unbearable." I said meaning every word.
"well suck it up I’m getting you out."
"NO, just kill me and then I can leave it all!"
"What if I find a way for us to converge, then..?"
"Pssh, good luck. Ok, you do that, in the meantime I’ll keep trying to push them into murdering me." I was serious too, hoping that even though I could never kill myself I could still get someone else to kill me. My heart actually hurt, all kidding aside I knew it wasn’t the type of ache I could cure by eating healthy. With the anger that I had lived with for so long I felt even if I did find someone finally, I might one day slip on the control I had over the rage and hurt them. It was the kind of mental torture where the victim was the one doing the torturing without even meaning to.
"Fine, I’ll see what I can dig up. Oh and I doubt they’ll kill you, so have fun while I look, jackass."

Description
Prologue

They came when I snapped ready with the straitjacket as if they already knew this day would come. When it happened they had found me screaming “KILL ME, JUST FUCKING KILL ME. IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE! YOU HAD YOUR FUN, NOW END THIS POINTLESS EXISTENCE!”

Two weeks later Z had come to visit me in my new cell. He was curious as to what caused it knowing what it most likely was already. The one thing that I couldn’t take any longer was that of every time I wanted to share the love I held with someone, something got in the way. How often I tried to convince myself it was just lust, that it had nothing to do with love.

Even now thinking about it makes me laugh a little. How many times Ghost had been able to drown out such feelings by simply going into battle killing as much of the enemy as he could, but now in this lifetime he found his vessel, hence me, a fucking peasant in a realm obsessed with pointless politics. It had been either the third or second time I wanted to share the feeling I normally dismiss. I only lost track because I had found many ways to ignore it outside of fighting. The last one however was too strong and they walked away so I snapped. Who knows maybe in another reality I was able to carry on and actually bare the pain, just not in this one.

within those two weeks I had started to pass the time with constant meditation. Ghost was quiet, leaving me to question my reality. I found it difficult to keep my mind on one thing more than usual, granted I used to use that to help keep certain feelings down. Obviously that didn’t work in the end. My anger was getting harder to manage as well. Even when I tried to convince myself Ghost wasn’t real I still saw so many problems in the world. I had come to accept that rather or Ghost was real he didn’t make things worse. He never told me to do wrong things in fact he even pulled me away from suicide and murder. He gave me a warriors code, but life was so fucked up I felt like the code meant nothing when I couldn’t find a way to wake these fools up from their enslavement.

The day Z first came by I was actually coherent in my misery. "What happened Shadow? I can’t read through all your crap in there." He asked concerned.
"I’m sick of waiting and playing his games Z, the pain of it is unbearable." I said meaning every word.
"well suck it up I’m getting you out."
"NO, just kill me and then I can leave it all!"
"What if I find a way for us to converge, then..?"
"Pssh, good luck. Ok, you do that, in the meantime I’ll keep trying to push them into murdering me." I was serious too, hoping that even though I could never kill myself I could still get someone else to kill me. My heart actually hurt, all kidding aside I knew it wasn’t the type of ache I could cure by eating healthy. With the anger that I had lived with for so long I felt even if I did find someone finally, I might one day slip on the control I had over the rage and hurt them. It was the kind of mental torture where the victim was the one doing the torturing without even meaning to.
"Fine, I’ll see what I can dig up. Oh and I doubt they’ll kill you, so have fun while I look, jackass."