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I can’t speak with the same enthusiasm I had before when I made these because I am utterly exhausted, but I was truly astonished when I realized the drawings I had done. In some hours, not even reaching 4 hours, I made 5 drawings.

I have cyclical crisis of complete loss of esteem, and the one I had was particularly harsh. I started listening to Eths, which I do in most depressive time, and decided that, if I couldn’t draw, then I would simply make messy pen scratches like the old days to release my frustration.

Imagine my surprise when I sketched something like this. I just stopped and stared at it and was like what the fuck.
And yes, then I was like

Goodness I never thought I would listen to Bulimiarexia for so many hours.

Being a pessimist, I thought it looked good but it was a one time thing. I had some other drawings planned, drawings I knew I didn’t have skill, my so called ‘future masterpieces’. I thought to myself “Go on. Ruin them and show yourself you can’t do it. There’s no way, not with a pen, not with your skill.”

And I fucking did it. Sure, there are terrible mistakes, but I’m talking about pen-made drawings on a first try ever on a scale like this. No light pencil sketch before to attempt a good reproduction, no rubber to clear mistakes, no trying and re-trying to get a face right. Just. Do. It.
The reason why I used to draw with a pen is because the roughness and apparent randomness of the lines allow to get rid of frustration in a way a soft pencil trace will never allow me.

So yes. On the eve of my nearly 2-decades birthday, and now on the nightfall of the said day listening to the wonderful credit roll music sequence of Pirates of the Caribbean 4, I have found the style I feel comfortable with, and with which I am able to make realism-like drawings that not only make me proud, as they also represent me as a person. I like to make neat drawings, with clear and soft shading and gradients. But that takes an immense amount of time and patience and will that make me frustrated to the extreme.

And more importantly: A style which I do not give the slightest damn if people think it’s bad.

And now if you excuse me, I need to SLeEEp

Come ON. I drew Kuja.And at 1AM nearly falling over the sheet. Whoever saw that one coming? I certainly didn’t.

Reference image [link]
Material: 1 basic black ballpoint pen

Dissidia and Final Fantasy VIII and IX belong Square Enix drawing made by me *HoshisamaValmor

Description
Related drawings

I can’t speak with the same enthusiasm I had before when I made these because I am utterly exhausted, but I was truly astonished when I realized the drawings I had done. In some hours, not even reaching 4 hours, I made 5 drawings.

I have cyclical crisis of complete loss of esteem, and the one I had was particularly harsh. I started listening to Eths, which I do in most depressive time, and decided that, if I couldn’t draw, then I would simply make messy pen scratches like the old days to release my frustration.

Imagine my surprise when I sketched something like this. I just stopped and stared at it and was like what the fuck.
And yes, then I was like

Goodness I never thought I would listen to Bulimiarexia for so many hours.

Being a pessimist, I thought it looked good but it was a one time thing. I had some other drawings planned, drawings I knew I didn’t have skill, my so called ‘future masterpieces’. I thought to myself “Go on. Ruin them and show yourself you can’t do it. There’s no way, not with a pen, not with your skill.”

And I fucking did it. Sure, there are terrible mistakes, but I’m talking about pen-made drawings on a first try ever on a scale like this. No light pencil sketch before to attempt a good reproduction, no rubber to clear mistakes, no trying and re-trying to get a face right. Just. Do. It.
The reason why I used to draw with a pen is because the roughness and apparent randomness of the lines allow to get rid of frustration in a way a soft pencil trace will never allow me.

So yes. On the eve of my nearly 2-decades birthday, and now on the nightfall of the said day listening to the wonderful credit roll music sequence of Pirates of the Caribbean 4, I have found the style I feel comfortable with, and with which I am able to make realism-like drawings that not only make me proud, as they also represent me as a person. I like to make neat drawings, with clear and soft shading and gradients. But that takes an immense amount of time and patience and will that make me frustrated to the extreme.

And more importantly: A style which I do not give the slightest damn if people think it’s bad.

And now if you excuse me, I need to SLeEEp

Come ON. I drew Kuja.And at 1AM nearly falling over the sheet. Whoever saw that one coming? I certainly didn’t.

Reference image [link]
Material: 1 basic black ballpoint pen

Dissidia and Final Fantasy VIII and IX belong Square Enix drawing made by me *HoshisamaValmor