HOME | DD
HumbleNewb — Some Time Pauses
Published: 2009-12-13 18:29:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 284; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 3
Redirect to original
Description
Some Time PausesWe struggle - arduously -
towards goals
we may care not
for their attainment
This ages us
faster than
the process would like
We become
bitter, worried, depressed
stiff, lonely, weak
until we -BREAK-
Take this moment
smoke some cannabis
nap during midday
play in the mud
It's okay to just pause...
Life isn't going anywhere...
so the rushing is... unnecessary
Comments: 20
i find this piece in denial of it's own bitterness, as a standpoint for an attitude or message. almost like a defeat without the possibility of catharsis, not a surrender, not a chance for further understanding. what has changed in your writing?
or am i reading it wrong?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Interesting, and that may be the case. Or perhaps, this poem is serving as a reflection dish (another "test" for the reader and/or writer?). Or it could be that it is incomplete. What has changed? Maybe you know better than I do. Certainly do not think you are reading it wrong, though.
I spent way too much time on this reply to say very little. Thank you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
this is why i love your writing. it's like this self fullfilling once-you-read-it/mind-fuck prophecy come true. self activating mind control or something.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
"Banzai!"
I want to upload some of your comments as deviations. Haha.
Better to control one's own mind than someone else, right? Hehe.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ya, i'll subscribe to such a madness
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Now you're just agreeing as not to offend certain gods.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ya, the gods of truth and self-awareness
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
~ i loved it before i saw the dedication
and
i'm very moved
sorta speechless ... thinking with much
i hope you're doing well..
~ thank you so much
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
So glad that you like it.
Absolutely!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
soooo true!! what we pursue is our dreams and goals but eventually we lose ourselves in the process....that was en excelent one!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I am glad to see that you resonated positively with it. Thank you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
naaah its ok i love poetry concerning these kind of themes, im the one who should thank you for writing it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I think Einstein once said "Time is an illusion." So you were very, very close.
I like the easy flow of this poem, and the tone. It really reinforces the perception of just taking life easy, and not rushing forward all the time. It just makes me think that in this world, there never seems to be any time to pause because it's always about progressing to the next thing without fully enjoying what we have right now.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Close is good enough for me. Haha.
Thanks for your input.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No problem. I like reflecting on poems, when I have the time.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I like this, you have a unique style with phrasing things, which is very eye-catching.
I think maybe the quotes around "ages" detracts from the flow of the writing though. If you can use the way you phrase the words around it to create irony, instead of the quotations, then the meaning would be much deeper.
But otherwise I really like this poem. Keep writing! ^_^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Definitely agree with you that the quotation marks are a bit distracting. Will opt to use the italic font instead, as it sometimes represents an archaic style of writing. Thanks for the input and the compliment.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ah, yes, it does read better now with italics. ^_^ You're quite welcome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0