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hybrid-tauren — Torn Through
Published: 2006-05-13 14:37:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 253; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 3
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Description
Torn through these iron barsSquashed by these four walls
But all I do
Is reach for you
But you turn your back
and walk away
I've seen this too many times before
Now, in my our of need
Now, I scream your name
Torn through these iron bars
These walls hold me no contempt
Say it for me
Say it to me
Tell me that I'm worth
Saving
And I'll scream for you
You gotta let me show you
What I can be, what I look like
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
I'll cling to our broken wings
Because all my blind eyes see is you
Now, I'm falling
And it's you I'm calling
But again you turn away
All I need is you
All I screamed for is you
Show me, now, what it's like
to be the last one standing
Say that word to me, here
And I'll be free
I'll leave your memory
this life
our life
Behind
On these hands and knees
I'm down and out, crawling for
you again
Show me, just tell me
Say it for me
Say it to me
Tell me that you knew I was there
You click, snap, it falls into place now
Your fingers grasp mine
But they are the same iron bars
That held me all this time
Now I'm standing on the 18th floor
Looking down at my future
Now, looking up at my past
It's too late now
I'm falling
I'm falling
I'm falling
And all I whisper for now is you
Your iron bars tear me down
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Comments: 8
I like to think of it as pontificating rather than dribbling.
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This would make a great song.
"Now, in my our of need" << should our be hour?
Yeah my comments suck compared to ~sdreadnought lol
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Ah, yeh, it's supposed to be hour 
Oh, and don't worry about him, you couldn't outwit him no matter what you try. He can dribble more technical stuff than you could wrap your brain around
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Lol... I'm not sure how to take that comment lol. Some days I can write technical comments.. but honestly.. I really couldn't be fu©ked lol
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hehehe yeh fair enough. I feel like that sometimes
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Good use of repetition as a variety of a refrain, even a plaintive hopeless cry and certainly evocative imagery.
The notion of a confining dungeon with iron bars works as a emotive construct, but it muddles a bit at the end with the fall off 18 floors; this could have followed a similar pattern of subterranean imagery rather than suddenly bringing forth thoughts of skyscrapers.
It is raw and it grates - I like it. As an overall poem of no fixed form, it has an interesting quality and internal cohesiveness. It stays true to its material and subject, with the caveat of the ending.
The closing couplet is perhaps the most effective, as it dark, yet not maudlin; lost, yet replete with self knowledge through suffering. Perhaps there is a thought of showing this through use of the word "still".
A fine piece.
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Thanks mate 
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