Comments: 7
Hahrahk [2007-11-26 03:16:04 +0000 UTC]
That was an excellent dialogue. The character's style of speech gives the whole thing a delightful sense of rhythm, a kind of flow that reminds me of Lewis Carol, or Montey Python. As for the content, I liked the structure--the self reference bit caught me completely off guard when it was first slipped into the middle. I also found some of the points you made near the very end, about character's having lives of their own, particularly thought provoking.
This is just a personal opinion, but I thought it seemed a bit out of rhythm how you inserted the beginning of the dialogue into it's end, because you already did an excellent job from the middle of the dialogue onwards in implying the self reference of the whole piece. But, if it aint broke, don't fix it--It's a great piece.
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slingshot40 [2007-04-14 20:24:24 +0000 UTC]
Eh, I'm not feeling it. It almost feels like you're making it to complicated. That wasn't helped at all by the language, which at first makes it seem like you're trying for laughs. Then it makes some parts a little confusing. I had to read over the clockwork bit a few times, and I'm still not sure if I know how it fits with the rest.
I do however, really like the concept of a person writing a book that's about future events. Maybe, saying that life is like writing a book and we're the authors or something. I dunno, seems cool conceptualy.
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Iamthewalrus42 In reply to slingshot40 [2007-04-14 20:59:40 +0000 UTC]
The clockwork idea was essentially to point out the simplicity some believe exists in the universe (e.g. it works like a clock without any variation). Though reading back on it I think I might've messed up the tags there. Hmmm...
What about the language was tough? I'm just wondering. It's good to know these things. There was a point where my stupid spell checker put a word that I didn't want in there. Shitzors.
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slingshot40 In reply to Iamthewalrus42 [2007-04-15 02:14:42 +0000 UTC]
It seemed like the language was too-much so to speak. It seemed like you were trying to hard to make the characters seem like "high society" rather than simply communicating your ideas.
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Iamthewalrus42 In reply to slingshot40 [2007-04-21 06:34:19 +0000 UTC]
Ah, well, the "high society" thing I was going for. Having just finished a book containing dialogues of a similar nature, I thought I'd give it a shot.
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